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I am new at crossdressing. I enjoy it a lot and it makes me feel good. I have not been able to have the full experience yet. My problem is that my wife is not really accepting it. How can I change her mind?
@emonnet Hi Isabelle
Welcome to CDH 🙂
You'll find that this is an exceptionally warm and supportive community.
I'm single at the moment so I can't give you any deep insights about changing your wife's attitude towards your crossdressing. It's a perennial topic on the site though, so I'm sure that lots of people will pitch in. I have the feeling that the majority will echo what Harriette has already said; talking is the most important thing that you can do.
Hugs
Ellie x
@emonnet Hi Isabelle,
Welcome to CDH.
You will indeed find this a very supportive and friendly place.
I’m sure lots of us will pitch in with comments on your post.
In my case, my wife knows nothing of Lucy and I’d prefer to keep it that way. You will find a number of us in the same position here.
In my case I can still dress a few times a week, but for some, that means just the odd occasion and only for a few hours at a time.
There really will be a real diverse set of stories here.
As for changing your wife’s mind, then that’s probably not going to happen overnight, especially if she already seems unreceptive.
I would agree with Harriette when she advises caution.
Some of us end up in a “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” situation, which you’ll see referred to here as DADT.
Anyway, you’ve come to the right place. You may well find that just talking about it here helps you a lot.
Lucy
@emonnet when you find the answer, please share it with me.mine is aware, an only slightly tolerant.
@emonnet how do you mean, your wife is not really accepting? I take it she knows? If so, it’s time to sit and get it all out, your inner feelings, the need to dress, all of it. You may find a place that is acceptable to you both, maybe not. Consider all the options nonetheless. She probably didn’t expect to be party to a threesome when she first met you so this will be quite an adjustment for her good luck on your talks and remember, she never signed on for this so lots of patience and understanding will be required.
@emonnet You might not be able to change her mind and should prepare for 2 scenarios if you discuss this with her: 1. She accepts it. 2. She does not accept it.
in my case I told my wife when we were dating and she did not accept it and had me purge everything. We have been married for a while now and I choose to stay in the closet (dress in private, when I can). I love her and want to stay with her so I choose not to bring it up again. It’s too risky for me to lose her.
It’s always a choice and may have consequences or a great acceptance.
I have not seen an overwhelming acceptance by most spouses.
Just my thoughts. - Traci
@emonnet Hi Isabelle
Nice to meet you sorry i missed you when you joined please forgive me .. As a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms into our home as well as yours now also.. Like many other ladies have said keep the lines of communication open between you both .. Im another one that has a very supportive wife married now for 40+ years .. Maybe a story or two about crossdressing explaining the concept and your feelings if she knows get her talking about it what she is worried about and her dislikes about the feelings of having another girlfriend or just a friend to chat with its all good just getting her to open up good luck girlfriend..
Stephanie Bass
Welcome to CDH, Isabelle!
The way that you deal with another person is with good communication and communication skills.
If you can't do it on your own, then I would recommend using someone like a therapist, to not make a mess out of things. Since you are new to crossdressing, you should be cautious. Things can go sideways very quickly.
Good luck!
Isabelle -
Open and honest communication is important. I have always let my wife open any conversations for the most part, although there are times I may drop a hint about something. I feel that if she opens the conversation she is receptive to what I have to say. It has been a few years since I came out to her and she has become more accepting of Suzanne. There have been times she has made suggestions about getting a wig, buying clothes, dressing for the day with her at home and the biggest was recently asking me about getting my ears pierced and going with me to get them done. We go for mani-pedi's every couple months and I get color on my toes which she helps me pick out.
XOXO
Suzanne
Thank you for your comments. I already talked to her twice and she was not receptive. And she never brings the topic on her own. Just like it does not exist.
Hi Isabelle, and welcome to CDH. As you've already gathered, you are among friends who will understand and offer helpful advice.
Your wife sounds very much like mine. She is aware I enjoy crossdressing, but prefers to ignore it completely. To her credit she did try to be accepting a few years ago by agreeing to me having a monthly evening out, but she never saw Jacqueline. I had to change and re-drab at a friend's house. She was clearly never comfortable with me going out; when she eventually admitted she couldn't cope with the idea of me being out and about dressed as a woman I stopped out of respect for her feelings.
Over the years I've tried several times to stop dressing altogether, but "once a crossdresser...". Now I take what opportunities present themselves when my wife is out of the house for a few hours.
This is a very common scenario, and one which you may be heading towards. The hardest part (other than the inevitable feelings of guilt which many of us experience) is in covering your tracks afterwards.
I hope you find the way that works best for you and your wife.
Take care.
Welcome, Isabelle! Yeah this is a great online community where you can openly be yourself.
So, take my opinion with a grain of salt, because my marriage didn’t survive. But I highly recommend therapy. We all dream of having a supportive significant other, but the reality is that many of us don’t. Don’t count on her changing her view. People do change in relationships all the time, but that’s up to them. We can’t make them change in the ways we like. I hope she does become more accepting of this part of you someday. But love and be yourself, regardless!
Nancy
The two most important parts of acceptance are education and communication. Odds are your wife has no concept of what crossdressing is about. Most women's first reaction is CDs are gay. While some are, most aren't and she needs to know and understand this. Acceptance and tolerance are a spectrum and you and your wife need to explore that with honest communication and education. And that means education for both of you. This site is a good source of information, but there are many other options as well. Educate yourself so that you may accurately educate your wife.
Acceptance on her part may appear to be barely tolerance to you. For many spouses, DADT is as far as they want to go, and you may just have to accept that. Over time she may learn more about dressing and become more accepting, but time will tell. Find what boundaries she is comfortable/tolerant of, and find what level of dressing you enjoy/need and see how it goes. Like just about everything in a relationship things change over time. I have been married for nearly 40 years my dressing has changed radically in those years. We have both grown and changed in that time and my wife knows my dressing is part of me and has not gone away in those 40 years.
Hi Isabelle, welcome! I will give you the same advice I give everyone (and is likely echoed above):
1. You cannot change anyone else's mind, only your own. It's not about convincing her, it's about giving her the most honest and accurate information you can so she can come to her own conclusion.
2. You have had (in all likelihood) decades to think about and learn about this topic. If she's just receiving this, then imagine what that's like - she's not in your head and can't see everything you can, AND she's not had much time to digest it.
Be patient and be honest and hopefully she will come to understand if not accept.
Hi Isabelle,Welcome to CDD. Small steps are the best. Open and honest communication is always best.
Alice
HI Isabelle,
I can't really help you with your question, I'm sorry, but wanted to welcome you to CDH and wish you all the best in everything and especially in your crossdressing journey.
Catherine
Hi Isabelle, welcome
Hi Isabelle , I am one of the lucky ones my wife does not mind my c/dressing ,she sees Sarah's has a girly friend /big sister and joins in ,giving make up hints and tips buying me make up and clothing that she thinks I would like .We are planing a shopping trip out after Christmas . I would say as the others have said sit down and have a good talk about it , how it affects your wife , how she feels about it , you can can come to some arrangement so you can c/dress and enjoy it without your wife getting upset .
I tried a third time. I bought a turtle neck to my wife for Christmas and I bought the same one for me. After I told her I bought the same one for me she just said: When Are you going to wear this? Not encouraging
@emonnet Live and learn. If she is going to question about a turtleneck sweater (I haven't seen it), then there may be a lot of other direct questions soon, too.
Welcome, Isabelle. You will find lots of good advice here. I sure did and continue to find good advice each time I visit.
I told my girlfriend about my crossdressing about a month into our dating. That was about a year and a half ago. She seemed very supportive at the time, although she stated her limits and I accepted them. Since then, I have seen her swing back and forth from supportive (buying me panties) to bewilderment (when I asked her help with a corset) to anger (when I told her I was getting forms).
Like others on this site, I continually need to temper my crossdressing to meet my SO's limits. I must recognize when I have pushed the envelope too far. I also must be cognizant that other stresses in her life will impact how she responds to me; she may not be in a playful state of mind when I am.
In summary, I am suggesting that if your experience turns out to be like mine, at different times, you can expect some fluctuation in your wife's responses to your crossdressing. Full, embracing support may never happen.
Best wishes to the both of you as you grow closer together in this matter in 2024!
Isabella Sorry to hear about your wife’s reluctance to your desires to dress but here have many who understand your passion and here to help you in every way. As your dressing is limited at least have us here to enjoy the experience of being who you are in a community that really cares about everyone . Happy to welcome you and enjoy your time with us.
Stephanie 🌹
My wife finally accepted that I wear a dress at home 😀 She probably made some readings and seems to accept it now We will how it goes the first time I try
