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What's the Chance Someone Will Recognise Me.

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Posts: 317
Lady
Topic starter
(@oliviac)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 2 years ago

This topic is an addition to an earlier topic I started when at my son's birthday party one of his friend's that I had know quite well in the past turned up at the party presenting as a female. If I saw my son's friend in male mode walking down the street I would have instantly recognised him and said hello. However how he presented in his makeup at the party I knew he looked familiar and that he was someone who could have been trans but had no idea who she was till she approached me and we had been talking for about 10 to 15 seconds. 

My psych has been telling me ever since I first turned up at a session as Olivia that with my wig and makeup no one who knows me would recognise me even if I walked straight past them. My wife's friend who we have known for decades and has seen me as Olivia said she had moment's of disbelief hearing my familiar voice coming from what she called "This woman". (made me feel good that comment to think she actually at times saw me as another woman)

Now I know going out in public fully femme is not for all of us. But for those of us that are wanting to venture out and are terrified about being recognised by someone if they do, (I was for a long time) take heart that people are wrapped up in their own world these days. They aren't paying attention to anyone around them or they are staring at their phone. Even if you are noticed with a nice wig and some reasonable makeup given my recent experience makes me think it is far less likely than you think that you could be recognised.

I'm not 100% sure I am right here. I'd love to hear what you girls think on this one.

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80 Replies
45 Replies
Lady
(@gardie62)
Joined: 3 months ago

Trusted Member     Chestertown, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 55

@oliviac that is reassuring  to know,  now if i would make eye contact with someone  that i knew   , not sure if i could remain cool, and make my get away

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@gardie62 You are spot on. Keeping cool and being confident is key to blending into the crowd.

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Lady
(@carlafirst11)
Joined: 2 years ago

Honorable Member     So. California , California, United States of America
Posts: 289

@oliviac 

Hello Olivia,

I believe that most of us were terrified to take that first step, I can tell you that I was and it took a very long time to go out in public and mingle with the general public, but once I did it the rest is history, as of today nobody has ever been rude to me. 
I do my best to present myself and act like a lady, blending I think is the correct word, the chances of actually bumping into someone you know are very slim, best to you.

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@carlafirst11 Hi Carla I agree that taking that first step was terrifying. It took me nearly 40 years to finally do it and once I did I never looked back. I have found the same experience as you in that no one has ever been rude or strange to me in any way. Blending is exactly the correct word. Wearing clothes age appropriate, walking as a female would and keeping everything in a handbag and in my case softening my voice is enough (I have never had a deep voice to start with) all help with that. Thanks for your reply

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(@denimwear)
Joined: 4 years ago

    Other, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 697

@oliviac 

Hi Olivia, 

When I first started going out and about I thought that I was incognito. However, when I went into a restaurant that I had not been into for some time the hostess greeted me with, "Hi! Long time no see." Anyways, she led me to a booth and I told her that I have been making some changes. She said, "I can see that and I love it!" 

Those first few times I went out and about I was not wearing make-up, I had a ten dollar wig and wore men's sandals as I had not yet discovered Torrid and had no idea how to apply make-up. It is little wonder that I was recognised. 

A few weeks ago I ventured out to the local coffee shop where all the staff know me and most of the customers recognise me. All went well and on a subsequent occasion one of the waitresses told me that at first she did not recognise me until I spoke. She told me that all the girls think I am glamorous and that my outfits suit me very well. 

From my experience, even if you are recognised it doesn't necessarily mean that you will have a negative experience. Just do your best and with each time you go out and about your confidence will build. 

Lynne 

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4016

Posted by: @oliviac

take heart that people are wrapped up in their own world these days. They aren't paying attention to anyone around them or they are staring at their phone.

it is far less likely than you think that you could be recognised.

Maybe. It will depend, as some have described below.

In my experience, while dressed fairly androgynously, I definitely get noticed. How and why still is a puzzle, but I usually look straight into their eyes, to reciprocate and let them know that I see them, too.

In malls, children and old matrons who are people watching both have big eyes. They both know something is different. Also, I have had a neighbour pass by me two different times at a mall while I was standing to the side. Obviously, he was in his own world not expecting to see me. Strangers, usually  females, on a sidewalk may take a look. In general, that on its own is not normal.

So, it depends.

 

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@harriette Hi Hariette I guess my context I was thinking of was walking through a shopping mall. When I have been noticed I try to smile and appear confident in an effort to appear as least threatening or threatened as possible. It does depend and you are so right with the old matrons as they are the ones who appear to notice me.

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Lady
(@the5wheel)
Joined: 2 months ago

New Member     Lexington, Kentucky, United States of America
Posts: 2

@oliviac just be yourself. I was talking to a friend about me liking to wear skirts and then the next day, she didn't even notice I was wearing one. Take it to whatever level you're comfortable with and just own it

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@the5wheel I so agree Nikki. Owning it and being confident makes the world of difference.

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Duchess
(@jennconn)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 767

@oliviac I just can’t imagine that anyone that I know would even come close to recognizing me while I’m dressed.  Sometimes when I’m dressed and look on the mirror, I can’t believe the woman looking back at me, much less recognizing myself.

There was a member who posted something a long while back that in the first 2 seconds that someone sees you they subconsciously process whether or not you are a male or a female.  Given that you are dressed as a woman and look even close to a woman, I’d say the probability of any of us being recognized while dressed are very remote, even if they make us out to be a male dressed as a female.

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@jennconn Good points Jennifer. I can see why you feel that no one would recognise you as you look absolutely gorgeous. After what my wife's friend and psych said on top of what I see in the mirror It does seem so remote that someone would pick me. Even if they picked I was a male dressed as a female to then recognise my male identity through the makeup seems another big leap.

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Duchess
(@jennconn)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 767

@oliviac thank you Olivia, you are too kind.

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(@cdashley)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Oshawa, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1489

@oliviac I have been out many times and one time while out I sent a photo to my wife from just outside the mall and that was the first thing she said” it doesn’t even look like you!” After showing pics to my sister and sister in law they said the same thing. “ you look so different with makeup and the wig. “ Now I’m not saying that someone may recognize me but I’ve found most are to caught up in there own business that they don’t really even pay attention.

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@cdashley The feedback my wife's friend gave to my wife about what I look like as Olivia was the same as what your wife said. He doesn't look like him at all. That gives me the confidence now to go most places as Olivia.

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(@cdashley)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Oshawa, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1489

@oliviac That’s great Olivia. Hold your head up high and enjoy your time out there. I find that once the first few minutes of the butteries go away I just try and own it. I mean I don’t think I’m fooling anybody but rather don’t really care what strangers think of me.

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(@sarahmichellelustre)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Derbyshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 67

@oliviac I hate to say it, but I walk around taking in a lot around me. I admit I am unaware some of the time but I can snapshot faces or conversations and places so fast that it takes a little while to process what I had seen. But we are in an out of awareness I believe. I think being recognised is a lottery of luck. I see a guy wearing something like tights or a crossdresser and my heart usually skips a beat of emotional recognition.

There is this thing though we can factor in, I find I am attuned to noticed other corssdressers at times. I notice crossdressers because we move differently or we have masculine proportions despite the dress. On holiday recently I noticed a guy wearing black tights with his family abroad. It just stood out and I. well..... appreciated it. We are tuned to seek out what we desire to be true I think. Sadly though, I come across very few of these oddities in life and see a lot of people dressing boringly and being predictable.

The important fact is that WE on here all try to dispense with needing to conform and find it cool if we get found out and those others they tell are cool with it. We really face a fundamental battle to just get men out dressing more androgynous I reckon. I am shy so the same thought of recognition troubles me from the get go.

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@sarahmichellelustre I think you are right bumping into someone you know or not is a lottery. I go to places a bit of a distance from my local area but you can always just come across someone you know. 

I must admit I am the same however with noticing anyone or anything that could indicate someone is trans. I don't intend to be on the lookout it's just that those things catch my eye. It's a bit like a brand of car you have never noticed before till a friend of yours buys one and shows it to you and all of a sudden you see them everywhere.

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(@sarahmichellelustre)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Derbyshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 67

@oliviac it is nice to see other crossdressers! I love to see how others look at them and how they dress and move. And so good we don't feel alone!

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@sarahmichellelustre The very few times I’ve ever “Spotted a CD” has always been accidental. Usually the masculine proportions and movements first catch my eye. Then the progression to the clothes themselves. Almost every time I end up thinking “I would not have worn that because it’s so obvious.” However that may be their intention for all I know.

i do know that if I were to ever venture out myself I would be prepared for anything and everything. I also know I don’t want to think that hard, which is why I stay inside.

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(@sarahmichellelustre)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Derbyshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 67

@gracepal yes I agree, and I think some people do not care what others think. As long as they are decent and they are happy expressing themselves freely then it is fine. Lets face it, standards of dress are mostly frumpy or casual mainly now. Few people dress well and with a personal style of their own. The main issue is how males don't fit female clothing styles very well in an aesthetic way. Our proportions are different anyway. But some CDs can make what another cannot make work well, man or woman. Women do style themselves better than men generally. I think we perhaps need a woman's eye on styling us!

I must admit I would always want to have a shorter skirt or dress and I would prefer that if I had made the effort to push myself out with all my confidence issues grappling in doing so, I really would want to not wear trousers and lose plain fitting clothing for example! The whole point for me is that I love tighter clothing, so leggings, tights and other fitting legwear and top wear, form fitted with some flowing items are almost what make me love dressing up. To reveal some bits and cover other bits. I realise now though I don't as much want to necessarily dress as woman but wear their clothing? I'd rather there was an androgynous clothing styles.

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@sarahmichellelustre You bring up a good point Sarah. What is the point in wearing jeans and a Tshirt which lots of women will wear these days. I can wear that any day of the week as my male self. The point is to wear something that makes me feel feminine. Something that would make anyone who saw me instantly identify me in their head as a female. Something I cannot wear as a male. Women are just so lucky with all the choices they have of what they can wear compared to your choices as a male.

 

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@oliviac You guys are both correct here. When I dress “blendy” with an attitude of trying to pass unnoticed, it’s boring. Take a couple pics and think, meh. This sucks. Too close to drab for me. Dresses are way more fun. Which leads me to believe I need to attend Keystone to be around other “dolled up” ladies the way I like to dress. Because there’s definitely a feeling of “now what?”…after putting forth a stellar girly look. In my mind at least🥰

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 605

@gracepal lol, I love your line of thought. Many times when I am out dressed to be noticed, I wear a simple clip-on name identification holder you see people wearing for their workplace. People just see me as an office employee of some sort. Works every time.

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@jillleanne Nice Jill! That’s next-level! I’m thinking that some coffees to go in a carry-out tray will complement that look as well🥰 “The poor thing was sent out to get coffee for the office again!”🤣

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 605

@gracepal lol, I was thinking more in the line of me being the CEO, but hey, ‘Girl Friday’ sounds ok too!

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@jillleanne It’s usually the cute one they send out for the coffee. I’ve stood in many a line behind them as they try and get the orders straight, reciting off their list. It’s a plus if they’re good looking, helps with my tude🥰

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(@sarahmichellelustre)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Derbyshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 67

@oliviac this is so true, women can wear everything and men are only respected if they wear only a set smaller range of clothing. Women think that as well as men. Men pioneered tights, we wore skirts and forms of dresses, makeup, the list goes on. And we wore flamboyant clothing as much as women at one time!

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1209

@oliviac I completely agree that people are wrapped up in their own thing.  I also believe that most encounters with people are so brief that we really don't have the time to really form opinions about them.  In addition, recognition often requires context.  For example, if we see someone in a place where we don't expect to see them, we either won't recognize them or recognize them right away.  Taking all of this together, recognition is at best unlikely.

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(@geniv_cd)
Joined: 8 years ago

Reputable Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Posts: 260

@oliviac I have come face to face with a few people I knew while out en femme, none of them reacted as if they recognized the other me, (as far as I know). Granted there was no conversations, I doubt that they would have failed to recognize me had that happened. As it was we passed each other, going on about our separate reasons for being where we were and that was it. I tend to think that being recognized by appearance only is not common since the context is so far off. Presenting in a very feminine image versus one’s appearance in drab is quite a difference! Just my experience/opinion. Happy Woman Face

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@geniv_cd Geniveve I'm glad you have had experiences that backup my idea. I agree it is totally different just walking past someone as opposed to having an encounter with them where you have a 1 on 1 conversation with them.

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 605

@oliviac A really big smile cures everything. The only reason someone looks at you is because they like your outfit, hair, or makeup, or you did a really bad job blending in.

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@jillleanne Jill I agree a warm confident smile goes a long way.

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@jillleanne Absolutely correct Jill.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1336

@jillleanne Whenever I'm out, I always have a slight smile on my face. Two reasons: one, it gives me a much brighter disposition and two, it pulls my jowls up and makes me look younger by changing my face-shape. It doesn't have to be a big beamer, just a bit of a Mona Lisa type, enigmatic smile, that gives the impression of mystery and intrigue.

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 605

@rebeccabaxter I couldn’t agree more.,

hugs, Jillleanne

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Duchess
(@mkat3874)
Joined: 4 months ago

Reputable Member     Northeast GA , Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 229

@oliviac

I've been going out with a CD group monthly now for most of the year.  We normally all meet dressed up so I've become accustomed to hanging out with the girls.  However the last time I was there I saw a "fellow" with the group who I sincerely didn't know. At least I didn't think I knew him until he spoke.  I was blown away. His male presentation looked so different from his female presentation that my mind was having trouble reconciling the difference. I had spoken with her multiple times and even sat across from her at dinner but "him" I did not know. 

 

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@mkat3874 What you describe Michelle was exactly what I had with my wife's friend except the other way around. She knew me as male and found it hard to get use to my voice coming from this female. A wig and makeup can do incredible things.

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1209

@oliviac Thinking about this whole topic a little more, it might be interesting to see how many of us have actually been recognized while out dressed.   My thinking is that the number is small but I could be wrong.  This information could be very helpful to those struggling to go out due to recognition concerns.

In my case, it has never happened in years of going out but I'm careful.   

 

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@lauren114 Hi Lauren I started this thread with the hope that it might give some of the girls here a bit more confidence to venture out and be themselves. I too am careful but getting out of the house and driving up our street I have passed a neighbour once who later asked me that they saw a woman driving my car the other day. I told them that my sister had been staying with us for a bit and they totally accepted that.

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@lauren114 That would be an excellent topic!

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1209

@gracepal Done!  I'm really interested to see what the results look like.

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Lady
(@gorgeousgwen)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Northamptonshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 56

@oliviac I think kids are more curious than adults and more likely to spot a cd

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Lady
(@emily2626)
Joined: 3 months ago

Trusted Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 39

@oliviac I have been out many times dressed but never in my home town, and I would never!  But I do live in a smaller conservative town, so being "busted" would not go over well.

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(@dovemtn2016)
Joined: 1 year ago

Honorable Member     Tucson, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 313

@oliviac Olivia, this happened to me with a stranger recently. I was walking out of my friend's boutique and I passed a young man and said hello.

He walked into my friend's store and said "the strangest thing just happened". 

That gave me a lot of self confidence.

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(@stephaniegirl226)
Joined: 8 years ago

Estimable Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 104

@oliviac I ran into someone I work with at a LGBTQ night club.  I was fully dressed enfemme. She was openly gay and she didn't recognize me. I had a few drinks and said hello to her. If I had been sober I probably would have said anything to her. She was totally surprised it was me. She even complimented me on how nice I looked

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Posts: 1742
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

The chances are not 0. A lot has to do with location (or context). If you're sitting in your front lawn, you're more likely to be recognized than at a store. I have spotted people I know in stores, but they haven't noticed me.

Another time I was waiting for a friend, and my kid's first grade teacher was coming towards me. She was staring at me, as you describe, I probably looked familiar. When I looked away, she broke the stare and moved on, probably not placing me,

On the other hand, I walk around my block en femme fairly often. My boss's boss, who lives sort-of on the same road as me, has seen me and recognized me (he stopped one time to talk with me).

If you're with someone else (such as an SO), you're more likely to be recognized by context, because people will take a closer look at her and then you by proximity. If you're going out on your own, your chances are much less of being recognized.

 

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Posts: 445
Lady
(@andreauk)
Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 7 years ago

Hi Olivia, I can only talk about this from my perspective, but for me at least, I doubt if I would be recognised as long as I didn't talk! I can relate a true incident for me: I was on a couple of days break with another CD friend, wha had a lovely couple of days and finished off with breakfast together en-femme. I had to go so left  my friend finishing off her breakfast. I went back to my room changed into male mode and as  I came out of the lift (elevator) with my bags in tow, she was stood waiting, I stared her straight in the face and got eye contact but it was clear she didn't recognise me, I walked out of the lift and the hotel to my car in the car park. I have to say she had not seen me in male mode before. But when I sent her a text to say she completely 'blanked' me, she  replied that she wondered what that man was looking at he for!  She had no idea, even though we had been having breakfast together only 20 minutes before...

As Allison says it does also depend on location, if you are not expecting to see someone then (even in male mode) it would be easy to miss them. So from my experience I would say providing your hair, makeup and appearance is good and appropriate for the situation you should be ok, just don't talk! 

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1 Reply
(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@andreauk Thanks Andrea. I can only say what a compliment that was to how feminine you look that she didn't recognise you. I agree that location and association can change things as Alison has said. Particularly if you were out with your SO. That wouldn't ever happen for me but for those lucky enough to have an SO that supportive you would have to consider if you did want to be out to the whole world or not.

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Posts: 1336
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I think I wouldn't be recognised because people wouldn't be looking for me wearing a skirt and wig (and glasses, and makeup, and breasts, nail varnish, perfume.........). Of course, that wouldn't be worth a jot if I was with my wife, although I could pretend I wasn't with her.

What would definitely give me away here at home, is my dog. My dog loves everyone, she whines when she sees someone or some dog she knows and so draws attention immediately. She is pretty, friendly and loves people. I did take her out in the dark while dressed on a couple of occasions but I couldn't do it during the day unless I was away from home.

I love my dog to bits, but she doesn't help me with my local cross-dressing.

Becca

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6 Replies
(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@rebeccabaxter That's an association that I hadn't thought of that might trigger people to recognise you.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1336

@oliviac I could get her a blue harness instead of a pink one—a cross-dressing dog! Now there's a thing Laugh Loud .

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@rebeccabaxter Love it!

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@rebeccabaxter One of the stylists in my salon had a poodle that he dyed the fur of on a regular basis, usually bright pink. I always thought the dog seemed very aware of himself, (he was a boy), - that he looked different from the other dogs that visited the salon. Indeed, I thought of him as a crossdressed canine.🤣

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1336

@gracepal I think my husky/collie cross would be less than impressed if I did that!

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@rebeccabaxter Yes, a bigger dog would have more say in the matter I’d hope. I’m sure the little poodle in question was quite embarrassed by his look😳 He seemed to be. I always hoped he’d bite his owner but he just put up with it.😊

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Posts: 827
Lady
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

I look like me whatever mode I'm in. 

What would happen if someone did recognise you? Would the world end? Would war break out? Would there be famine, plague and flood?

A year or so ago, my wife finally agreed that I could stop hiding away. She was nervous.

I told close friends that I knew would be OK. They were very supportive.

I told work colleagues. They were very supportive.

I told close friends that might have an issue.... They were supportive, even the couple of right wing friends I have. I was worried about these.

I let my neighbours see me. I talked to them. All were supportive.

I put an announcement out on FB. All my FB friends  but 3 were supportive.... The 3 just unfriended me. One blocked me.... We weren't close. We rarely saw one another.

What I'm trying to say here is that when people find out that your are a crossdresser, only a tiny percentage will think less of you. Most will carry on as normal, a few might even think more of you.

Get recognised. the world won't end, and as I've said many times on here, once the secret is out, it loses all of it's power. The power is in your head. You hold the fears. No secrets, no fears!

Cerys

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4 Replies
Lady
(@the5wheel)
Joined: 2 months ago

New Member     Lexington, Kentucky, United States of America
Posts: 2

@dazzler yeah, I felt a lot better once I just finally said on FB, yeah, I like to rock a skirt occasionally. It's not an everyday thing for me, but why not? I'll probably sign up for a full transformation at some point, could be fun

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@dazzler Right-wingers are not the boogeyman. Some are even crossdressers🥰

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(@sarahmichellelustre)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Derbyshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 67

@dazzler I admire you for being brave and bold. And, maybe I can see how you might be recognised whatever you do, some people have such a face. But, really I think this is an important point because there should be a recognition of a male or female being themselves dressed as they like. Androgynous is the way we navigate this I think.

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@dazzler I wish I had and admire your bravery Cerys to just come out to the world. Who knows maybe one day. Smile

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Posts: 2036
Baroness
(@ryanpaul)
Famed Member     Outer Eastern Suburbs Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Joined: 7 years ago

Given the many times I have been out as Caty, I agree that almost everyone else is involved in their own worlds and if they see  "bumps" in the right places and longish hair, that's all they see. Maybe one or two may go further checking clothes shoes make up etc, but so far its not happened to me.

Caty

 

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Posts: 1078
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@oliviac I don't know what the odds are. There are a lot of variables in something like this.

My best advice is this: If someone does recognize you, treat it like you'd treat being recognized out in guy mode - playing golf or tennis or whatever. You're out doing something you like to do, you're not hurting anyone, and you're minding your own business.

If the person who notices you sees you get flustered and act awkward, they're apt to assume you're doing something wrong, and you are not.

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2 Replies
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019
(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@melodeescarlet Well said Melodee. I'm going to keep that little thought filed away so if I am ever recognised one day that is exactly what I'll do.

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Posts: 115
(@shelly-lynn)
Estimable Member     Grand Rapids, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

I am certain that I wouldn't be recognized because I look so different. I love how I look when dressed with a nice head of hair, earrings and makeup I look totally different. My change in appearance makes me so happy life is so much better as a mature woman.

  Heart  

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Posts: 1062
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I have yet to encounter anyone i know. Primarily because i don't dress near home. However i agree that no one would notice even if i did.

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1 Reply
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@robertaf And there is the perfect solution for anyone who wants to go out and is fearful about being recognized.

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Posts: 220
Baroness
(@dianas1960)
Reputable Member     South Central, Indiana, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I was out and about as Diana yesterday at a Walmart in the next town.  When leaving I saw my former neighbors stopped in their car by the front of the store.  A moment of panic, but then I realized they had no clue who I was even though they both looked right at me.  On a side note my phone's facial recognition does not know Diana either.  I had to log in all day with my pin.

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Posts: 485
Lady
(@cherylt)
Prominent Member     Honesdale, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Joined: 7 months ago

The chance that someone you know will recognize you is very slim. 

What typically happens when we're out and we see someone we know is that WE start acting strange. We hide our face, we move away suspiciously. Basically we attract more attention to ourselves. That brings closer scrutiny and that could be your downfall. 

The other thing would be if you don't or can't disguise or feminize your voice and they recognize you that way. Again, if they were to hear you, unless they see you speaking, they might look around but won't see you. Our brains are trained to accept what they see. If they see a woman's hair style, makeup, a dress or whatever the brain automatically sees a woman. First impressions and all that. 

The other thing is don't do what we do. Don't go out with someone that will be quickly linked to you. My wife and I go out all the time and she is just herself, no wig or disguise. If someone sees her they will probably do a double take on me. That used to be a big issue, now I just don't care. 

The tip I was given when I began going out in public were to never go anywhere within 25 miles of your home or work. That reduces the odds of meeting someone you know. 

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Posts: 3445
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Well Olivia your experience with your sons friend sums up what would be a reaction if you were dressed. Looking different and presenting well is not what any person who knows you is looking for. As for the general public the same applies, you are just another woman going about her day. Of course speaking may 'give the game away' or they merely think you have an 'odd' voice. 

I went to a friends party dressed up in a very female fancy dress. I walked into the main area where many friends who knew me well were and not one noticed who I was or reacted. It was only when I walked up to the hostess and said 'Hello' I got a wide eyed surprised look.

Hidden in plain sight.

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2 Replies
(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@ab123 Thanks Angela for confirming my thoughts. This has reminded me of when a neighbour saw me driving out the street as Olivia and mentioned to me a few days later he saw a woman driving my car. I told him it was my sister and he just totally accepted that without another word. It never at any stage would have entered his head that it was actually me.

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Hostess
(@ab123)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 3445

@oliviac Exactly, the same happened to me when a neighbor saw me drive my car before they knew.

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

If a Hollywood celibrity can walk arond unnoticed with just a hat and sunglasses, we can do the same. If you stop and talk with people then your chances of being recognized start going up rapidly. There is now your voice to help add recognition, plus being engaged means people are actually looking at you and not just seing you in passing.

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Posts: 1797
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I've walked right by people I've known for 40+ yrs. and they didn't have a clue who I was. 

However, it is possible that you will be recognized by someone so you have to be prepared as to what you say and how you will react in case it actually happens.

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1 Reply
(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@d44 That is good advice Fiona. I had never thought about before how do I react if someone does recognise me. Melodee @melodeescarlet had a great suggestion earlier to just carry on as you would in male mode. I think that will be my go to.

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Posts: 1019
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

This thread reminds me of the movie “Ed Wood” about a crossdresser who made “B” movies. There was a scene with him pitching an idea to a producer and the producer changes the subject to ask him - Is that a ladies sweater you’re wearing? (He loved angora).

I’m paraphrasing but Ed replied something like - “Yes, I’m not homosexual, I just enjoy dressing in women’s clothing” - then moved right back to the discussion of financing the movie they were discussing. Easy peasy. It seemed so natural.

I recall thinking it really should be that simple. 🥰

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1 Reply
(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@gracepal You are so right Grace. It should be that simple. I have to admit thankfully my personal experiences with everyone I've told about Olivia excluding my SO as there are more complex issues there, have been positive and natural. That even includes the lady at the bra shop who did a fitting for me. That also seems true for the majority of coming out stories you read here on CDH so maybe after all we are getting somewhere close to where we should be.

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