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Hi everyone, looking forward to meeting you.
Ive very recently discovered that my partner is identifying as a cross dresser. I thought he just enjoyed wearing my tights for kicks but I now know he dresses up when I’m not there and I found a profile he put online. That profile made me realise it’s more than just a kink, it’s actually part of him that is here to stay. I want to try and understand and get to know it - the parts of him I DO know are wonderful! But I don’t know much about this one... I’m hoping he’ll open up about it when he is ready but in the meantime, I am hoping to make friends and gain insights from both Significant Others and the TG community. Still feeling hurt at the deceit that’s gone with him hiding this, but wanting to put that aside...
love to you all! xxx
Hi Sarah,
I've sent you a PM. Welcome to CDH you will find lots of support here
Welcome Sarah
I understand your feeling hurt at the deceit but you have to understand his position. He has most likely been CDing for a long time like most of us. It is a very well guarded secret and very embarrassing to admit. Please don't hold this against him. He is probably terrified of losing you if he comes out. It also gives you way to much control if your relationship should fail. It is a very difficult position for us to deal with due to the various negative issues that could destroy our lives. It will be hard for him to trust you but don't take it personally. I was married for 18 years and no way I could come out to her and sure glad I didnt. There is more failures than success stories by coming out to SOs. Good luck and tread lightly.
All my best. Mikayla
My dear Sarah,
Yes it was mentioned about "deceit" being hurtful, but you must realize that its a hidden secret that most women do not understand (are you gay???) and as Mikayla and others of us understand, the idea of revealing our secret passion can be terrifying...and the thought of losing a spouse and a friend over this can be something which we avoid at all costs.
I too have hidden this part of me for many a year from many of my own family, friends, and children. I was taught by 3 of my 17 aunts to dress with and for them...hiding the activity from my mother (one of the 17 girls) and later from my first (mentally ill and suicidal) wife. Only my second (also deceased) wife allowed it and participated in the privacy of the home.
You will find that a number of us are in that position, hiding this secret from our wives and friends because of the issues involved and the possibility of problems it causes within a relationship along with the damage it might cause in the event of divorce.
Hiding the need to dress...most have done that...only a few of us willing to reveal our private selves...hoping it will not cause the relationship to suffer.
Wanting to crossdress does not automatically mean that we are "gay" either...some of us dress to become the women we adore...and want nothing to do with other men...
We are, most of us, willing to chat about the various aspects of crossdressing, and some of us are here to learn more about ourselves, this special need, and to meet others who dress in that effort to understand this fascinating world.. And Most of us hope to meet that special woman who wants us to dress up...if only in the privacy of the home.
I've been married twice (both deceased) and only the second understood my own need to dress as the person I felt I was...deep inside...and in the privacy of the bedroom. I'm willing to answer any of your questions...just ask...
I am the Very Erotic "Snow-Queen of Tarts" Suzanne LeBizarre - wicked grins - and NO, its NOT drugs! I and STD, HIV, and Drug FREE and intend to remain that way.
Sarah life sometimes becomes confusing at the best of times and to have this laid on you must be be certainly stressful . I saw this first hand with my wife. Married for close to 40 wonderful years and just last year's after many years of hiding I got the nerve to open up to her. Needless to say her reaction was well much of what I read here and more . Shock, confusion and much anger. Why now and now when I should of. Easier said than done. I too was scared, not as much for the mistrust of holding this in silence but afraid of the possibility of losing her. Our relationship is very strong and we have faced many hurtles in life but as you are experiencing this is certainly a game changer. I'm still quite nervous about this in front of her and trying to discover this is difficult not just for you but us too. Through our time we learn more into talking about this. She needed to know certain facts, my current interest, and I'm happy with our relationship, am I gay, do I still love her and many more and probably questions only you girls would need to know. After the anger, the hurt and confusions settle more became comfortable and her with our agreements and guidelines our feelings began connect again and now enjoy our relationship with a new twist. Slowly were adjusting and together were learning and one thing that we found very important is not moving ahead until we're both comfortable in doing so . Most importantly to share our lives with the love we always held deep and experience a new part of our lives. Finding So site as you have is a wonderful place for special ladies like yourself and with help there I'm sure you'll learn, understand more and realized that as dramatic this seams to be life could be far worse. Happiness is a feeling that is hard in everyday life to always find but this well could become wonderful and fun and for me I'm better understanding my wife a lot more ,after all were just trying to be like you, a better and happier soul who only wants to express our softer ways . Very nice meeting you and hope you find your answers here and remember we support everyone and especially you lovely gg. ladies. Best to the both of you .
Stephanie 🌹
Thanks so much Stephanie, Mikayle, Suzanne and all those who have PMd me. I am extremely lucky to have found this site so early on. Your perspectives are incredibly helpful and I'm very grateful. I am realising that him hiding this was not really a choice but a necessity in lots of ways - certainly in his past it was.