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Hello, I am Diana, I am mexican living in the Netherlands

10 Posts
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Posts: 2
Lady
Topic starter
(@dianitabb)
New Member     Amersfoort, Netherlands
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi, My name is Diana

I am starting to recognize myself as a gender-fluid person, heterosexual in both of my genders, My male part drives my life most of the time, but sometimes the Diana wants to come out, some times more often and stronger than others. The best days using lingerie and getting sexual pleasure by myself was enough to calm Diana, with the further feeling of being grotesque and repulsive. The worst days, the desire to be Diana beyond the walls plus the fear to be discovered and the lack of tolerance existing on my country, took me to discover the darkest side of the gay world, the saunas, dark rooms and erotic cinemas, doing things that I am not proud at all, getting a distorted image of what makes me feel as a woman, that image made me feel like a monster, and I'd been fighting against Diana for several years, I though that I was winning that battle....
Until now, I moved here the last year and probably the distance, the stress of how difficult were the first months being here, but Diana's wishes to come out turned bigger than ever, so, I planned everything, a date in the calendar, a remote closet, money enough to get a nice outfit, a place where nobody knows me and of course, the dark room - who will want to see the ugly and grotesque Diana in the light?
My plan was perfect on my mind, I would get the stuff as a man and turned into Diana in that place. First stop, lingerie, I did not hesitate to ask for help to a lady in the store to find a bra for my size, for me, I was in heaven, second, shoes and clothes, I came in doubtlessly directly to the women shoes section, then picked some clothes and went to the fitting room with no shame, I got perfectly fitting clothes and shoes for first time ever!! Last step, Danae trans-missie store, you probably know who they are. By then I was already wearing the lingerie under my men's clothes...
Special panties, boobs and a nice wig, I could't wait to wear everything immediately, I saw myself in the mirror and I loved it, the fear was gone and I left the store completely dressed as Diana. Something suddenly changed on me! for first time the sex was off of the table and I was being a woman without it, I decided to find a place to get a cup of coffee instead, but I parked near to the erotic cinema just in case. I will make it! I though, when I was walking in a lonely street, hearing my steps, watching my reflect in every possible place, then a crowd, the ugly picture came to me again, I heard a couple of laughs behind me and I was sure that they were laughing on me, I felt as everyone were looking at me and the fear took power of me, I walked as far as possible to hide into the sex shop and paid my entry to the cinema.
Everything was too dark for the shiny lady that I just met few minutes ago, there were no place to see my reflect, and the smell was invading my bran new clothes, I broke into tears, I wast't brave enough to go out again I did not want neither to stay there. I tried for a second time, the result was better, my walk was longer and my steps slower, but at the end I finished in the same place instead of my cup of coffee, once again, the sex was out of the table.
I am looking for friends like me, to go out together to shopping or to take a coffee, I dont want sex, I just want to be a common girl
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9 Replies
Posts: 619
Lady
(@jessica63)
Honorable Member     South Yorkshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Diana,

Welcome, it is lovely to meet you.  I am in the UK but happy to chat anytime.  I am sure you will find many friends here, CDH is a wonderful and supportive place.

Jessica x.

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Posts: 249
Lady
(@sammatha)
Reputable Member     BELFAST, County Antrim, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Welcome diane

Lots of great girls to talk to and become friends with. Keep smiling. You are very brave in your move to holland.

Love sammatha x

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Posts: 4
Lady
(@monicaxaustin)
New Member     Austin, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hola Diana,

Comprendo perfectamente tu sentir, ese temor / nerviosismo de estar en publico y no saber lo que piense la gente cuando una solo buscar pasar un dia "en femme".

Estamos lejos como para conocernos personalmente, pero cuanta conmigo para cualquier tema o dudas que tengas.  A lo largo del tiempo, creo haber logrado dominar el arte de actuar como una mujer y pasar desapercibida, al grado que invariablemente, otras mujeres se han acercado a mi para preguntar sobre mi bolsa o para decirme que les gustan mis zapatos, joyeria o cosas por el estilo.

Un abrazo y espero estar en contacto y ayudarte en lo que necesites.

Saludos,

Monica

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Posts: 2
Lady
Topic starter
(@dianitabb)
New Member     Amersfoort, Netherlands
Joined: 5 years ago

Gracias hermosa!

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Hola Diana! Concuerdo con Monica... tambien te entiendo.

El estar lejos de nuestro país y nuestras familias tiene muchas cosas dificiles de sobrellevar. Pero al menos para mi me abrió las puertas al poder salir sin temor de que nadie me fuera a reconocer... En fin, ojalá podamos platicar en el futuro.

Besos,

Gaby

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Posts: 7139
Ambassador
(@rose)
Illustrious Member     Peterborough , Ontario, Canada
Joined: 8 years ago

Diana, welcome . You’ll find many friends in an environment where all can enjoy our femininity without judgement. Hopefully your find someone close to enjoy that time out.  To enjoy having coffee,  shopping and just being girls having a girls day out. This is a beautiful place with wonderful people like yourself. Happy meeting you and looking forward to seeing you around here.

Stephanie 🌹

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Posts: 3150
(@mnewman111)
Famed Member     Fort Lauderdale, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

Welcome Diana!

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Posts: 1524
Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hello Diana !

Welcome to CDH !

This is the perfect site to embrace your feminine side. The ladies here are friendly and compassionate. Read some forums, articles, profiles check into the chatroom to say hello. Send friend requests to those who seem to fit well with you.

This is a wonderful place

-Hugs

Autumn

 

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Posts: 22
(@mstaylorandrews)
Eminent Member     Blackstone, Virginia, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Welcome Diana! I understand and relate to what you said and we are all here for you. We are excited to meet you and hope we make you feel welcomed! You can message me and talk anytime you want!

Best wishes and hugs, Taylor.

Reply

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