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Who will you be?

44 Posts
29 Users
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Posts: 145
Lady
Topic starter
(@fabulous1)
Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 8 months ago

Okay, I asked who you were, now let’s bring this to its logical counterpart.  Who will you be? Given your situation right now, whether that be living the single life, in a dedicated, open relationship, in the closet waiting to set yourself free, in a DADT relationship (that’s me) or where ever you may be, where do you see yourself going in general, but more specifically with regard to your need to be girly?  Is there an ultimate destination? Will the status quo be enough going forward? Will you let your inner woman take over completely?  I believe that there is probably a different destination for each of us, but maybe not.  Maybe there are only a few discrete threads? I’m curious and would love to hear thoughts from all of you lovely ladies.

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10 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3838

@fabulous1 

I'm trans and living authentically.  That's what matters to me.  I don't think my journey will ever end.  I will be on HRT the rest of my life.  I almost surely will get some surgeries.  There will be countless learned experiences that shape who I am.  I don't know where I'll be in ten years.  But it'll look different than today.  And it'll be just as authentic.

/LK

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3996

@fabulous1 Is there an ultimate destination?

Basically, yes. My main goal is to dress better by not using the typical drab male clothing. At the moment, I do this almost 24/7, with a few exceptions. No make-up (so far), wigs, or blatantly feminine clothes, such as dresses, in public.

Subtle is as subtle does, but I think that it is working well and I think that I do dress better.

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 173

@fabulous1 This is a good question, one I ask myself from time to time.   As I said to someone else, I think I am at a manageable place in my life.  I live quite openly in the rural community where I retired and feel well accepted and safe.  I have elected to not come out to family, but since they live a a considerable distance, that is no hindrance to my day to day life.

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1197

@fabulous1 I don't know my ultimate destination but it will definitely be a more female version of who I am right now.  I am something of a perfectionist so I will always be a work in progress.  Exactly what this includes is somewhat fluid and changes from time to time.  At a bare minimum, I want it to include HRT but I wouldn't rule out some surgeries.  Hopefully, I will get to a point where I am very comfortable with myself and my inner woman has taken over.   I have flashes of this from time to time now and it is when I am most excited with my life.

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(@tinytinkerbell)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     SF Bay Area, California, United States of America
Posts: 205

@fabulous1 I'm also DADT as you are....don't like it, but at this time in my life, there really is no choice....married with grown children, there's just too much to risk and, now, going into "martyr mode"...I'm resigned to take whatever I can get.  Privacy is the biggest issue, and it's ONLY when I am home alone, can "Tiny come out to play"...!!!  Prior to covid, were some of the best days in my life as I had the entire home for most of the day...wife was at the office, kids were out/away at school...but those days are long gone and sadly missed, yet I don't mind waiting for those precious "hours" when I know I have enough time to safely "be me"...it's almost like Cinderella going to the ball until the stroke of midnight...such is life...I so much envy all those here who can be their true selves with NO SECRETS...!!!

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2147

@fabulous1 I will probably reach my destination in a couple weeks when I retire. I intend to probably  present as Cassie 24/7 . I think I would be most comfortable switching between Cassie and my male self, but am thinking that most family and friends would think that is even weirder than being just Trans. Actually I am just as comfortable presenting as Cassie full time, even if that is a lot of work sometimes. 

Cassie 

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Lady
(@wendye47)
Joined: 9 months ago

Estimable Member     Clwyd, United Kingdom
Posts: 71

@fabulous1 Great and interesting question. Just read your bio and it really resonated with me.
I have been crossdressing on and off since being a teenager (over 50 years) and told my wife about it a decade ago. At first she seemed sympathetic, but after a while she became a lot less so.

I am unsure about my future as I do love my wife but am now at the age where I want to meet other crossdressers more and more for friendship and support.

Hugs, 

Wendy xx

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(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

Just an update. Who will Penelope Matthews be? When I initially posed the question, I would have answered that I would like to continue the status quo. Now that I have tasted the forbidden fruit of venturing outside into the general public space, my answer is radically different. I want more outside contact in public spaces where I can put myself “out there”. I want to interact and see the reactions (or, preferably, the lack thereof) of everyday folks in order to validate my Penelope-ness (careful, no double entendre intended). I would like to meet other cross-dressers, if at all possible. 

I guess maybe we are all constantly growing within our femme persona in varied ways such that the question posed is really unanswerable for many of us. I guess the real answer can only be that we will be whatever and wherever the journey takes us as we progress towards our individual feminine destinations.

My wish is for us all to make positive forward progress and be the best we can be in 2025!

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(@juliarey)
Joined: 6 months ago

Trusted Member     East central, Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 34

@fabulous1 I am married with a supportive wife and have passed in public many times, but that was mostly for shopping.  I would like to get to a point where I can socialize with other people like me, but I have yet to meet any body in the area.  Julia

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(@katiep)
Joined: 3 months ago

Reputable Member     Nottinghamshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 142

@fabulous1 Happy Christmas Penelope, some background, very supportive wife, dress exclusively in the house, spent 12 hours dressed as Katie yesterday with two wardrobe changes. So life is very good, going forward it would have be to venture out as as Katie with my wife. We have an agreement that my wife gets equal shares of Katie and her husband, she also refers to Katie as her BFF.

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Posts: 1778
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Penelope,

In my case, I have pretty much reached the destination by living full time as a woman. I'm not going on hormones or having surgery and am very comfortable with where I am currently. I let my inner woman take over as much as she can with the result that I always feel girly.

But you are right, everyone's personal situation and comfort levels are different. Everyone has their own niche. I am extremely lucky and very grateful that I am able to live this way.

 

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1 Reply
(@dovemtn2016)
Joined: 1 year ago

Honorable Member     Tucson, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 307

@d44 Lovely answer, Fiona.

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Posts: 3404
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

I never knew where my destination would be when wondering why I loved wearing females clothing. The situation kept changing and a new status quo was found as the dressing became a necessity. Things were fluid until one day I arrived at what was to be my final destination, openly and fully dressed to the world. 

 

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Posts: 747
(@christineth)
Noble Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Joined: 2 years ago

I just want to age gracefully and stay fit enough to be able to shave my legs 🙂

Hugs Christine.

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5 Replies
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3996

@christineth Would you like to not have to shave your legs anymore, Christine?

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(@christineth)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Posts: 747

@harriette Harriette, I would love not to have to shave my legs, but only if they could stay smooth and hairless!  I have tried creams and epilators (sp?), but I always come back to shaving as the quickest and least painful way.  Any other suggestions are welcome.

Hugs Christine

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3996

@christineth As you have found out, shaving and using creams won't stop hair from regrowing.

Three methods will: epilators (cheap, takes a lot of time); laser light (very quick, most expensive); Intense Pulsed Light or IPL (not all that expensive, takes a year or two for the really resistant hair depending on the amount of time that you can devote to flashing).

You can probably guess which ones I favour. The two that compliment each other are IPL and epilators. They both try to kill the roots. Use IPL when you can, use the epilator for your Friday night dates or to see your progress, or to clear your back, etc.

I used to be quite furry. Not any more. My legs are nearly hairless, I am still working on the rest, but I am unrecognizable compared to how furry I was.

If you search for my name and IPL, you can find my library of posts here about using IPL.

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(@christineth)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Posts: 747

@harriette Thank you Harriette,  I will go back to the epilator and give it another try….I understand that the pain gets less the more you do it.  And I will look into the IPL, sounds interesting.  Probably we cannot advertise on this site, but any recommendations from a good one?  Or should it be done professionally?

Hugs Christine

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3996

Posted by: @christineth

any recommendations from a good one?  Or should it be done professionally?

I thought that I posted a thorough reply about this here, but I don't see it.

I will post on my wall so that we don't hijack this thread.

 

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Posts: 87
Duchess
(@crazycynthia)
Estimable Member     zuid holland, Netherlands
Joined: 3 months ago

I love being Cynthia. But i have no ambition of being Cynthia 24/7. Im like a cake and both my personalities have to share 😆 🤣. I geuss its weird. We're all crossdressers (and fabulous ones i might add) but we all have different ambitions on how much we ant to dress.

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Posts: 65
Baroness
(@sienna106)
Estimable Member     Manchester, GreaterManchester, United Kingdom
Joined: 10 months ago

I arrived at my destination ages ago, unfortunately I arrived on a Sunday and it was shut  🙂 But I'm equally happy and content dressed femme or drab, and for myself I've no wish to change anything.

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Posts: 316
(@oliviac)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 1 year ago

I too have arrived at my destination a few years ago. I love being gender fluid. Painting nails and shopping for heels and skirts one day and head under the bonnet tuning the engine or kicking tyres with some mates at a car show the next. I just love the diversity I have in my life. 

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Posts: 2098
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I would have to say evolving would be the best description.

I am in a quasi DADT situation. My wife knows about my dressing and supports me in her own way. We'll go for mani-pedi's together and I get color on my toes which she helps me pick out, my fingers get clear gel with a light pink tint. She'll buy jewelry for Suanne on occasion as well as shopping for clothes. There are times she invites Suzanne over for the day which is really nice. Per an agreement with her I only dress in the house although there are some exceptions. I have a pair of ankle boots I can wear out of the house with knee highs, I wear earrings 24/7 and occasionally underdress in panties.

Where am I going? That is a question that the answer is evolving. I would love to be able to leave the house dressed in some way, it would be nice to wear panties all the time to start. I like what Harriette does with dressing androgynously and see that as a possibility, just have to get the courage to discuss it.

It's funny I've been letting my hair grow and the other day my wife asked about me getting it cut. When she did she said we spent money on wigs - I guess she figures with long hair I couldn't or wouldn't wear them and asked who I wanted to be. I took the later to mean did I want to be male me or Suzanne. I didn't answer but if I were truthful it would be a combination of the two. Why can't i have long hair, wear my earrings (which I do 24/7) and steathily express my femininity?

One thing about this journey is that there are detours along the way and no true final destination as it is always evolving. For me it is what ever is making me happy at the moment.

XOXO
Suzanne 

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9 Replies
(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

@cdsue Suzanne, Brilliant! I, too, have no long term plan and am kind of riding the current of what makes me happy. Then it hit me like a lightning bolt - am I, are we, just a bunch of hedonistic narcissists (or narcissistic hedonists)?  Woe!  Way too much to comprehend so early in the morning.

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Hostess
(@cdsue)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 2098

@fabulous1 thank you for your comment.

Does it really make a difference - we are who we are and that should be enough. We get enjoyment out of what we do no differently then those who play golf, ride motorcycles or other such things. Actually there are those here who do those things en femme - talk about the best of both worlds.

I don't particularly care for labels as they can get very confusing. Do what you do because you get enjoyment out of it - in the end that's what counts.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@cdsue Totally agree Suzanne. We are all headed to the same destination. Let’s have fun on the journey.

 

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@fabulous1 Maybe we’re just a bunch of happy trannys!🥰I know I am 👩‍🦳

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(@christineth)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Posts: 747

@gracepal Grace,  I think that sums up the situation nicely!  Hugs Christine

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(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

I apologize to all the ladies out there.  I had a sudden jolt when I wrote this poorly crafted theory of hedonistic narcissists, and, more correctly, should have only referred to myself.  I suddenly felt that my “hobby” is really just all about me and that I am not giving my wife’s disapproval the proper consideration.  I got a serious whiff of guilt.  But, that only applies to me.  I was wrong to extend those descriptions to you all and the broader community.  I wish only that we are all living lives to the fullest while always respecting each other.  I am truly sorry to have extended my own internal conflict upon anyone else.  Please accept my sincerest apology.  Penelope

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@fabulous1 I see no reason to apologize Penelope. I wouldn’t think anyone took your comments personally. Good grief, we’re all popping off with opinions on everything around CDH. Sometimes we make mistakes, (or think we have). Everyone here’s human and humans are far from perfect. Don’t beat yourself up girl🥰

GP

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Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 1502

@fabulous1 I cant speak for others but I didn't take it personally. Not as an insult that is. I found it thought provoking so that makes it helpful in my opinion. I think if I were truly a hedonistic narcissist, I would divorce and get my own place. That's definitely not my destination. Not sure what my destination really is.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3996

Posted by: @cdsue

I would love to be able to leave the house dressed in some way, it would be nice to wear panties all the time to start. I like what Harriette does with dressing androgynously and see that as a possibility, just have to get the courage to discuss it.

Thank you, Suzanne, for acknowledging the advantages of my style.

There is no way that I am going to spend good money on a new wardrobe and not get to wear it any time or anywhere that I want. I am very selective of what I buy, to facilitate dressing in public without drawing attention unless some special occasion dictates otherwise. I mean shouldn't this be some sort of crossdressing goal in the first place?

Women don't normally dress for attention unless that is a particular goal for a particular occasion, right? Sure, this changes with the age of the woman, so why should a crossdresser be any different? Looking nice is not the same thing as putting a spotlight on our clothes. 

There is some planning, strategy and tactics involved, but what works for us needs to be refined over time no matter how we dress. Maybe your wife will help you with being comfortably subtle in public enough for her, to accept what you do.

That is a discussion for between you two, but I  am happy to openly discuss being androgynous and / or subtle on the forums. That way other CDs can learn how, too. Why hide? The more of us who crossdress in public, the sooner we will all be accepted, no matter what our individual styles are. And we can look good doing it, too!

 

 

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Posts: 1278
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I am happy being both genders. Becca is a lot more frequent than she used to be but she'll never take over as I do blokey things too and a skirt is just too inconvenient. I don't identify as female, I just like being female sometimes. 

At my age, while the journey isn't over, I'm sad to say I'm far more than half way there.

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Posts: 319
Guest
(@Anonymous 97944)
Reputable Member
Joined: 6 months ago

I'm not where I would like to be. That is, physically a woman.  But with post-divorce finances, grown children, grandchildren, etc., I will probably continue to live at home full-time as myself, and dressing drab when out - due my need to reduce risk of nice neighbors and my kids getting together.

Maybe I will learn more about HRT and find a middle ground with a bit of breast development.  Would really love to accomplish that.  We will see how the finances go.

I tell myself

#1) "there's always something."  Further transitioning means lost friendships, family troubles, and guess what - the car, the roof, the house plumbing, my health, STILL demands some expensive attention.

And, #2) "If I envy someone else's situation and wish I were her, just remember to be realistic, honey:  You have to trade 100% - you have to take 100% of what's going on in her life."

 Occasionally I remind myself to be more thankful, satisfied, and content.  "Work on the woman that's inside."  I'm now retired, no co-workers or small-town issues to worry about. It is all good.  I can attend group meets and I'm gloriously free to dress 110% at home all I want, and can identify with Bette Davis' character at the end of the movie, "Now, Voyager."

Dani

 

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Posts: 468
Lady
(@cherylt)
Prominent Member     Honesdale, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Joined: 6 months ago

I am fortunate enough to have a loving, supportive and accepting spouse. Therefore I have the ability to be me whenever and for me that is the majority of the time. I don't see any change in my future as I am happy with my life. At my age it also becomes more difficult to pursue anything further thanks to the time things would take and certain medical issues that would hinder certain treatments. Do I think about these changes? Yes, I do frequently but I think this will be my life for quite some time (I hope) and changes may have to wait for my reincarnation. 🙂 

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Posts: 281
(@coloradog1)
Honorable Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Right now, Natalie is a part time thing. I only get fully en femme about once a month. I’m fine with this as I’m happy living my real life as a male. As for the future I’d like to develop Natalie’s appearance much more to be more passable and be able to walk out in public confidently. I don’t want her to take over completely but I wouldn’t mind dressing more often.

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2 Replies
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@coloradog1 Natalie you and I are on the same page in the same book in the same section of the same library girl🥰

GP

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(@coloradog1)
Joined: 2 years ago

Honorable Member     California, United States of America
Posts: 281

@gracepal good to hear (:

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Posts: 154
Duchess
(@lizzy89)
Reputable Member     GreaterManchester, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 months ago

I am perfectly happy being Lizzy only occasionally at the moment and in private as it is a nice bit of escapism. However, I'd like to develop my look more to perhaps pass and be able to have the confidence to dress in public perhaps every now and again. I am also happy in my life as a male me as I like to have a drink as one of the lads down the pub amongst other things that I couldn't do as Lizzy.

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Posts: 1154
 Erin
Princess
(@erinb)
Noble Member     Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

I’m just a closet girl that likes to dress wild and out heels and all as fare as a destination I like to get out of the closet one day even if it’s a car ride or something I just enjoying CDing no further planes there thrill and excitement of dressing is the best part it’s truly amazing being able to live 2 life’s 

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Posts: 57
Lady
(@randialex)
Estimable Member     Shaftesbury, Dorset, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 months ago

What a lovely question, who will I be? at present I am a seventy something male who wears female underwear, make up, nail varnish and tries to dress as feminine as possible based on jeans and tops. Once my hair has grown and been styled and my make up ability has improved I will wear a skirt and stockings/tights and go out. I enjoy being feminine and want to take it as far as I can.

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