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Wanted to re(re-re) introduce myself. I've come here occasionally over the years though have been more active elsewhere on social media. I'm a married CD living in New England. She knows, but she doesn't know the magnitude nor how big a part Amanda is of me. Age mid 40s. Had a desire to CD as long as I remember - first tried on clothes in around 5th grade, but I can remember wanting to wear my cousin's church shoes at the age of 4 or 5. Long struggled with acceptance before I started fully dressing around 2015. Still struggle with Amanda's role in my life and how far to take it. Family and a demanding job (with demands that seem to only increase) takes up the vast majority of my time, so opportunities to dress are very rare. I take advantage of the opportunity when I can and do go out if I can (which is usually on business trips to other towns) - I do go out as Amanda. Would love to get to know more people here - even if I've been on and off a thousand times.
Dressing and gender identity have certainly become more on my mind and more as a way of escape from the typical pressures on suburban dads (balancing time for wife, kids, work, self). Still definitely a sexual component that’s very strong, but that’s not all there is to it. Still trying to figure it out. In terms of my gender journey, I think I'm closer bigender rather than transgender, and the right balance for me is somewhere in the 75/25 range, with Amanda being the 25 (the direction of that 25 has moved up over time - just upped it from 20). So I’m a bit more than a crossdresser, but not what I'd consider trans. I realized I liked to CD a long. long time ago. Acceptance came much, much later, but is still a fight to this day to get the right balance, which means Amanda takes up more than 25% of my time because she doesn't get expressed. That's the battle and the question. If I were to give Amanda more time, would that be enough, or would she take even more. I don't know...
Anyway, wanted to say hello, again. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
xoxoxo,
Amanda
Welcome back, Amanda, it's always good to see a member return, (personally, I can't keep away but, I do understand how life, the universe and everything can often demand more of our time).
It is definitely worth taking the time to check in here though, as Chrissie says, it's good for one's sanity 😊.
Anyhoo, enjoy the time that you can spend with us!
Allie x
@alexina Thank you, Allie! I hope to be a more regular presence here! There's a deeper meaning, connection, and exploration of ourselves and dressing here than on most sites!
Welcome back Amanda!
You have given one of the best explanations of our CD/ Trans struggles. It's so hard to explain ourselves to others. Especially since we can't seem to explain it to ourselves!
A CD once told me when she was pulled over by the police. Just tell them you're Trans. It confuses them! And she didn't get a ticket!
I think more and more many of us would also identify as Bi or Bi curious. I'd like to get an honest poll going on that issue.
Anyway welcome back to the Pink Fog, from a Southern girl.
Fran 🥰
@gafran Thank you, Fran! I’m a Southern girl as well, albeit living in strange climates!
I feel like I’m on a journey to discover myself - maybe we all are - and I’m not sure if what I’m discovering regarding gender identity and sexuality is what has evolved or what has always been there. Maybe it doesn’t matter. It can admittedly be exhausting, but there is certainly a satisfaction in understanding oneself better as well.
Maybe one day we will have figured all this out. But until then it's still fun to dress up and be out girly selfs.
Living up in colder climates has its own challenges. Brrrr! 🥰
@gafran Yes, it does. But that means more hose and tights and fall fashion, so that’s fun!!!
Welcome back Amanda.
That’s a wonderful re-introduction post that will resonate with a lot of us here.
As Chrissie has so eloquently put it, joining in here will really help.
Many of us don’t get to spend the time en femme as we would like, but just checking in here makes such a difference, and if you’re looking to make connections, then this really is the place.
Looking forward to hearing more about you
Hugs
Lucy
I’m sorry if this is over the top, but may I just say I love the responses here. Seriously, you girls are awesome! All my love!!! xoxoxo
Hey Amanda, I loved this post so much. So honest and heartfelt. I see you've been a member here for years. I highly recommend you spend more time here for your sanity. Your struggles so resonate with me hun. It's really difficult, and frustrating, isn't it? But whatever situation you find yourself in, it's so cathartic to share your problems. I probably dress even less than you, but being an active part of this community is a real life saver for me. I just love the support and friendship I receive, and if you join in a bit more I think you'll find comfort and peace with the lovely girls here.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 Thank you so much, Chrissie! It does help to share. I think what would help even more is forming connections with like minded individuals. That's never easy when the part you're sharing is your "secret side" and you're very limited by time and commitments elsewhere. Hope to do better though, and I will try to take your advice to be more active here. Thanks for your thoughts and lovely message!
@amandaill Amanda, I feel I've made quite a few close connections here, and of course we don't have to be secret. On the contrary the lovely ladies here love to hear our stories xx.
@chrisfp99 Thanks! And I hear you - I meant more secret in the context of the rest of my life - in that I'm sharing a piece of me that's a bigger part of me than the time I spend expressing it in my life. Anyway, close connections are my hope!
Hi Amanda,
Welcome back to CDH from another New Englander.
Alice
@aliceunderwire Thank you, Alice! I LOVE Vermont. I was up there a few months ago and had a wonderful makeover/photo shoot/day out with a great makeover service near Montpelier. Awesome lady who runs it.
@aliceunderwire Probably my second best Amanda day (the best being my first makeover - six hours of photos, talking and different looks)!
There's only one way to find out Amanda. Give her more time and see what happens. You may find yourself in a new comfort zone and, if not, then take a step back to where you're more comfortable. Everyone's comfort zone is different and eventually you too will find yours. Finding it helps relieve stress and makes dressing a much more natural, positive experience. And you will know it when you find it, it will become evident very quickly.
All the best.
@d44 You’re right of course, Fiona. I have given Amanda more time - but she seems to want even more. Frankly, that scares me. I have a wife and kids and a career, and well, she has to fit within those confines and sometimes I’m not sure she’s content to do that. I know discomfort is what leads to growth, but I have to be careful that Amanda doesn’t take away the other parts of me that I believe also define myself. It’s a delicate balance, and to your point, there is a balance there that I’m still searching for.
Hi Amanda!
Welcome back! I'm Sandie.
I agree with the other lovely ladies on here that maybe you should give Amanda some more dressing 👗 time. And, see what happens?
You might be pleasantly surprised!
Sandie and her male half struggled with each other for years, until 1 day both sides decided to work together. ❤️ now both sides coexist peacefully.
Anyway, Sandie hopes you do have some more time for Amanda.
Hugs,
Sandie ❤️.
@sandie9832t Hi Sandie! Pleasure to meet you! I definitely have increased my dressing time - including this weekend - though that time is very limited by both work and my personal life (both time and family knowledge). It’s very fulfilling getting dressed and especially being out, and I do “get my fill”, but that quickly dissipates and the medium term thing that happens is it typically does leave me wanting more. That’s one of the things that scares me a little frankly - how much more? There’s a bit of a Pandora’s Box here - and, which other obligations, that’s a bit scary - though that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
I do appreciate the outreach and am super happy you’ve found that balance!!!
xoxoxo,
Amanda
@amandaill hi again Amanda!
Yes, finding the balance between your male half and your Amanda half is key. It took my male half and Sandie quite a while before they came to a balanced and equal state. Loving yourself, and loving both sides of your persona helps too. Repeating self affirmations helps also. Afterwhich, both sides can coexist peacefully.
Hugs,
Sandie ❤️.
@sandie9832t Thank you Sandy. Very sound advice. Working on internalizing a lot of that, which I think is the biggest challenge.
you're welcome Amanda!@sandie9832t Thank you Sandy. Very sound advice. Working on internalizing a lot of that, which I think is the biggest challenge.
Hugs,
Sandie ❤️.
Welcome back! I love the term "bigender". I'm going through the same searching right now and that is a great way to describe it.
Hi Amanda ,
Just wanted to say. Late Welcome to CDH, !!!!
It's been a while since you joined, a few months , and the busy Holidays are over, and Survive them , and a new year 2025 ...
By now we have probably starting to know you way around CDH and meeting new Friends ..
Any time you like to gurl Chat , ???
Huggs
Stephanie 👠
