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Hello ladies,
I've been a member for a while but haven't participated much. However, I recently told 2 amazing women I work with about my fashion taste. It was a spontaneous decision but it was received amazingly well and ended in lots of hugs and our friendship has been elevated to a wonderful new level. It's really been a fabulous experience. I'm an engineer in a male dominated industry and these 2 amazing women are among very few females in our team. I feel so lucky to be accepted and welcomed as one of the girls. Since opening up to them we chat endlessly about all kinds of stuff.
Of course the question came up - why do you wear women's clothes? To be honest, I stopped trying to figure it out long ago, but they forced me to revisit it and it's been a fun little journey and I thought I would share if anyone is interested.
First of all -I'm not gay, I don't want to be a woman, don't feel any need to transition, and it's not a kink thing I do to get off. If anyone falls in any of those categories please know that I love you and I'm 100% behind you and ready to help kick the ass of any one who gives you sh*t for it.
I think I was 7 years old. My aunt was babysitting me and I was playing in my cousin's room alone. I came across this amazing little girl party dress - yellow satin and all ruffles and lace and sequins and tulle (I love that I have friends I can talk about tulle with!!). I was totally in awe of it and all I could think was "that is needed in my life!!!". I put it on and looked in the mirror and saw a cute little girl absolutely beaming with joy.
That was it for me. Any opportunity to dress up I grabbed. Like most of us, I assume, I struggled at times - felt guilty, felt weird, felt shame, tried to stop. Eventually I got older, got a good job and got my own place and just said f*ck it, this is me. Even then it wasn't always easy - girlfriends hated it, going out and doing "guy" stuff was complicated with shaved legs and painted nails. But that was my life for the past ~20 years.
My dad passed away last year and it was a long struggle and turning 48 I started realizing I couldn't deny the dreaded "middle age". But it made me think a lot.
Wearing women's clothes just makes me happy. It's a way of accessing a part of me that doesn't get much expression. It's a creative experience. It's accessing a side of me that society says no to. I believe everyone has male and female aspects and being open to that opens you to so much more in the world. Maybe I've been female in past lives?
I love and respect and admire women in so many ways. I read somewhere once that for some crossdressing is an attempt to be like, or to be close to, what you admire most. I realize that putting on a dress doesn't make me a woman or let me experience the world as women do, I'm aware of that. But it does make me feel connected in a way.
The world puts pressure on everyone, men and women. I guess more so on women than on men. I'm okay being a man and I do my best at it, but somedays I need a break from it. Somedays I just need to be soft, to be delicate and to feel pretty. Owning that and saying it out loud is liberating as f*ck!
I know I won't win any beauty pageants and probably some people think I look ridiculous - well, like everyone else I do the best I can with what I was given.
So after empowering conversations with these 2 amazing women, I've decided I'm just done keeping it a secret. Maybe I won't tell everyone but I won't hide it. I'm working to find the courage and strength to go out more, and it's way easier knowing I have this support.
As I open up about it, I just want people to know. I'm at the point in my life where I've got my core group who's stuck with me through it all. I know this won't make them turn away. For everyone else, I just want them to know. I don't ask anyone to participate, or to love it, or to ever talk about - or even to accept it. I just want them to know. I hunt and fish and shoot guns and pick up spiders and snakes and watch sports - but that's not all of me.
And if there are people in my life for whom this really is a deal breaker - well, you're in my life because at some point you were a positive, if you can't handle knowing I sometimes wear dresses - first of all, come on it's 2021, really!!??!!, second - okay then so long and I get it, I wish you happiness and safety and peace.
Plus its just sooooooo fun!! Sorry for the long post, if you made it this far thanks for reading.
Love
Rach
Hi Rachel,
I can relate to your story whole heartedly....except for the guns and the snakes. It is an amazing feeling to be able to be who you want to be and not give a f**k about others. I am enjoying life as a woman and only wish I had done it earlier. Like you I will never win any beauty contests but who cares. I'm so happy to be Melina. Love to chat any time....Mel. xxxx
Hi Rachel! There are many reasons why people crossdress, but when you get right down to it, it is because of the way it makes a person feel! No one puts a gun to your head and tells you to crossdress or they will kill you. For whatever reason you might have initially tried it (curiosity/on a dare/thought you might have been born in the wrong body etc) you would not have done it again unless there was something about it you enjoyed. I think your posting was terrific and could actually help some members who are still bothered by wondering why am I doing this. I particularly like the fact that you have developed an attitude about what others might say about your crossdressing. A live and let live philosophy usually works for most people these days and for those that would judge you - consider the source and live your life as you choose. - Blessings from Teralynn
Amen to that Rachel. If it feels good then do it! Great that you have support and enjoy yourself.
Hi Rache, ah yes the big WHY. I like your answer to it, because I like it. I've been trying to figure it out for years scientifically but I have no definite answer. Maybe there isn't one, maybe we all just do this because we like it. It just varies person to person how much we like it and how far we take it.
Thanks, great topic, Heather.
Dear Rachel Thank you so much for sharing your story! It reflects so much my (and I'm sure other CDH girl's) experience. Many people do not understand how you can be a happily married man (49 years for me) and enjoy being a girl. For me Paulette has made me a more loving and understanding husband, father and friend. Also at my age (74) I finally realize that I DO NOT care what other people think of me. Its what I think about myself that is important. Now, I just need to bring my fashion sense up to near your level. GO GET EM GIRL! Hugs, Paulette
Great Post Rachel , Thanks for that !
You said : "Maybe I’ve been female in past lives?"
I have wondored about that myself.
Maybe I was a Female in a past life that was cut short for some kind of reason ,
and now that Female spirit lives on in Sylvia , trying to come to terms with what happened to Her , and try to fulfill that life in some kind of way.
I know it sounds crazy !
But sometimes I wonder...
Love Sylvia.
Hi and why not, indeed!
There's a very clear pattern that there is no pattern to the typical cross dresser - because there is no such thing.
Like you, I am not gay, except, perhaps, in femme mode, when you could consider me a lesbian...
Dressing, whether "cross gender" or not is a means of self expression.
Ultimately, someone designed the clothes and marketed them either at men or women, because the fashion industry likes a clear target audience - and, in fact, tends to follow trends rather than lead them (e.g. skirts for girls, trousers for boys, and special trousers designed specially for women that cost more than the male equivalent).
That's the cynical side, but the other side is that we are all about the support on your journey, without prejudice, because cross dressers are probably the broadest spectrum, culturally, racially, orientation, career, age - everything.
All you need to be a cross dresser is to be one.
It's very Zen.
Welcome!
Love Laura
Why? Blimey, I've chewed on that one over and over again. Best I can up with is that I was raised by strong competent women after my mother died, and my father's job took him abroad for months at a time. Then my step mother decided she wanted the cuckoo out of her nest, and started to drive me out. My first experiments in dressing were in her clothes. Could it be I wanted to emulate her, with all the power that seemed to go with it, in the absence of a father figure?
I'm certain that I would have been a lot happier as a girl. Not as much of a threat.
There's a bit of fetishism in there too, but mostly I like it because of the relaxation and the stress relief. Like you, I'm straight, no desire to transition.
Anybody with similar experience?
Connie
xxx
Dear Rach,
Your letter wasn’t long, it was exceptionally well written and beautiful and it touched on some of my own feelings. Like you, I’m a heterosexual guy and I too, try my best to be a man. But sometimes I just want to drop the tough-guy, macho routine, and be strong enough to be weak, delicate, and pretty.
Because if I’m being honest, I’m not that strong, or tough and I get tired of trying hard to be. Although with how I look, being pretty is just the way I feel and not how I actually look. But I really enjoyed your post. Thank you for sharing your gift with prose.
Hugs, Jill
Sylvia,
I’ve never thought of the possibility of having been a woman in another life, but that seems like a possibility. Maybe we felt we needed to finish something but our lives were cut short? I have a similar idea. It goes like this: Since it’s known that when a woman is carrying twins and one of them dies in the womb at the earlier stages, the other child may absorb their sibling. So what if we all had a twin sister that didn’t survive and she was absorbed into us and that’s why we all feel such a deep connection to our feminine sides? Is that her trying to connect? Far fetched I know, but it’s just an idea.
Hugs, Jill
Dear Jill ,
That's an interesting possibility.
So we could be someone with two spirits instead of one !
Would explain my Androgynous nature.
Love Sylvia.
Jill, not as far fetched as you might think. A case study out in California in which regressive hypnosis was used the patient recalled having a twin sister that did not survive birth and he had always wanted to know what his life would have been like if his sister had survived. Are you surprised that he had become a mtf crossdressing person just to get a feeling of what it might be like if he had been born a female and his twin had died as a male? I am not. But that is just one possible reason. One out of many. - Blessings from Teralynn
Rachel B
"Wearing women’s clothes just makes me happy. It’s a way of accessing a part of me that doesn’t get much expression. It’s a creative experience. It’s accessing a side of me that society says no to. I believe everyone has male and female aspects and being open to that opens you to so much more in the world. Maybe I’ve been female in past lives?
I love and respect and admire women in so many ways. I read somewhere once that for some crossdressing is an attempt to be like, or to be close to, what you admire most. I realize that putting on a dress doesn’t make me a woman or let me experience the world as women do, I’m aware of that. But it does make me feel connected in a way.
The world puts pressure on everyone, men and women. I guess more so on women than on men. I’m okay being a man and I do my best at it, but somedays I need a break from it. Somedays I just need to be soft, to be delicate and to feel pretty. Owning that and saying it out loud is liberating as f*ck!
I know I won’t win any beauty pageants and probably some people think I look ridiculous – well, like everyone else I do the best I can with what I was given."
Totally agree with you on this, anytime Crossdressing gets a mention I'm sure my wife thinks of Ru Paul and Conchita Wurst, Gay is the other ultimate in her thought process.
I intend to come out to her over the X Mas holiday.
Hugs X
Wilma
Yes! Do it and I hope she embraces and showers love on the "whole" you!
