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Why do you dress?

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Duchess
Topic starter
(@juliarey)
Honorable Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Ok, this one has probably been asked numerous times, but my SO keeps asking me why I want to dress.  I tell her I have no idea as to why, I just have had the desire to do so since I was a young boy.  I have given up trying to figure it out, but I was wondering if anyone had a better answer.  XO - Julia

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 11 months ago

Illustrious Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2920

@juliarey 

This is a great question, and it never gets old no matter how many times it's asked 🙂

In a lot of cases, of course, it's unanswerable. Many CDs have no explanation at all for why they cross dress, no matter how hard someone presses them for an answer. In my opinion, that shouldn't be important. Even though other people might look for explanations, I honestly don't feel that we should be expected to explain ourselves ... even if we could.

Psychologists and therapists try to come up with all sorts of complex justifications for what we do. Is it nature? Is it nurture? Was there some specific childhood event that triggered this behaviour?

It's human nature to try and seek answers ... but its not always the case that there has to be a reason for everything. Sometimes, things just ARE. 

They ask -  why?

I say - why not?

In my case the situation is simple. I'm trans. I wear women's clothes because I self-identify as female.

Other people may well not understand that. It's taken ME a long time to understand that that's their problem, not mine 🙂

Hugs

Ellie x

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(@janetcd)
Joined: 3 months ago

Active Member     Newport News, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 1

@ellyd22 I have been cding since I was a teen but never came ou but still enjoy the feeling of crossdressing when I can and most likely till the day I die just a feeling and I love it

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

@ellyd22 I wish I was trans. It would be easier understanding my desire to wear pretty things.

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Duchess
(@river)
Joined: 5 months ago

Honorable Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 256

@juliarey  Since I have joined CDH I have noticed that everyone I have encountered so far has been very intelligent . I think we are more open minded and artistic. I dont just take someones word for it without reasonable data.  Someone just answering my questions "because your a boy" has no logic.  I also get bored very easily and always have.  Its not only my attraction to women that makes me look at every one that walks in but its also mens clothes are so damn boring. we got pants and shorts socks and a shirt , jacket tie. and if your really bold a vest whooa.. we can only express ourselves in crazy ties or T shirts with slogans on them because thats all we got.  and dont wear a color too bold or a pattern thats too aggressive OMG..  Women can wear anything and because of that the options are endless. I guess to make a long story short Im jealous  and its loads of fun and logic says if it makes you feel good and not hurting anyone then its a good thing. 😉 Cheers RC.. 

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

@river I very much agree, Julia.  I am jealous of all the options women can wear. I also want to have fun and paint my nails blue or red or purple.  White lately actually.  I know, social norms dictate that.

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

I'm sorry, this was River's response to Julia's comment and I'm sorry.  I agree with YOU, River!

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2242

Posted by: @river

 its also mens clothes are so damn boring.

I look to nature for inspiration. Males in most breeds are the peacocks, but not humans. 🙄

 

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Lady
(@jillannquinn)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     Reno, Nevada, United States of America
Posts: 540

@juliarey a better answer? I doubt it. But here goes. The only two answers I can give are: First, I don’t know. Honestly. It doesn’t make sense to me why I feel this way. And secondly, it makes me feel good, calm and relaxed, feminine and beautiful. I hope this helps.

Hugs, Jill

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94214)
Joined: 4 months ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 150

@juliarey

Like a lot of us "I dont know, but I want to".  I love the fashion freedom, the style and the feeling of being so close to femail but still retain the man I am to go back to.  I love the moments of being femine and regret they are over so soon.

When in male mode, I enjoy looking a femail fashion and deciding what might suit me.  But I always do long for the next time I can be Elaine again.

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Lady
(@audreyw)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Savana, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 49

@juliarey I dress because it makes me feel sexy and attractive.  Once I started dressing, my wife was extremely complimentary of my new look.  I think she enjoys shopping for my clothes more than I do. 

For a short background, my wife was the one who encouraged my dressing while we were dating before we were married.  She somewhat surreptitiously got me to start wearing women's jeans and then panties. I naturally have a small waist and rather larger than normal hips for a male and because of weightlifting/bodybuilding its even more pronounced.    As time went on, my entire wardrobe from the waist down including footwear is purchased from the women's section. Outside the home, I only underdress, around the house I have more of a Mark Bryan look.

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

@audreyw You're very lucky, Audrey! Forgive me if I'm getting too personal, when you both get intimate, does she prefer you to be dressed at first?

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Lady
(@audreyw)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Savana, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 49

@theresanyc I sleep in panties and a woman's silk/satin tank top. Our intimate times have evolved to be just before bedtime or when we first wake up so, I'm always in my nighttime attire.  Just kinda works out that way.

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Duchess
(@chellycd)
Joined: 4 months ago

Estimable Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 61

@juliarey I don't know why I cross-dress. What I do know, is that I enjoy it. I enjoy wearing women's clothes. I love sliding into a pair of panties. I love the feeling of a Bra and the comfort that comes with wearing both. Being able to pick and choose what I would like to wear without limitations is a great thing. Some mornings, I put on my Bra and panties and slide into my leggings and a comfy top, and other mornings, I wear my male clothing. (Always and ONLY panties) So I would have to say I enjoy the freedom of choosing what ever I want to wear.

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

@chellycd I really love the feeling of wearing a bra.  I also love to wear pretty necklaces and bracelets. Since I was a kid.  I used to be really into wearing stockings and sexy lingerie. Looking at what I just wrote, why only used to? I loved the way stockings felt and I would cross my legs, run my hands over them.  Maybe I should go to Macy's tomorrow and revisit those feelings.

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

@chellycd I feel cozy wearing a bra and my forms when I'm home.  Necklaces, bracelets, very simple and silver.

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(@jossie67)
Joined: 2 months ago

Active Member     Svealand, Sweden
Posts: 2

@juliarey when I feel girly I get a soothing feeling and I feel happy, get a better self image, it gets quiet inside and I get exited. CD lets me come closer to myself and my feelings

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Lady
(@scottl)
Joined: 2 months ago

Active Member     Albany, Oregon, United States of America
Posts: 2

@juliarey because it's fun n u get to explore what a female feels like dressing up. Some people it's just a party of then that they can't stop because the feminine side wants it. Everyone has both sides some times the other side wants out

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Lady
(@scottl)
Joined: 2 months ago

Active Member     Albany, Oregon, United States of America
Posts: 2

U welcome

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Lady
(@jayneanne)
Joined: 3 months ago

Eminent Member     New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 8

@juliarey That's my story too...and I'm sticking to it!

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(@mandygirl35)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     United States of America
Posts: 32

@juliarey I've been cross dressing since I was four year old when my mother threw out a skirt and I put it on. My journey has  gone through years where I denied it and times like now, where I have two drawers of pantie's, hose, bras' and all kinds of sexy lingerie. I own two dresses which I wear when I'm home. When I am out, i have a bra, panty and fishnets on under my male attire.( It is my choice to not go out as Amanda). The therapists who try to figure it out are missing one big point- WE ARE BORN THIS WAY. You wouldn't ask a gay person, "What do you think made you gay? It took me a long time to accept who I am and why I love dressing up- Its just who I am

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

@mandygirl35 I agree with everything you wrote, Amanda. Excellent points.

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Lady
(@jameie)
Joined: 6 months ago

Trusted Member     Terre Haute, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 27

@juliarey once I had nothing to do so I tried on sisters dress it felt different I Didn't know what happened but I couldn't stop there tried on more sisters cloths ,I just can't quit I'm a crossdresser for life 

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Lady
(@gymphlex)
Joined: 3 years ago

Eminent Member     Northamptonshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 20

@jameie my story is very similar. I tried on my sister’s pleated school skirt when I was young and was hooked. I loved it when she was away at college because I could borrow skirts from her wardrobe. 

Eventually I plucked up the courage to go and buy my own…

 

I never looked back. 

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Lady
(@jameie)
Joined: 6 months ago

Trusted Member     Terre Haute, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 27

@gymphlex Good for you Myself I've been quiting for ever purged just recently except for some panties I said it wouldn't hurt to wear them nothing would happen, wrong ,after awhile my thinking changed and know thinking I'm back

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Lady
(@jameie)
Joined: 6 months ago

Trusted Member     Terre Haute, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 27

@juliarey I've been thinking back in the day there was an old saying "the devil made me do it" well maybe the devil does make us do it

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Lady
(@raven188)
Joined: 5 years ago

Honorable Member     Idaho, United States of America
Posts: 446

@juliarey 

I dress up because it's fun. For me, it mostly feels like a style decision. Its sort of an artistic thing I guess. I like how women look, and it's fun to try and look like that. I don't think of myself as trans but I suppose in general I think about clothing the way many women probably do.

An interesting thought experiment is to ask why women dress the way they do. Why heels, or pantyhose or short skirts or so many other things that are really kind of impractical? What does a woman feel when she's doing her makeup or sees herself in the mirror after putting on a new dress that "works?" How do women feel when they see another woman in an outfit they love? I can't know exactly, but I suppose I probably feel the same way. 

I remember someone trying to explain why they liked to dress and they said something like, "it's not sexual, i just like feeling sexy." I think that really captures it. Because I'm attracted to women, that's what I like. It's kind of like how some gay men are really into male fashion. I mean, since I can't find men attractive, it's hard to feel attractive dressed as a man. Not that I am trying to attract the attention of straight men, but if I think women are beautiful, then the only way I'm likely to feel beautiful myself is to dress up like a woman. It's like when a woman puts on the pants suit with shoulder pads to feel powerful. I put on the pencil skirt with hip pads and breast forms to feel beautiful.

Most of the time, the simplest way I think about it is just as a fashion decision for the day.

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

@raven188 I pretty much agree with everything you wrote.  I'm conflicted, I love feeling feminine and dressing as a woman, but I'm also attracted to women.  I could imagine myself with a man (looking so hot and feminine of course - no man could resist this!) but that's more of a fantasy than reality.

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

@juliarey I wish I had a better answer, too.  Early on, all those years back, it turned me on. Now, it's more nuanced and just wearing a bra and maybe some pretty jewelry makes me feel cozy.  Hard to explain but i've been doing it since the 70's.

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(@siobhann)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Colorado, United States of America
Posts: 78

@juliarey 

Hi, I just joined, and this is the question that brought me here. The Y donor caught me in my mom's clothes when I was very young, and it didn't go well. So I do not know what compelled me then. Now, I'm older, well middle aged, and lived a life in primarily " manly man" occupations. When I was single, I'd get home, kick the work boots off, shower, shave my legs, and put on a comfy dress, change my walk, and cook, and cross my legs while eating. Painted toes wiggling to some lovely song. I've often wondered if I needed the balance between tough lead carpenter dude, and me. Married to a lovely woman for nearly 20 years now, that I was honest with, but I never really expressed myself. A few years ago, I couldn't help myself. I just had to. She wasn't very keen, she always saw me as the tough dude that built stuff. Now, she supports me, and finds things she thinks I might like to wear. phew, okay, hitting send..

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Duchess
(@juliarey)
Joined: 2 years ago

Honorable Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 182

@siobhann Welcome, you'll fit right in here.  I had that same tough guy image to work through having been a trucker for many years. 

XO - Julia

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(@siobhann)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Colorado, United States of America
Posts: 78

@juliarey Here's a thing that rings in my head. I don't really go all out, I would just rather be a woman sometimes, well most all the time, but can't, and that's in very casual women's clothes. I like doing my nails, and shaving legs and pits, and the undercarriage, but I don't really doll up more than a touch, which I think is great that people dress to the9s,  but not me. I was asked, since today's men's style in clothing is softer than my duder garb, wouldn't I just find those clothes? I don't really want to. I very much like online shopping for women's clothing in my size. 

 

Forgive my rambling for a bit. I just have so much to say that I am bursting

 

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(@bellerouge)
Joined: 2 months ago

Trusted Member     North, France
Posts: 43

@juliarey that's simple! I love to feel connected with my real self, so I do it every day I can.

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Duchess
(@bbwmeganlynn)
Joined: 2 months ago

Eminent Member     East Brunswick, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 17

@juliarey I used to think it was sexual and it kind of was.Anymore I just love how I look.(I still don’t think I pass but some think I do.)
I love wearing bras,panties and jeans that show off my curves.I can’t express how good I feel or how much calmer I am.

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Duchess
(@juliarey)
Joined: 2 years ago

Honorable Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 182

@bbwmeganlynn Looking at your pictures, I'd say you pass just fine.  I still need to work on my look.

J

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Duchess
(@jwhite)
Joined: 4 months ago

Reputable Member     Fort Collins, Colorado, United States of America
Posts: 136

@bbwmeganlynn, I agree with @juliarey. Your pictures are great and exceedingly passable. I wish I could come up with pictures looking as good as yours!

xxx

Jamie

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Lady
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 2 months ago

Reputable Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 174

@juliarey I love the feeling and the look of the clothes, the styling, the colours. I love the sensation of the material sliding against my skin as I move, the change of shape and posture. When I dress, I always want to look my best so am always freshly shaven, full make up and wig.  I've always been aware of the need to step into's Anna's shoes but only had the courage recently to do so.

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Lady
(@magrooder)
Joined: 8 years ago

Reputable Member     District of Columbia, United States of America
Posts: 309

@juliarey I started rather young, around age 9 and it became hard-wired. I can go for quite a while with just underdressing and that is usually enough.

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Lady
(@briannamay2024)
Joined: 1 month ago

Eminent Member     New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 8

@juliarey For me it's more than just the clothes it's who I've become. I had a very difficult life from a young age bullied, on abused you name it. I stole my sisters clothes a few times growing up, and it always made me feel good. I never got caught hehe.Many years passed life was still a challenge. Id occasionally get into my ex's clothes again never got caught. Fast forward remarried to a great woman, but still not truly happy still dressing when possible. Tragity stuck in 2021 when my son was killed in an accident. So after a couple years of terrible depression. My wife and I were messing around, and she dressed me up a little not knowing anything. I did a couple more times then told her this is me. It's been a bit now,and she's my number 1fan.We both discovered Brianna she makes us both happy.she has never been hurt put down or bullied. I underdress 24/7 so I always feel like her. I've never been happier in my life. Oh yeah when she called me this morning she called me Bri for the first time I just melted. Sorry so long!

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(@lauragrainger)
Joined: 1 month ago

Trusted Member     Southampton, Hampshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 13

@juliarey I think the main reason I joined CDH was to find the answer. Why do I cross dress? I find myself still asking myself the question as I struggle to attach my suspenders to my stockings as I begin to become aware of how odd it must look to anyone who could see me the answer simply Because it feels so good.

why did I start cross dressing? Is very different- I remember from being 6 or 7 years old and a group of us boys found a bag of clothes belonging to one of their mums and we all put something on I found a dark blue dress and we all went in to show his mum as we thought it was a good laugh and I remember his mum saying to me that it really suited me and it felt genuine.

A few years later I recall over hearing girls talking about me and being called ugly and that hurts and stuck so I looked to ways to be attractive and the answer was to be more like them if I felt like the girls then maybe I would understand.

From then on once I had worn my first skirt I was addicted.

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Duchess
(@juliarey)
Joined: 2 years ago

Honorable Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 182

@lauragrainger In the 6 weeks or so since I posted this, I have come to the realization that there is no reason that applies to all of us.  I have heard many similar stories, but the reason why we do this is simply because it feels good.  Nobody dropped us on our heads when we were small, and there seems to be no particular traumatic event that is common among us.  The primary theme is that one day I put on a .....fill in the blank......and it felt good.  It still feels good. 

I feel proud when my wife tells me my make up looks good or my outfit looks cute.  I no longer feel shame or guilt for expressing myself in a feminine manner, and I wish that for all my sisters here at CDH.  Best wishes to you Laura.

XO - Julia

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Lady
(@candycross)
Joined: 1 week ago

Estimable Member     Queensland, Australia
Posts: 78

@juliarey why indeed, l think sometimes asking why can be like asking why does the sun rise or why is it air that we must breathe to live, sometimes the answer is simply because. I enjoy wearing ladies clothes as it makes me feel. I have insecurities and dressing as l do helps me to feel . I simply enjoy what l do. There is no rhyme or reason it simply because. Finally l ask why does there need to be a reason ?

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Duchess
(@juliarey)
Joined: 2 years ago

Honorable Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 182

@candycross This was a question I asked when I first came out to my wife awhile back.  She was insistent on asking me why I want to wear clothes that are intended to be for women.  You, myself and a million other cross dressers know it's primarily because it feels good.  I was merely looking for a better way to express it in a way that my wife could better understand.  So you're right, there does not need to be a reason for you and I.

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Lady
(@candycross)
Joined: 1 week ago

Estimable Member     Queensland, Australia
Posts: 78

@juliarey l agree, we don't ask why we love ice cream or why we do this or that as a reason is irrelevant,  l think sometimes we do somethings  because we enjoy doing them or we are compelled to do them

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Baroness
(@trish1980)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 738

@juliarey 

Hi Julia,

    I can safely tell you that the reason you want to dress is because you have been a crossdresser from the day you were born. No different than if you were gay, transgendered or bisexual. Crossdressing is a part of what makes you you. It took me a long time to get my wife to understand why I dress as a girl. I just had to keep telling her time and time again, there are two people in my body, boy me and girl me and they both need their day in the sunshine. When I'm Trish I am a girl and when I'm in boy mode I'm a boy. She has finally wrapped her head around that idea but as I said it has taken for ever. Good luck, your wife will get it one day.

Trish 💖

     

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Lady
(@sunnyday)
Joined: 1 year ago

Eminent Member     Oxford, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 37

@juliarey - I've no idea either. It's been an incredible compulsion since I was a small boy, I love experimenting with a stereotypical female appearance and trying to look like women I like the look of, I love the colours, fabrics and shapes of women's clothes, and it makes me feel sexy. That's as much of 'why' as I'm sure of.

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Posts: 502
(@christineth)
Prominent Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Joined: 2 years ago

I simply ask my wife why she dresses?  And is it so different that I want to?

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3 Replies
Lady
(@chuck)
Joined: 3 years ago

Trusted Member     West Texas area, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 54

@christineth - OK  and what did she say?

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(@christineth)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Posts: 502

@chuck she said “to look good for me”.  I said “exactly, same for me”

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Baroness
(@trish1980)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 738

@christineth 

Well said Christine, short and to the point 😊.

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Posts: 608
Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Noble Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 10 months ago

The $64,000 question.

For years and even decades I didn't know. Or maybe it was changing. I suppose I can only answer that question in the now.

For myself, I find that it lets me express myself in ways that guy-me cannot. In our society (and every society) there are unwritten rules about what each gender 'can' and 'cannot' do. I hadn't realized they existed, more just sort of knew how they worked. Kind of like how we just know that putting an 'e' on the end of word changes the vowel  - i.e. car vs care, far vs fare. I don't recall being told that rule explicitly, just something I picked up without knowing. So it is, I feel with gender rules. It isn't until someone points it out that one says, "Oh...wow, I hadn't really recognized that."

However, after going out my first time and really getting the experience firsthand, it was eye opening. All the behaviors I could do while I was dolled - it was incredibly liberating. Additionally, I found that all of the daily 'man grind' feelings I had were lifted. That, for this small window, I could simply ignore those burdens and get on with expressing myself entirely differently.

It's only been a year and change for me, but I still revel in it. 🤩 

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10 Replies
Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 11 months ago

Illustrious Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2920

@melodeescarlet

I might be biased, as you're my sister* but I LOVE this reply.

Hugs

Ellie x

* Casual readers of the Forums may need to trawl back through a lot of previous posts to unpick this ... but it's best if you just accept it.

PS: Melodee ... now that you've correctly answered the $64,000 dollar question, can we split the cash?

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Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 608

@ellyd22 Of course, girl! (peels off a tenner for Ellie) 😉

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 11 months ago

Illustrious Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2920

@melodeescarlet 

Um ... I was hoping for 50:50 🙂

Not 99.98:0.02 🙁

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Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 608

@ellyd22 Well, I mean...first of all there's the exchange rate, I'd have to withhold the VAT, of course...subtract out the bank charges...

(pores over the numbers) Actually...gosh...seems, in fact, you owe me $10. 😕 Sorry girl.

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 11 months ago

Illustrious Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2920

@melodeescarlet

Oh ... okay. Now you've explained it that seems fair.

$10, you say?

If you send me all of your bank details, plus your credit card number, PIN, date of birth, mother's maiden name and name of your first pet I'll make sure that some money changes hands.

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Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 608

@ellyd22 I think in this case, I'll just let it slide. Don't fret over it.

Just this once, mind. 🤨 

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 11 months ago

Illustrious Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2920

@melodeescarlet 

*Decides to make the best of the situation and uses the $10 bill as a souvenir bookmark for a Terry Pratchett novel*

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Lady
(@tcbrace)
Joined: 7 years ago

Active Member     California, United States of America
Posts: 5

@ellyd22  @melodeescarlet 

You girls are hilarious! Thank you!

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(@christineth)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Posts: 502

@ellyd22 

Ellie, I don’t think Melodee means Ankh-Morpork dollars.

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Duchess
(@theresanyc)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Posts: 56

@melodeescarlet Very nice how you described your feelings, Melodee.  You seem like a nice person.

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Posts: 553
Baroness Annual
(@finallyfiona)
Noble Member     Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 months ago

For me, from initial curiosity it really started to take off when I realised that the more female-looking my reflection in the mirror, the more I liked her, whereas my drab reflection just doesn't do anything for me.  The clothes are a lot of that look for me, plus they feel so nice in ways that we just don't get to experience in drab-wear.  The pinnacle when I can get my full girl on with hair and makeup, really allows me to feel good about myself, but also somehow complete and calm.  It's a feeling I just don't get in drab, so naturally I'm going to be coming back for it whenever I can.  Then of course there's the excitement of going out dressed ... still a work in progress with me, but I've had enough of a taster to know that I definitely want more of that.  I suspect my femme personality will evolve, the more of life I get to spend as Fiona.

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Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 725

@finallyfiona 

Thanks for posting my reply Fiona, saved me a bit of typing 😘

Seriously, I couldn’t agree more 

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Posts: 2567
Hostess
(@ab123)
Famed Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

Well Julia it has been asked and and there will be so many replies. I was five when I realised this need to dress as a girl. I didn't know why as knew nothing about crossdressing or transgender but knew it felt right for me. I began to realise that it was not the sort of thing a boy would do and I wondered if I were, in fact, a girl. In growing up the need never went away and I went through a lot of thoughts as to why.

It is confusing at first Julia but it is an obvious need for you. The answers will come as you think hard about it.

Nowadays I can say to anyone that this is me, the same person as I have always been but able to show it now. I can allow my suppressed feminine feelings and persona to thrive now. 

 

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Posts: 850
Duchess Annual
(@catgurl)
Noble Member     Marietta, Georgia, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Yes, a very often asked question and a serious one, when a spouse asks it.

When others ask the question, I often respond, "Some men play golf, I play girl."

However, for spouses, a more serious response is necessary. 

Early on, in the early part of our relationship, I told my wife there were female parts to my personality, which I had been expressing since I was approximately three y.o.  However, I was 100% heterosexual, with no desire whatsoever to be a woman.  Expressing those female parts occasionally by crossdressing was necessary for me to maintain a proper balance.  I suggested we go together to speak with a therapist or clinical psychologist.   

This is really a compact version, and every marriage is a unique situation, but I hope this helps some. 

 

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7 Replies
Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 608

@catgurl

Posted by: @catgurl

"Some men play golf, I play girl."

What if you've played golf in girl-mode? Or, gosh, have I played girl in golf-mode? 🤔

Gets trippy, I expect. lol

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 11 months ago

Illustrious Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2920

@melodeescarlet 

Or, gosh, have I played girl in golf-mode? 

Not sure ... were any clubs involved?

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Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 608

@ellyd22 I was most certainly golfing and girling simultaneously...just trying to determine the order of things. 🤔

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 11 months ago

Illustrious Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2920

@melodeescarlet  I imagine you still have a fairway to go.

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Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 608

@ellyd22 True, but I've got a good driver.

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Baroness
(@alexina)
Joined: 4 months ago

Noble Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 454

@melodeescarlet Mmmm, trippy...Allie waves hand in front of face..wow! Trails....

😊

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Lady
(@chuck)
Joined: 3 years ago

Trusted Member     West Texas area, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 54

@catgurl well?  What did the say?

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Posts: 844
Duchess
(@chloec)
Prominent Member     Lakeshore, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Starting at least since age 4 or 5 which is the farthest back that I can remember (and no doubt goes back even farther), I always wanted to be a girl and wearing a dress (and eventually lots of other clothing items, accessories, etc) was, has been, and will continue to be the closest I can get to fulfilling that childhood dream. 

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Posts: 104
(@charlottesometimes)
Estimable Member     Dayton, Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

This may sound odd, but I think one of the reasons I enjoy crossdressing is because I bury the needle on sexual orientation.  I don't know how I could be more straight.  I am absolutely entranced by the female form and I adore it.  Crossdressing the sincerest form of flattery I know.  

Crossdressing gives me an opportunity to at least emulate living in the body I would have rather had.  

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Lady
(@krissykitty)
Joined: 1 month ago

Eminent Member     Ohio, United States of America
Posts: 15
  1. @charlottesometimes that is spot on how I feel!! 
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Posts: 801
Lady
(@mary)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 4 years ago

I like it. 

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Posts: 1198
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Noble Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

I dress because it allows me to express the real me, which is much more feminine than masculine.

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Posts: 263
(@veroslondon)
Reputable Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 9 months ago

I now accept that I cross-dress because it's an obsession. Any attempt to explain why I do it simply ends up being another way of saying the same thing -- I dress because I have to. I've tried to rationalise it by references to such ideas as: expressing who I really am: being essential for my mental well-being: being liberating: expressing my feminine side. But at heart I know it's just something that I have to do. Living with what is essentially a fatalistic explanation of this part of my personality is the difficult bit.

An analogy I like to use is to try to explain why you like something (e.g. a movie or a book) and you will inevitably end up with the conclusion that you like it because you like it. Fortunately likes and dislikes can change with learning and maturity but the CD obsession is like groundhog day. You can't escape it. There is no Andie MacDowell moment.

Veronica

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Posts: 1551
Baroness Annual
(@secretpassions)
Noble Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Julia,

I was a “Late Bloomer” I suddenly had a strong desire to wear women’s clothes later in life. Once I started I felt that calm complete feeling that Fiona mentioned. Now I realize that there is this beautiful feminine creature that I share my conscious self with, and she is growing. She needs to be expressed! I may also be making up for time lost.

And of course, the clothes and shoes are 10 times more awesome than my male ones!

Heart Lara

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Posts: 1805
Baroness
(@ryanpaul)
Noble Member     Outer Eastern Suburbs Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Joined: 7 years ago

I'm closer to 80 than 70 and Catherine Louise Ryan has been an integral part of me for over 50 years!

She has been with me through a lot... of "thick and thins" and has definitely helped me through the "thins"

The "thins" in include a divorce and later complete mental breakdown with hospitisation. The "thicks", things like "going public" with personalized femme bra fittings, makeovers and dinners out have been the "thicks"

Now as she enters her "dotage", all she worries about is the ever thickening "back fat" and the impact on her bra collection. (Even bra extenders are no help.... LOL) Was the same band size for 30 years!!

Happy dressing

"Nana Caty"

 

 

 

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Posts: 675
Lady
(@michaela2001)
Prominent Member     Goldsboro, North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

I was a late starter to dressing, being in my 50s when I first put on a womens pretty thong. That, and the fact that my wife liked us to wear matching clothes, she wasn't a girlie type, more a jeans & teeshirt type, so we wore similar clothes during the day and matching pj's at night. Quite possibly,  the femme pj's & thongs may have hastened my descent of the slippery slope, but now, some 25yrs later if anyone asked me why I dress, I can honestly say, "because I can and because I like it".

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2 Replies
Lady
(@chuck)
Joined: 3 years ago

Trusted Member     West Texas area, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 54

@michaela2001 wow.  How did that manifest if you don't mind me asking.   Was she encouraging you to dress?   If so, that is just about every crossdressers dream I'd say

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Lady
(@michaela2001)
Joined: 7 years ago

Prominent Member     Goldsboro, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 675

@chuck No, she wasn't encouraging me at all, anything overtly femme was not going to work. The femme pj's were not really anything other than shorts & tees that were in femme materials and colours, no lace, no femme embellishments or anything like that. Somewhat unisex if you like.

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Posts: 79
Duchess
(@traci429)
Estimable Member     Brighton area, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

I have been dressing for many years and have recently told my wife this year. One of the questions she asked was “ why do you like to dress?”. I didn’t have a solid answer. Mainly because I like how I feel when dressed. I like how the clothes feel on me. Because it relaxes me ( I know others said that too and I’m glad I’m not alone there). Why does it relax me? Not sure. I don’t have a lot of stress in my life. My wife and I have had several conversations and we are both seeing therapists. I know I like how I feel when dressed and I’m not sure why I like to dress. My wife does not want to see me dressed. Anyhow, I just like it and it makes me feel good. Maybe a combination of the different clothes and the feeling (I can’t explain it) when I am dressed. If I could put it into words then I could answer my wife and my therapist.  - Traci

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