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Hello everyone, wife of a crossdresser, or maybe more than a crossdresser, I'm really not sure. We are moving, and in the process of going through stuff in our basement he found a few totes of corsets and lingerie from my boudoir photography days and took them to our bedroom. I found him trying them on and highly aroused. I had suspected for a long time he had a feminine side and given his bedroom predilections it wasn't a total shock, but when he confessed he had dreamed of being a girl since he was a child I was floored. This is my construction worker, volunteer firefighter, 2A loving, conservatively rugged husband. I asked him if he was happy being a man and his answer was definitely ambiguous. I'm so heartbroken that he has had to hide this from everyone, including me. but also heartbroken for the relationship I thought I had and would have for the rest of my life. He's already started wearing panties every day and I'm shocked and confused that I am kind of turned on by that and happy that he trusts me enough to feel comfortable doing it, but also scared of how far this might go. He says he'd love real breasts if he thought he could get away with keeping them hidden. He's the love of my life and I will support him in whatever he wants but I'm frightened I will get lost in the process.
Hi Becca,
Welcome to CDH.
Alice
Hi Becca
Please give him all the support you can. Many of us on here aren't as fortunate as he is. Bless you and best wishes for the future.
Connie
xxx
Hi Becca
Others will direct you to the Spousal group on this site which may help... as it is closed to us, I cannot say if it will or not...
I am glad you started here as it may give you different insights...
I am in the same situation - similar physical attributes (same confession came tumbling out, once she found out - maybe I said to much, yet I was tired of the lie as well) with the difference that while my SO has opted for divorce saying she can't be married to a lesbian, she is understanding of my situation...
The other reason is that she can't cope with that 25yr lie!! Which I believe is the focus issue... not sure how long you have been married, as that also has bearing on the situation...
("Advice" to others - either hide 150% or maybe say it is a sexual fetish/fantasy, it may then improve the relationship!! Yet the lie continues!!!)
I am completely devastated and the opportunities to talk and come to a compromise is fading daily...
I will have to accept my new path and learn from my mistakes!!
My advice... talk to him, tell him about your fears encourage him to talk, it is a difficult/ impossible issue that both of you have to deal with yet it could be a time and place where new boundaries are set...
Even though it is a very personal and emotional issue, please engage with "us" as there could be relationship saving experiences for all of us and by talking about issues openly it will lead to direction for you - whatever that may be...
Strengths to both of you!
Roxie.
Becca, he is still the guy you fell in love with, only more. And, if he is like many of us, his “lie” was initially to himself, and he kept things hidden out of fear of rejection.
I only speak from my point of view, but I can imagine that he probably loves you immensely and would never do anything to hurt you.
Learning about CDing and joining CDH, show to me, that you are willing to perhaps share this part of him and maybe, accept and come to love all of him. Bless you and good luck.
Much love,
Raquel
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Thank you Alice!
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Thank you Connie, I will, I love him, I just want him to be happy.
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Thank you Roxie and I am so sorry you are dealing with divorce, that is so devastating. I cannot do that to my husband, I meant every word of my marriage vows and love him now as much as I did when we married 13 years ago. The trust factor is a tough one. I am hurt he didn't think he could confide in me but I've never had to deal with something as monumental as suppressing my gender/identity. I'm more scared for the future. I don't know what will happen as this new persona comes flooding out. I don't know if he will need/want me in the same way anymore. I did tell him from this point on he has to be 100% honest with me, however badly he thinks I might react. And I will tell him about all my fears.
Becca
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Thank you BobbieSue, I have already had an ambassador reach out to me, this is such a great resource full of great people!
Becca
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Thank you Raquel, I totally want to accept whatever he decides he wants to do and who he wants to be, I'm just frightened I will get sidelined in the process. I know he would never intentionally hurt me, but as things evolve the things he wants in life might too. I guess I just have to wait and see and hope and pray.
Becca
I am 6’2” 300lbs built like an nfl linebacker. I am a former police officer now truck driver, and had a construction co on the side. I to love wearing womens clothes because its the only way i feel sexy. My wife supports me like you are supporting him. I honestly believe her support of my fem side, makes our relationship that much stronger. We even go on vacations wearing matching skirts, and no one seems to care, i think if you keep supporting him, you will grow even stronger !!
Hi Becca,
my wife is going through something similar at the moment but she said her feelings on all of it improved when she stopped worrying about where it might all lead and focussed instead where things were at now. It made it seem more manageable I think.
I don’t think anyone truly knows how far they might go towards transition but it is safe to say that different people stop at different places and it might be enough for him to just feel free at home as her with your support, or maybe he’ll stop at a later point but he won’t likely know till he gets to each stop if that’s enough. I have in my head an idea of where I’m headed and it’s definitely not full transition but my wife and I don’t talk about that much as my feelings may change as the layers of mental baggage from years of hiding this side of me fall away.
Honestly, it sounds like you’re in a good place even if it’s a bit scary at the moment. I would caution your husband to take it slow, try something new and see how that feels before jumping to the next thing. He’s exploring more than just clothes and gender can be a tangled web. Also he’ll probably go through ups and downs and may even want to back up and undo what he’s shown you so far but for most people that doesn’t last.
The important thing is that they’re still the same person you married and in fact his softer more feminine side may have been what attracted you to him in the first place. Something for you to think about anyway. Best of luck, hugs.
— Abbie 🥰
Hi Becca,
Thanks for joining CDH and sharing your story. Wishing you both all the best.
Love and hugs, Stephanie 💖
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Thank you Randy, this is actually an interesting perspective that I hadn't really absorbed yet - that it's not just that he likes the look or silkiness of women's clothes but that they make him feel sexy as a person. I have so much to learn!
Becca
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Thank you, Abbie, there is some really good advice here. I know we both need to slow down and stop knee-jerk reacting or predicting the future, it's just all a bit bewildering. And yes, it's entirely possible it was his softer feminine side I was attracted to - It was definitely his kind, protective, and funny personality that attracted me initially.
Becca
