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Hi, I’m Beverly Philips. I had a major revelation on Halloween (2018)... I dressed as a lady (of course!). 😊 When it was time to undress, I did not want to take my pretty clothes, makeup and jewelry off. In fact, I stayed dressed until time for bed and then very reluctantly took off what felt so strangely right! This really puzzled me (not to mention my wife 😊). I began searching and quickly came to realize that for most of my life I had been repressing and denying a significant, yet mostly silent, part of me. Being 65 years old, I guess that makes me pretty slow on the uptake. lol. But in my defense, having been raised in the Southern Baptist Church and the Bible Belt culture, I felt so guilty and ashamed, I didn’t have access to my gender issues. I also didn’t have the knowledge or language to recognize what was going on with me. I have come to realize and embrace being gender-fluid. This was quite a shock and a relief. It explained a lot about some thoughts, feelings and events in my life! 😊
I’m an avid gardener; I love most genre’s of music (especially 60’s & 70’s rock). I love being a husband, father and a “Papa.” My wife and I had one biological daughter and later adopted four more children. We recently learned our youngest is pregnant with her first… Yeah!… I think?… I don’t believe I have another 12 yrs. of trampolines, back rides, and training dragons left in me… (oooh yes I do!!!) 😊.
Since I was able to find Beverly (approx. 17 months ago), I have crossdressed every night with very few exceptions. Although I don’t have the words to express the joy and inspiration this has brought me, I also have concerns regarding where all this is taking me. It seems I am being consumed by the thoughts of perfecting the art of being female. This compulsion evolved into me wanting to be female, and then later into realizing that I also didn’t want to give up being male. This has worked out pretty good with me being gender-fluid and all! tee, hee.
My wonderful wife (for 32 yrs) has come to accept and even embrace all of me. When I came out to my youngest daughter and son-in-law, she said “Aw dad, we grew up with this stuff.” I was sooo grateful and relieved! Unfortunately, as time has passed, I now feel an awkwardness around my gender-fluidity. I have been trying to slowly desensitize her, but I think it’s time for a straight conversation. We have always had a wonderful loving relationship. I don’t want my gender issues to become an “unspeakable”. One of my goals is for us to enjoy and celebrate my relatively new found freedom to be my whole self.
Being retired, I have a lot of time to read, think about and practice being a “girl.” It has been a real emotional roller coaster! I really struggle with identifying as Beverly. I realize I spend the majority of my time perfecting the illusion and less time getting to know the part of me that is Beverly. Most of the time I see a man in a dress. On very few occasions I have actually felt… being Beverly. I hear this gets easier. 😊
I live in Jeffersonville, IN (right across the Ohio river from Louisville, KY) and have had no success in meeting like-minded souls. After a year of practicing makeup, walking, voice, mannerisms and dress, I became deluded, thinking I could pass. After a few “Girl’s days out” with my wife, I realized, what a grave mistake!!!! 😊
Since finding CDH, much of the isolation, shame and guilt has faded. I no longer feel so uniquely weird! lol. I’m very excited and grateful for the opportunity to become an active member of this caring community. I look forward to getting to know many of you ladies, as well as to be known. 😊 Peace…
Beautiful intro, I very much enjoyed reading it. Theses feelings I too have experience for many a year but with everyday life and family responsibilities I could never bring out my true calling. Since my teens I've always dreamed of what would be like dressing up as a woman as I was always so memorized when young watching the girls at school in how they dressed and socialized among themselves. Even back in school when all the boys were out playing our games I would constantly be eyeing the girls and wishing I was over there enjoying interacting in their activities. Now many years later for some unforeseen reason this complustion began to bubble up again. Married for 40+ years and raising 3 daughters I experience my share of estrogen through those years and now think this may have triggered my conscience to past feelings. So after becoming a empty nester it came apparent I needed to follow these feelings and began experienceing what's been trapped in my heart. I married my childhood sweetheart who I first met on a blind date when I was 16 and her turning 15. 6 years later we got married and life together started. 3 years ago I opened up to her and after shock, anger and and much pain for breaking our trust she began accepting as communications opened and now enjoy who I am now. Long road, a rough path but today I'm enjoying my femininity and my wife who's still processing this is starting to feel more comfortable.
Coming to Cdh was likely the best thing that could have happened to me in accepting this in myself and realizing this not weird or wrong but accepting and having my wife's blessings and support from so many I've met here I'm enjoying being Stephanie as much as possible. My daughters unfortunately do not know but this I'm sure will change as life goes on.
Sharing experiences is so helpful and fun to explore more as you get comfortable with being here. Very nice meeting you and look forward to seeing you here soon.
Stephanie 🌹
Hi Beverly, Teralynn here. Welcome to CDH and thanks for sharing your story with us. I don’t have time right now to address all the similarities you and share, but sometime today I will send you another post with lots more information. For now just know that the girls here are friendly and supportive. They will accept you as you are and will be eager to interact with you if you let them. If I can ever be of service please feel free to contact me through this site and let me know how I can help. A post on my home profile page wall will get the fastest response. - Blessings
Very good profile enjoyed reading it. We have all experiant the same feelings. I came out to my wife of 50 years and she didn't take it well and she is not supportive but I can live with it
Good luck
Hi Beverly ,
I am Patty and I live in Louisville Ky.
Its so nice to find someone close by That likes to be feminine but is struggling with things also.
I am in a similar boat except my wife is just tolerant and my daughter doesn't know.
I am 55 give me a PM sometime maybe we can have a cup of coffee or lunch after this virus issue is over.
I would love to talk to you.
Patty
A BIG welcome to you, Beverly! At one point in my life, I lived in Indiana...not so very far from where you are...and it was there that I realized that my feminine side was dominate and would eventually become all of me! Now (nearly 50 years later)...I am nearly whole - and I wouldn't trade a second of my life!
Hugs,
Shawna
What an awesome introduction Beverly, thank you and welcome.
There certainly is alot more to this mentally than we first anticipate it starts to sink in after the primary rush we get from the clothes. Those of us who realized this in ourselves a little later in life need to adjust and play catch up a bit quicker. Being here on this site with the thought provoking posts helps us realize and consider things that hadn't before been pondered. Forming and writing honest responses sometimes helps us work things out.
Enjoy being here and being you
Olivia
Hi Beverly,
Welcome to CDH.
Alice
Hi, hello, and welcome to Crossdresser Heaven! You have just arrived at the best and greatest CD site on the web! CDH has tons of very helpful crossdressing information, tips, and support from real people just like you! We highly encourage new CDH members to ask questions no matter how trivial you think they may be, as we are happy to answer to the best of our ability. We also love a well written profile, this helps everyone to get to know you better as the beautiful woman you are! We hope that you enjoy your stay here at CDH, as we are happy to have you as a part of our wonderful community.
Thank you, Samantha Roarke
Welcome Beverley!
Hi Stephanie, my wife and I highly recommend a book called "My husband Betty" by Helen Boyd. It is written from the perspective of the wife and is very insightful. It really facilitated meaningful discussions between me and my wife. What a wonderful exciting ride!😊 ✌and inspiration... Beverly Phillips
