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I recently experienced my first time out in public thanks to the help of @abbyabby. It was so much fun and I will probably have a huge rambling story about it later.
The one thing that I found surprising for me was that I am now rethinking my large, expansive supply of shoes, dresses and makeup. I was lucky to be very happy with my look on my night out. I believe I have found a place where I am happy and the decades of searching may be over. I don’t think I need 75% of the things I have because I really can’t see me wearing them in public. I have found that a nice 3/4 sleeve v-neck faux wrap dress paired with a nice pair of strappy block high heeled sandals really worked well for me. I felt good, I looked about as feminine as I could, and I was able to stay together the whole night.
Have I discovered my holy grail? Will I be able to stick to this style and be happy? In male mode, my style hasn’t changed in decades, so I know that I am very comfortable being comfortable. Can I finally stop buying things and filling closets with things I will never wear? No more spaghetti straps, no more sleeveless dresses, no more off the shoulder dresses, no more narrow pointed pumps, no more unlimited selection of lipsticks and eyeshadows. Part of my journey has been filled with the hunt for the perfect look for my personality, body shape and style.
Has anybody been able to hone in on one style and be happy? There’s not much out there to make a 6’ tall 250lb man look feminine, but I’ve gotten very close. I do plan on going out again, but this will not be an everyday occurrence. I can see this happening less than 10 times a year.
My journey into the public realm did many things for me. I’ve realized that I won’t die. I’ve realized that I am overcome with such a joy that I can’t describe. I realized that I can look fairly presentable and not be embarrassed. I learned that it is FUN!! But I also learned that I don’t need a lot of the things I thought I did. A dress is a dress. Heels are heels. They don’t need to be over the top sexy, nor should they be at 51.
My life as a CDer has been defined by the search and the shopping. I feel a freedom all of a sudden. A sense of peace now that I have shown a small part of the world my version of Danni. I think I am ok with 3 or 4 similar dresses and maybe 2 (or 3) pairs of heels/shoes. I can concentrate on tweaking this look with more focus now. I have found my standard starting point from which I can launch many looks with a few accessories or different styles of makeup.
Has anybody experienced this emotional downsizing during their time dressing? I wonder if it will last? Will this stifle my unrealistic pink fog shopping sprees? For me, the search has always been a main component. I feel so fulfilled that I found my happy place.
I can relate to much of this Danni. I have plenty of clothes that I never wear. I bought them years ago....well before I started socializing. Some of them I'll never wear in public. I've outgrown much of my wardrobe.
I'm trans and living full time. I wear sensible clothes 95% of the time. I simply don't have a need for lots of ultra-feminine clothes. I still buy nice outfits. I'm shopping for a few right now. But they have to be clothes versatile enough to wear occasionally.
I think once you've been doing this for a while and get comfortable in your own skin, the really girly stuff becomes less important.
Getting dolled used to be the norm. Now it's a treat.
/LK
@dannydior301 Why not have going out clothes and stay at home "fun" clothes, double your fun hun
Hi Dani,
First of all congratulations on stepping out !
I think you've raised an interesting question. I'm not out and about, so when I buy something I never seriously consider "would I ever wear this in public?". No, I acquire things, usually on the inexpensive side, on a whim, just to please myself. It's ok, it's a different type of fulfillment..
But when I have considered what to wear going out the very few times I have, I realise just how much stuff I have immediately discounted as inappropriate - be it age wise, sizing, style, length - you get the picture. A lot of my wardrobe wouldn't see the light of day on me in public
Which leads me to wonder how different the wardrobes are of those who regularly step out in public and those who dress more privately?
I found that starting out in cross dressing is one big experiment. I only started ln autumn last year and my first piece of clothing was a long skirt, which I still have and use. Subsequently, I bought dresses, shoes, wigs, well, you know how it goes, and ended up with a wardrobe full of stuff I'm never going to wear in public (which is what I like to do most). I have settled on the skirt and top combination as it breaks up my outline and has a lot of scope for variation.
It's coincidence that this subject has come up today as this very day I planned to go through my wardrobe and see what could go to the charity bins. I think my trousers will all be going, even though my first outing was in trousers, as I just don't want to wear them anymore; one pair has never even been worn. Most of my dresses will go as only one or two are good for public use, the others being too bright or too 'mumsy' and seemed a good idea at the time.
Now, with what can I fill the newly released space?!! 
Danni -
Congrats on stepping out, a big accomplishment. I haven't been so bold as to take that step yet, at least fully. I never looked at my wardrobe from that perspective. I'm sure there are things that I have that would never see the light of day but are fun to wear at home. I think our wardrobes evolve over time, which isn't much different for cis women. Just enjoy your time as I think that is part of why we do this.
XOXO
Suzanne
A lot of the stuff I bought online early on in my CD career has been replaced. Some of it because I didn't realise I was a different size round the waist to what I am around my upper body (or maybe I've since become that way!). Some of it because I went for quantity rather than quality to start with, I guess the bundles of clothes by size that I bought were all things that hadn't sold individually, because they weren't to anyone's tastes!
Since then I've moved into living full time as Fiona, and I have bought a lot of stuff in person. Much of it new and on sale - it's nice that we're still getting some Summer when summer clothes are reduced to clear! Most stuff in my wardrobe I've now worn out in public, or at least have plans to wear.
I've got to keep buying clothes as we get into Autumn and Winter. And go through my male wardrobe to pare it right down to a minimum. I might borrow some of the warmer items for a while though!
Yes, going out is great fun, exciting and scary all at once. It just keeps getting better eaxh time as confidence builds, but it seems you are confident already.
I don't see any need to down size. There is norhing wrong wirh having a collection of "not for public viewing" clothes. I own things I would never wear in public, but are still fun to wear around the house.
For me, I had to downsize for various reasons, emotional is not one of them.
I simply ran out of physical space for all my clothes, despite redoing our closet space. Everything was jammed so tight it was tough to pick out a shirt or a skirt. So I made the concious decision to get rid of anything that I had not worn in the past year and does not fit. That made alot more room in the closet.
Another reason was financial. I had spent alot of $$$ on Wendy's clothes, and it was driving my wife nuts. To keep the peace, I stopped buying clothing and my wife was happier for it. I am not blaming her for all this but realistically I couldn't keep buying as physical space was running out plus it took a big chunk of $$$ from my budget.
I have not bought anything for Wendy in over 1.5 years, and my bank account has ballooned immensely. I'm just happy wearing what I have now, plus last christmas my wife gave me gift cards to various women's clothing stores so I made good use of those.
I have a lot of things I bought when I first started. Some of them were the wrong size or a style I really don't feel is my style. Like the leopard print tops and shoes that are not a style I am comfortable wearing out. And I have a few items, mostly bought online, that are to big or to small.
I really need to get rid of some of these things to make room for the things I will wear.
Cassie
Oh my god, I'm terrible for hoarding stuff. Things I have bought, tried on and then never wear, but can't bear to get rid of them, 'just in case'! lol
If I wasn't into clothes, I bet I would be one of those people with piles and piles of newspapers or old comic books like columns dotted around the house 🙂
Separation anxiety is a tough thing for me. I have trouble letting things go and when I do, I usually end up kicking myself for it somewhere down the road. But it's good for me.
When I make the jump to getting out I really don't want it to be anything overdone or outrageous. I think I'm past that point now for the most part. I'm happy with something comforting and highly feminine but nothing overstated or looking like I'm trying too hard. Whatever form that takes at the time be it a pants outfit, skirt outfit, or dress so be it. I'll just finally be happy being the real me!
Hi Danni,
So glad you have found your happy place. It's inspirational for me to hear that.
I have experienced that emotional downsizing you spoke of.
When I started my journey crossdressing, I cannot tell you how many things I purchased that I only wore once or never at all. My closet was full of items I was never going to wear with any consistency. I spent a small fortune, but it was all part of the learning process on my trek as Jennifer.
Now that I am many years into this, and I hope; a little bit the wiser, I try to get clothes that reflect not only my sense of style, but clothes that function and are comfortable and will get worn on many occasions. I also know now, after years of dressing, what my size is and that helps immensely when I pick things out.
Since I venture forth in public much more than I used to, I want to blend in.
Crossdressing was a work in progress for me and even after all of time I have spent as Jennifer, it still is.
Thanks again for sharing! Have a great day.
Hugs,
Jennifer
