Happy to have found this forum. Feeling overwhelmed

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Thank you so much Stephanie!

Becca

Hi Becca and welcome, I just love reading posts from SOs that are so supportive and loving. You are the unicorn that we all hope for. That mystical creature that some of us are lucky enough to have. I’m sure that you two will be able to see your way through all the problems that will need to sorted out. This site is by far the best for helping you to achieve happiness and contentment. I look forward to hearing about your journey, stay strong and true. Hugs Katie

Welcome Becca! Firstly it's awesome that you take your vows seriously and are trying to support your
husband. when I got married In honestly believed the need/desire to express my feminine side would go away (naive I know now) and did not tell my wife about Cyn. She discovered my things a year in and almost left me, but I was able to beg and plead and promise to stop (again earnest but naive) and she stayed another dozen years before divorcing me. She could neither accept or even tolerate my dressing. In retrospect, perhaps she knew even before I did that it was more than just the clothes.

No one can know with certainty what the exact cause, nature, and extent of what crossdressing means -even for ourselves. and it may change or evolve over time, or the CD may learn more about the depth of teir feelings and what they need to be true to themselves

All I can suggest is to be open and honest with each other. ask questions without judging. And realize the journey involves both of you and will affect both your lives. Where things lead and how each of you reacts to events. I wish you both good luck and feel free to ask me any questions here or by PM (private message)
Cyn

Hi Becca nice to meet you and thank you for coming here to learn more about this new girlfriend that has come into your life.. You are a wonderful wife to try and support your husbands femme side by coming here you have shown a tremendous and sweet side to you ,, We all here if we could sit with you face to face we would hug you and chat about all the things that make your Hubby/ girlfriend tick which will be a long never ending process .. I have a wonderful supportive wife like you but we met in september  she was devorced in febuary and we were married in march  and came out to her with in a week after we were married i couldnt hold it from her and thats now 38 years ago So hope you have patience and love for him and your new friend  learn from us and him and hope you have a wonderful life together hugs ..

Stephanie Bass

Welcome Becca to this wonderful Heavenly address of supportive and friendly persons.

I understand what my wife was feeling when I mustered the courage to inform her of Requal.  It must be frightening for you.

As you have read and seen there are some very experienced persons at this address who will listen to your thoughts and answer all your questions.

Congratulations on remaining and being supportive to your husband as he would be feeling just as apprehensive as you.

Hi Becca,

The fact that your here says much about your love for your SO. It a shame that some are forced into boxes that may not be such a good fit and then feel it necessary to do whatever it takes to look like they fit. I was touched by you feeling heartbroken that he felt he had to hide it all this time. It’s very insightful and hard to figure who’s the victim, if there is one. Just the fact that he bared  his soul and you are here makes me think  you are well prepared for the future.

All the best going forward,

Kate

Becca

Welcome , this is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. For you it would be extremely  difficult. I saw the shock  from  my wife as for us we were married for many years and only a short while ago that I opened up to her . The biggest concern was the mistrust I caused.   Seeing her and the hurt  that it caused was hard.  We had many talks and through this agreements and guidelines were set and together were slowly working it  out. But Cdh and it’s resources helped my wife and myself understand more about our individual troubles. I learned more about myself and she with help from a wonderful group we have here exclusive for my wife where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know. This group – private  ( wives and significant others ) .

https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/wives-and-significant-others/

For you special ladies where Cders are not allowed. Meet with them and get the support you need. Look into other forms written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topic. Things that I may say First, make sure that this is something you can deal with. If not, you need to make that clear and be honest with him and yourself

Just talk with him and find out how far he wants to take his cding. Find out his likes and how much he wants to dress up. If you can give him some space to store his clothes and some time to dress up. Sounds like you’ve taken the biggest step already in that you want to be supportive. He’s probably afraid of what you may be thinking and if you might leave him. The best way to approach this is to slowly gain his trust by answering his questions and giving advice when he asks for it. There are lots of ways to support your husband firstly - don’t judge, and talk to him, what does he like he is going to be super embarrassed so be nice. most guys have worn womans’ clothes at some point in their life and many still like to wear them.

First, figure out how far you’re comfortable with it. Some women simply tolerate and let their men enjoy it around the house while others totally embrace it and openly accompany their men in public as “girlfriends”. Also find out how far he wants to take it.

For him: How far does he intend/desire/need to take this to feel happy? Some men are content just “underdressing”, that is having the feel of something soft and feminine against their skin under their regular clothes. Some men want the whole outfit — undergarments, skirt/blouse or dress, whatever. Some men want to just briefly visit the total world of womanhood by adding the fake breasts, makeup, wig, etc. Some separate their “girl” time from the rest of their day by also going by a female-sounding name. Of those, some are perfectly fine (or even prefer) just staying home to do this, but others need to feel validated by attempting to pass in public and meet up with fellow part-time girls. men most of the time but need a little break from society’s demands on masculinity. But what if he wants to go farther? What if he wants to dress that way all the time, have you call him “her” and use a girl’s name? What if he wants hormone replacement therapy to grow real breasts? What if he wants the surgery? Now we’re talking serious and (more or less) permanent life-changing choices, and not many women are OK with that. Think of it as a breach of contract: You married him on the understanding that he was a straight, monogamous male and now he wants to change the terms of the contract you agreed to. So you should not feel obligated to accept that change or guilty about not wanting to support it. On the other hand, maybe your relationship is stronger, and more important to you, than a little thing like a sex change can’t stop that train.

Let’s assume for the moment that he is a straight, monogamous male who fully identifies as male and has no intention of any kind of permanent change. There’s still that whole range I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, and you probably have a line in your mind you’re not willing — or prepared — to cross, at least not yet. By the same token, though, he has an itch that has to be scratched one way or the other. I can tell you right now that it is very unlikely he will be able to suppress it completely, or permanently. Every crossdresser has gone through a purge process where we tell ourselves this was only a temporary phase; we throw out all our girly clothes and ignore that itch as long as we can. Some succeed! I have friends who, for religious reasons, feel compelled to suppress that urge and they have been very successful at doing so. If that’s something your husband is interested in. But they’re the exception. For most crossdressers, the compulsion is so strong that the longer we try to suppress it, the more of a psychological and emotional toll it costs. If you are unwilling to give in even a little bit, he’s going to have a very rough time of it

Other men have found similar halfway points: OK to dress at home, but not in public. OK to dress in public, but not where anybody knows you (e.g., another town). Everything except breasts is OK. Everything including breasts, but no female name. Dress and call yourself whatever you want, but go back to being all man when we’re being intimate. Do whatever you want, but not while the wife is around (“don’t ask, don’t tell”). When she really can’t bear the sight of him in femme mode, they can agree to give him specific days when he can do whatever he wants while she’s away from the house, but the rest of the time he agrees to be the man she married.

You get the idea. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. And nothing is set in stone. If you’re not comfortable with it, over time your boundaries may move. The important thing here is transparency: Once you’ve agreed to the boundaries, it’s on him to stick to what you agreed to until you’re ready to move on. I have absolutely no tolerance or sympathy for men who lie to their wives. Once that foundation of trust is demolished, it can take a lifetime to build it back up.

As a dress-wearing husband to an understanding wife, I thank you for taking this step to understand your man’s needs.

Many face this troubling ordeal but be assured you have support and help from everyone here . Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. The best to you both as  you venture through these new paths together . Very happy meeting you and welcome.

Stephanie 🌹

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Thank you Katie, all the support here has been a blessing and I'm feeling a lot better about everything. I've talked it over extensively with my husband and we're taking it step by step. I'm sure there will be bumps in the road but we both just want each other to be happy.

Becca

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Thank you so much Cynthia, we have had a lot of conversations about it since I got support on here and I think we're both in a better place as a result. He admitted he doesn't even know exactly what he wants and how far he wants to take it so we'll just take it step by step and keep reassessing our comfort levels. We both want this to work no matter what.

Becca

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Aww thank you Stephanie, I'm blown away by all the kindness on this site. 38 years is amazing. We just celebrated 13. I'm feeling so much better about everything. We have talked a lot and both of us want each other to be happy. We'll see how it all develops!

Becca

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Thank you Requal. I was less scared about his cross dressing (and where that may lead) and more scared about becoming the third wheel in the relationship. We've talked about it a lot and he has reassured me he doesn't want that to happen and he wants me to be happy too. We're both feeling pretty optimistic about things, we'll take it slowly.

Becca

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Thank you Kate, I've realized as we've analyzed it more how much of a box he has been forced into throughout his life, particularly due to religion and family expectations.  But we will work through this together and hopefully we'll end up stronger.

Becca

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Thank you Stephanie!! This is a great explanation of all the different scenarios we may encounter and definitely food for thought. Right now I think he's just relieved that I'm supportive and I'm not going anywhere and he has reassured me that he will be open and honest with me from now on and that also he doesn't want me to feel sidelined by all of this. He's not sure yet how far he wants to take all this. And honestly I can't say what would be a hard limit for me because it's all so new to me. We'll take it slow and see how it evolves!

Becca

Welcome Becca!

Hi Becca

You have most definitely come to the right place for help and support. As you have already received lots of responses, many of them quite long, I won't go into why you should or should not be doing or really offering any other advice. You need to read what has been written by the other members and consider them. My offer of help is of you to PM me if you wish and talk thorough your thoughts and fears, If I can help in any way, I am more than happy to.............