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You never know what will happen?

9 Posts
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Posts: 209
Lady
Topic starter
(@lillie)
Reputable Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Where to start, I came out 3 years ago, when I found CDH, there were a few hard days and we worked thru it. Just this last week I asked while cooking, do you find me sexually attractive? No response, but last Friday night while at dinner, she opened about what I had said. She still finds it hard, but she is trying. Some of the old conversations came up, so she is trying. She is still hurt about the lying and still does not like the day I went to pick her up and had lipstick on, that I forgot about. Since the talk, we are going shopping this weekend, she has lost weight and needs summer clothes. I asked if she would pick something out for me. When I dress with her around, I always ask her to pick the outfit. So, we will see how it goes.

Update, we went shopping for her and talked more, out to lunch and on the way home we were talking. I pimped her a little and said you do not pick out any thing for me. She stated we should stop at a shop, so we did, I let her out, to go in and pick something out, hung out in lot for a while and went in. She had two or three outfits in her arms. We agreed on one.

When we got home, she tried on what she had picked up and wanted to know if I liked, which I did. Then she wanted me to try on what she had picked out for me. It was a nice outfit, loose linen pants with a wide leg, what I would call a sleeveless linen top to match the pants with a white blouse to go over. She also picked out a nice bracelet to go with the outfit which I did not know about. I was dressed for the day. I asked how she felt about shopping for me and stated it was not that bad.

In all we had a great day. The funny thing was when home, she stated, my comment earlier in the week took her breath away and it stunned her. I do not know if it opened her eyes to as how she was going through life with me, but things have changed, we picked out jewelry together to go with what we had bought. Our lines of communication now have changed, and I do not feel I need to watch what I can say. I can put breast forms on, and she does not freak. She is excited for the jewelry to come and what we can share.

You never know when a feeling you are having will change things around.

Has anyone out there had an SO do a complete 180?

Things from now on should be fun.

 

Lynne

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8 Replies
2 Replies
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3998

Posted by: @lillie

Has anyone out there had an SO do a complete 180?

Not so far, but hope burns eternal. There are no fireworks yet, but then I have hidden the matches anyway.

 

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Lady
(@lillie)
Joined: 4 years ago

Reputable Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 209

@harriette Time to strike the Match. This weekend I have time to shop, and I am going to go pick out the skirt we saw together. Now, I know that this will not be a problem and will not have to hide it in the closet. She did find my wigs, but only recently she stated she found them.

 

Lynne

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Posts: 627
Lady
(@jillannquinn)
Noble Member     Reno, Nevada, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Oh Lynne, that’s wonderful progress! Good for both of you! I hope it’s all smooth sailing from here on out.

If neither of you have read it, I would like to recommend a book by Savannah Hauk called “Living with crossdressing: Defing a new normal”. In it, Ms Hauk explains her own journey and how it affected a few of her SO’s, and she gives some very good advice for both those of us who are cross dressers and our girlfriends or wives. I’m nearly done with my copy and she has helped me to understand myself even better than before. Ms Hauk also tries to help cis women understand us much more than they might otherwise.She describes pitfalls that we should avoid and seeks to calm the fears and insecurities our SO’s might be feeling over this new dynamic in their lives.

I want to wish you and your wife well and lots of happiness.

Hugs, Jill

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3 Replies
Lady
(@lillie)
Joined: 4 years ago

Reputable Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 209

 Jill thanks you for your suggestion.  I will look into the book. I understand it is a journey for both of us.

 

Hugs 

Lynne

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Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5182

@lillie 

Jill's absolutely right about Savannah Hauk's book.

I have a crazy number of books about crossdressing on my shelves now (I've just counted, and it's approaching 70) and this is one of the best. It's written specifically to give advice for couples. Savannah herself is quick to point out though that her writing, wonderful though it is, is coming from the point of view of a crossdressing husband. To get a completely rounded view it might be a good idea to ALSO read 'My Husband Betty' by Helen Boyd. This is written from the perspective of the SO. Its very well-researched and empathetic, but it's also very honest and doesn't pull any punches.

Incidentally, I would suggest that you avoid Helen Boyd's follow-up, 'She's Not the Man I Married'. The reason I say that is because in the first book Betty calms her wife by saying that she has no intention of transitioning; in the second book she decides that in fact she would like to.

It's very good, but for anyone trying to reassure their partner it might muddy the waters a little.

Ellie x

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Lady
(@lillie)
Joined: 4 years ago

Reputable Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 209

@ellyd22 Ellie Thank you I will

xx 

Lynn

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Posts: 1045
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@lillie Two things here:

  1. You never know for sure how someone will react;
  2. Their initial reaction may not be their final reaction.

As I've said often, when it comes to telling someone about our CDing we think we're just sure we know how they'll react, but there is always some chance we'll be wrong and it's often quite a bit greater than we think. We let our fear and shame take the reins and run and it clouds us into getting an accurate picture. There should always be some outcomes in our heads that the reaction won't be a negative as we fear.

Additionally, when we finally do tell our SO or whomever, they're getting a rather heavy bit of information for the first time. When we think about how long we've had to digest this (and possibly still aren't sure what to make of it) we need to be cognizant that they're going to need time - time to figure out what it means to them, time to determine what effect it may have on their lives.

I'm very glad that the recent trend has been upwards for you! Keep being open and honest and loving her and perhaps it'll be ever upward 🙂

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Posts: 209
Lady
Topic starter
(@lillie)
Reputable Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Melodee, I agree. I know we have a ways to go, but being open is helping. She does want it to equal out male and female mode. I wear panties 24/7, but she would like to see the jockey brief that she loves, since I was the first person she knew that wore them. As my Bio states, we played around a lot with hair and makeup, before I came out, so it is progress.

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

Hugs 

Lynne

 

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