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I’m Ana and I’m a new member. I posted about my boyfriend, who’s is a crossdresser and we have 6 months together. He told me he is bi 1-2 months after we started dating. He says he prefers girls. He had sex twice with boys 10 years ago but he said he didn’t like it so much because his expectations were different from what he got as reality. The thing is.. when he watches porn (no, he’s not addicted to it), he only watches transsexual porn or Dominatrix. And sometimes also gay porn. All the content he looks for involves a man being penetrated. As most of you know, I don’t have a penis. Since I’m not a bisexual, I can understand his taste for porn, but sometimes it’s really hard to assimilate his choice to be with me, a cis woman. I want to get married and have kids one day and I was dumped by a boy who said he was going to marry me and left me alone with no explanations. I don’t want to go through this again. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but some days I feel so insecure that he’s gonna leave me to be with a girl who have a penis or something like this when he gets older because of this taste for porn. If somebody can explain this duality or maybe make me understand part of it, I’d be really thankful. Also I want thank you all for welcoming me and I feel really safe being here knowing people and understanding everything better.
Sounds like counseling with a qualified therapist might help you both sort out your feelings as long as you are both honest and committed to the process.
Hi Ana , welcome to CDH , fantastic place to be. IMO & I'm no expert but there's nothing wrong with the way both of you feel , I think it's about seeing if the both of you can accept how the other feels . Then merging the feeling & acceptance in order to have a life together.
I think Robyn is correct in saying councelling together may assist, Tiff
I do that!!
Hi Ana, firstly you need to consider exactly what you want, not what you think you could put up with to stay with your boyfriend, but what you want for your self. Having a crossdressing boyfriend is hard enough, the fact that he is Bi as well is very hard and you have to be respected for supporting him. Although it will be very hard for you, and I accept you have had a difficult relationship before, but at this stage you must consider yourself first. If you are not entirely happy with this relationship it will only end in disaster. It will be better for you in the long run if you decide this is not for you now. However if you know you can live with this then a long discussion with your partner would be the next step. You both need to be honest with each other, you need to say what you think and what you find acceptable, and he needs to be honest about what he really wants, long term. Seeing a therapist could be an option and might help to clarify what you both really want from the relationship. The only real way to resolve this situation is of with of you to be completely honest with each other, that may provide an acceptable way forward for you both.
I wish you and your partner the very best of luck for the future and sincerely hope you can both work it out!
Welcome Ana!
Security comes from trust and trust leads to security. Each of us will have an opinion, but with ANY relationship, trust comes from actions, not words. Some passions can be shared, others, no matter what they are, cannot be reconciled. We fought a Civil War over such some 160 years ago. You are allowed to question and even walk away. Be true to yourself.
Hi Ana,
I have not read the other responses, so forgive me if I'm redundant.
I think it's pretty simple. He bisexual, and based on his choice of porn, he leans towards wanting sex with men.
His impression of what and how that is however, is skewed by the porn. Porn is an act, a sexual act, but an act none the less. Even if you are watching straight porn your expectation of straight sex is going to be off the mark. I don't think many realize that.
He should turn off the porn and go explore, play and see what it is then figure out what he can do to make it what he wants, and who he wants it with.
As for you, be cautious, be selfish. Take care of yourself and find what "you" want. Who you want. He may not be it. I'm sure he's kind et al, but he's obviously not figured out who he is. If and when he does, his plan may not include you.
Take care Dear, and go after what makes you content in life!
Love and Hugs,
Rebekka