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Hi Girls, I am sure we all have different reasons for first starting. What were your reasons at first and has your motivation to keep dressing changed over time?
I'm with @lizk on this.
When I was young I desperately wanted to be a girl. I would put on girls' clothes because they were what felt most natural to me.
Why do I still want to wear them, even after all these years?
I realised some years ago that I'm trans. I self-identify as female; these are my clothes.
The motivation hasn't changed at all.
Ellie
@ellyd22 interesting reply Ellie, for some of us (like You) the original motivation remains the same---for me it started out about wearing certain items which made me feel closer to women and were exciting to wear because of that---and even later when I dressed fully, it was still about feeling closer to women by emulating them---even now, when I dress, I don't want to be a woman but it would be heavenly to actually dress well enough to actually be mistaken for one---LOL
@maureen76 I can only surmise that it started very early age with broken family. divorce , alcoholism , and having mostly female inspiration. If not for my grandfather I would have little to no positive male role model in my early years. By puberty it became very sexual and stayed that way for most of my life. now that I have the ability and the money to freely explore and Ive gotten much older Its a stress relief and pure fun. also I like a challenge 😉 . Cheers RC
@river Hi River---sorry for the difficult early family life---yes, early on for me--it was exciting, forbidden, and sexual---there was some jealousy that girls got to wear these clothes and boys couldn't--- as I've grown older --- I just enjoy doing it and there is a big element of stress relief---Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 Thank You. no need to be sorry but I appreciate it. I am who I am because of it . Most have had some trials in their lives it makes us stronger. just felt that specifically may be pertinent to the discussion. Cheers RC
@maureen76 As a teenager, initially out of curiosity. After the first time i just knew about Anna and have always had an idea of how Anna presented
In my early 20s when I lived out of hotels and then alone, it was relief after work and a chance to briefly allow Anna some space.
In my 50s, it is something that I need to do, want to do and still regret not dressing more regularly when I was younger.
Anna x
@maureen76 For me, I dressed in the beginning because it gave me a sense of excitement. It was new and different from my norm. Now, I dress because I have realized that I am a woman and wearing dresses, skirts, heels, etc is what we do! This realization has been a major motivating factor and I dress most days now.
@maureen76 Looking back on it, I guess I was experiencing gender euphoria. Very powerful thing!
@maureen76 I am different from most of those who have posted. I never wanted to "be" a girl. I wanted only to be a boy who got to wear girls' clothes. I remember that I started before puberty, probably around the time I was 9 or so. My first experiences wearing panties was in the context of playing "doctor" type games with a girl in my neighborhood. She was two grades older than I, but we were best friends and we spent many, many afternoons as naked as it was safe to be. We lived in a small town with woods and fields so there were a number of places we could play without significant chance of being caught. Being older, she outgrew this period before I did and I think I began experimenting with my mother's clothes as a means of recapturing the games we no longer played. We grew further apart as we grew up and lost touch after high school. I've often wondered if those experiences impacted her as much ss they did me.
@magrooder Kimmie, I mean who's counting but I suspect the majority of us don't want to be a girl, just to dress like one. Absolute kudos to those who do and I hope your journeys are ultimately fulfilling xx.
@magrooder Kimmie, that is a very sweet story and you are right, it is different than most. It is in the context of a boys first "Innocent" romantic/sexual relationship with a girl --- it is very poignant ---Hugs Maureen
I secretly wore whatever I could find when I was young because I wanted to be a girl.
Now they're just clothes. Sometimes I don't wear any and I still feel girly. How cool is that!
/LK
Interesting question.
When I first started it was out of curiosity and jealousy. Curious about how it felt to wear the different fabrics and to feel how it felt to wear a bra, stockings, dresses, etc.. Jealous because I grew up with 3 sisters and spent a huge amount of time in the girls section doing school shopping. You can't spend that much time looking at girls clothes and not become jealous. Also, there were times my mother was making dresses for my sisters and had me put them on so she could adjust the hem. As I got older there became a sexual aspect to it which I think is normal for most.
Now I dress to feel pretty and express my feminine side. I love the feeling of wearing a dress or skirt/blouse combo, wearing a bra, panties, stockings with garter belt or pantyhose, walking in heels, accessorizing with jewelry, doing make up, etc. I kept my femininity hidden for many, many years. It is nice being able to be free to express it now. While I may only dress at home the feeling is with me all the time and I am able to express it by wearing earrings 24/7, wearing nail polish and other subtle things.
It has taken a long time for me to get where I am and my journey is far from being over. I have an understanding wife, a great therapist and of course this site and the lovely ladies here to thank for helping me on my journey.
XOXO
Suzanne
@cdsue Suzanne---your story is similar to mine in the starting motivation and in current motivation--I remember when I was young being jealous that girls got to wear panties and tights and being amazed at the fabrics the got to wear---nylon, satin, lace, Lycra---all forbidden for men--- hugs Maureen
As a young boy it was to satisfy a curiosity that I didn’t nearly understand. As a teenager there was a sexual content to it.
finally when I reached my later 30’s I lost some of the shame that was attached to it and realized I simply enjoyed feeling feminine and that it was the reason all along.
the stress release and the calming and soothing effect comes from allowing my girly side to come out. A side of me that has always and will always be a major part of me.
@splitdecision yes---originally it was very exciting and forbidden for me---now about stress relief and calming me down
I started just under 3 years ago out of curiosity. What would it feel like to wear a bra and panties? The answer was, wonderful of course! 🙂 But not in any way wrong. Sure, there was some sexual thrill there, but only initially.
The more I realised that it was somehow fulfilling to wear feminine items and look like a woman, the more I developed my femme presentation. Along the way, I realised that the girly streak in my personality that I'd come to recognise, had been there a lot longer than I was giving her credit for, but was also expanding to be a lot more than that. She's now turned out to be the dominant side of me. So now I live en femme 24/7, and I dress because women's clothes are designed and made for who I feel I am 😊
@finallyfiona interesting story Fiona --- you started off similar to me --- however, you eventually decided to live full time as a woman---with me, I got married, had children, etc. and dressed less and less ---just getting back in to it now as grandfather---LOL
@maureen76 I'm 55 and have a son aged half of that, and I've been Dad to my now ex-partner's daughter for 17 of her 20 years. Grandkids could be not so far away. I do wonder what might have happened though, had my feminine side revealed herself earlier in my life - or at least, if I'd recognised that she'd revealed herself! Back then, subtlety to me was a brick through the window 🙂
@finallyfiona Fiona, I see your path has more similarities to mine in that you also were married with children although 15 years younger than me --- I am still married---do you think getting a divorce was part of what led you to dress 24/7 and become aware of how much Fiona was always part of you?
@maureen76 Actually I never married my son's mother, nor my recently ex-partner. I was married once in between times, a big mistake but luckily short-lived, a clean separation and no long-term consequences.
I don't really know why Fiona started, or why so late in life. I suspect she was probably latent in me for a long time but I never knew myself well enough to realise. Then eventually I saw my interests and behaviour changing and realised that there was something there.
But the reason that I'm now living en femme 24/7 is because, having come out to my partner as trans at Easter, I was granted a leave of absence to explore my feminine identity. A couple of months in, I realised that I wanted to progress further in that direction and stay at least socially transitioned, living as a woman. There may be physical affirmation of that life choice down the road, I don't know yet. But my partner had told me some years previously while we were watching a transition documentary, that if I ever wanted to become a woman, we couldn't stay together, and it was clear that time had arrived. So here I now am 🙂
@finallyfiona Hi Fiona, It has to be very difficult to make a decision to be who you are and know that by making that choice you will lose your partner. I don't know if your ex and children know, I'm guessing they do if you now live 24/7, but I hope you haven't lost them or any friends you might have told as well. However, I know you weighed all of this in the balance and went forward anyway so obviously the plusses of being Fiona must outweigh the negatives. I can't remember from your profile, but are you considering going further down the road? ---Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 Not such a difficult decision in the end. Possession is 9/10ths of the law, as it were. Once I was living as Fiona, it was easy to decide to stay here because it feels much more right for me than the life I was living before with my ex. I'm out as Fiona everywhere in my life. My parents (well, mainly my Dad) can't handle the idea of me as a woman but otherwise I seem to be getting on fine with everyone else. My ex's daughter is also accepting, but that's pretty much universal amongst her generation.
@finallyfiona Yes, I figured that the plusses outweighed the negatives for you and as you say, you had already started down the path with your living situation--- I'm glad most in you life support you, although it is sad about your father. Was changing to Fiona at work difficult? From reading your profile---it seems Fiona has really accelerated since last Easter--- so things are really going quickly for you---your latest picture is very nice
@maureen76 Thank you honey 🙂 I found it fairly easy to come out at work, because I was sure that they would treat me well, there are laws about that here. I'm a remote worker so most interactions are from behind a keyboard anyway. As it happens, they've been brilliant and my colleagues have all been accepting. All the systems I work with now show me as Fiona with my new picture. Fiona has definitely arrived at a gallop but now I'm socially transitioned this is probably where I'll stay. I don't have any history of feeling like I should have been a girl going back into childhood, or dysphoria in my male presentation, so hormones probably aren't right for me. I might consider some affirming surgeries in future though.
@finallyfiona Glad to hear that coming out at work was so easy for you. I can imagine that that working from home as a remote worker helped tremendously! It seems that you are fully out in every way and enjoying your new life as Fiona. What type of gender affirming surgeries are you considering? Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 At this stage I feel I might in the future consider breast implants, facial feminisation, sorting out my adam's apple & vocal chords, probably in that order. Even possibly a vulvoplasty, as my male genitalia will become increasingly irrelevant as I age.
I've made a life choice to stay as Fiona and I fully intend to do so, but I'm not losing sight of the path that led me here. This has all grown on me in the last few years: I've never known deep inside that I should always have been a girl. Crucially, I don't have dysphoria in my male presentation - I'm just far happier and prefer being in my female one. I do hope not, but I guess it's not impossible, that just as it has arisen, my drive and desire to present as female might one day wane again.
With the exception that I might want to get implants removed, none of those procedures would prevent me from once again presenting as a male, should I feel that was the right thing for me later in life. A somewhat effeminate male maybe, but TBH that would be nothing new in my personality. Whereas, even if I could pass psychological assessment for hormones with that history, there would be no undoing what they would do to me. I would need to know for sure that I would never want to go back before I started down that road, and even that's only if they would let me. Similarly, I'd have to be damn sure before any bottom surgery, hormones or no.
Hugs,
Fiona xxx
@finallyfiona Hi Fiona, that is quite a list of things you would like to do. I have no idea of the cost but I imagine that would be a consideration. It sounds like you have given this a great deal of thought. I imagine you will proceed slowly and thoughtfully both because of the expense but also with consideration that this is all moving very quickly already. I'm not exactly sure what a vulvoplasty is and how it is different than a full bottom "sex change"? Would that enable you to experience intimacy as a woman would? Wouldn't you need to pass a psychological assessment for that just as you would for HRT? Sorry for so many questions. I am interested in how this works---Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 No, I'm just good at writing about it as it occurs to me! 😛 If I do anything it will only be when I am sure. Re procedures, I'll leave you to Google the details of that one and I'll just say, I don't know but I wouldn't be surprised if there is assessment. I literally haven't thought any more than I already know about it.
@finallyfiona Good to hear you are being very thoughtful about all this---It is an amazing journey you are on---Hugs Maureen
I don't think my reasons have changed largely because I've never really had any reason. It has always been an urge, like scratching an itch, As others have said above it is mainly about curiosity for me, what does that feel like? what will that look like on me (the answer is always "terrible" 😀 ) but there is always more to try, new styles and fashions.
@butteryeffect I like that there is "always more to try, new styles, new fashions" for you---great attitude
As I've said elsewhere, I've only been actively cross dressing for less than a year, although I did have some fetish dressing some fifteen years ago which was sexual; it no longer is.
When I was a kid, I used to look through my mother's fashion catalogues (remember those?) and often strayed to the women's underwear section. However, I think it was more a young lad's fascination with breasts rather than inherent desire to actually put the clothes on, so I've really got to dismiss it as a CD start in life.
No, when I think about it, I can't honestly say there was anything in early life that brought this on.
On other threads, I have put down that it is really a hobby for me but this afternoon, my wife and I were having a coffee in Plymouth (no sign of riot damage from last night), and I suggested that my cross dressing was really 'pretend' for grown-ups. When I was a kid, we would pretend to be secret agents or soldiers. We'd hide behind piles of bricks in construction sites at the weekend and pretend to shoot at each other. Perhaps cross-dressing is merely a throw-back to my care-free youth as I am now I am older and retired, I can pretend again.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter I was in Plymouth this morning, glad to say I didn't see any damage either
@rebeccabaxter That is interesting Becca ---- that you got started later and that now it is more like playing a role than anything else----like pretend child's play for the retired set---like it
My reasons have never changed Maureen. I knew when young that not only did I want to wear the clothes but to be a girl. It took many years to get to the point where the woman could come out and show people who I really was. Some will say that you would never know what a woman feels like and would beg to differ as I do know. Feelings are different to the biological aspects.
@ab123 Yes Angela---Although we all start off similar---often in youth and often in mother or sisters clothes. It seems some of us (like you) always wanted to be a girl while other(like me) just wanted to feel like a girl and also were jealous of what they wore---lastly, it was exciting and "forbidden" to me----but I didn't ever want to change in to a girl---yet many of us here do ---yourself for example
I remember being about five years old and just putting a pair of my mum's stiletto heel shoes on and trying to walk about the house in them, obviously they where way to big for my feet so it was more of a stagger about, why did I put the shoes on, I have no answer, to me I was just a young kid playing about, I can not remember wearing any femme clothes again until I was about 13 years old and that was one of my sisters dresses I did not wear any other femme clothes, just the dress. The material felt nice to touch and against my skin when I walked about, there was no sexual frill. Now my needs start to change, when ever I can get the chance I start to experiment wearing femme clothes I have 2 sisters that are older than me so I have a lot of clothes to experiment with. I all so have to be very careful that every think is put back in the right place. Now I am getting older, about 15 there is another change when I am dressing en femme some times I am getting sexually aroused, I am getting older, heading towards the age of 16, I love going en femme, but it is my secret, I start to question myself, why do I do this? Am I gay?, some sort of pervert?, I love women, so I can not be gay, I am not pervert, I find my answer in a dictionary, I am a Transvestite.
An interesting subject that I’ve actually thought about quite a bit. I didn’t start dressing until later in life. Although, I’ve always been naturally effeminate, I’ve always tried to hide that part of me. I initially purchased pantyhose, panties and a bra thinking I was going to experiment with a possible fetish. Almost immediately I realized it was much more and ran much deeper than any fetish. What initially I thought was sexual, became deeper. I look at my dressing as a tool to exhibit myself on the outside how I honestly and truly feel on the inside. Accepting my natural femininity was probably the best thing I could have done for myself. Like a lot of you girls, a pretty dress blankets me with a calmness and contentment I’ve never experienced before. Mentally, physically and emotionally, I am in the best possible place I’ve ever been.
@florapgh Sounds like you are doing well and a great story about your transition in attitude from fetish to fulfilment
@florapgh Flora your story is very similar to mine, except that I never thought of indulging in a fetish. The end results are the same though, an untapped inner femininity has been set free on the outside and I'm the happiest I've ever been 🙂
Hey Maureen, I've just read all the responses to your post, and if the girls will forgive me, I don't think any of them are able to articulate the reason precisely, apart from maybe those who always felt they were a girl. It must be nice in a way to have that certainty even if the barriers were challenging. I've posted my story before but I never had any inkling until in my early twenties when I experienced a sudden and quite overwhelming urge to put on some lipstick. I can remember this moment as if it was yesterday. I don't have the foggiest idea where this came from but I followed it up and the rest as they say is history. In those days there was certainly an element of eroticism. Fast forward through 35 barren years and I spent a week totally en femme in June 2023. Absolutely exquisite experience. And I'll admit the sexual element hadn't completely subsidised despite my advancing years.
There have been no further opportunities to dress since then and I've no idea what the future holds. Incredibly frustrating and the need grows on a daily basis. Bottom line, it's a complete and utter mystery where this all came from.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 Hi Chrissie----It seemed to me that everyone who responded had a unique take on what started them and what they felt the reason was then and is now. You are right that there was no clear consensus and perhaps some really couldn't give a reason why. I certainly remember your story about a sudden urge to wear lipstick. For me, I started young---and even though I couldn't articulate my reasons then and felt it as an overwhelming urge ----now looking back, I think it was wanting to be close to my mother and then women/girls in general and wanting to be like them and wear the unusual garments that only they wore --- the eroticism of the fabrics and colors--- the feeling of silk and nylon on my skin ---- the forbidden nature of it all---all these things fed my urge and increased the excitement--for me, through all of this, although I wanted to feel like a girl and be accepted into the "club", I don't think I ever wanted to physically change into a girl--but that is just me---everyone here has a unique take----Hugs Maureen
@lionel yes, now days women routinely dress more and more like men---which isn't considered cross dress ironically ---Hugs Maureen
@chrisfp99 There is no answer to the question, Why?, You find who you are. I found the answer at an early age I am a Transvestite.
Hi, with me I started by my mother allowing me to wear some of her lingerie when I was young, she was burned out on me and wanted to distract me. When my dad came home, he put an end to it and I learned it was something boys didn't do. I was never "encouraged again". However soon after, I started to sneak in to her drawers. Later bought my own and under dressed quite a bit. In my twenties and thirties was dressing fully when I could. went through purges and re-buy periods. By 40's no more purges---too expensive and started to build extensive wardrobe.
