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Wife back home after suffering stroke but......

21 Posts
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Posts: 1766
Duchess
Topic starter
(@fiona06)
Famed Member     Bolton, Lancashire, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Girls. What a stressful time!! no-one wants to see their partner go through as much as my wife did. She has at last returned home after a spell in hospital recuperating. I am doing my bit at home by making the dinners, washing up, vacuuming the house from top to bottom etc. But where does this leave Fiona??

Well.... actually its not all bad news. I have been doing the housework dressed as i find i can get far more done, maybe its a state of mind, but i hate doing anything dressed drab. But girls, i feel guilty dressing up, am i being too harsh? too quick?? My wife has no issues with it, but in spite of recent medical events, i feel bad doing it. I suppose in some sense, i am trying to get back to normality but what are your views? am i doing anything wrong? my mind is all over the place with this one.

Fiona xxx

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20 Replies
Posts: 619
Lady
(@jessica63)
Honorable Member     South Yorkshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Fiona,

I am really pleased to hear that your wife is back home and is recuperating, I hope she continues to improve and gets back to normal as soon as possible.

With regard to you feeling guilty about your dressing can I just make a few observations,

Your wife is not unhappy with this, and in fact is this a normality for her.  To aid her recovery is it better for her to see everyone acting as normal at home, and that is exactly what you are doing.  Also, you will be under some pressure, seeing your loved one being ill is awful (my wife had breast cancer a number of years ago) and it can take its toll, therefore by dressing you are making yourself that bit happier which is surely better for your wife.  You have to look after yourself as well.

Take care and I hope things continue to improve.

Jessica x.

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Posts: 1766
Duchess
Topic starter
(@fiona06)
Famed Member     Bolton, Lancashire, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Jessica, i suppose you are right. I am finding that dressing up is kinda de-stressing me and enabling me to cope, being Femme makes me feel more like getting things done whereas being drab makes me less inclined to do anything. I even made everyones tea this evening dressed up, no-one cares as long as their belly's are being filled!!

Fiona xxx

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Posts: 218
(@jennifermcc)
Estimable Member     Mantua Township, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I agree completely with Jessica. Think how very hard this would be if you weren't able to have some time enfemme. As long as it doesn't upset uour wife while she recovers then it seems to me a useful and valuable resource that should not be done away with over any misplaced feelings of guilt. Use all the tools you have to make this easier for you both.

I hope and pray for her continued healing. Please keep us in the loop.

Best wishes

-Jennifer

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Posts: 1766
Duchess
Topic starter
(@fiona06)
Famed Member     Bolton, Lancashire, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Thanks Jennifer 🙂 . At first i was reluctant, i thought it was way too soon and may be viewed by some as being unsympathetic. I am not wearing makeup, just a wig and clothes, but it makes me feel more positive and as i say, my wife is ok with it too.

Fiona xxx

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Posts: 1700
Hostess
(@pattygurlcd)
Noble Member     Louisville, Kentucky, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Fiona,

Two words of advice,

Being a care giver you  not only are taking care of your spouse, but you have to take care of you.

And your mental health is a big part of that.

So don't feel guilty.

Also do not do as I did with my mom.

I babied her when she came home from her stroke getting everything for her and not pushing her to do things herself which is very important recovering from a stroke.

so you have to be somewhat hard on her and make her do things herself its very important.

Love Patty

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Fiona. Please. You are the same lovely person you have always been. Appreciate her fears and be her friend. Her companion. The question borders on “survivors guilt”, though she is home and well. You wonder if it’s an okay thing to laugh or enjoy something you read? Of course it is. Talk with her. No tip toeing around. She does not yet know what her fears are or perhaps worried that she has less fear than she should. But, as with everything, we move on. Be sensitive and patient. A good formula.

kate

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Posts: 218
(@jennifermcc)
Estimable Member     Mantua Township, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

It's not too soon if it helps you. But listen to what Patty said...don't baby her too much. We made that mistake with my mother-in-law. Remember...she's got to use it or lose it. Help her but don't help her to become an invalid. I'm sure she has some theapy regimen set up?

All the best,

-Jen

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Posts: 1700
Hostess
(@pattygurlcd)
Noble Member     Louisville, Kentucky, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Fiona,

I am glad your wife is home and she is in good hands.

I think you two will do fine.

As I mentioned its hard to see your loved ones struggle but she must to get better.

Believe me I didn't do very well with it,I'm too soft

Its that hard love thats needed and its hard to do.

My prayers are with you and your wife.

Love Patty

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Posts: 4
(@stephaniewolf)
Active Member     British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 6 years ago

Fiona, your statement “I feel guilty.......” made me smile as it seems to be the phrase that sums up how so many of us feel about being en femme.  Here we are dealing with life and yet our own expectations on how to present in a situation are making us feel guilty about doing the right things. What I read in your post about your relationship is that you are a loving, caring person working through a difficult and stressful situation and it seems to me that in many ways it’s Fiona who is best able to manage and resolve much of what is going on.  I am starting to find the same thing, Stephanie is just better at dealing with certain situations.  From my perspective you should have no guilt in bringing your best to a situation, and I think Fiona is the best person for this situation,

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Posts: 1524
Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Fiona I am glad your wife is home. Hospitals are horrible places to be for any length of time. I pray her recovery continues with speed. I think everyone who has commented already has given excellent advice. The best way to help her is for you to feel your best too. Would you resent not dressing ? She says she doesn't mind so if its good for your sense of self being then it's good for her too. The better you feel the better a caregiver you can be.

Hugs

Autumn

 

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Hi Fiona , wonderful news & may recovery continue , I agree with other girls - the carer needs caring for & if dressing assists this, then fabulous xxTiff

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Posts: 295
Lady
(@bobbie1951)
Reputable Member     Homosassa, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Fiona, i am delighted to hear your wife is doing well enough to come home!  Hospitals are great if you are critically ill or need surgery otherwise they are terrible and dangerous places.  The worst bacteria in the world live there.

as far as doing the housework and caring for her enough femme, if she is accepting as you say then do not feel guilty.  You are still under great stress and if being en femme helps you then use it!  You must take care of yourself as well as your wife or you will get ill or exhausted and then who will take care of her?  i Love to do housework as it reminds of my time as a submissive when that was my job.  Dress up and take the strength that gives you to care for your wife.  Banish your guilt

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Posts: 314
Lady
(@isabelb)
Reputable Member     Munster, Ireland
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Fiona,

There is little I can say that has not already been said, but try not to beat yourself up over something which your wife is happy with and which is good for you - anything good for you will ultimately also be good for your wife as it will give you the comfort and peace of mind you need to be there for her.

Look after your wife, look after yourself and the very best wishes to both of you.

Hugs,

Isabel x

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Posts: 261
Lady
(@phil)
Reputable Member     Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I'm glad to hear that your wife is home. You're right no one wants to see the person they love hurting. I hope everything gets better soon.

I would say if she knows about Fi and doesn't mind Fi doing the work then wheres the harm?

Jessie

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