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WHY???? ….a little help here!

31 Posts
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Posts: 113
 Kate
Baroness
Topic starter
(@kayo)
Estimable Member     San Francisco, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Ok, would like a little help here, my wife posed another question to me that I felt unprepared to answer. She is pretty comfortable with my dressing around the house and asked “ why do you feel the need to go out?”. She caught me off guard and I’m afraid I didn’t really have a good answer.I would love to hear some from you girls on your reasons for wanting to go out, maybe some will work for me!

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30 Replies
Posts: 260
Lady
(@ashley)
Reputable Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

For me its the same as the reason I dress really. I want to express this part of myself, and I want to be seen doing it! It can be a bit of a downer getting my look worked out, getting my confidence up, and then just not doing anything else with that.

Maybe not the most concrete reason or helpful to your situation. But I hope it helps somehow!

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Posts: 538
(@fred96393)
Honorable Member     Burien, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Well, I'm not married (and I don't know if that matters), but I'm saying it depends on the individual. We're all human, and we're all crossdressers, but we're all individuals. You'll have to look within.

It's a natural next step, after getting comfortable with dressing to begin with and being dressed around the house, to want to venture outside. If one dresses en femme to begin with, it's only natural to want to do it all the time and everywhere. Of course, an individual situation may make it difficult to do so, for whatever reason - SO objections or someone or something else.

Keep listening, keep learning, and keep trying. Don't stop, and don't give up.

Hugs and Kisses,
Fredrika

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Posts: 192
(@steffaston)
Estimable Member     Near Reading, Berkshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Kate

My wife asked me the same question a few months ago and the only answer I could give her was “I just have a need to go outside and it feels like the right thing to do! But I don’t know why”   I’ve thought about this quite a lot and I still haven’t come up with a definitive answer other than it’s a natural progression of my feminine evolution.
Trying to answer this question is like trying to answer the question of why do we crossdress? Sometimes there isn’t an answer to give.

Stephanie x

PS. I’ve only ever been out once as Stephanie (last year) but I know I want to do so again soon.

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Posts: 299
(@irishgirl)
Reputable Member     Belfast, Ulster, Ireland
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Ashley

A simple answer is, that is what people do and it is staying inside that is wierd.

I think it has more to do with wanting to live the fem lifestyle and not just looking like a woman.

I have dressed privately for years, but yearn to be able to go outside and do the day to day things en femme.

Why get dressed up, if nobody can see you?

Love
Michelle

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Posts: 957
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

For me its experiencing the whole aspect of life but as a woman. I enjoy going out because it lets me truly feel like the girl i am inside. Having had to repress this desire for my entire life. Its liberating to let the girl out. Going about daily things just gives me such validation.

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Maybe that's why we love to take a lot of pictures. So someone can see us, even if its just ourselves.

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Posts: 2110
Managing Ambassador
(@wanderer)
Noble Member     Stoney Creek , Ontario, Canada
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi Kate!  Why do we feel the need?  As Michelle said, going out is a normal part of life, and maybe going out will reinforce that misguided notion of  what "normal" is for us.  And deep down we all have that part of us that wants to go out and be allowed to live - and dress - the way we want to.  To even dare to "show ourselves" off!

I think part of us, or part of me anyway, just feels it's not fair having to hide....

Stevie

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Posts: 34
Lady
(@maryfrancis)
Eminent Member     Dalton, Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Going out dressed enfemme is a way to express our existence in this society.  It is a way to claim our space in the world.  Hiding at home contracts us into a small nubbin of a person that runs like hell if there is a knock on the door.  There are dangers out there, without question, but claiming our space is the first step to being a valid human being.

Mary

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Posts: 319
Lady
(@ria)
Reputable Member     Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada
Joined: 4 years ago

You are absolutely right on!

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Posts: 203
Lady
(@celestecd)
Reputable Member     Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Like many have said it is an acknowledgement and validation of who I am.   Now I say this as one who has not done so.   So maybe part of it is just wanting to know what it would be like to be seen as a woman. Maybe part of it is wanting to turn some heads.  Maybe some of it is just plain curiosity.   Heck why do people travel around the world to new places - curiosity.

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Posts: 36
Lady
(@michellestl)
Eminent Member     St. Louis, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

I didn't read all the replies, so forgive me if I repeat.  I feel the need to be in public mainly for my own validation.  I feel that if I only do it indoors I am still hiding a very large and important part of myself.  I have been hiding myself for most of my life, and subsequently hating myself, the most freeing feeling I had was when I said I was done hiding and accepted myself.  Sure I'll get a sideway look now and then, but I have come to accept that.

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Posts: 243
Lady
(@marycontrary)
Reputable Member     Washington, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

For me going out in public is, like others have mentioned, a validation. It makes me feel like I belong in the world.

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Posts: 307
(@catherinedickson)
Reputable Member     Los Angeles suburb, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

My wife wishes crossdressing never became a part of our lives but has come to terms with the fact and is trying to cope the best she can. She tries to minimize it and discourage it. She doesn't understand - I guess we're all working out our own understanding of this admittedly unusual lifestyle. She mainly wants reassurance that nobody we know could ever possibly find out my little secret. Of course, as with many others here, showing people this part of me is a big part of exactly what I yearn for. So, I need to try to find a compromise if I care about my wife's feelings, and I most definitely do. I have yet to work this out, but I know that it must include limiting dressing to a situation where there is essentially zero chance of being seen by anyone I know. That probably means at least a little travel. I live in a suburb of Los Angeles, so driving an hour would put me at a pretty safe distance. If you also have a situation where you could get far enough away, that might satisfy your wife. There are many who go further, of course. It may take that for her to be appeased. On the other hand, if "coming out" is something you feel you need to do, then I suggest you give that some very careful, long thought before acting. As I mentioned in a post a while back, that is obviously something you cannot take back.
So yeah, try distance dressing. Go for an overnighter and have some fun dressing.

Best of luck!
Catherine

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Some people wear different masks. They are a different person at work, home, with a variety of groups of people.

Many of us are no different being CD in the house but not outside the house. We want to be genuine which includes being the same person in and out of the house.

We all love to dress CD. If we wish to, it should not be confined to the house (in the closet).

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