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Erin's Story

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Posts: 2
Lady
Topic starter
(@erin98)
New Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hello Everyone,

I thought I'd browse around the site for a while to educate myself more and get a better idea of different perspectives of those that come here before I posted an introduction. That turned out to be a good decision.

Many of the stories, articles and other testimonials that I've read are very emotional and moving. A lot of joy, struggle and everything in between. I'm truly happy for all of your successes and happy that there is a place to discuss and share all our different journeys safely and with such caring and understanding people. I consider even sharing your personal stories a success.  I know it is for me.

But reading all of your stories also taught me that I am not nearly as emotionally, physically or socially invested as many of you. And that’s OK...we are all on similar journeys but in different ways, of course.

I first put on my sister's skirt (and loved it) at around 8 or 9 years old and I've been secretly wearing/buying women's clothes off and on for 20 years at least.  Though I've never felt like I'm a woman inside or even that I would want to be one permanently one day if it was possible for me.  There has never been any confusion or struggle for me in that respect. All respect to those who do, you have a fan in me cheering you on in your corner, but that isn't me.

I have never told anyone about my...we'll call it a "hobby"...nor had I ever even had the guts to discuss the subject with anyone...even a stranger, so I really never had anyone with which to compare myself. Thanks to this place, I'm now beginning to understand myself a little bit better.

Many of you feel more yourselves when you're dressed up. That's beautiful. Everyone should have the right to be themselves. I applaud you and hope you have found peace or that you eventually find it.  But for me, dressing up has always been more like a guilty pleasure...an escape, for lack of better expressions. I sincerely hope that my experiences do not come across as minimizing yours.

I enjoy the feeling of the clothing on my body while dressed up. I enjoy the shopping process (making and matching outfits). With my female clothes on, I enjoy the feeling of femininity while in the moment. But I've also always known through and through, that a man is who I am and I'm comfortable with that.

I initially tried doing the makeup, wig, nails and jewelry thing years ago and it didn't do a whole lot for me. Don’t get me wrong, I like all that stuff...just not on me. I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as the clothes or shoes.

In other words, I think I’m simply a man with a love for women’s clothes and shoes. I have an attraction to femininity in many forms so I think my crossdressing obsession is a way to immerse myself in it.

A member here used an analogy of having two different people living inside you. (I'm paraphrasing, obviously) One feminine and one masculine. So to try and explain while loosely using that analogy... Many feel "right" and more in control when their feminine side is running things... I'm the opposite.

Erin, the dressing up part of me, is a total hedonist, LOL.  She loves fun and seeking thrills and pleasure. All responsibilities go away. There's nothing wrong with that on the surface and I love being Erin, but there's a bad side.  If I don't take control, I've been very irresponsible in the past.

I had some past productivity issues with work due to spending so much time dressing up, shopping online and sorting and organizing my clothes (I’m a telecommuter). Also even my domestic chores have suffered for the same reasons and have spent way too much money on clothing.

But after several purges, and now reading a lot of your experiences, I'm learning to integrate this part of me better into my life. I love being Erin and I want to continue be her...just not all the time.

I've never said any of this to another soul, and I thank those of you who have read this.

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6 Replies
Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Welcome Erin!  I can relate to your story as well.  You will enjoy CDH and the support and friendships here.

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Posts: 595
Ambassador
(@marianne65)
Honorable Member     Uppsala, Uppland, Sweden
Joined: 8 years ago

Erin,

I liked your honest self description very much. There really are no right or wrong way to be either a crossdresser or transgender person. As long as you are happy and not making problems for others keep going 'girl'.

As for myself I am pretty far over at the other end of the spectrum. Having wished to be a girl/woman since I was about six years old, secretly dressing as one from age 12 and taking part in society as a woman the last seven years, i am now taking steps to maybe officially become Marianne.

Ellen Marianne Tornander

 

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Posts: 7139
Ambassador
(@rose)
Illustrious Member     Peterborough , Ontario, Canada
Joined: 8 years ago

Erin,  thank you for sharing and welcome . Here we enjoy experiencing a life split between two worlds . One that many of us have indured since nature decided who we are and then through life’s paths were finding that nature just didn’t get it right. To be who we are is special and taking the best qualities from all parts is important and being here shows this. From our forums containing a wealth of knowledge to the ladies that reside here . This a site is where support and acceptance helps motivate much of what were all about. Enjoy the best from both worlds and know that this place is a big part of how we are and who we feel to be . Very nice meeting you… hugs

Stephanie 🌹

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Posts: 1524
Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Erin !

That was a wonderful intro. I can't speak for everyone else but I would say you fit in here very well. Participate and get to know some of the ladies here. You won't regret it.

Welcome to CDH !

Hugs
Autumn

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Posts: 441
Lady
(@vanillaballoon)
Honorable Member     Nashville, Tennessee, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Welcome, Erin.

Your story is more relatable than you may assume. I think a lot of us here at the core feel as you do but a lifetime of different ways of managing this interest can yield very different results. It sounds like you have done a very good job of that, while others can get a lot more of inactivity and negativity in the mix that can make it seem a lot more dramatic.

It’s a nice change of pace and very encouraging, so I am very glad you’re here. Sounds like you’re in your late 20s-early 30s? If so that’s extra appreciated as I think this group could always use more influence from people our age.

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Posts: 3150
(@mnewman111)
Famed Member     Fort Lauderdale, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

Welcome Erin!

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