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Do you our presence as a positive thing?

18 Posts
9 Users
65 Reactions
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Posts: 445
Lady
Topic starter
(@andreauk)
Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 7 years ago

Ladies I want to ask you a question, excluding for the moment your SO who may be a CD or trans, when you are out and about in a bar, restaurant, shop or whatever if you were to see me would you think it was a positive thing or not? 

The reason I am asking this question is that I have been out on numerous occasions (usually with a female friend) always with a positive response, which of course is a good thing. But it seems to be more than that, if you look at my photos you can see what I look like, I may look good, but I am well aware that at close quarters others, particularly women, will know exactly what I am. But the interesting thing is, contrary to what you may read in the papers, the encounter is often more than positive. I can give examples of three different restaurants in different areas where a waitress who has served us before has asked for us to be put on one of their tables so they can serve us, women have complimented me on my outfit in M&S, shop staff seem to be particularly accommodating, in one shop after we had made some purchases, my friend found something else she wanted, so I made my way back to the car she went to the counter to pay and was asked "Where is your friend?". 

Obviously being on CDH you will see things from a different perspective anyway, but I am just interested in the views of the women on here.....

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17 Replies
6 Replies
Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2158

@andreauk 

Of course it's a positive thing. I've seen many changes in my 69 years on this planet, not all of them good, but we are definitely living through a kind of neo-enlightenment as far as acceptance of difference goes. This is particularly apparent in the younger generations. I use the plural because I saw this with my own daughters, aged 38 and 44 now and possibly even more so with today's young people,

I also see this with my own generation although some of that may be influenced by the current zeitgeist...and laws that discourage and punish prejudiced behaviour.

That's not to say that I'm about to test this by sashaying round my home town in my best dress and killer heels, there are still plenty unenlightened souls in my neck of the woods!

Like everything else, Andrea, the more people see something, the more accepting, or at least indifferent they'll become. Either attitude is ok with me.

Good topic, thanks for posting and posing the question.

Allie x

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Lady
(@andreauk)
Joined: 7 years ago

Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 445

@alexina You are absolutely right being seen in a good light is a positive thing that can only do our community good, the world has changed and people, younger generations especially, are much more accepting. The older generations having had years of 'conditioning' by society are still struggling with this in many respects. Most people, when I'm out take no notice of me at all, they are too busy getting on with their own lives to concern themselves with me. But I have found a number of cases where (and this usually is women) the reaction to me is much more than positive, which is not only very pleasing for me but bodes well for other Trans and CD's out and about in the world...

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1788

@andreauk Yes, I think it is positive as you are being yourself. I would quite possibly (even in drab) introduce myself and explain that I am a member of the sisterhood.

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Lady
(@andreauk)
Joined: 7 years ago

Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 445

@annaredhead Thank you Anna, well if we ever bump into each other I would be most pleased to say hello (even if you are in drab!)......

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3996

Posted by: @andreauk

the encounter is often more than positive ... shop staff seem to be particularly accommodating

Since I can't comment as the GG that you want to have respond, I will just deal with these two thoughts.

When dealing face to face with people  who obviously know what I am doing, very rarely  has anyone been effusive with their reactions  and dialogue. In most cases my crossdressing  has been ignored with no comments at all.

This is about as bad as being an invisible  wallflower at the prom dance! Geesh, what does a girl have to do to get a rise out of people? 

The only encounters that I remember going really well were from two wonderful clerks at Nordstrom and, recently, a young woman in a drug store who took a clear interest in helping me.

That isn't a great batting average from the numbers involved.

 

 

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Lady
(@andreauk)
Joined: 7 years ago

Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 445

@harriette Thank you for your comment Harriette, your encounters it would seem from the other responses is fairly typical, people are so tied up in their own lives  they don't even notice us! But the encounters you have had are positive which has to be a good thing...

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Posts: 1012
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

This is a good one Andrea. It’s my view that there’s way too much negativity associated with crossdressing, much of it coming from ourselves. Everything in life comes down to your attitude. If you view crossdressing positively - others will as well. If you really think about it, what’s negative about it? The crossdresser is happy. The merchants selling the clothes are happy. The wife is happy, or she should be since it’s such a harmless thing. Thinking it through, where’s the negative?

You’ll hear this: “I don’t want to have to tell my 5-year old why that old guy at the park is wearing a dress!” I used to think that was valid too. But I imagine telling my 5-year old were he to even inquire about such a thing: “That’s a man who likes to dress up like a woman. It’s fine. It’s a hobby. Don’t you worry about it!” End of discussion. I’m the adult. You’re the child. 

Every time a crossdresser or trans person showed up in my salon it was mentioned over dinner that night. So it must be a positive thing if everyone’s talking about us whenever we show up!🥰

GP

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2 Replies
Lady
(@andreauk)
Joined: 7 years ago

Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 445

@gracepal There is too much negativity associated with our community, if you believe everything you see in the media here in the UK you would thing there are mobs hunting us down on the street. The truth of the matter is that most people take no notice of us at all, but some, mostly women, seem to see us, or possibly it's just me? in a very positive way, which has to be a good thing.....

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@andreauk I think it’s much the same in the US as well. The media creates mountains out of molehills because that’s what they’re paid to do. I ignore it for the most part.

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Posts: 1043
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@andreauk As it relates to me and to that person individually, seeing a CD/TG person out and about isn't a positive or a negative thing - it's just a person going about their life, no different than a non-CD/TG person.

In relation to society, I do view it as a positive thing. The more CD/TG people I see out in a given area tells me that the people of that area are starting to view this the way I do above and I think that's the direction humans should be moving.

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1 Reply
Lady
(@andreauk)
Joined: 7 years ago

Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 445

@melodeescarlet Being out and about for anyone should not be a problem and yes I see what you are saying it doesn't have to be positive or negative it should just be normal. 

The more we can show ourselves in a positive light the more we will be generally accepted. It is a fact that humans fear what they don't understand, the more they see us as normal and not some sort of threat the more we will be accepted....

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Posts: 3404
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

We are our worst critics and are more susceptible to criticism real or not. As you say Andrea you would believe with what is in the press that there are hordes looking out for us to abuse and belittle. However, like you that is so far from reality in my experience.

You look fine and yes, under closer contact or scrutiny you could be read but the reactions seem positive. It always helps if you are out and about with a female friend as if dressed similarly the eye sees two women and even if your voice is a bit unusual it doesn't change things. Would your friend go out with you if you didn't present as you do?

Contrary to your observations that the older generation aren't as accepting I have found the opposite, especially with the women. My church has men older than me and they don't have any issue. Perhaps they see how I am accepted they take it I am a woman. 

Going out solo and being part of a community has been a revelation in acceptance. I go to a group and felt a bit of an outsider at first, was it because of me being Trans and all those thoughts. The reality is you are new and they are guarded as they are with anyone new. Now I am a part of the scenery sitting chatting away about anything and everything over a coffee. To be honest some of the topics would make a man blush but after years of being out and life experience nothing phases me and can talk on many sensitive subjects.

I know some may realise and maybe some don't but in the end they see what they see and it's the person they like and if you are nice then the rest falls into place.

 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@andreauk)
Joined: 7 years ago

Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 445

@ab123 The thing is Angela, I'm not bothered if I'm 'read' I'm well aware that particularly close up a woman will know what I am. The question I was asking (on this forum, 'Dear Genetic Girls') was what was a female's perspective on this, bearing in mind how many positive encounters I have had.

Unfortunately the Press only work on sales, it is more important to keep the audience figures up, be it selling news papers or clicks on the website, it's more about selling advertising than getting at the truth of the matter. 

I have, in the past been to TG events particularly Pink Punters in Milton Keynes and although it was always a great night out it was like being in a bubble, when I started to go to mainstream venues and shopping it changed so much for the better, most people take no notice of me, or  at least no more notice than they do of anyone else, but the people that do, almost always women, seem to have a very positive reaction......

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Posts: 1778
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I have found that if you dress to blend in, take reasonable care with your makeup and mannerisms and be honest about who you are, the majority of reactions, especially from females, will be welcoming. Even if they're merely tolerant of your CD'ing, they will still be respectful.

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1 Reply
Lady
(@andreauk)
Joined: 7 years ago

Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 445

@d44 You are absolutely right Fiona, the thing I took form your comment is

"be (ing) honest about who you are" That means being honest with yourself as much as being honest with those around you. Being comfortable with who you really are, feeling confident and above all happy works wonders....

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Posts: 746
Duchess
(@jennconn)
Noble Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Andrea, I just don’t think that 99.99% of the population cares how we dress any more.  Things have definitely changed and even if people don’t like what they see, they aren’t going to say anything.  The reason we hear a lot about it on the news is that that’s what the advertisers pay for, viewership, so they always hear the negative.  

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1 Reply
Lady
(@andreauk)
Joined: 7 years ago

Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 445

@jennconn You are so right Jennifer, most people are not interested whatsoever in me, they just want to get on with their lives. Those that do 'make me' either are not really bothered or perhaps too embarrassed to say anything. You are right about the news as well, mainstream news, as I said to Angela is about selling advertising, if you want to get a better perspective on the news as it relates to us Queer AF is a good place to look.

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