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Today is our anniversary thirty yrs of loving this woman and thirty years her loving a man. It is a happy melancholy day as it is likely the last anniversary as "man" and wife. I cannot say I am not looking back at the years with a wistfulness and looking ahead with some fears. Will we survive this? Right now as it is there is acceptance. Will that change as I become Maria full time? reality bites and I feel it's teeth today. tears are close and the feels are tough, But I will pull up my bloomers and make this evening about the one I adore above all else. Negotiating all the feels during transition of body and spirit is likely the most difficult emotional landscape I have ever crossed. Doing it while respecting the love I have for my wife and her feelings is daunting beyond what I think I can handle at times. That said at this point there is no return to old ways so forward is the only direction now. If your of the bent please say a wee prayer for all the S/Os who are willing to try. They are an example of real womanhood for us all to learn from. Examining how I would feel if she wanted to transition to male brought things into clarity and yes I would still love this person but the adjustment of seeing a man where I once saw all I admire in a woman would be a hurdle I make no promises I personally could keep but that I would love her. Sexually I could not be her girl but she would always have my heart. So I have some growing to do to be the woman I need to be.
I wish I was the child of Mr Rogers and Wonder Woman I think this would all be easier with his sweet soul and her super power. haha
More ramblings from Maria as she deals with life and love
Besos mis amores
Yes I am a mess I just saw I posted in introduction.....what a mess I am today
besos
Mariabella yes it 's a difficult journey that you are experiencing. I have no words to describe how you feel except peace on your way through theses turmoil waters. I will say congratulations on your thirty years and hope you continue. I'm about to celebrate our 40 in Jan coming but for me being just in love of the dressing and expressing my femininity is where my situation lays. I am though feeling like there's more as opportunities present themselves and my emotional feelings seem to be confused and dazed. One never knows and as my wife I'm not sure acceptance will follow so easing down is much more likely . I hope you seek your happiness and most of all to have your wife still by you. Being together is so important and for me I couldn't with out her and Destiny's can certainly change if she is missing in my life. Best to you and remember your here now and here many to support you . Check out our sister site transgender heaven. It may be a place where you'll find yourself and the journey you have set. Welcome and the best to you both.
Stephanie 🌹
Maria, what a special lady you are, to feel such compassion for your SO as you go through your journey. While you are trying to deal with that journey at the same time. Us SOs often feel excluded and that for me was the hardest part. Loving my partner but knowing he wasn’t completely happy, not really knowing why, just aware of a glass wall between us. It set me on a path to find out and I did, we are dealing with it together, now. It is tough on both parties in a relationship, that is for sure. We all must just keep moving on through life and making the best of it we can, and that is difficult and complex and raises all kinds of emotions. I am learning that I can’t dwell on what was, but on what can be. When one partner isn’t who they want or need to be, then what WAS never truly existed, anyway. That is how I look at my own experiences through my life goggles... Lots of love to you darling x Sarah x