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Topic starter
(@cdheaven)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 9 years ago

Hello, I'm a long time secret dresser who had about one year of freedom when I came out to my wife. After that year it's now taboo and not discussed. It's something I just can't make go away. Anyway looking for encouragement and like minded conversation.

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(@Anonymous)
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Hi Davina;

Unfortunately, my own revelations to past spouses went over like led balloons. But over time, I've healed and finally felt comfortable with my femininity. I'm sure there are many similar stories here from other members.

i can't say enough about how loving and understanding all the girls are. CDH has been a godsend for me in so many ways. So glad you are among us.

Hugs, Erica

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(@Anonymous)
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Hi Davina. I have just come out to my wife and so far so good.. but i am curious why things went well for you for a year but are suddenly taboo.

I am always conscious that i need to establish some boundaries with my wife over my crossdressing to prevent it from overtaking our relationship. I just wondered if you could advise me on any pitfalls i need to avoid. x

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(@Anonymous)
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I didn't exactly come out, more "sneaked out"' and things went well. unfortunately, I pushed too far and "dressed" for 48 hours. This was over the top for my wife, we argued and she took a couple of days to calm down. I should have seen the signs of stress after 24 hours, discussed the situation and backed off. I think we sometimes get rapped up in our own desires and tend to loose track of our SOs feelings. I've learnt now not to push too hard, too quickly.

Grace

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Posts: 10
(@ashley1984)
Active Member     Lexington, KY, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Hi Davina, and welcome!

It was up and down for my wife in the beginning and now she supports me and though she doesn't care to see me en femme, she still wants to know about when I've done it, when I buy nail polish, not to be a nanny, but because she wants to be interested in the things I'm interested in. Perhaps she's faking it sometimes, but if she is, she's doing a really great job.

In the beginning, when she would have a rough day thinking about my coming out to her, I would try to frame it in my head that I had performed a bait and switch on her. She married me with one understanding of who I am (though that is complicated too), but she didn't know until almost eight years of marriage that I was a hetero crossdresser. This is a new paradigm for our marriage that never came up in premarital counseling. Thus if she needed me to back off or knock it off, I felt that it was totally okay for her to do so. I'm not trying to make this normative for everyone else; it is only my experience.

Best of luck, Davina!

Ashley

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Topic starter
(@cdheaven)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 9 years ago

We had a child. She became hesitant around our child and didn’t want myself exposed to our family.

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Posts: 166
(@terrisa)
Estimable Member     Mississauga , Ontario, Canada
Joined: 7 years ago

Hi Davina, the same thing also happened to me when my wife started popping out kids. Lol the only suggestions are:

  1. Only do it in private as in welcome back to the closet.
  2. Keep wearing the under garments
  3. Just stop

It's her motherly instincts of protection kicking in and you need to keep having open honest dialogue but you also have to see her points as well.  Any relationship is a two way street that are filled with wants and needs. There are many girls here in their 40's (with kids that are now adults) that are finally saying "I've raised my kids and now it's my turn to do what I desire."  It is a hard road ahead but only you can be the one to decide what is best for you and your family. And with any family there are sacrifices we must all make.  Hugs -Terrisa

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