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Wife wants to see me dressed!

49 Posts
30 Users
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Posts: 33
Lady
Topic starter
(@catiecrossdresser)
Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Joined: 12 months ago

So after recently confessing that I wanted to accept my crossdressing as a part of my authentic self, my wife told me that she thinks she wants to see me dressed up. I truly don’t know how to feel. At first she seemed like she didn’t want to see it ever and that she understood why, but didn’t want to be involved. But now since she has asked to see me dressed, I’ve been nervous about it. I still need to buy more fem things to wear (wigs, shoes, etc) but she gave me some clothes that she was going to donate to begin my collection again. I want to show her, but I’m scared that it’s going to be too weird for her or me even. I also want to make sure I look as good as I can for her while dressed, but I don’t even know what to wear! I’m just a littttttttle stressed 😂

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48 Replies
19 Replies
Guest
(@Anonymous 95305)
Joined: 11 months ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 210

@catiecrossdresser 

oh Catie,

I dream for the day! I’m in a DADT relationship but I believe if my wife wanted to see me, she would accept just as she has accepted each step along the way. 

Sheryl 

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Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@sheryl321 thanks Sheryl!

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Lady
(@ria)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 330

@catiecrossdresser Oh Catie that is wonderful. Just do your best, present yourself and wait for her response. It may not be exactly what you wanted but it is a step forward. Best wishes.

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Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@ria thank you Ria!

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(@frederica62)
Joined: 6 years ago

Estimable Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 87

@catiecrossdresser I see this as an opportunity, but unless you ask what has piqued her interest you will however be going in 'blind'. It would be helpful to at least get a clue as to what she's thinking, because that perspective might shape how you present yourself.

If there's little information coming back, I'd go sensible and feminine, neat and tidy and see if you can leave out the odd feminine touch or two so she can offer to help you. If you make a great first impression, and you will know within 10 seconds, I'm reasonably certain you'll get the help and support you need.

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Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@frederica62 thank you so much for the advice!

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2208

@catiecrossdresser Woohoo! Yes, I bet you're nervous but that's a great step forward, maybe more for you wife than for you.

I was a bit like that too the first time and scared that she'd laugh or say never again! Decide what you feel comfortable in rather than high glam I'd advise, then less stress the better!

I hope all goes well and this is the first of many times you can relax as Catie with her.

Allie x

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Duchess
(@amydoll)
Joined: 12 months ago

Estimable Member     Leicestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 90

@catiecrossdresser Congrats Catie! For me, that'd be the stuff of dreams so am very pleased for you!

Amy X

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Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@amydoll thank you Amy!!

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1742

@catiecrossdresser I've got a few pieces of advice. As others have said, wear something that makes you comfortable. It will give you more confidence. Don't worry about perfection, you're not going to achieve it anyway. Do as best as you can within the allotted time.

Don't turn and run away if she gives a giggle or laugh at first. Sometimes that's just a nervous reaction or a reaction to seeing something you don't expect. It doesn't mean she is making fun of you. Don't come strutting out like a runway model or a drag queen. That's more of a sign that you're not taking it seriously. Just try to be your best fem self.

If she critiques your clothes or makeup, don't feel insulted or feel that 'she is wrong.' It can sting at first, but she's trying to offer constructive criticism. Have an open mind and think about what she says. It may take a long time before you recognize it but you'll probably agree eventually.

Be honest with any questions that come up. Don't be afraid to answer a question with "I don't know" or "I haven't thought about that."

I hope these are helpful. Let us know how it goes.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4018

Posted by: @alison-anderson

Don't turn and run away if she gives a giggle or laugh at first. 

The first time that my wife saw me en femme was at last year's Pride Parade. I stepped out of the change room (a port-a-potty) and she bent over in laughter. Thanks, Hon. She was OK after that initial shock.

 

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1742

@harriette When my hair was just long enough to put into a pony tail, I had a hairband with me. When a friend called his 1 year old daughter over to put her hair in a pony tail, I did the same with mine. She stared at me and you can see the wheels turning in her head as she's trying to understand what she was seeing. Then she told me, "You have girl hair." Then she giggled and repeated herself. For quite a long time after that, whenever she saw me she would giggle tell me (and sometimes others about me) "You have girl hair." If it's a reaction from a 1 year old, she's clearly not trying to embarrass me, it's a natural reaction.

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 Lacy
Duchess
(@rholtman96)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Lincoln city, Oregon, United States of America
Posts: 198

@catiecrossdresser  The first time my wife saw me dressed she said that I had  a good sense of style and looked pretty. But oh my goodness was I nervous. GOOD LUCK

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Guest
(@Anonymous 95305)
Joined: 11 months ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 210

@catiecrossdresser Hi Catie, My wife saw me crossdressed the first time when we were invited to a Murder Mystery party were the host decided to switch roles.  I had already came out to her (by accident) some time before and that was trurmatic but it's all OK now.  She looked forward to seeing me and was surprised as to how I looked.

Go for it, just do your best you can; get a wig and practice makeup and dressing.  Try to look as natural as you can, dont over do the face keep it simple.  Ask her how you look dresed and ask her advise on what you can do better, involver her but dont make it the sole conversation and dont let it over shadow your marrage.  Thats how it helped me, once she knew she was safe in our relationship it calmed down.

I still dont push it at her but now I can from time to time after showering come downstairs as Elaine, it still makes her jump but its accepted as long as she has the love and attention she needs from her "man".   Occasionally we have a girls night "in" and both glam up.

I hope this helps calm your fears it can work.  But you know your circumstances best.

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Duchess
(@pattyphose)
Joined: 9 years ago

Famed Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 2296

@catiecrossdresser My wife met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. She asked me to dress for her. She was amazed at how pretty and sexy I was and how different I looked. That same day we went out shopping as girlfriends. We went out often as girlfriends and had many girl dates.

Go for it. She didn't angrily walk out the door. Maybe something can come of it. Even tolerance and understanding is good.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4018

Posted by: @catiecrossdresser

So after recently confessing that I wanted to accept my crossdressing as a part of my authentic self, my wife told me that she thinks she wants to see me dressed up. I truly don’t know how to feel.

How did this work out?

 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 95305)
Joined: 11 months ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 210

@catiecrossdresser It's a step in the right direction. I went through this. It takes time. Just ask yourself how long it would take for you to come around if your wife wanted to be a man. It's not easy, so be patient, and hopefully, it works out. Good luck

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Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 851

@catiecrossdresser sorry, late reply.  You should be thrilled that she wanted to see you.  I would give anything to have my wife make that request.  By now you have probably done it, so if you would, write a reply on what you selected and how it went.  I’ll bet she was amazed.

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(@heels234)
Joined: 9 years ago

Prominent Member     Mesa, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 604

@catiecrossdresser Go for it.If you are not sure of your appearence as a woman,do the best you can,and hopefully your wife will have some suggestions to help you along on your journey.I am not married nor in a relationship,but maybe your wife needs this as much as you do.Good luck,hold your head high and be the best lady you can be.

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Posts: 1062
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

IM in a DADT relationship too. I have often wondered what the next step would be if my wife came around to accepting. I just cant tell if it would improve things or make them worse. It would be hard on me if the look on her face was horror.   

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Posts: 1497
Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I quite understand why you're feeling stressed. This is a big deal for both you and your wife. I think that most of us with unsupportive wives would love to be in the position you now find yourself.

I would guess that your wife probably doesn't mind exactly what you wear. It's the change in your general appearance that she is more interested to see. And chances are she'll offer you advice, no matter what outfit you choose.

Just present yourself to her as honestly and as confidently as you can. Head up, shoulders back, elbows in, feet together, all that bizz. She'll make up her own mind what she wants to do next, so be prepared for a bit of negotiating about boundaries.

Let us know how it goes, and good luck!

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1 Reply
Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@jacquelinelarkspur thank you so much for the advice! I will definitely update this thread when it happens to tell you all how it went!

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Posts: 1005
Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

I can understand exactly how you feel Catie.

My wife knows nothing about Lucy, and I’ve often wondered whether she’d ask the same thing of me if she ever finds out.

I’ve even gone as far as to consider what I would wear, but yes, I would feel quite scared.

I think the advice Jacqueline has given is perfect 

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Posts: 210
Guest
(@Anonymous 95305)
Estimable Member
Joined: 11 months ago

Having been there I can garuntee you'll be at least as nervous as her . Go for it , it will leap frog endless wondering and speculation on both sides. 

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Posts: 3446
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Like Jaqueline I suspect it is about curiosity and what you will look like no matter what you wear but how female you look at this stage. As she has made the request then go for it and see where it leads. I suspect a few more questions but hope it is a postive move in that she will support and help  you along.

Good luck and be sure to let us know the outcome.

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1 Reply
Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@ab123 thank you Angela! I will!

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Posts: 210
Guest
(@Anonymous 95305)
Estimable Member
Joined: 11 months ago

Good Luck Catie- we will be rooting for you. I wish I knew the proper advice to give, but it’s all so unique to her perspective…remain positive. I cannot wait for the outcome! 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@chanel thank you Chanel!

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Posts: 1733
Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

Hey Catie. I feel exactly the same as Lucy. My wife knows nothing of my dressing but if she did I'm not sure I would want to present as female in front of her. It's great that your wife wants to see your feminine side. I'd go for an everyday look rather than glamming up, and pay attention to all the small details. Exciting times!

Hugs, Chrissie xx. 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@chrisfp99 thank you for the advice Chrissie!

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Posts: 1078
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Lean in to it. Pick something fun and cute, but most importantly whatever makes you feel the Catie-est. She's asked to see it, so be genuine and show her what it is.

In all probability it will be a wonderful learning experience for you both.

Fingers crossed for you, girl! Report back with how it goes!

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1 Reply
Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@melodeescarlet thank you Melodee! I appreciate the advice and support! I will definitely report back and let everyone know how it goes! 🥰

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Posts: 379
Lady
(@susantalbot)
Reputable Member     Denton, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Go for it and pick something cute and very lady like.  To be honest mine was a tad bit reluctant at first and then one day told me she wanted to see me dressed when she came home from work. That was a few years ago. Now she is very accepting and helpful with all of it.  Likes to go out with me when I am dressed and likes to mess around with makeup on me. She has been to the Lake Erie gala with me and is going to Keystone with me.  

I think what works for me is she knows I will never transition and that deep down I am still the same person just in a dress. Plus she has access to all my dresses, clothes and makeup so bonus for her. 

I hope it all works out well for you and your wife.

 

Susan 

 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@susantalbot thank you Susan! I hope for a positive outcome!

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Posts: 812
 Leah
Baroness
(@leah63)
Noble Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

that's a great step for you,  having her ask and being curious is a good things,  take it slowly and let her set the pace

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1 Reply
Lady
(@catiecrossdresser)
Joined: 12 months ago

Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 33

@leah63 yes, that has been my strategy through all of this, as slow as we need to!

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Posts: 289
Lady
(@carlafirst11)
Honorable Member     So. California , California, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I honestly wish I had the courage to tell her, but I am afraid she won’t accept it, and my relationship is far more important that my dressing.

If I had that problem, I honestly would like to keep it to myself, it’s something that I cherish, almost like another person within me, strange, but is how I feel, definitely would not like to dress with her, but kudos to all of you who share that aspect of your life with your SO.

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Posts: 747
(@christineth)
Noble Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Joined: 2 years ago

Cutie,

I remember the first time I dressed in front of my wife, I was nervous, anxious and excited and happy.  I decided to wear something feminine but in a similar casual style to how she knew me as her husband.  I also decided not to hear make up (I thought that would be too much for the first time).  So it was a jean skirt, opaque stockings, loose woollen top, no breast forms, no wig, and heels.

I am sure she was shocked, but tried very hard to be calm and cool about it.  We talked, she commented on my dress sense (not completely complementary), we discussed limits and boundaries.

I think if your wife has asked to see you dressed as Catie, you must do it.  but prepare yourself, do it at a time when neither of you are rushing to do something else, be prepared for difficult questions, be honest.  If she doesn’t like it, change back, if she laughs, take the humiliation.  But I am sure it will go well, otherwise she would not have asked.  Oh and one other thing, pre-agree that you will get dressed, don’t meet her at the door one day as a surprise.

Best of luck

Christine

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Posts: 328
Duchess
(@karla1958)
Honorable Member     Not in New Orleans, Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

This is great!  It's a big step for both of you.  Fortunately, my wife has been supportive from the beginning.  There were so many things I didn't know.  For example, she helped me learn to apply make-up properly.  Whenever I have a Karla day, I always make sure that I get a critique from her.  Her input is very important and helps improve how I present. 

I would suggest that you get her involved by getting that constructive criticism from your wife.  Ask her how you can improve your appearance.  I believe that getting her involved this way, will lead to her accepting Catie more.  

Good luck!

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Posts: 210
Guest
(@Anonymous 95305)
Estimable Member
Joined: 11 months ago

Catie,

IMHO, I would say easy does it.  Wonderful that your wife is open to the fact you crossdress, but perhaps the two of you should talk a little more before your first actual appearance before her dressed as a female?

As a suggestion, discuss how you got started, do you want to transition, what would be the frequency of your cross dressing, etc.  Perhaps she could suggest what type of outfit she might like to see you in for the first time.  After decades of crossdressing, I still communicate constantly with my wife about my crossdressing.

I did not get married until I was 29, but I can still remember telling my wife-to-be for the first time that I was a CD.  Also, sharing the secret with a few GFs prior to getting married.  All women react in a different way. 

CDH is a blessing as a place to come for support. 

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