Yesterday was a milestone in my life, coming out to my daughter

Last night I spoke to my daughter and opened the part of my life that had been a closely guarded secret for so very long.

The plan was to speak to her when I visit England later this month. But a lunchtime chat which involved me talking about her mother got complicated and she got upset. I hadn't intended that to happen, but it did. It left me feeling bad. I hate 'chat' when discussing sensitive subjects. It's too easy to be misunderstood. She was very busy with work and we agreed to speak in the evening when she was home. After a couple of messages I got the ok to phone. By this time I had decided that I needed to reveal myself to my daughter so that she could understand why I had said some of the things that I did in the lunchtime chat. It wasn't such a bad thing that this had suddenly accelerated to something I needed to deal with prior to my visit. But I was quite nervous to say the least!!!

I uploaded a few photos of myself so that she could see me as a woman and hopefully realise that I was serious about what I am doing and not simply playing with the idea.

Suddenly the ok message arrived for me to phone.... my heart began to pound and I got a little more anxious, so I took a deep breath and dialed the number. I let her say what she needed to say about our earlier 'chat' and then began to speak in a slightly shaky voice starting to explain a little. It was very hard not to cry and continued on the verge of crying and holding back tears as I explained. I told her that I would send a link to something I wanted her to download and to let me know when she had looked at it. The waiting seamed like forever and I began to worry a little thinking the worst. Why do we do these things to ourselves?

Another message! She had seen my photos. It was quite awkward to know quite where to start and we both nervously chuckled among a babble of broken sentences. But she was so very sweet. I told her how difficult it had been for me to get to this point and that I simply needed to deal with now in my life. I didn't want to endure the pain anymore of being so closed and alone with this. I want to live my life properly.

She didn't have too many questions as she was clearly still taking it all on board. I addressed some points I thogh may have been her first thoughts: my photos were all selfies, I wasn't gay as far as I know, and I had done this from a child. She told me that I wasn't alone anymore and she was pleased that I had told her. She even offered to help me with makeup, she did a beautician course when she left school and is very skilled. I didn't think my makeup was too bad! But you never stop learning.

I said that she could ask me anything that she liked about my life and I would answer. I have nothing to hide from her any more. So during the course of that evening I got a number questions as she began to think about our life together as a family. I also said that I had no problem with her discussing this with her mother as she probably needed someone to talk to about this too. In her natural loving way she told me that I had nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about myself. Which neither of those apply to me now. I am long past those feelings and do not punish myself anymore.

It is such a huge relief to had made that giant step in my life. Possibly the one and only regret I will admit that I have had in my life, is that I wasn't able to do this many many years ago and get it all out in the open.

My daughter was the only person I worried about telling and that is resolved. Moving on from here will be less troubled. I have to say that I already feel different in myself.

However I did reassure her that when I visit I will be as her father which she appreciated. One step at a time, but what a big step yesterday was