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So after recently confessing that I wanted to accept my crossdressing as a part of my authentic self, my wife told me that she thinks she wants to see me dressed up. I truly don’t know how to feel. At first she seemed like she didn’t want to see it ever and that she understood why, but didn’t want to be involved. But now since she has asked to see me dressed, I’ve been nervous about it. I still need to buy more fem things to wear (wigs, shoes, etc) but she gave me some clothes that she was going to donate to begin my collection again. I want to show her, but I’m scared that it’s going to be too weird for her or me even. I also want to make sure I look as good as I can for her while dressed, but I don’t even know what to wear! I’m just a littttttttle stressed 😂
IM in a DADT relationship too. I have often wondered what the next step would be if my wife came around to accepting. I just cant tell if it would improve things or make them worse. It would be hard on me if the look on her face was horror.
I quite understand why you're feeling stressed. This is a big deal for both you and your wife. I think that most of us with unsupportive wives would love to be in the position you now find yourself.
I would guess that your wife probably doesn't mind exactly what you wear. It's the change in your general appearance that she is more interested to see. And chances are she'll offer you advice, no matter what outfit you choose.
Just present yourself to her as honestly and as confidently as you can. Head up, shoulders back, elbows in, feet together, all that bizz. She'll make up her own mind what she wants to do next, so be prepared for a bit of negotiating about boundaries.
Let us know how it goes, and good luck!
I can understand exactly how you feel Catie.
My wife knows nothing about Lucy, and I’ve often wondered whether she’d ask the same thing of me if she ever finds out.
I’ve even gone as far as to consider what I would wear, but yes, I would feel quite scared.
I think the advice Jacqueline has given is perfect
Having been there I can garuntee you'll be at least as nervous as her . Go for it , it will leap frog endless wondering and speculation on both sides.
Like Jaqueline I suspect it is about curiosity and what you will look like no matter what you wear but how female you look at this stage. As she has made the request then go for it and see where it leads. I suspect a few more questions but hope it is a postive move in that she will support and help you along.
Good luck and be sure to let us know the outcome.
Good Luck Catie- we will be rooting for you. I wish I knew the proper advice to give, but it’s all so unique to her perspective…remain positive. I cannot wait for the outcome!
Hey Catie. I feel exactly the same as Lucy. My wife knows nothing of my dressing but if she did I'm not sure I would want to present as female in front of her. It's great that your wife wants to see your feminine side. I'd go for an everyday look rather than glamming up, and pay attention to all the small details. Exciting times!
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
Lean in to it. Pick something fun and cute, but most importantly whatever makes you feel the Catie-est. She's asked to see it, so be genuine and show her what it is.
In all probability it will be a wonderful learning experience for you both.
Fingers crossed for you, girl! Report back with how it goes!
Go for it and pick something cute and very lady like. To be honest mine was a tad bit reluctant at first and then one day told me she wanted to see me dressed when she came home from work. That was a few years ago. Now she is very accepting and helpful with all of it. Likes to go out with me when I am dressed and likes to mess around with makeup on me. She has been to the Lake Erie gala with me and is going to Keystone with me.
I think what works for me is she knows I will never transition and that deep down I am still the same person just in a dress. Plus she has access to all my dresses, clothes and makeup so bonus for her.
I hope it all works out well for you and your wife.
Susan
that's a great step for you, having her ask and being curious is a good things, take it slowly and let her set the pace
I honestly wish I had the courage to tell her, but I am afraid she won’t accept it, and my relationship is far more important that my dressing.
If I had that problem, I honestly would like to keep it to myself, it’s something that I cherish, almost like another person within me, strange, but is how I feel, definitely would not like to dress with her, but kudos to all of you who share that aspect of your life with your SO.
Cutie,
I remember the first time I dressed in front of my wife, I was nervous, anxious and excited and happy. I decided to wear something feminine but in a similar casual style to how she knew me as her husband. I also decided not to hear make up (I thought that would be too much for the first time). So it was a jean skirt, opaque stockings, loose woollen top, no breast forms, no wig, and heels.
I am sure she was shocked, but tried very hard to be calm and cool about it. We talked, she commented on my dress sense (not completely complementary), we discussed limits and boundaries.
I think if your wife has asked to see you dressed as Catie, you must do it. but prepare yourself, do it at a time when neither of you are rushing to do something else, be prepared for difficult questions, be honest. If she doesn’t like it, change back, if she laughs, take the humiliation. But I am sure it will go well, otherwise she would not have asked. Oh and one other thing, pre-agree that you will get dressed, don’t meet her at the door one day as a surprise.
Best of luck
Christine
This is great! It's a big step for both of you. Fortunately, my wife has been supportive from the beginning. There were so many things I didn't know. For example, she helped me learn to apply make-up properly. Whenever I have a Karla day, I always make sure that I get a critique from her. Her input is very important and helps improve how I present.
I would suggest that you get her involved by getting that constructive criticism from your wife. Ask her how you can improve your appearance. I believe that getting her involved this way, will lead to her accepting Catie more.
Good luck!
Catie,
IMHO, I would say easy does it. Wonderful that your wife is open to the fact you crossdress, but perhaps the two of you should talk a little more before your first actual appearance before her dressed as a female?
As a suggestion, discuss how you got started, do you want to transition, what would be the frequency of your cross dressing, etc. Perhaps she could suggest what type of outfit she might like to see you in for the first time. After decades of crossdressing, I still communicate constantly with my wife about my crossdressing.
I did not get married until I was 29, but I can still remember telling my wife-to-be for the first time that I was a CD. Also, sharing the secret with a few GFs prior to getting married. All women react in a different way.
CDH is a blessing as a place to come for support.