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[Closed] Why?

39 Posts
23 Users
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Posts: 614
Topic starter
(@hottestwitch)
    Leicester, Leicestershire, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

This is probably a daft thing to ask - and undoubtedly one that has been asked many, many times before, but... why do I do this?  I'm not saying that I'm ashamed or anythng - because I'm not.  But, at the most basic level, WHY?  Is this just a rejection of our society's desire to compel everyone to conform to "traditional" sterotypes?  Is it a feeling that I may have been born into the wrong body (please note - I fully recognise that there are plenty of people who genuinely know that to be true - I'm just not one of them).  Is it something to do with the feeling of the clothes?  I'm sure there are plenty of ladies out there with their own personal takes on the matter, but basically I'm not quite looking for the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything (that's 42) I'm just wondering if there is a basic, unifying feeling at the root of it all.  (Remember:  Albert Einstein spent most of his life looking for a Unifying Theory.)  Are we one unified body with minor differences, or a collection of disparate individuals who just happen to have one minor trait in common?  One body - or loads who just happen to look a little similar?  Perhaps not a question that anyone will be interested in, but it's the end of a long hard day and philosophy occupies my mind at such times...  Sorry to bother you:  Holly XXX 

38 Replies
14 Replies
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@hottestwitch Sometimes I feel like its because were not supposed to according to some of society.  And we really appreciate all things female. Also personally Im infatuated by the power women have over me and all the clothes and accessories make it all that more powerful.  My male side does not like that women have such a power over me. so maybe this is taking that power back. I honestly dunno but food for thought.  Cheers RC

(@hottestwitch)
Joined: 3 years ago

    Leicester, Leicestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 614

@river "Infatuated by the power women have over me": that's one deep and insightful view... I'm not quite sure it totally fits the bill (though it probably works for me!)  I've probably asked a question that is too complicated - so proving that I probably don't quite understand it myself!  I definitely have distinctly different female and male sides - and, indeed, personalities (Holly is a very different lady than "Fred" is [not my real name - I'm far too much of a coward] but they are both me!)  Does Fred dislike women having this immense power over him?...  As you say - food for thought!!!  Holly XXX

Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@hottestwitch Maybe dislike was the wrong word and im sure not for everyone.  😉 I just know there is some distinct pull .  and again im surmising as I have no idea.  And as both my sides have always been in conflict.  that maybe my male side ego or whatever is saying well you cant have that and you cant be that so what other options do you have. suck it up or take control.  We need this pink fog to dissipate and There is no solution but to go for it myself.  and whooa it works. 🙂 another thought is from the men are from mars women are from venus book. That says men will always try to fix things. and when the only solution comes to what we do then its built into us.  hmm  that just came to me. which is why we chat  thanks.. 🙂 Cheers RC

(@hottestwitch)
Joined: 3 years ago

    Leicester, Leicestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 614

@river River; you certainly know how to make a girl think!!!  Freud had it that the ego was that part of the mind that denied everything, the id wanted everything and the super ego adjudicated between the two.  "Fred" (as good a name to use as any) certainly acts as you say, and Holly could never be anything other than the id - the only problem is that Fred has control of the credit card.  If I ever find out who the super ego is, I'll let you know...  Holly XXX

 

Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5214

@hottestwitch Sigmund Fred?

Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@hottestwitch 

It's no bother at all. And it's not a daft question. It's one that many of us have probably asked, usually when we're looking at ourselves in the mirror halfway through applying makeup. I know I have.

And I don't know why either. I know how it makes me feel; relaxed, confident, carefree, younger, attractive. I don't want to become a woman (though I fully support those who do), I just want to look like one, if only for a few hours once or twice a week.

It's a question that every one of us is interested in, because it's at the heart of who we are as individuals. There are so many reasons why we do what we do, but you know what? 

Reasons are overrated.

Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@hottestwitch 

OK, first question is WHY did I find this thread just as I about to go bed ... I will not get to sleep for thinking about it now.

Next thought I had - why is my 9yo grandson autistic? He is entering national competitions for solving Rubic Cubes in a matter of seconds, but I haven't a clue how he does it (and I have tried to understand it); yet he cannot tolerate eating or even the smell of almost all foods. The point is that he is "neurodivergent". I don't really like that term, but in the end it probably comes down to everyone's brain being wired a bit differently. So some of us just have it wired into us from birth that we love things associated with the gender we were not born as. Sometimes that means a love dressing, sometimes it goes further and we are transfeminine.

I love Melodee's comment about trying to vocalise this to another person - such an approach brings answers in many walks of life, and in this case might bring the answer that pertains to you personally.

Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 848

@fembecky exactly, have 2 of 9 grandkids, “ speciial”. These as with yours are over the top I Q.   One is a horse whisperer.

Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@hottestwitch 

Why,is hard one. As I have described my why to others I have said this is how my head is looking at this right now, any it is pretty close. BUT a hour from now it is likely that I will be looking at myself and my motives a little differently. AND often when I tell people what I am thinking they read more into it than what I said. 

That is why my EX keeps asking if I am gay or asking if I am going to fully transition. I never even hinted at even thinking these things. A lot of people have impressions of what a cross dresser or trans person is. 

Cassie 

(@marleneroberts)
Joined: 5 years ago

Honorable Member     Allentown, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Posts: 575

@hottestwitch  For me, ladies clothes are so much colorful, varied, light weight ,and many other things. They don't call men's clothes "drab" for no reason.

 

Best, Marlene.

Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 848

@hottestwitch at the risk of sounding like I know, I will say first of all these are just beliefs, not the “ ultimate truth”.  My take:  all humans have the same dna  and my explanation for our inner feelings is that most humans have the dna in an exact sequence.  We have the same dna but one or more are not in the same order.  We are still totally alike otherwise.  

my friend believes in the “lost Twin” idea.  Since she has not opined here , I will try to explain.  We “ pink fog” people  are all the male twin of a male- female set of twins.  The female twin while in the zygote becomes non viable and her physical remains are absorbed by the mother.  But the soul, the spirit if you will is transferred to the male twin and becomes part of his soul/spirit.  

I describe it as Tim( male me) is driving the car and Lorraine ( the glamorous me LOL) is in the back seat.  When she gets a chance , she steals the keys and goes for a ride. I sometimes feel like I’m  watching 2 teenagers arguing and I helplessly see the wreck ahead.

(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1205

@hottestwitch Since it goes back to a very early point in my life, I believe it is something deeply engrained in my psyche.   It's not something that generally arose out of the way I was nurtured although there are some incidents which believe have aided the development of some feminine tendencies.   I believe that my brain was wired to be feminine from birth and crossderssing (and the fact that I am trans) is a manifestation of this.   The fact that I was forced into male roles and stereotypes is completely counter to this and has been a constant source of stress throughout my life.  The fact that I am able to now express my femineity openly is a great relief to me and a source of a type of euphoria that I have experienced very infrequently until now.

 

Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2192

@hottestwitch Hi, Holly, the question never gets old (or answered definitively cos there ain't a definitive answer), so rest assured, it's not a bother.

In my case, I was born in 1955 and the male biological progenitor, I won't call him father cos he never was one to me, left a few months later. 

Consequently I grew up living with my grandparents as my mum had moved back. I see this as a possible factor because, as a child before and during primary school, I spent a lot of time with my grandmother and her friends because mum and granddad were both working.

It's only in the past few years that I've linked this to a life-long lack of confidence and low self worth. Again, in my case, I believe my crossdressing is or was both a form of escapism and an affiliation with the women in my life who cared for me when aforementioned male progenitor dumped me. (I remember only one visit from him when I was 5 and he brought me boxing gloves and a punchbag 🙄).

Later, of course, I got the adolescent sexual thrill from wearing female clothes and that continued into marriage.

Now, fast forward (and wow, do I mean FAST) to age 68 and I'm at peace with myself to the point where the reason I crossdress is quite simply, I love it! For a long time I've bemoaned the lack of bright and sensual clothing for men compared to the abundance of beautiful things for women and the fabrics, oh the wonderful fabrics! Don't even get me started on shoes 👀

I have no plans to transition but often, looking in the mirror, I think I make a much better woman than a man and that pleases me too.

I do remember, however, in the late sixties and early seventies, there were loon pants and literally hundreds of T-shirts in loads of bright colours for men and women.

Oh dear, I seem to have rambled on (Led Zep reference here), without giving a definitive answer (see, I told you so).

So, early upbringing, sexual exploration, choice of look and materials, confidence boost and general ahhhhh-ness when I'm dressed can be factors in why I crossdress but then again, I'm less interested in why and more in the how so there's my farthing's worth, I hope it informs and entertains.

Allie x

 

Guest
(@Anonymous 95235)
Joined: 12 months ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 245

@hottestwitch I started to dress when I was 14...I've always had a very feminine side to me that has not gone unnoticed by others as my 2 ex fiancées would tell you . Now in my 60s I feel a lot more confident to go out as Samantha I just need that extra push . I'm Stephen by birth and happy with life but I know I can offer more as Samantha. Anyone who has  seen the film A Fantastic Woman will testify to the hardships many transgender people face and I know this is a crossdressers site but that film inspired me to take my inner Samantha further than she's been before .

I get the control reference but not that's not why I dress...i dress for the same reason I did in my mums friend's house in 1971....it makes me feel good and its exciting . Its only my 2nd day on this site and already I feel I'm amongst friends whose stories have already inspired me.

Why do I do it ? For the same feeling we all get when we put our tights on,put on our make up ( we'll not me yet!) Dress on ..look in the mirror and think i feel and look great.   Samantha 

 

 

 

 

 

Posts: 3437
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

It took the computer 'Deep thought' 7.500.000 years to come up with the answer which, as you say is 42. So what hope for us to come up with the answer.

Just  have a Pangalactic gargle blaster and just appreciate you do what you do and are one hell of a gal.

3 Replies
(@hottestwitch)
Joined: 3 years ago

    Leicester, Leicestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 614

@ab123 Mmmmmm...... Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster... problem is I don't have any Janx Spirit, but can I have your permission to use Vodka instead?...  Holly XXX

Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5214

@hottestwitch 

I'm more into Jynnan tonnyx 🙂

Hostess
(@ab123)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 3437

@ellyd22 Ahh 'That old Janx spirit' those drinking games that I always lost but can never remember the outcome and probably wouldn't want to.... Yes Ellie Jynnan tonnyx is more acceptable...

Posts: 864
Baroness
(@chloec)
Prominent Member     Lakeshore, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Holly, well, I sort of don't like to say it, but personally I think it's something only you (or any other single person considering the same issue) can answer. We like to think of the colors of the rainbow with the simplicity of the ROY G BIV acronym, but the reality is that the spectrum of colors is almost infinite. And sometimes the last thing we want is for someone else (who hasn't yet walked a mile in our shoes, flats or heels) to tell us why they think we have the compulsion or urge to be a certain way. 

For years, I wanted to believe my personal issue was simply the desire to dress up in nice dresses, outfits, and the like, and more so, that by force of wil,l I could overcome it. but over time, I realized that even keeping it simple, still...sort of met the same small part of my urges as going all out. It didn't matter the amount, or style, just the being was what I really wanted. 

But again, that's me. And while I do appreciate the chance to relate my 'story', it's still just mine, and the hope is that telling it will ease some of the pain I feel, and sharing it will help ease a little of whatever pain others may feel - to know that they are not alone. Unique? Yes. Alone? Not in the least.

1 Reply
(@hottestwitch)
Joined: 3 years ago

    Leicester, Leicestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 614

@chloec Chloe:  you're never alone as long as I'm here.  I can't understand the idea of wanting to use force of will to overcome my "urge" - as I have no desire to be anything other than me as I am!  This also means that I have no pain - and I'm so sorry that you do.  I'm coming round to the idea that we are just a bunch of disparate individuals - united only by the fact that we obviously have GREAT taste in clothes!!!  Love you:  Holly XXX

Posts: 205
(@tinytinkerbell)
Reputable Member     SF Bay Area, California, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Hey Holly....first of all, it's NEVER a bother....if that were the case, NO ONE would be here and if anything, this IS the right place to ask such questions, so "keep them coming"...you may never like or agree with what you get, but it's all subjective and it's never the same, for everyone.  My personal reason is very simple, even after crossdressing for well over 40 years:  at this time in my life, as it has from day 1, dressing up and all related activity, gives me so much pleasure....PERIOD...!!!  Sadly, post-Covid, I can never "be Tiny" as often as before since I've practically lost all my privacy here at home, so I do the best I can, and its helps to come here and read all about everyone's experiences, until my "Tiny time" happens....!!!  It may or may not be more complicated for others....I envy so much, those of you who have more freedom to live your lives as you desire, for me, I'm content and will take what I can get...fortunately, "life goes on"....!!!

Posts: 305
Duchess
(@2bmadeline)
Reputable Member     Walla Walla, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

It's not black or white, either or. It's a spectrum and you are somewhere on it.

Why are doing it? Because you like it.

You can hide it, fight it or wrap your arms around it.

Posts: 1797
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Why do I dress like a woman?  Because doing so allows me to live life while accurately expressing who I feel I really am.

Posts: 1067
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@hottestwitch I think the 'why' of it all is an amalgamation of reasons for everyone. Though no matter the reason(s), I think it does take some active introspection if you really wanna know.

In my own case, I don't think I'd fully recognized it until someone asked and I was literally forming the words around the concept as I was speaking them. When I got to the end of it, in my head I was like, "Huh...I just learned that!"

Talk about it with someone...you may be surprised at what you hear yourself say! 🙂

7 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5214

@melodeescarlet 

OK, I KNOW that you're my sister* and all that, but this is SO true.

Melodee - this is one of the MANY reasons why I love you. It ISN'T just our shared Discworld connection, or our mutual love of tequila.

Look everybody ...  I'm trans. If you want to be completely accurate and do a full semi-Linnean classification, I'm 'transfeminine'.

But I didn't actually realise that until I started trying to explain my own inner workings to other members on CDH. That made me actively start to THINK about who I am. 

I don't think I'd fully recognized it until someone asked and I was literally forming the words around the concept as I was speaking them. When I got to the end of it, in my head I was like, "Huh...I just learned that."

THIS ↑↑↑ *Ellie wishes that she knew how to do one of those little upward-pointing arrows, since without it this doesn't quite work, but is thankful she knows someone who does know*

Hugs

Ellie x

*Ellie and Melodee ARE in fact registered sisters. This is factually accurate, and can be verified in a number of public databases.

Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1067

@ellyd22

Full semi-Linnean? Like...is that like a whole half a pizza? Or how a flight can be full, very full, or completely full? 🤔 

Just some basic ASCII, sis 😉 Dere's lots! ©®ªŽÿ¡

Alt + 24 on the numeric keypad = ↑ 

Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5214

@melodeescarlet 

Have you never had a full pint of semi-skimmed milk?

Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1067

@ellyd22 No, but I did once have a half pint of fully skimmed milk...though I only drank ¼ of it. 😊

Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@melodeescarlet 

I've just spent far too long trying to work out what this actually means...

Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5214

@melodeescarlet

Yes ... well that's it in a nutshell.

I'm glad that we were able to clear this up. 🙂

Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 848

@ellyd22 you girls are way out of my league. “ I feel like the whole world is a tuxedo, and I’m a pair of brown shoes.”

Posts: 58
Lady
(@kimmes)
Estimable Member     Noord-Holland, Netherlands
Joined: 1 year ago

In my youth, in the time of the extreme feminism, men were often dismissed as the dumb, the person who didn't understand anything. Maybe I'm trying to match a feminine person who is perfect.  😉 

Posts: 1325
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Why? Well, why not? Variety is the spice of life. I've been into all sorts of things the like of which I'll not go into detail here (none of them illegal , I stress). Before cross-dressing, my previous stand-out thing was shaving my head, then growing a beard and dying it blue; indeed, for many years people knew me as 'the bald guy with the blue beard' (catchy huh?). Once I got into cross-dressing, the beard came off, my ears were pierced and I wear red nail polish and although no one in this locale knows I cross-dress, they must have thought up a new name for me by now. Do I care? Not really.

So why? Because I can.

1 Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1067

@rebeccabaxter

Posted by: @rebeccabaxter

So why? Because I can.

Yep! Go get'em, girl!

Posts: 1118
Duchess Annual
(@firefly)
Noble Member     Panama, Panama, Panama
Joined: 7 years ago

Not long ago I came to the conclusion that I do it because I like it and I enjoy it. I need no other reason.

Gisela

Posts: 210
Lady
(@denises924)
Reputable Member     Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

On the primary level, it is because I love feminine clothes and how they make me feel. Deeper than that, I have given up trying to solve. I consider this progress 😉 

Denise
❤️

Posts: 2108
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Why?

A question with a floating answer as it is constantly changing. Some of the reasons from when I was younger - jealous of what girls got to wear, stimulation for self gratification, liking the feeling of the clothes and probably others no longer remembered. Over the years the few rare times were curiosity, escape and stimulation. Unfortunatly during those times there was no information like there is today so it was a lonely scary place. Jumping forward to today - a few years ago I came out ot my wife which was a freeing moment for me. As a result I am able to dress (privately at home - sometimes with my wife present) without any shame or guilt. I have been in therapy for a few years which started because of my dressing. As a result I have come to embrace my feminine side. It is there whether I am dressed or not, however, being dressed helps me express that part of me. My wife has told me (and I do feel it) that when I'm dressed I'm more relaxed. 

There is no right or wrong answer to the "Why", only how it makes us feel. So long as we enjoy it and we are not hurting anyone why not. The "why" could be asked of many things - why do some people color their hair different colors, why do some get their lips, nose, eyebrows or other body parts pierced, why do some people own pets and the list goes on. There are no true answers to the question other than how it makes the person feel.

For me being able to wear female clothing, make up, jewelry and have an alter ego relaxes me and allows me to feel good.

XOXO
Suzanne

Posts: 22
(@shayna)
Trusted Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Why????? This is something that I have been trying to figure out for sometime. I don’t think I will ever find the answer. I just know I love being a woman (or at least looking like one) . I know I love looking pretty, love women’s fashion, the hair , the makeup. I love expressing my soft side in a safe environment. I am not sure if I will transition. Too much to go through and I am not sure if I could do all the coming out.

I have tried several times to stop dressing, but I keep coming back to it. I love my fem self and she is a part of who I am. 

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