Why do we get upset about terms like transexual?

I don't get upsets with the different terms as long as they are not outright hateful.

Hugs, Liara

I find it funny too. I am on another group and some of the members crossdress, but don't tell them that! It makes them crazy! They wear woman's clothing as a fashion choice, nothing to do with crossdressing. Even if you point out in the simplest definition "CD'ing is wearing clothing intended for the opposite gender" they still refuse to accept it. Asking them simple questions like, "Which side of the store did you buy that skirt?" just makes them angry!

IMO, if you crossdress, you are somewhere on the transsexual path. You might just have one toe over the line, but your are there!

Words can hurt, and sometimes very deeply, and cause pain that is much longer lasting than a physical injury. So one has to be very careful, especially when dealing with sensitive issues, to choose their words carefully, and understand the meaning behind them, both "officially" as well as common perception. With common perception often being more important.

They are not synonymous. Cross dressing is irrespective of sexual orientation or gender identity. Transsexual is a specific gender identity. Both are on a scale, like just about anything to do with human beings, but while they can be found together in some people, they are totally separate things.

I am sure many heterosexual cross dressers are tired of hearing "Oh! You cross dress, you must be gay!" and so forth. There has been such a stigma for everything not heteronormative, for so long, that the public at large tends to often mistreat those in any category as well. Some of which is fueled by different social/political groups struggling for power and money, some is just plain ignorance.

But as Dylan sang, the times they are a'changing. Though we aren't quite there yet. Even the LGBT community is still struggling with CD/Trans/Bi issues, you should hear some of the internal debates and vitriol!

As someone who went through some of the worst of it, for years, I can very much understand some of the frustrations, anger, and other issues some are facing, or have faced. Sometimes I do still get angry, but I try to be understanding and educate when I can. I spent too much of my life being angry, self-loathing, and afraid, to let much bother me now that I've broken those chains. My anger is now reserved for those who deliberately seek to harm others or perpetuate the misconceptions for their own gain. I'm working on letting go of that, too.

But some aren't there yet, and I try to be considerate, and to anticipate how my choice of a word may affect someone hearing or reading what I have to say. I don't always succeed, but I at least try!

So, be patient, be kind, and understand that some are going through a struggle with these issues, and are still coming to understand it within themselves. Others are just tired of the social pressures, mistreatment, and ignorance they have dealt with for a long time. (It does tend to wear on you eventually.) So they get angry at being mislabeled.

My best attempt to answer the question: Unless you have had the surgery, the term "transexual" is inaccurate. I am a CD, and I do identify as transgender; I have no problem with either label by itself. The "problem" is with the reaction of those who define those labels as meaning one is mentally ill, living sinfully, and/or a predator - which I am certainly not.

Hugs,
Lulu

I know who I am so anyone can label me as they wish and, as Liara says, so long as it isn't hurtful then it's fine by me.

Hi Heather, I just came from answering that same poll.  I responded that I'm in the yes/no-it depends camp on whether CDs fit into the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

While I don't get upset over terms like transexual, I know others that do and have to respect them.

I don't agree that crossdressers and transexuals are always synonymous.  CDs could be trans but because it is self gender identification they don't necessarily have to be trans. Because while I'm dressed en femme I can self identify as female, I figure I fit somewhere at the one end of the trans continuum.  Others fit elsewhere depending on their circumstances.

Super interesting topic and complicated for sure.  Thanks for continuing the discussion.  All the Best, Hugs, Krista.

I think we need a Venn diagram to sort this all out.

Funny… when a women wears pants, boots and cotton T-shirt, she’s still a woman who just happens to wear pants, boots and cotton T-shirt. And I doubt the first thing we think about is her sexual orientation or transsexual desires (unless she’s got spiked hair and a bad attitude, but I’m sure she’s got a legitimate ax to grind).

So, maybe one can like panties and pantyhose just because they like panties and pantyhose.

Hmm… maybe my thinking 🧐 is evolving…

xo Barb

I'd go with Q (Questioning) and A (Allied) and 2S (Two Spirits) but that's just me. Others will have their own definitions of the lexicon and where they fit within it. Or not.
I've been called gay (I'm not) and it bothered me the first time because being CD was raising self-doubts about my sexuality. It's happened a couple of times since, and I wasn't worried at all. I guess that my perception of that particular label has changed. And they are just labels. If someone called me trans, I wouldn't mind. There's nothing wrong with being trans, as there's nothing wrong with being gay. As Liara said in her post, it's not so much the words themselves as the intention behind them.

Connie

xxx

I've come to realize that labels mean only something if you let them, whether it be good or bad. The only two terms I frequently use are crossdressing and fashion and I use the word "crossdressing" as a way to define this unique sense of fashion that we all share.

I have always found it interesting that for the most part (yes, there are exceptions, like there are to everything), people want to belong somewhere whether to physical communities or online communities or just someplace. Places where they can share their common values, beliefs, life choices with others with similar commonalities, feel comfortable expressing their hopes and dreams and goals.  Yet, at the same time, large segments of the population who want to belong some where also don't want to be labeled.  Or as often the case, the label they originally chose has now been corrupted and turned against them by people who for whatever reason have some issue with those communities.

My take on this is that for whatever reason, and although we all are trying to get past it, that somehow there are still too many people who believe that being a male is or should be the ultimate goal of all humanity (and yes, I can see it regardless of race, nationality, religion, etc!!!).  Not that many male affinity groups will ever let those aspiring to be male...in! But that those who do seem or appear to aspire that way are looked on in slightly less hateful terms than those who blatantly don't aspire to be (all) male - or even appear to not aspire in that direction.  And whether we like it or not,  all of us here are lumped into that last group.

Is there an answer or solution? Probably not in my lifetime. It may come, but sometimes I think the issue with the above belief in that 'goal' is that sometimes it seems closer to genetic than it is to environment. Which means it may never disappear.

But one can hope.

For me it's how some terms were used historically. Trans or transgender was a real problem for me until very recently. I spent a lot of my life telling myself that I was just a regular guy that liked to crossdress occasionally. Any label that implied I was anything other than that triggered some well developed/internalized phobia reactions that were part of my defence mechanisms. It wasn't until I started doing some research that I began to understand and accept the current terminology and meanings that I realized who I truly was. Then finally, I became very clear on the labels as they applied to me, as fuzzy as they are in the real world.

Now when someone mentions a term that's either new to me or one that I hadn't considered applying to myself, it's not upsetting but it starts up my curiosity again to learn more.

-- Abbie 🥰

Never get upset over that Goes in one ear out the other. Some people just need to grow up. Maybe learn something for once. I for one been transitioning for awhile had facial surgery last month next month bottom surgery. Once that done in my mind will be a woman. or if society want to know in their eyes Transwoman. Like said don't bother me just don't be hateful.

Old saying goes sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.

I am two spirit, the newest inclusion on the rainbow umbrella. As 1/8 Native American I find this label most descriptive of what others see as trans. The term 'two spirit' is new even in the Native community, the previous term 'bersach' is a vulgar term applied by French Canadian trapper/explorers and although the new term has raised some contention it is widely accepted as far better.

I am both male and female and present as either depending on mood and need. Currently I prefer the female 24/7 but it can change if I desire. So am I transsexual? It is a simpler label that is useful in personal exchanges that are brief and not lasting, but for longer term acquaintances and freinds I educate them about two spirit.

❤

Beth

Oh damn Beth another label, just kidding I like that one. When I think it does describe a lot of us.

Thank you , Heather.