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I recently said to someone these two phrases about crossdressing:
1. “I love women so much I made myself into one.”
2. “It’s like being your own girlfriend.”
These phrases pretty indicative of my own personal psychology behind my dressing. I grew up absolutely loving beautiful women. My personal all-time favorite is Marilyn Monroe, hands down. I’ve fallen in love a few times, each time with a woman who, as I grew close to her, became even more physically beautiful to me because of what I learned about inside her. I’ve never really had a “type” when it comes to what attracts me to a woman, not physically anyway. I can appreciate the majority of women in all their shapes and sizes. But my deep romantic feelings for women in general do play a strong role in my crossdressing, I believe. And I’m wondering which way it goes.
Do I want to become my feminine ideal, or do I want to become my personal prettiest as an act of self-love? Am I imitating or am I expressing? More bluntly, am I making myself a woman because I love them, or am I becoming my own girlfriend? (Not literally of course!)
I’ve never been the best at self-esteem, but the more work and time I put into getting pretty, the more wonderful I end up feeling. Getting gussied up as a man has always helped my confidence, but there’s something different, something more potent, in being a beautiful woman. It’s like I’m reinventing my outer shell in a way, finding my style, and creating the “type” of woman I want to be. There are things I know about Renée that are non-negotiable, for example. She’s a “dark lady,” that is to say, always dark-haired and slightly exotic. That probably owes to my Italian roots and the looks they’ve given me. Renée is also a curvy girl. While I personally continue to lose weight, as Renée I plump up my breasts and butt to get that hourglass figure going. I’m not content just to wear clothes, they have to look like they’re covering curves. And the shaving is starting to become a requirement for when I dress. Keeping smooth and silky is a must, otherwise, I just don’t feel girly enough.
So perhaps it’s a bit of both. I am making myself as Renée into the most feminine self I can be; femininity itself is what I have always loved about women, it’s differentness and delicacy, its mannerisms and accoutrements and scents and sensations. I love the fairer sex for everything that makes them them, and when my feminine side comes out to play, I want it to be it’s best, because I care about myself like that.
I wonder what your reactions are to these phrases, and this whole train of thought. I’d be delighted to read them!
Interesting point of view, and one I have not considered, before. Yes, I have romantic feelings about women in general, and I truly admire the way their clothing hugs their curves in such a delightful manner; it's an art form I could admire all day. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then phrase #1 definitely applies to me.
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It’s so exciting! Thank you!
That's pretty much me too, Bobbi, but without the breasts or self confidence.
My self confidence took a massive nosedive when I realised what I am, and that there was nobody on God's green earth that I could talk to about it.
I'm not making a sob story here, since 42 years later, here I am trying my hardest to fix it.
I have no desire to be my own girlfriend, but the ability to love myself is not Narcissism so much as a replacement for self-loathing, which is massively counterproductive and a drain on others as well as your own mental health.
I do love women to the point of objectification, and I don't think it's a bad thing. Maybe another topic of conversation...
Love Laura
That’s such a huge part! Addressing my need to crossdress - especially at the ages it first showed itself to me I know I needed a girl/woman in my life, as at least in any positive way there were none. I had very strong feelings about what a did and did not like in girls and women and not in any belligerent way, just my own taste and really liked thinking about what it would be like to be that way.
Gender differences never really made much pense to me! I wish I could have explored myself as a child that way but the negativity was too much to bear and that made me fantasise about it even more. I am happy with me real life woman but the joy that cones from imagining being my own is one of the greatest pleasures. To be in a lesbian relationship... well nothing could be better, at least in fantasy...
