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Okay girls
I need some inspiration and advice from the hive mind.
I’ve worn my hair really short for several years. After the start of the first UK lockdown I got into the habit of using a trimmer to do it myself at home. It was easy, it was cheap, it worked and I didn’t have to expose myself to COVID. But it was a bit boring, and I decided on a complete change. As a result I’m currently growing it out. Big time.
I started doing that in August, having found a hairdresser who has gone through the whole ‘growing out’ thing himself. My aim is to get to shoulder length, at least in the first instance, and end up with a cut that I can style into both ‘male’ and ‘female’ mode at will.
I’m not talking Rapunzel here.
Now, here’s the thing.
Initially, after all those years of self-inflicted home butchery, my hair was a bit of a mess. Okay, that’s a bit of an understatement. The sides were okay, but the top was a tufty battleground. The first step was to grow everything on top to an even length while keeping the sides short. As the top growth lengthened, I started to grow out the tops of the sides. Now, it’s sufficiently long that I can start to let everything grow. Until now, all I’ve had to say to the hairdresser is ‘let it keep growing, and keep it looking reasonably okay as it does that’. So far, so good. I love it when a plan comes together.
Buuuut … I’ve now reached the stage at which I need to have an actual end point in mind for the hairdresser to visualise. He needs to be able plan how to get there over the course of the next few cuts. What he doesn’t know that afterwards I want to be able to style my ostensibly male cut in a feminine way whenever the mood takes me, and I’m not about to tell him (so don’t even think about advising me to do that).
As far as he’s concerned, I’m just a regular guy who’s going for longer hair. He doesn’t know my true motives. Nor does he need to.
So, what I’m asking is … can any of you think of any guys with shoulder length hair that you can nevertheless imagine being styled in a female way? Ideally I’d like to be able to print off a photo of someone so I can take it in to the hairdressers and say ‘There … I’d like my hair to look like that. That’s what we’re working towards.’ During the day, in drab, no-one’s going to think twice about it. Away from work … Ellie can play.
Incidentally, I have a full head of fast-growing hair. Nothing receding, no bald patches. Just relentless thick lustrous growth all over. Sometimes this includes inside my ears, but that’s a separate issue.
I know my face shape will be a factor … you can check that out in my profile photo 😊
Any thoughts?
Hugs
Ellie x
@ellyd22 May I just start off by saying 'Damn You!' for your full head of luxuriant hair? 😜
Despite the fact that now it is getting very thin and straw-like (I accepted the fact I need a wig a few years ago 🥹), I have had long hair since my 20s. It has varied between very long and pre-Raphaelite and various bobs. Personally, I was able to use the fact that I'm a sort-of musician to get away with it when I was younger and had to field questions in a very masculine workplace.
AS for your hairstyle, a nice fringeless bob always works; you can grow it to whatever length, tie it back for work (use gel if necessary whilst it's still in that cute, Louise Brooks phase 🤭) and having no fringe you can part it however you fancy- centre, side - and you can fasten it up as well. It also gives you options should you want to grow it longer.
Well, that's my tuppennyworth, hope it helps! 🙂
@caroline2k Love your profile photo!
Your post encouraged me to do an internet search for various bobs. Once I'd got past 'the Builder' and 'Sponge' I was away.
There definitely needs to be a children's book about the adventures of Fringeless Bob, Messy Bob, Italian Bob and all their friends.
Seriously though, following up on your post had led me to the French Bob, which I love... so I can now look for a male style that isn't too far off that type of cut.
Hugs
Ellie x
@ellyd22 I love the idea of the kid's books! Very good 👏🤣
Oh, and thank you for the lovely compliment! 😊😚
@caroline2k Sweetheart, you're very welcome ... and, for the record, you totally nail that sexy secretary look! 🙂
Hugs
Ellie x
I did a Google search for "androgynous hairstyles" and a lot of good ideas came up. Most were short, Pixy styles, but a few were longer. I put a link to one good source, hopefully it works. The slideshow was a bit of a pain.
https://www.hadviser.com/non-binary-androgynous-haircuts/15/
I also thought that the glam rockers/hair bands from the eighties might be a good place to look for ideas, but that's a bit more extreme.. I will say that unless you're David Bowie, stay away from the mullet. Though my wife often wears a "cascade" style I really like.
@raven188 Thank you. Number 15 is my favourite 🙂
Don't worry - I don't plan to go down the Billy Ray Cyrus route.
Ellie x
I would say no. 18, 25 and 28 though I fully understand that you like no. 15 but I think it is easier to get away with the others if you don't want to come out totally right now and if you plan to go full time I surely would say 15.
Don't forget to let us know what you get and show some pictures, please.
Hugs Clarissa
Ellie, I think you should consider coming out to your hair dresser. Even though you may plan to live in two worlds for the time being, you deserve a circle of family, friends and acquaintances that know and support you. Your hair dresser would be a logical person to include within that closest circle.
Just my two bits worth 😉
Kim
@kdahlenbergen Hey Kim
I totally get what you're saying but Norwich is a surprisingly small place. Everyone seems to have a very low Bacon number in respect of everyone else. When I'm no longer working, I won't give two hoots who knows that I'm trans.
For now, I do.
Once I find the right male role mode model (which thanks to Marg I think I now have) and the desired 'target' hairstyle (a nod here to to Madeline for pointing towards Ellie Kemper) my hairdresser can beaver away without me ever having to do the big reveal to him.
Once I retire, I may well tell him ... but I need to get a little more of a feel for him first. Of course, by that point I may be sufficiently out that I can switch to a female hairdresser who's completely in the know. Time will tell.
Hugs
Ellie x
I totally understand. You need to be comfortable with who you tell. At least until you decide to come out more completely.
I made the switch from a male to a female hair dresser some time ago, and aside from hair styling she does make-overs for weddings, prom’s etc. I have enjoyed letting her work her magic a couple times when I wanted to look extra good. Its was such fun!
love,
Kim
@kdahlenbergen Norfolk is pretty rural, and very conservative with both a small and a large C. Its not especially known for its active CD/TG community, or indeed its levels of tolerance. So far I've failed completely to connect with CDs of my age locally; if I did, then they might, just possibly, be able to give me a word of mouth recommendation for a female hairdresser who I could completely trust.
That's kind of the gold standard. I agree ... it must be wonderful!
Until then, and until I retire rom the world of work, I have a pretty guarded approach to who I tell.
That may well change in the future, so watch this space 🙂
Hugs as always
Ellie x
@ellyd22 I'm in about the same place as you, Ellie, I just have longer hair. I pull my hair into a ponytail for work and other boy mode things, which works well. When it's down, it's just long hair, and I can't seem to find a femme style I can commit to, so until then it gets incrementally longer. What I need to do is engage a hairdresser who can help, but for some reason I can't seem to get that done, like it's some kind of block. I live it the city, so finding someone I could be out to is pretty easy. I mean, I'm out to my waxing esthetician so how is that any different? Yet, here I am... Following your story with interest, yet again, Ellie!
@justnikki Each time I go searching for a femme style, and find one I like, it just reinforces the fact that Isabel pretty much nailed the style that suits me when she sat that wig on my head during my infamous charity makeover.
She got it right first time (resulting in my profiie photo).
Now I'm growing my hair out, I've been searching for a male style that I can convert to that at the drop of a hat. The responses I've received to this post have very definitely helped me with that.
Like you though, I have a mental block about straight out asking for what I want, and fessing up to a hairdresser about being trans. I could possibly find someone who could help in Norwich (on the small side, but a city nonetheless). But I teach in Norwich, and have done so for 30 years; by now that's thousands of pupils, and everyone knows everyone else, so ...
At the moment, I'm not ready to be outed just for the sake of a pretty bob 🙂
Pretty Bob ... if you're reading this, sorry. You're just not worth it.
Big hugs
Ellie x
Wait. Seriously, that profile pic is really you? If it is, then you need to Google Ellie Kemper. She almost always has shoulder length styles. Take your pick, as there are many to choose from. She is a very pretty woman.
@2bmadeline Yes ... it's me 🙂
You can read the story behind the photo here:
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/community/postid/141337/
But what I'm saying is, I don't want to sit down in the barber's chair and point at a picture of Ellie Kemper.
I want to be able to point at a picture of a guy who in the privacy of his own home could make himself look like Ellie Kemper.
Hugs
Ellie x
@ellyd22 You might want to change to a woman to cut your hair. I walked into a Great Clips (a national chain in the US) with a picture of the singer Pink on my phone. She looked at the pic and said no problem. She did it perfectly. And I got $2 off for being a senior, and another $2 off for being a veteran. And it looks great.
@2bmadeline I work as a teacher. I'm in drab mode at work. I'd love hair like Pink but it would be (cue drum roll) a real Pink Flag at the moment.
Later on in my 'journey', and after I've retired, I might try that.
*Checks notes* I will try that.
What I need at the moment though is a male hair style that can be re-purposed to female at will.
Ellie x
@ellyd22 Ellie, I think you've already answered your question. Call Isabel. You said she is a makeup artist now, so no longer a student, I assume.
And for what it is worth, you look just like Ellie Kemper with that smile.
And what is wrong with a ponytail? Or a man bun? I see them everywhere these days.
@2bmadeline *Laughs* Sadly, I'm not in touch with Isabel any more. But I know that she'll almost certainly know girls that I'm still teaching. It's an alarmingly small world.
When Isabel did my makeover she came away with a very strong (and utterly accurate) suspicion about me. Were I to contact her again, that would no longer be a suspicion.
Lovely as Isabel was back when I taught her, it isn't a risk that I'm willing to take. And besides all that, she's a make up artist (not a hair dresser) and now loves in London. Best outcome is that she'd recommend a wig, but I already know which wigs suit me. I'm wearing one in the photo ... that Isabel picked out for me.
What I'm looking for is the perfect, convertible, male to female hairstyle.
Incidentally, I had no idea who Ellie Kemper was before your reply. I'd never heard her name before. But, Madeline, I'm absolutely glowing at the moment that you think there's even the remotest resemblance between us.
I might even change my name to Ellie.
Hugs
Ellie x
PS Ugh .. I can't stand ponytails and buns on men!
PS Oh my God ... why am I even talking about what hair styles I like on men? *alarmed face*.
That was NOT supposed to sound the way it did!
@ellyd22 Ellie, I found some, but I don't see a way to post them here. Go to Google and search "British actors with long hair". Daniel Radcliffe has a good one. There are three more that I thought were good. Give it try.
@2bmadeline I wouldn't have thought that long hair would EVER look good on Daniel Radcliffe.
How surprising!
Good call 🙂
Ellie x
Talking about Daniel Radcliffe, what about a little longer than Harry Potter and keeping the style, that could easily be styled with a little help from a curling iron and a wash could easily remove the waves when I male mode.
@2bmadeline Okay ... I HAVE Googled Ellie Kemper.
This is spooky.
If you did a face merge of my two older sisters when they were in their early forties, that's what you'd end up with ...
Hugs
Ellie x
@ellyd22 To be honest, when I saw your profile pic, I thought you were using an Ellie Kemper pic. You sure could do a lot worse. I think she is very cute in a girl next door kind of way. And she is very funny and clever.
@2bmadeline Ellie Kemper isn't someone who's crossed the Atlantic.
But wait ... I'M cute in a girl next door kind of way. Or at least in a girl next-door-but-one kind of way. On a foggy afternoon.
At any rate, I'm very much enjoying the comparison 🙂
Please keep saying these things.
Ellie x
Just Google “Men with long hair”, and you’ll see dozens of potential images. Chances are you’ll see one to your liking.
@theunrealangelawagner Yes ... but as with all things Googley, the results are a bit bewildering.
If you try it (as I have, several times) you get 7.8 billion results.
That's why I've asked for a bit of guidance. It's really difficult to know which route to go down.
I'm hoping that someone's going to say 'Have you looked at a photo of X's hair?', and I check it out and say ... 'Oh my God, Yes! YES! THAT'S IT! Thank you so much!'.
I know it's vanishingly unlikely to happen but I'm keeping the faith. At any rate, it's worth a shot.
Ellie x
There was a time when Brad Pitt had long hair. And I thought that was an interesting look.
@margprodue I toyed with that, and with various Chris Hemsworth styles, when I was looking previously.
They're great, but wouldn't work for me.
In your other post though I think you've totally nailed it ...
Hugs
Ellie x
What he doesn’t know that afterwards I want to be able to style my ostensibly male cut in a feminine way whenever the mood takes me, and I’m not about to tell him (so don’t even think about advising me to do that).
I heard some mumbling, but I'm not sure I made it out.
OK, I did hear what you said, but I'm going to tell you a few things from my experience. When I started getting waxed, the woman asked me why I was getting my legs waxed. I was hemming and hawing, but she was still looking for an answer. I told her I was a crossdresser. She was non-judgemental. The next two women to wax me (as the others moved on) I also told. It got easier over time. And I was able to share pictures of Alison to them
This year, I went to my hairdresser to get a wig styled. I have been going to her for 25 or 30 years. I was concerned that I would lose all my hair to chemotherapy, and wanted something that was close in length and color to what my hair was before it started. I was already wearing my hair straight, and it was long (maybe 8 inches below my shoulders). She asked me where I got the wig, and I told her I was a crossdresser. She told me she knew that (although I never directly said anything to her). Again there was no judgement.
I'm not saying you should tell him right now. But you'd be surprised how soon you will be ready to admit it. And you'd be surprised that they don't care. You're paying them for a service, and if they know exactly what you want (not just "keep it long"), you're more likely to get exactly what you want. It's not much different than walking into a woman's store (or women's department in a larger store) and picking up women's clothes for yourselves; they don't care what you buy.
Just one more quick story. When I went for my first makeover and trip outside, I wanted to wear my own hair. It turned out (I found out a few years later) that my forehead just looks male, no matter what we did with my hair. But I was given some clip-in bangs which covered up my forehead (and feminizes my face), but otherwise wore my own hair. I've wore this for a few years to parties before eventually getting a wig. I still wear it if I want to go swimming since the bangs will stay in place and are easy to wash, unlike a wig. So this may be a simple and inexpensive solution to feminizing your hair when Ellie wants to make an apperance.
I wish I had that dilemma but time has not been kind. I had a quick scan on Google for men with feminine hair and that threw up a few ideas on the first page of images, they were very masculine men but you could see the potential. Okay it maybe a chore but at least you could find an image to work with. i suppose the other way is to look at women you know who have ordinary styles but you may have seen them with it done up.
It's a shame we don't live in the seventies and eighties as it was not an issue.....
Himmmm, Like I said to Angela maybe the Brad Pitt long style. Or maybe,
Mark MacEachen by Elias Tahan for Male Model Scene | Long ...
or
21 Attractive Male Models With Long Hair
Bram van Adrichem
Sasha Kalem
Johnny Harrington
Derek Jaeschke
David Chiang
Jaco van den Hoven
I look like Brock O'Hurn's Grandmother (and usually wear a ponytail)
Good Luck Ellie,
Hugs, Marg
@margprodue Hey Marg
All excellent suggestions ... but some of the images I've seen of Jaco van den Hoven really hit the mark for me.
I can completely see, in many of the photos, how the cut is perfectly acceptably 'male'. There are also pictures of him where his hair has been styled in a more feminine way, using the male cut as a base, and it works perfectly.
You may just have ABOLUTELY nailed it.
Yay for Marg! You are my Fashion Gnu *Ellie wonders if this is the right word*
Also, I'm beginning to think I need a more distinctive surname.
Hugs
Ellie van den Kemper x
@ellyd22 Thank you Ellie. I shall wear my mantle proudly! Glad that you found something that might work for you. One should never be dis-tressed. Hugs, Marg
@margprodue I was tempted to reply with a string of hair-related puns (believe me, there are LOTS), but was worried that it might kick off a whole load of REALLY bad jokes. Instead, I'll just leave this sitting here.
'I used to hate my hairstyle. But it grew on me.'
I'm already regretting typing that.
Hugs
Ellie x
@fembecky Oh, I've got thousands of one liners like that.
Yesterday, I swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
I'm here all week.
Hugs
Ellie x
I'm here all week - did you mean I'm here all weak?
Or (from another Forum) was last week at work THAT BAD? I sincerely hope not. I could tell you about the time I was the last parent to see my son's teacher on a PT evening, after which he never came into the school again.
... worried that it might kick off a whole load of REALLY bad jokes - I think we are already on that slippery slope.
Hope you are having a relaxing and restorative weekend.
Hugs
Rebecca xxx
I know you like your current stylist, but if you can't open up to him about what you want, I suggest finding a stylist whom you can open to. I honestly doubt most care, but maybe this one does, I don't know. The reason I suggest this is a true professional can give you some great advice, and maybe even style your hair for you when you want it en femme.
If this just is not an option, you can just let it all grow out to shoulder-length and put it in a ponytail or man-bun. In high school many, many years ago I had shoulder-length hair and just parted it to one side and called it good. Just be aware, that hair length is genetic. Some people can grow it to their butt and others can't get it to their shoulders.
@jjandme Luckily I know I can get it to my shoulders (at least) since it's been there before 🙂
Ellie x
Ellie, I've had long hair since I moved out of the house back in the early 70's, back then it was a statement, and here I am some 50 years later and I still haven't gotten any longer than a few inches past my shoulder, so JJ is right about the genetic thing. I know you don't like the pony tail look. but since I'm in construction it's the only way I wear it, to keep it out of the way. When not working though I part it in the middle and when I'm dressing I'll curl my bangs.
Hope you find what you're looking for.
Sherri
Hope you find what you're looking for.
This forum thread has very definitely put me on the right track 🙂
Now we have access to lots of emojis I'm desperate to use them.
However, the closest I could find to a hair-related emoji is this lion. It's not entirely relevant, but it does have lots of hair so i'm going with it.
Ellie x
Hi Ellie,
First I would like to say I’m jealous. I used to wear my hair long around 20 years ago. It’s gotten too thin to look any good these days, but I grew it about halfway down my back in those days. I wore it in a braid when I was working. When I was just relaxing, and wanted to keep my hair out of my face I pulled the hair from the front, pulled it over and gathered it into a ponytail at the back, but let most of the rest hang straight. I have seen one or two men wearing it that way, and more than a few women. Maybe something like that could work.
Whatever you decide to do enjoy it! I really wish I could join you growing my hair out. I sure miss it.
Hugs,
Lara
@secretpassions Thanks for the reply 🙂
I'll stick with shoulder length for the moment; half way down my back would be a definite statement though.
I've decided I'm going to colour it too, but that would be a whole new thread ...
Hugs
Ellie x
You are fortunate. You have a lot of options with your thick full head of fast growing hair. What ever you decide it's sure to be fun!
Hugs,
Lara
Dear Ellie, I'm so happy with your post, because I'm in exactly the same situation! I too decided to finally let my hair grow and I too have fast growing thick blond hair. And I'm now reaching the point where all the wax in the world could not tame these manes anymore. It curls and flufs and left unattended turns into an afro that Bob Ross would be jealous off 😂
I recently saw a colleague that had shoulder length hair and he looked amazing in male mode. I immediately visualised how that would look when styled in female mode and decided that I would go for that.
He looked pretty much like this: https://postimg.cc/Vd09Lgnr
Big hug!
XXX, Frédérique
