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We have a lot of depth and breadth of experience here (I’m not saying you’re old, ladies!). So based on your own experiences, perspectives and wisdom give the 1 best piece of advice you would have for each of the following: (could be philosophical, could be about family/dating/relationships/marriage, could be practical — “these are the best breast forms/ make sure to get matching bra and panties,” etc):
1. Teenage CDer
2. Beginning CDer
3. Married CDer
4. Closeted CDer
5. Open CDer
Mine would be the same for all 5 categories: Pray. Pray that God would lead you down the right path, that He would make clear what you should do with this “gift” of femininity He has given you, and that you would glorify Him in all you do. But that’s just me. Curious about what all you wise ones would say to any one or all of these categories.
God bless,
Steph
My one piece of advice (which I wish I had been brave enough to follow at the time) is to be honest and open about dressing at the start of a relationship.
If they can't accept the dressing then it gives them an opportunity to leave before things get serious. It also saves any sneaking around and potential conflict later.
-A.
For all categories, resist the urge to purge ! I've turfed many good articles of clothing (the top one that I regret is the 80s-90s style aerobic wear, the spandex leotard and spandex leggings). I can't find those, and when I do the price is at a premium.
Andi,
I agree with you 💯%. Be totally honest and completely open at the beginning and all throughout the relationship and you will having less problems to deal with.
Kathleen
Hello Steph.....
Lets have a go at this....advice...mmm.
Teenage....take your time, you have your whole life ahead of you.
Beginner....whatever size wardrobe you have, its just not big enough.
Married....be honest, if you dont tell her from day 1, it will get harder.
Closetted....be brave, take a leap of faith and try a trip out...you will never look back.
Open....grace, living the dream...no regrets....
and to all 5 categories...NEVER purge....the biggest waste of money ever, because nearly all of you will start again....
remember, these are just Scarlett suggestions....
love, grace xx
Advice: as mentioned by some already..
don’t be like me... that is:
secretive about your cd’ing to your spouse...
Your right gen. I found that being honest with myself has helped me to be honest with my s.o. The longer you wait to accept your feeling the harder it is for her to accept you. We aren’t criminals but I felt like one for years. Accepting yourself for what you are and how you feel is the key to life In my opinion.
Sorry to reply to my self but I feel so passionate about it. I wasted many years lieing to myself about dressing. “It’s only a little fetish , just a pair of stocking that’s no big deal. I’m not one of them”. Then came heels and later a wig and makeup and then the realization maybe I always was one of them. All the while I tried to drink my feelings away. It drove a wedge between me and my family. Going threw life in denial will make you miserable, not to mention a terrible husband. I think learning about yourself and embracing it no matter what it is, is the single most important thing an individual can do.
Grace,
So thoughtful and helpful the answer! Thank you. Great pearls of wisdom in there, but then, we should be good with pearls, no? 😂
Effie,
So true. The issue is never as simple as we’d like though. Are there times when we are actually protecting our spouse by not telling her? Could the truth be more ultimately damaging than the secret? Just because something is true, does that mean it MUST be revealed? Is it dishonesty by omission or instead fair to keep something that is just for you yourself even within the confines of marriage?
Not saying I have the answers, but the questions are thought-provoking anyway.
Thanks for your thoughts as always! 😊
Wendy,
Oh the Great Purge of ‘09 still haunts me — the shoes, the skirts, the dresses, the jewelry, the wig — aarrgghhh! And I think the point is that no matter the truthfulness of our conviction at the time to stop, for most, they end up returning at some point and lamenting that loss.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Andi,
As I mentioned to Effie, I think you’re right but it’s still more complicated than maybe we would like to allow. Every situation and person is different, and there are some very good competing reasons and some non-dishonest reasons to decide not to tell.
Thanks for giving this some thought. Great advice!
Gen,
Really basic but profound. Don’t fight the gift but rather figure out how to incorporate it into your life in a positive meaningful way that doesn’t do damage to your conscience. Great message; thank you!
I see your point Stephanie, and I suppose that could be my reasoning behind keeping it a secret....
💖
It is basically the same throughout your life: 1) Be as honest with yourself as you should be with those closest to you. 2) Admit that you are a work in progress, no one is perfect. 3) Mistakes will happen, own up to them and fix what needs fixing. 4) RELAX for heavens sake, you will survive.
PaulaF
