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Forgive my nerdiness, but I can’t help it, I am, at heart, an academic. As someone who is a cultural anthropologist, as well as someone who has dabbled in acting, improv, and performance, I am interested in all the “roles” that we play in life, both on stage and off. We’re all performing in some way all the time, creating, or reinforcing, or destroying an image of ourselves that we want to be, and that we want others to see us as.
I thought it would be interesting to see what this group’s philosophy is concerning their identity. How do you approach the “performance” of being a crossdresser? Do you see it as an adjunct to your “other” self, a completely different person, an extension of your other self, or not as separate at all?
On a related note- how real do you see you crossdresser self? I find it interesting that as Cyndi, I get mail, invitations to sales, research surveys, and such. I even had a lady visit me once to get my opinion on breast cancer research. I have friends that solely know me as Cyndi, and I have a lot of people who completely think of me as just Cyndi.
At the same time, Cyndi doesn’t have a social security number, credit history, birth certificate, or driver’s license. Don’t get me wrong, I am real, but as Cyndi I could never “prove” my identity to a government official, open a bank account, or apply for a credit card.
In answer to my own questions- For myself, I see my crossdressing self as my real self, and my non-crossdressing self more as a role I am forced to play by society, although “official” society sees my non-crossdressing self as “real” and Cyndi as not completely “real.” I am definitely trying to become Cyndi completely, and hope to get there someday (even officially). I actually feel that when I’m Cyndi is the only time I am truly myself.
What does everyone else think? <i>Who</i> are you?
Privately I had really always been Darcy from within and when younger, she was openly public and I was actively true to who I have always been. Now, after 22 years and living to myself for the first time ever, I can live in my home and even when in drab, be Darcy all day. We cannot always be glam every minute of the day ( but thank goodness for weekends when we can ! ) but being feminine is a state of being , not our plumbing or someone else's opinion. I am , for the first time, the happiest I have ever been in my life. Yes, I still have a limited budget, still have to live in reality but Darcy is as much a part of that because this is who I have always been. Love and Kisses to all of you, you are all beautiful and being on CDH has been very incredible !!!!
My "transgenderd" heart is the "real" in me. There can be no share of happy'ness between a living split in the psych'e of whom you may become..... "one."...... You must be!
I think it was Shakespere who said the world is just a stage and the people merely actors??????? Most of my life was spent as an actor in the play of life and I was what ever it was they (society) wanted me to. Physically built as a male with a sensitive side to me I played roles son, daughter (much later), healer (Medic in Army), killer/assassin (Army). mother/father confessor (Army) and civilian life. A Patient, a transporter, a fool, a laborer and so on. Now I am the retired actor, too old to play many types of roles, were in I now chose to do what play I want to. Watcher of wildlife, friend to all animals, friend and confidant to to females and a few guys, a Knight Templar, and a shadow wolf to the Government, Dog Soldier to those I feel for.
I do hope to be an Academy Award winner as A proper lady in spite of what society thinks. As someone once said.....You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time. I bid you adieu; or as Snagglepuss put it....."Exit, stage right!"
Proud of "Darcy" i will remain in you'r honor of who she is too us.... That she may forever, "be."
I don't know to separate my male self from Kendra - I cant say one is more real or more true than the other. As I have written in other posts, I am very happy in my key male roles - father, husband, sports fan, one of "the guys" at the local pub - but also very happy taking makeup lessons, wearing a dress and heels, and posting pictures of my feminine self on this website. It is true that in earlier years I had days when I wished there was no Kendra - but my need to be feminine some of the time was too strong and Kendra would not be denied. I like to think that I am past that now and I try to embrace both my male side and my feminine side.
As far as I am concerned, I have an emotional need for both - I dont want to be one or the other
Not all of these part of me are known in all the circles I move in. Kendra is currently known to my makeup coach, a couple of sales clerks, a therapist I used to see, members of this website - and some strangers I guess (although I am giving a lot of thought to developing a circle of friends for Kendra - like I had when I was in my 20's). On the other hand - the circles that know me as my fully male self are much larger and more prominent in my life - family, work colleagues,teammates, neighbours etc.
But even within my male world there are sub-categories - there are differences in my behaviour when I am at work and when I am with my hockey teammates. So some of who we are is in fact a performance written for the audience that sees it
I guess for me - I think I am Kendra, I certainly was on an emotional high yesterday getting a makeup lesson and wearing a new dress. But I am also my work self, my father self, and my sports enthusiast self - all males. Each of those parts of me add up to the complete me.
In response to the topic Who am I ? In the words of a Gloria Gaynor song "I am who I am and what I am needs no excuses". Are we two separate identities in one body ? I look at it from a different angle. The need for so many of us to have two separate identities is more of a societal issue , we are forced to assume different identities because society as a whole is not yet sufficiently desensitised to seeing a male in a dress/heels/ make up etc to make it "normal" . Luckily I think society as a whole is becoming more accepting of the freedom to be ourselves, as long as it is not harming anybody else, and makes us happy. Unfortunately I think it may be two or three generations down the line before we can proudly walk down the street in whatever we want to wear, use whatever name we want, but to have "one" identity regardless of how we look.
Look at homosexuality ! A couple of generations ago it was still outlawed in this country, seen as an illness, deviant behaviour, but now two men or two women can happily get married, walk down the street hand in hand, have a snog in a bar, and it is accepted. Sports stars, singers,celebs are " coming out " all the time, and that is how it should be.
We are at the Vanguard of making "cross dressing" acceptable. It is very rare for crossdressers to be positive role models in the media. I remember a beautiful singer in a gorgeous dress and a full beard won the Eurovision Song Contest, and we have a cross dressing comedian who ran 27 marathons in 27 days to raise funds for charity. All my son could say when he saw the story on the news was " that man's wearing nail polish!!!!! The more things like this happen, the more "desensitised" society as a whole will become. We need more cross dresser stories in sitcoms, film/TV( it would make a great film /TV series if any producers are reading this LOL),on the catwalk, in fashion magazines etc. Unfortunately I think the dream of being Say "John Smith" going to work with full make up/ a smart LBD/ 3inch black patent heels and nobody to say anything except perhaps " You are looking hot today" is still far off.
until then yes most of us have to keep a part of ourselves secret for fear of ridicule,perhaps risk of losing something dear to us ( a relationship, job,family). Meantime we give the feminine side of ourselves a separate name, but inside we are all one beautiful, complicated person yearning for acceptance to be who we want to be.
Sorry, my friends will tell you I tend to go on and on.
love
Bianca
Interestingly way to put the question Cyndi. Am I Terrisa or is Terrisa me? I am me and is Terrisa me? Just as I am a father and a son. I don't see Terrisa as being the opposite of me, cause there is no Terrisa... It's just me and I like to wear to wear women's clothes just as much as I love my guy clothes. They are just clothes whichever way I look at it.
Thank you Cyndi.
I have desired to dress as a woman from early days. I am a late life crossdresser.
I have always had some feminine feeling within me. I am now at the point that I have accepted this. My name is Martha.
If possible one day I will dress and live as Martha full time 24/7.
I look forward to one day dressing and acting like the woman within me.
Wow, I have played many roles (son, brother, husband and Dad ) but none have been genuine, they were learned. I was told I could an astronaut and even the President but I couldn’t be a girl.
after a lifetime of denial and confusion I have come to realize who I am. Sadly society has me locked into a role that I am unable to break free of right now.
I will be a woman in my heart, wear the clothes and adapt the mannerisms of the woman I want to be. I will enjoy my times as Gianna and keep giving her a a great life.
Great to be able to talk intelligently about Our lives, it strengthens my resolve to let the woman in me live.
thanks
Love,
Gi😘
