You’ve been misgendered, so how do you respond?

I would just ignore it and move on if it is just some random person. I'd be inclined to comment only if it is a person that I have some sort of relationship be it formal or informal.

I'd be curious to know what responses you have received if asking if your voice gave it away. I'm always wondering what the "tell" is but always afraid to ask.

I am not misgendered often but when I am it is discomforting. After going to much effort to pass it deflates my balloon and I wonder what gave me away. I would like a good response to learn, in hopes I could improve my presentation skills.  Peggy Sue offered suggestions and I wonder how a direct question about what the "tell" was elicits helpful information.

I am not perceptive enough to know whether the misgendering is intentional so seldom respond or assume it is. But I once recall an elevator experience where it was clear the male entering the elevator with me likely heard my male voice in a hall conversation with my companion. While looking at his shoes he impolitely inquired "What floor, SIR?" I wish I had had the presence of mind to say "Lobby, Ma'am," perhaps even spiking him with a heel to make sure he got the "point."

I often get gendered female despite my size....I'm big for a girl.  But my voice is a dead giveaway.  I need to focus more on my voice training.

/EA

Rhonda,

Not sure if you directed the question at me, but the last time I used that line about my voice giving me away was a few years ago.  If I recall, the guy simply replied, "Yes, you have a distinctive male voice."  Like most retail check-out lines in Atlanta, other customers were waiting behind me, so I just laughed it off.  Knowing me, at the time, I probably felt it was not worth the effort to escalate the situation further by going to management.  Who knows, maybe the guy was a supervisory-level person?  File a written complaint?  Again, just not worth the energy.  I do this CD thing in a good part for fun and relaxation.  Why let one person upset my serenity?

Interestingly, since I wrote this just a few days ago, you can now count me in the ranks of those who have been misgendered. I was en femme of course, and as  expected, it was at the hands of a young, no doubt immature  stock kid at DSW. Blocking the display with his cart,  he felt the need to address my gender as he moved his cart away from the display with a pointed "Excuse me, sir!" Ridiculous.

It's important to mention that no one else in a fairly crowded store  raised even an eyebrow as i tried on shoes and walked around the place in heels.  it just underscores and says a lot about the individual doing the misgendering, and should be taken in that light.

A great question - but as I'm not out as Holly in the daylight, I'm not sure my view is of much validity...  My main view is that if someone were to address me when I'm wearing a skirt, then "Miss" or - if I want to get angry about being looked at as 0lder than I think I look - "Madam".  Calling me "Sir" is just plain and simple horrible.  Why would anyone do this?  Love you all:  Holly XXX.

Hi Rhonda, see my reply to Emily

Hi Peggy, see my reply to Emily

Hi girls, like you Emily, I'm big gal, only 5'6" but broad across the shoulders and chest area. I think that "tips" some people off. I've only been misgendered by a female once, the rest of the time it has been men. In the 19 months since I transitioned it has only happened 5 times, so I truly can't complain very much! I cant say enough about trying to develop your voice, it really does make a big difference! I speak quite well in a feminine voice, which has become so natural that I never even think about it, as soon as I open my mouth to talk, it's Lauren's voice.

The girls I work with tell me I have a very sweet feminine voice.
It's not just the pitch of your voice, but a combination of pitch, resonance, intonation and proper enunciation. I'm trans woman and intersex, all my life most of my friends have been female, so I learned a long time ago to speak the way they do.

I think what ticked me off this time was how the young man said it. It was as if he was "announcing it" to all who could hear him. I know that there is a current "attitude" amongst conservative evangelicals that is strongly against trans people, so that may have something to do with it.

Next time. if it happens, I've decided I will quietly say, "It's ma'amm actually!"

Big hug girls,

Ms. Lauren M

I am going to offer that the guy checking you out had something else on his mind and simply was not paying attention.  It happens.  I've done stupid things like that from time to time.  I've addressed men as "Miss" and women as "Sir" because I had something, or someone, on my mind at the moment.  I've also had it done to me.  I wouldn't try to read too much into it.  Now, if when you were done with the transaction, had he said, "Thank you, sir." then I might guess he was being nasty.