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This topic is an addition to an earlier topic I started when at my son's birthday party one of his friend's that I had know quite well in the past turned up at the party presenting as a female. If I saw my son's friend in male mode walking down the street I would have instantly recognised him and said hello. However how he presented in his makeup at the party I knew he looked familiar and that he was someone who could have been trans but had no idea who she was till she approached me and we had been talking for about 10 to 15 seconds.
My psych has been telling me ever since I first turned up at a session as Olivia that with my wig and makeup no one who knows me would recognise me even if I walked straight past them. My wife's friend who we have known for decades and has seen me as Olivia said she had moment's of disbelief hearing my familiar voice coming from what she called "This woman". (made me feel good that comment to think she actually at times saw me as another woman)
Now I know going out in public fully femme is not for all of us. But for those of us that are wanting to venture out and are terrified about being recognised by someone if they do, (I was for a long time) take heart that people are wrapped up in their own world these days. They aren't paying attention to anyone around them or they are staring at their phone. Even if you are noticed with a nice wig and some reasonable makeup given my recent experience makes me think it is far less likely than you think that you could be recognised.
I'm not 100% sure I am right here. I'd love to hear what you girls think on this one.
The chances are not 0. A lot has to do with location (or context). If you're sitting in your front lawn, you're more likely to be recognized than at a store. I have spotted people I know in stores, but they haven't noticed me.
Another time I was waiting for a friend, and my kid's first grade teacher was coming towards me. She was staring at me, as you describe, I probably looked familiar. When I looked away, she broke the stare and moved on, probably not placing me,
On the other hand, I walk around my block en femme fairly often. My boss's boss, who lives sort-of on the same road as me, has seen me and recognized me (he stopped one time to talk with me).
If you're with someone else (such as an SO), you're more likely to be recognized by context, because people will take a closer look at her and then you by proximity. If you're going out on your own, your chances are much less of being recognized.
Hi Olivia, I can only talk about this from my perspective, but for me at least, I doubt if I would be recognised as long as I didn't talk! I can relate a true incident for me: I was on a couple of days break with another CD friend, wha had a lovely couple of days and finished off with breakfast together en-femme. I had to go so left my friend finishing off her breakfast. I went back to my room changed into male mode and as I came out of the lift (elevator) with my bags in tow, she was stood waiting, I stared her straight in the face and got eye contact but it was clear she didn't recognise me, I walked out of the lift and the hotel to my car in the car park. I have to say she had not seen me in male mode before. But when I sent her a text to say she completely 'blanked' me, she replied that she wondered what that man was looking at he for! She had no idea, even though we had been having breakfast together only 20 minutes before...
As Allison says it does also depend on location, if you are not expecting to see someone then (even in male mode) it would be easy to miss them. So from my experience I would say providing your hair, makeup and appearance is good and appropriate for the situation you should be ok, just don't talk!
I think I wouldn't be recognised because people wouldn't be looking for me wearing a skirt and wig (and glasses, and makeup, and breasts, nail varnish, perfume.........). Of course, that wouldn't be worth a jot if I was with my wife, although I could pretend I wasn't with her.
What would definitely give me away here at home, is my dog. My dog loves everyone, she whines when she sees someone or some dog she knows and so draws attention immediately. She is pretty, friendly and loves people. I did take her out in the dark while dressed on a couple of occasions but I couldn't do it during the day unless I was away from home.
I love my dog to bits, but she doesn't help me with my local cross-dressing.
Becca
I look like me whatever mode I'm in.
What would happen if someone did recognise you? Would the world end? Would war break out? Would there be famine, plague and flood?
A year or so ago, my wife finally agreed that I could stop hiding away. She was nervous.
I told close friends that I knew would be OK. They were very supportive.
I told work colleagues. They were very supportive.
I told close friends that might have an issue.... They were supportive, even the couple of right wing friends I have. I was worried about these.
I let my neighbours see me. I talked to them. All were supportive.
I put an announcement out on FB. All my FB friends but 3 were supportive.... The 3 just unfriended me. One blocked me.... We weren't close. We rarely saw one another.
What I'm trying to say here is that when people find out that your are a crossdresser, only a tiny percentage will think less of you. Most will carry on as normal, a few might even think more of you.
Get recognised. the world won't end, and as I've said many times on here, once the secret is out, it loses all of it's power. The power is in your head. You hold the fears. No secrets, no fears!
Cerys
Given the many times I have been out as Caty, I agree that almost everyone else is involved in their own worlds and if they see "bumps" in the right places and longish hair, that's all they see. Maybe one or two may go further checking clothes shoes make up etc, but so far its not happened to me.
Caty
@oliviac I don't know what the odds are. There are a lot of variables in something like this.
My best advice is this: If someone does recognize you, treat it like you'd treat being recognized out in guy mode - playing golf or tennis or whatever. You're out doing something you like to do, you're not hurting anyone, and you're minding your own business.
If the person who notices you sees you get flustered and act awkward, they're apt to assume you're doing something wrong, and you are not.
I am certain that I wouldn't be recognized because I look so different. I love how I look when dressed with a nice head of hair, earrings and makeup I look totally different. My change in appearance makes me so happy life is so much better as a mature woman.
I have yet to encounter anyone i know. Primarily because i don't dress near home. However i agree that no one would notice even if i did.
I was out and about as Diana yesterday at a Walmart in the next town. When leaving I saw my former neighbors stopped in their car by the front of the store. A moment of panic, but then I realized they had no clue who I was even though they both looked right at me. On a side note my phone's facial recognition does not know Diana either. I had to log in all day with my pin.
The chance that someone you know will recognize you is very slim.
What typically happens when we're out and we see someone we know is that WE start acting strange. We hide our face, we move away suspiciously. Basically we attract more attention to ourselves. That brings closer scrutiny and that could be your downfall.
The other thing would be if you don't or can't disguise or feminize your voice and they recognize you that way. Again, if they were to hear you, unless they see you speaking, they might look around but won't see you. Our brains are trained to accept what they see. If they see a woman's hair style, makeup, a dress or whatever the brain automatically sees a woman. First impressions and all that.
The other thing is don't do what we do. Don't go out with someone that will be quickly linked to you. My wife and I go out all the time and she is just herself, no wig or disguise. If someone sees her they will probably do a double take on me. That used to be a big issue, now I just don't care.
The tip I was given when I began going out in public were to never go anywhere within 25 miles of your home or work. That reduces the odds of meeting someone you know.
Well Olivia your experience with your sons friend sums up what would be a reaction if you were dressed. Looking different and presenting well is not what any person who knows you is looking for. As for the general public the same applies, you are just another woman going about her day. Of course speaking may 'give the game away' or they merely think you have an 'odd' voice.
I went to a friends party dressed up in a very female fancy dress. I walked into the main area where many friends who knew me well were and not one noticed who I was or reacted. It was only when I walked up to the hostess and said 'Hello' I got a wide eyed surprised look.
Hidden in plain sight.
If a Hollywood celibrity can walk arond unnoticed with just a hat and sunglasses, we can do the same. If you stop and talk with people then your chances of being recognized start going up rapidly. There is now your voice to help add recognition, plus being engaged means people are actually looking at you and not just seing you in passing.
I've walked right by people I've known for 40+ yrs. and they didn't have a clue who I was.
However, it is possible that you will be recognized by someone so you have to be prepared as to what you say and how you will react in case it actually happens.
This thread reminds me of the movie “Ed Wood” about a crossdresser who made “B” movies. There was a scene with him pitching an idea to a producer and the producer changes the subject to ask him - Is that a ladies sweater you’re wearing? (He loved angora).
I’m paraphrasing but Ed replied something like - “Yes, I’m not homosexual, I just enjoy dressing in women’s clothing” - then moved right back to the discussion of financing the movie they were discussing. Easy peasy. It seemed so natural.
I recall thinking it really should be that simple. 🥰