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Hello,
I’m Karen, I am from the UK, 44 and amab. I have only been crossdressing for about 5 months, but I have been crossdreaming from time to time since puberty.
I only crossdress in private as I am very shy and not all that at peace with what I do.
I have found it fills a need and one that I had not realised existed. I also enjoy it and this leaves me conflicted. I quite often feel ashamed and guilty for what I do and I don’t entirely know why. It may be my Dad who doesn’t know I crossdress and I don’t think would understand if I told him. I am single and live with my Dad and only dress when he’s out. I don’t want to stop and don’t think I could, now that I have started.
I don’t know for sure why I crossdress and this does cause me quite a lot of anxiety. I have wondered if I was non binary, but apart from the occasional crossdreaming, there isn’t much evidence from my childhood to support that. That said, according to Wikipedia’s pages on masculinity and femininity, I think all my traits are feminine.
I have quite a severe form of personality disorder and my psychiatrist and therapist have different views as to why I crossdress.
My Psychiatrist thinks it is just a trait of my personality disorder.
My therapist thinks I have constructed this persona to satisfy the failed parts of my personality. She doesn’t see anything wrong with what I do and has suggested that I come to therapy, sometime, as Karen.
Well thank-you for making it to the end of my post. I hope to find answers and insight here, so may ask a few questions later. Though it takes me a while to post as I have to pluck up the courage to do so.
Love Karen.
Hello an welcome,
I'd suggest going to therapy as Karen, your story is not unique.
Love
Lisa
Balance-Dignity-acceptance-responsibility
Welcome Karen as another CD from the UK. I am also very new to this and can not help on understanding the reason why as I do not fully iuderstand why I have reached this point and perhaps hesitant to think tinink too deeply about it.
Hello Karen,
Welcome to this wonderful site. You do not have to be afraid to post here. This is a very welcoming and accepting place. yes trying to figure out why we dress ? There seems be no clear answer. This desire came back for me 3 years ago after I thought it was probably gone for good. and it is stronger than ever before. I have read lots of stories about it. I have been to therapy about it. it just seems to be something that starts at young age Slows down as life gets busy. but never really seems to go away. I just think the only answer seems to be We are just born this way. I have no Other way of explaining it to my self. when I think of all the Stress I put my self under Going out to different places dressed. The feeling to do it will just not go away. and I know it not going to. Yes because we enjoy it the Guilt and shame can be tough to deal with at times. but every body on here has gone or going through this I can tell you things get easier over time. ( Their is nothing wrong with what we do it is who we are. ) The world is changing Slowly. I am Canadian and even my Federal and provincial Government's have passed laws around the protection of Gender Expression. Much of all the fears lie with in me. But I work on this fear with small steps forward. And so will you. You are far greater and stronger than you believe you are and you will shine through in time. read some of the great posts here they are very helpful. and when you are ready you will take steps at your pace.
Hugs
Amanda
I agree with Lisa in that you follow through and see your therapist as Karen. I mean, isn’t that the point?
Thanks for sharing your story.
Hello Karen,
Welcome to CDH we hope you will be happy and enjoy your time here.
I see that you restarted your dressing just 5 months ago. You also did some in puberty. So your feminine desire has never left.
Having been into the CD/Trans world many years I'll tell you that the feminity within you will never go away. If anything the feminity in you will increase over time.
Go see both your Theropist and Psychitrist dressed as Karen as some others have said. You'll be amazed with what they will say.
Hope you enjoy it here.
Totally agree with the other ladies here.
Have courage, Karen
Love,
Catarina
Welcome to CDH Karen and thanks for sharing your story. You are not alone and many of us feel conflicted about crossdressing. I too have struggled balancing the excitement and desire to dress with the resulting guilt and shame that can follow. It has gotten easier and I have accepted that the desire to dress will never go away.
Reach out anytime. You will find CDH to be a very supportive community.
Hugs - Gabi
Thank you for all your replies, they are very helpful and make me quite tearful, but a good tearful.
Love Karen.
Welcome Karen!
Hello and welcome Karen,
Please be at ease here as we have all experienced the guilt and shame in differing levels from our earliest memories of dressing up as a female. There should be no shame or guilt because truly it is who we are and some feel it is who we were born as. I myself believe strongly that I was not born in the correct body or, simply, as the correct sex! The medical and psychiatric world have tried to explain the why’s for our crossdressing and gender identity difference from our sex assigned at birth but have come to the conclusion that they cannot truly explain the why. Many believe we are born this way, which is what I subscribe to, and I know you are fearful to express this side of yourself. That is normal for most who find their way here. You will find this is a safe haven for your thoughts and the expression of who you are. You may notice I keep mentioning the phrase “who you are” or “who we are” because if you look into your heart, mind, and soul you just might see that this phrase is truth. Who we are is truly who we perceive ourselves to be at our deepest core being. Now for some this is not truth and they are truly a male who desires to dress as a female because it gives them joy. There is no right or wrong in the why because it just is. Feel free to ask questions in the forums because there is a wealth of knowledge here that is second to none in sites such as this. I do hope you can be at ease and express yourself here. Going to your therapy or psychiatry session as Karen has quite the potential to show who you are when expressing yourself as Karen! This is a possibility I hadn’t thought of for my therapy sessions and if it feels good to me on my first time trying it I believe that I will continue to do so as it will reduce my fear of being myself in public. That is certainly a safe way to become comfortable at expressing yourself as female. Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗
Danielle💋👠
Welcome to CDH
Kayla
Welcome Karen, we are with you. *Sera/ Sauron* I walk two lanes at most times. I was programmed one way but I have always had a feeling to like more fem things.
Nothing is wrong with you at all. In life we seek out others to help understand ourselves better.