Hey ya'll

Wow. No counselor here,just know that a man can love a woman/wife with all his heart and still just feel a need to be feminine. I'm a man, with a beautiful woman inside. It's nice to be softer and more sensitive. It's a strange thing. Just don't assume that dressing means we're gay. It can be a fun thing if you're willing to trust he loves you.

Talk and explore. You might just find it's fun to have a husband and girlfriend all in one package.

Tom/Jen

Hi Edith,

Welcome to CDH.  Be sure to join the forum for wives and significant others.  It’s private and solely  for  wives and significant others.

Alice

Know it's not about him not loving you. Hard to explain. It's about your husband just accepting his other side. And hoping you can accept him. The fact that he opened up to you is a sign that he trusts and loves you so much.

You're lucky that he trusts you as he does. Good man.

Jen/tom

Well said I agree

Edith
I think it’s really great that you are willing to investigate and get second opinions. I can and can’t imagine your surprise and concern.

I’ve not opened up about it yet to my wife. I’m all over the place trying to quess at her reaction. I’m really interested in your advice and perspective. Possibly not until you’ve come to a conclusion.

I think it’s amazing you are here and asking.

I would be happy to be friends and share notes or have a discussion or dialogue about how this all progresses.

Lizzy

Hi Edith!

Welcome to CDH!

We are a very supportive community and it's great you are here to support your husband.

I am a private dresser with no SO so can't be too helpful, but just know everyone here will help you as they can and as your comfort level allows.

Wishing you both all the best.

Catherine

Hello Edith,

Welcome to CDH, I am so happy you are I wish more biologically born women were here to offer opinions in addition to those already here. The fact that you are here tells me that you love your husband. I am a type A heterosexual crossdresser and if you read my bio it may help you and your husband in possibly relating to your situation. I am sure you were shocked to only recently finding this out about the love of your life. There are no excuses for it being hidden from you for so long, however I will share that for many of us at one point when as young boy or teenage boy had some sort of influence, event or experience with crossdressing. For some possibly many and then suppressed it for long periods of time thought it would go away when marrying a woman to share a life with. The responsibility of marriage, work, family for many crossdressing becomes dormant for different time periods some long many years some shorter and then gone and then it can be triggered by many things and it comes back. Most likely for many of us it had a sexual connection to it, but not for all. I encourage you to read as much as you can about crossdressing to write down all the questions you have for your husband and then after doing your research and with the knowledge you gain and or acquire ask those questions of your husband so you can feel comfortable in what varying level it may be or where it is going what he envisions with his crossdressing what you envision or may want if you decide to reach some level of support and understanding. If you do set some mutual common ground rules you still need to talk about crossdressing a minimum of a few times a year as for some they progress after dressing and want more or feel different beyond crossdress as wanting to feel and be more like a real woman and take on roles that are more typical with the traditional female. We are all similar yet different here at CDH and the women we love and have loved all have different varying levels of support and understanding. Many have never been told at all due to the fear of losing those women due to crossdressing. Many of us have had severe shame and guilt  and many purges of female items in our own personal journeys. The most consistent thing we have is it does not go away. I hope that you and your husband’s communication can be honest open and loving and that you can find a level that works for both of you. Please join the Significant Others only discussion where you can here from other women on their personal perspectives and thoughts from their experiences. Remember this is who he is and although it affects you it has nothing to do with you being a woman or how you look dress or present yourself this is a part of him for whatever reason or reasons. Many of us have searched for answers unable to find them we have choose to stop the destruction cycle and accept that is ok to be a man who accepts female qualities and desires fir me it makes me a better more  understanding and loving man. Best wishes to you and your man. If you would like to ever speak privately I would gladly share my experiences with you Edith.

Hugs to you and yours!
April

Hi Edith

Firstly, I love it so much that you've come here looking for ways to support your husband. That alone tells us how much you love him.

So, while this won't relate directly to your circumstances, here goes!

I'm single, trans, and I dress full time at home. Although I've never felt ashamed or embarrassed about my need to wear women's clothes, for most of my adult life I still lived in fear of someone finding out. The reason was that I was terrified that if they knew what I was, then they would reject me. For me at least, that was what kept me in the closet for such a very long time.

Less than a month ago I finally pulled together the courage to tell my Mother. Believe me, it was a very difficult thing to do. I felt the full weight of that lifetime of fear. I got in quickly with answers to the first questions that I knew she would probably ask. No, I'm not gay. No, it doesn't mean that I want a sex change!

I was very lucky in that, actually, she didn't see it as a major thing at all. Her rapid acceptance came down to:

a). it's just clothes.
b). it's not hurting anybody.
c). if it makes you happy, why not?
d). you only have one life, enjoy it.

A week later I told one of my sisters, with a similar reaction.

I can't even begin to describe to you how much of a release it is that the people I love most in life know about and accept me.

While I don't know your own circumstances, the phrase 'I recently found out' might suggest that it was an accidental discovery on your part rather than a confession on his. The fact that you've been married for 35 years tells us that you love each other very much. For the last few years, he's kept his crossdressing hidden because of the crippling fear I mentioned above. Now you know about it, talking to each other is vital.

Two things that Jenny said bear repeating; 'It's not about him not loving you' and 'A man can love a woman/wife with all his heart and still just feel a need to be feminine'.

He's still the same person.

I'm really not sure if any of this helps! I hope so.

Hugs

Ellie x

Hi Edith so nice to meet you and your here to support your husband/Girlfriend he he .. What a wonderful woman you are .. As my story goes met wife got married told her about Stephanie and like you she supported her and me both thats been 40+ years now Like you being a treat to have thanks for the support to your girlfriend/Husband thats awesome ..

Hugs Stephanie Bass

Hi Edith, welcome! I applaud your bravery in making the effort come here (or anywhere) to learn more. It says a lot about your character and your marriage!

I feel quite strongly that the spouses need their own support. Generally we've had the insider's position for decades and we still sometimes struggle with the issue. The spouses usually have had much less time and have an outsider's perspective, to boot!

I have a GF of 9yrs who is fully supportive, and I'd be happy to chat publicly or privately if you like. The biggest key is to try and remove any shame associated with this. Once that hurdle is cleared, the understanding can really begin. 🙂

- M

Allowing cultivating the feminine side of the male,
Is it quite healthy saying to do especially as we mature in ourselves and begin to question meaning and thinking outside the box to all the scripting in life that we have lived other people's definition of who we are or should be. When you open that door and you start processing you begin to see that there is another part called feminine that is asking to come out and find her voice and her place within you. And that has absolutely nothing to do with the wife that he has or how much love he feels for her it's an entirely separate process and he's so needs his wife support and encouragement to allow it to Blossom and flourish sure it's potential. And as in my own case you find that the relationship with my my supportive wife is richer and deeper. And with a smile on my face I say and now she has a new girlfriend to go shopping with an out for lunch. Smiles Stephanie

It is wonderful to see you join us here, Edith!

With patience to have things settle down, and a willingness to learn, you should be able to get at least comfortable with crossdressing. Some wives even enjoy it and have more fun getting closer with their husbands.

Please reach out to any of us, if you feel the need.

Never have I seen such an outpouring  of welcome.  Ellie, and April have the way with words, so nothing I could add except remember he is madly in love with you, his best friend and confidant.

As my wife says , theres a lot worse things in life than c/dressing , she has supported me in my c/d adventure and helps with make up etc , we make it a fun time together and do girly things , we have found that it has brought us closer if anything (we been married 44 years).Just enjoy and be happy.