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Hello to everyone I have been around the sun 71 times . And Yep I do like to crossdress in private .It's like I'm Alice falling down the rabbit hole but without the psychedelics .Mostly lady's undergarments , wig ,even some mannerisms .I think at first it was just a sexual thing but later I also found a lot of comfort being in feminine clothing as well . I picture myself as the woman I would want to be with . I think it fits the autogynephilia (AGP) description somewhat but I regard it more like I am on a spectrum somewhere between AGP and gender dysphoria (or being transgendered) . I've felt a lot of shame about this in the past and purged multiple times only to return to the same behavior with a stronger urge, as it cannot be denied . I think it also was a stress releasing mechanism . I think I will get more articles of clothing, makeup and see if one day I might be passable . I am like a shy , nerd . I like Biochemistry as it relates to our diet and longevity protocols ( antiaging) , astronomy for example . I also love nature . And I also like music and I like to know the song and the lyrics that apply to my emotional situation .I like to have a song in my heart . I was married for 40 years but my sexual dysfunction or Paraphilia's caused situations where it was best to distance myself from my family . I never felt comfortable enough discussing with my ex wife as It took me a long time to understand it myself and she was judgemental and once she stopped holding my hand and hugging me we were already so distant . Maybe if I had more courage and was brave earlier on,
things might have had a chance . I think I suffered from depression, anxiety and the SSRI's I took only made me emotionally numb and alcohol only sedated me and clouded my thinking . Now I don't take antidepressants or drink alcohol .So I joined this group to see what I can learn about myself and others and hopefully make some friends . It's rewarding just to feel I am in a place where we can have these discussions with a like minded community of people in similar circumstance .
@shuster22 huge welcome to you , I am the wife of another CD member and we have both gained so much from being here and I hope you do too! Look forward to chatting some more 💕
Welcome to CDH from south of your boarder (USA) Louise!
Other the professional gender therapy. The girls here are compassionate, caring and understanding. We will assist you in any way we can. We're about all things feminine..
I believe this site has helped countless girls like us to be our best self's, and embrace, enjoy our girl within!
Welcome to the Pink Fog!
Fran 🥰
@gafran Thank you Fran. My mother had the same first name .
I had Lupron depot injections for a period to control my sexual urges (not that I was any kind of sexual predator ) . They had to be stopped as I was getting some degree of gynecomastia ( breast growth . Strangely enough I liked the breast growth .I am not looking for professional gender therapy . But the Lupron had a lot of unwanted side effects.
I find the medical community somewhat in the dark about us and our needs.
Of the 42 chromosomes that relates to gender. Some of us have more female than male. Some of this is believed to be caused by hormones in our food. So being born obviously male May change as we mature into adulthood. Some of us are intersex.
This adds to the confusion! But all in all we are here to give light to our issues and searches for answers.
Fran 🥰
@gafran Only 2 chromosomes relate to gender , the sex chromosomes X and the Y .
You can ask Perplexity AI questions and get answers with some references that can help with this , and you can ask it follow up questions.
You could search abnormalities with genetics such as chromosomal or genetic or gene expression ie. epigenetics all as it relates to sexual development .
Things like the pesticide Atrazine can affect sexual development ( this is extreme in frogs
Then there's Phytoestrogen in the diet ie soy. . and you can see how that relates to sexual development . Parabens in skin creams also
Those are a few examples .
So I agree it doesn't have to be a drug to affect sexual development , so many chemicals in our food, air, water will also do this . We are the lab rats . .
Lupron basically does a chemical castration on males especially when given during puberty but probably also later
Use that perplexity AI , google it and use it as a search engine . I use it daily .
Hope this helps you . It's complicated ! and poorly understood
@gafran Hi Fran , I looked into what you said before about autosomes and sexual identity and although that info I gave you was correct , it is incomplete .You were correct .
'Autosomal chromosomes do carry genes that control sex and sexual characteristics, despite not being sex chromosomes themselves' .
As an example look at mutations in the SOX9 gene ( read the link to put into context ).
I think you would have to consider epigenetic effects as well.
https://www.perplexity.ai/search/do-any-of-the-autosomal-chromo-v8QyBq1ATcqc34RICS8SIQ
Louise
That's a lot of information to digest. We have a CDH member that is intersexed. She has seminars at events like Keystone. Her name is Marg Podue. I met her at my first ever event last August. The Atlanta Confort Conference. She is super nice and a great gal.
Fran 🥰
@gafran Many times I don't understand what is in an article and have to go back several times after learning more about what's being said before I really get it .Sometimes it is still over my head and I don't understand it, because I plain old don't know enough . But I can still get an overall picture or just bits of it which is always better than understanding none of it .
I see that intersex is an umbrella term for differences in sex traits or reproductive anatomy .
Mary Podue has a Facebook page, but haven't looked at it yet .
Thanks Fran
@shuster22 Louise, welcome to CDH. Yours is just about the archetypal crossdressing story. Shame and purges, then coming back to your girly side again and again. It's generally agreed that the need to dress can increase as we grow older. It's quite natural for the initial stimulus to be sexually driven and very common for dressing to become a stress reliever later in life.
Sexual dysfunction is a tough one but we all have to stop sometime. It's just a matter of timing. Heck, my bits don't work as well as they did in my glorious twenties.
It sounds to me that we need to get you more comfortable with your feminine side, and you've come to the right place to achieve exactly that. The girls here are just so supportive, friendly and compassionate, and it's a really safe space to share this side of yourself. If you are prepared to participate here I can guarantee you will feel the warmth and love of your fellow sisters.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 Thank you kindly for your response Chrissy , you help me put a lot into perspective .
I think I didn't want to acknowledge that I did have a feminine side . I tried to put it back in the closet, sweep it under the rug ,disregard it or just about anything I could to hide the fact . But the femme side cannot be denied and only came back
It does seem good to be part of this group , it's so reassuring to be able to share and not be judged .
And it does seem that I need a better sense of my femme side and acknowledge it . And thank you for the hugs !
hugs,Louise
@shuster22 You're welcome Louise. Just being part of this wonderful community will help you to understand more about your feminine side and where you might want to take it xx.
Hi Louise
Welcome to CDH. I'm in Norfolk in the UK 🙂
You'll find that this is a very warm and supportive community - the responses that you've already been getting to your intro post have clearly shown you that.
Thank you for your frank and detailed introduction. It's always good to find out about new members ... it helps to build connections.
There's lots to explore here. Have fun looking around, and if you need help with anything just shout.
Ellie x
@ellyd22 Thank you Ellie for welcoming me and for the hug.
To be honest I didn't know transfeminine was the same as transgendered . The more I learn the more I realize how little I really know ! Then I forget some of the things that I did know because I never practiced or used them enough .
I guess I was never brave enough and kept everything concealed and wasn't really comfortable in my own skin. And I have to contrast that with you for being so brave and accepting who you are and being authentic.
I also wish I was more artistic like you ! Hope to talk again , Louise x
Hi, Louise, welcome to our unique community and thank you for your detailed and open intro.
I'm glad that Chrissie's @chrisfp99 comments have struck a chord with you because much of a crossdresser's struggle comes from denying our feminine sides. I speak with some knowledge of this, having denied and suppressed my own for over fifty years!
Not any more though, I found and joined CDH just under a year ago and in that time have made real friends here. With their support and encouragement, I've come to accept, nay, cherish my feminine side and have even spent a few days with some of them, en femme, in public! It is no exaggeration to say that I've never been happier or experienced such peace of mind as I do now.
This community changes lives 😊.
Have a good look around, there's lots to see and do here, and don't hesitate to ask if there's anything you need.
Allie x
Welcome Louise, Thankyou for such an open introduction. I am sure you will find many ladies here that have endured issues in their life who can empathise with you. This is a wonderful site full of help and advice to assist you fulfilling your ambitions. If you have any questions ask away and am sure you will get plenty of answers. Have a look around the site and what there is for you.
I hope you will enjoy your time here and feel free to post and share your thoughts and experiences.
@ab123 Thank you kindly Angela for the welcome from across the pond ! I will check out the site .
Welcome to this wonderful community, Louise. I know you will find many extraordinary ladies here happy to help you find the answers you seek. These girls will become fabulous friends.
Hugs,
Jenna
Welcome to CDH, Louise.
Gisela
Hi Louise,
Welcome to CDH.
Alice
Hi Louise,
Welcome to CDH.
Joan
🎄🎄🎄 Hi Louise, I'm glad to see you join us , Welcome !!!
Anytime you like to chat , ???
Huggs
Stephanie👠
Louise -
Welcome to CDH
XOXO
Suzanne
Welcome to CDH
🐞🐞 Hi Louise ,
Just wanted to say. Late Welcome to CDH, !!!!
It's been a while since you joined, a few months , and the busy Holidays are over, and Survive them , and a new year 2025 ...
By now we have probably starting to know you way around CDH and meeting new Friends ..
Any time like to gurl Chat , ???
Huggs
Stephanie👠
@stephanieann Hi Stephanie I was responding to you but lost the post.
I am coming to grips with being a crossdresser first . Not ready yet to go out and since I mostly identify as a male, not even sure if that would be appropriate for me .I think I would not want to go out alone either . I would need to be passable to some degree, not looking for the wrong kind of attention .
I ordered a high waisted panty that should help a bit with my stomach and shape .
I have some degree of gynecomastia and I have enlarged and pierced my nipples . With a padded bra it looks like I have a set of small boobs. Don't wear the bra when I go out .
I identify with autogynephilia to some degree and realize it is only a theory .I wonder why or how I became like this but think of it as an adaptation to my life events or circumstances .Although I think it might be more complicated .
Good luck with your knees , I am looking into a knee replacement. It will take forever to get it done as our medical system here is retarded with limited access to care .
I think you had some breast implants . Are you happy with them ?
Do you identify with gynandromorphophilia ? The terms I encounter when trying to figure this out appear to be some kind of medical , greek language based nomenclature .Some really long words .
Huggs , Louise
Hello Louise & welcome to a very supporting community of ladies just like you. You will find stories of circumstance, encouragement and activities of achievement. I will say, you might be over thinking your situation a bit, really, words that are 14 letters, 7 vales long? Relax and your feels of femininity are no stranger here. There is a poll currently open on education level, not that it matters, but integrating, 40% have a higher degree. Your story has a lot of value as we ladies may have been in situations as yours ( read my profile sweet's). Analytics really can't answer our questions of how we feel, put your bra on & your world changes. Welcome and feel the love we have. Hugs Kathi 
@caligirl Hi Kathi, thank you for the welcome and the love .
Sorry about the medical term but I am used to them as I had a university honours degree in Biochemistry and then later a degree as a health professional .After a while you can't easily put these terms into lay language . I also like to find scientific articles as they would appear in the original journal so I can have a better understanding .But some of those words also help in researching the topic .
I get a lot by reading other member's stories and posts on this group . To me it's better therapy than seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist( been there done that) .I'm not saying that they cannot benefit others .Sometimes the medical therapy they offer may be beneficial in the short term but detrimental in the long term .It's always benefit versus risk .
I take CBD to help with my stress and anxiety but nothing else. Yes I do need to relax and get in touch with my femme side more to get a better understanding of who I am .
I guess my bra is a bit tight and I need one that fits better .LOL
xx Louise
Hi Louise!
Welcome to CDH!
I think you will find the community helpful, encouraging and supportive.
Again, welcome to CDH!
Catherine
Hi Louise nice to meet you and so happy you found and joined us girls here so with a wealth of knowledge and experience here to learn from do some looking around and reading of the forums and posts from so many ladies here telling there stories about there journeys down the femme road they are on in life.. So girl as a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms into our home as well as yours now also.. When you become comfortable with us please join in with a story or two about the life and times of Louise as she travels down her own girly path in life.. Now as for making friends here girl there are so many ladies from all over the world to build long lasting friendships with and best of all we are just a simple click away from you .. Once again girlfriend nice to meet you and hope to see you around for a chat sometime soon..
Stephanie Bass
