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Kudos to Sally Brennan for turning me on to Lucy Sante's new memoir "I Heard Her Call My Name". Sante recounts the trials and joys of gender transition in her late 60s.
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/community/postid/503793/
The catalyst for Sante's transition was a smartphone app that allowed her to see herself as a woman. Something many of us can relate to.
I've read a few excerpts from Sante's memoir. One in particular struck hard.
‘When I saw her, I felt something liquefy in the core of my body’
I've often struggled to describe how I felt after my first professional makeover. The experience was life-changing to be sure. But I've never been able to articulate the profound emotions I felt when I saw 'ME' for the first time. Sante perfectly articulates that swirling mix of joy, relief, wonder and terror when you suddenly realize the rest of your life will never be the same. And in the same breath you realize everything you've experienced up to that point has been a grand facade. You've just seen your future and it looks NOTHING like your past. An HFS moment in the rawest sense.
My first professional makeover was the catalyst for a journey that led me to CDH and ultimately led to my own transition. Funny what a little makeup can do.
Gina Ortiz gets a chapter in my memoir if I ever write one. She's the uber-talented makeup pro that showed me 'ME' and changed my life forever.
So how about you gals? Let's hear about your first professional or virtual makeover. How did it make you feel? When you saw 'HER' for the first time, did you feel something liquify in the core of your body? Was there a profound effect on your being? Did you see your future?
/EA
Emily,
Ive never had a professional makeover but it’s on my bucket list. My own makeup skills need improvement as I tend to glom it on and it needs to be more subtle.
Kerri
Oh gosh memory banks engaged. Imagine a time long long ago when there was no internet, filters or computers when even a pocket calculator wasn't even thought of.
In that time the only thing to see an image was the mirror.
The first time I dressed was for a fancy dress parade by my mother with me wearing a dress, fur stole, floppy hat, heels and makeup. 'Lady Muck or is HE' was my theme, a term to describe mutton dressed as lamb. Was that appropriate for a four year old or even appropriate for a time when dressing or being gay was still frowned on. All I know is that I felt so comfortable in these clothes and loved how I looked in the mirror. At the event there were some doubters as to whether it was a he or she as the caption was ambiguous. I did win the competition and get a prize but that feeling knowing being dressed as a girl was so right for me the image, as abstract as it was made me know that this was the real me. Was winning an omen as I knew then what my ambition was.
Hi girls. As some of you will know I'm a very occasional crossdresser. To be exact, once last June after a 35 year hiatus. I also had my first professional makeover, with Cindy at Boys Will Be Girls in South London. As somebody who has really only dabbled in my feminine side I had no idea what to expect, describing my feelings as excited, embarrassed, terrified and confused. Heck I almost turned the car round and came home. So glad I didn't! I posted on my experience here:
so I won't go into any further detail here. Suffice it to say that the day was life changing for me. Whilst I don't necessarily feel I connect with a female part of me it was just such an absolute thrill. I just keep going back to the pictures and remembering how much fun I had, and it gave me the confidence to realise that my girly side was a big part of me that shouldn't be suppressed any more. Still in the closet to my wife though 😂.
She's away for 10 days in May and I will be spending that time en femme. Of course I also have another makeover booked.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
I had a post from back in 2020 that I wrote to the lady who ran a transformation business as she was closing up shop and posted it here on CDH. I know I saw it here not too long ago, but it seems to have disappeared.
I do have the text, and I have put an excerpt below. It's a bit long, but it tells the story. I called it Ode (Owed) to a Friend.
Life is about changes. Most are pretty small. But every now and again, something comes up that changes our lives forever.
Eleven years ago, there was a shy and scared girl outside your home for the first time. She had never been seen by anyone else before, and had never let her beauty shine through. She arrived a few minutes early, and had no idea what to expect. But reading too many fictional stories online, she wanted to be punctual and not arrive too early.
Her goal that day was pretty simple. She was tired of hiding, and wanted to experience a day in the sun. A day she could go out and be herself and not feel foolish, embarrassed, or ashamed of who she was. She knew that this would be a special day, because her family didn't know, and because the cost was not cheap. She believed that, if she did it again, it would be a long time in the future.
A breakdown in her marriage led her to start dressing again. It also led to a separate bank account from which a payment could be made. She had been collecting and wrapping coins for a while, and had enough saved in coins to pay for her day without impacting her budget. She had a single special day when her children were all out of the house. Her son had left that morning for a three day journey to college. One of her daughters had already started marching band camp at her college. And her other daughter was in sleep-away marching band camp in high school, returning the next day. Her spouse was working evenings, so would be sleeping most of the day, getting up just minutes before leaving for work. So she was so thankful that you were available that day.
She, or properly, I, entered your back yard and you called out to me by name. That was the first time I ever heard it used. And you have been using it ever since, no matter how I appear. I found a warm, friendly face waiting for me.
I came expecting a makeover, some photos, and a trip out in public to eat. You showed me your kindness, your respect, your confidence, your skill, and your graciousness. I left learning how to put on makeup, and with [foam] breast forms, a bra, and clip-in bangs. With your support, my nervousness lasted mere seconds, first walking out in front of your home, and then getting out of the car at the diner. We ran about 90 minutes over the allotted time, but you didn't charge me extra. Despite expectations that I would have to pay for the meal, you picked it up the tab, leaving me only the tip. Everything you did that day said how much you cared about the people you meet, how much you want your girls to succeed, and not just about trying to squeeze every last dime out of girls who want to live their dreams.
That day I peeked into the door of femininity. You held it wide open and led me through. I let the genie out of the bottle that day. She refused to go back in. That day was a big change for me. It changed the course of my life, allowing me to show my feminine side to the world.
Within four months, I attended a pre-Christmas party at your home. And two months later, I was a regular at your events, missing only a handful over the years. Your generosity extended not only to giving me things or helping me get started. By opening up your home to parties and events you allowed me an outlet. Through your parties I met others in the CD/TG community and our supporters. I learned confidence. I learned to be comfortable. I learned makeup tricks. I learned to walk, sit, and behave as a lady. I learned that shops and restaurants are very accepting. I learned how to have fun with dressing for all the themed parties you had, or singing a song or two. I even learned to let my kinky side out. Seeing all the beautiful ladies at your parties with their masculine voices, I learned to let go of some gender prejudices; when my synagogue decided to go with a female rabbi, I no longer had a problem with it.
I got to live out some fantasies with you, such as a school girl, a maid, and a bride. I got to perform in a show. I got to wear a beautiful fuchsia quinceañera gown. I got to go to a conference. I got to wear a swimsuit on the beach at Coney Island. And these are just some of the adventures I had with you. I could go on with many more things I've done on my own. Over the years our relationship grew from a business relationship to a special friendship. Sure, friendship is part of your business model, but it grew to much more than that. I have told my friends online how lucky I was to find someone like you. It's like I found a diamond or a gold mine. I felt truly blessed.
The tides are changing, and soon we will be drifting apart. The road forks ahead and we will be going down different roads. I forget that times change, and that things don't stay the same forever. While I hoped our relationship could continue for many years, it was not meant to be. Things will never again be as they used to be. I am comforted by the fact that you will be happy, even though it hurts me so damn much.
That shy girl that graced your doorstep eleven years ago has become a mature and confident lady. Although she still hides this side of her to those who know her other half, she isn't afraid to go out and about in the world. She no longer needs her hand held for security, although she still welcomes the hand of a friend. She will always be grateful to the lady whom she trusted to put her on this path. The support, the kindness, the graciousness, the belief in her even when she was unsure of herself, in short the love she received from you, will never be forgotten.
Not yet had a professional make over , it,s on the to do list , would like the ones that give you photos of your experience.
Emily,
The first time I saw "me" was the first time I wore a wig. The day it was delivered, I first put on a nice dress, lipstick & some jewelry. After donning the wig I looked into a full-length mirror and experienced that "swirling mix of joy, relief, wonder and terror when you suddenly realize the rest of your life will never be the same" that you mentioned. I sat down and looked at myself for a long time and realized this was the woman I wanted the world to see. I went out the door en femme for the first time a number of days later and have never looked back.
We all remember our first professional makeover which is terrifying at first but the thrill is worth it. I had friends with me and a professional stylist who works with cds did mine. After stepping out that day to shop and eat at resturants was an experience I won't forget and no turning back.
Hi girls,
I'd been doing my own makeup for years when I was a teenager and started going out enfemme. After moving out from home to my own place, I noticed a business here that was called 2nd Look. They did wigs, earrings, hair, manicures, pedicures and makeovers. I don't remember what I told them, but wanted to see if their makeup application was better than what I could already do. I went in dressed enfemme and I'm pretty sure they figured out I was a crossdresser. They proceeded to show me the tricks and trades of the makeup business, and I walked out with a new look. I became a regular client and whenever I walked in they'd pull out their appointment book and ask when I wanted to come in.
For me, the entire process was always such a joy, watching the boy face disappear and a pretty girl emerge as I watched in the mirror. I did this for years and finally stopped while my kids were growing up. The 2nd Look studios are no longer in business, and my makeup skills are so good now that I have ladies at work wanting me to show them how I do it.
I believe, now that I know I am an intersex female, and inherited my mom's facial features, that it made it a lot easier to go out enfemme. The girls that did my makeup often told me that I made a better girl than a guy.
Big hugs,
Ms. Lauren M