Notifications
Clear all

Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.

Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.

Hi everyone!

16 Posts
14 Users
55 Reactions
192 Views
Posts: 4
Lady
Topic starter
(@melina27)
Active Member     crestview, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 10 months ago

Melina here from sunny florida.  I have been a crossdresser on/off for 56 years.  Just recently caught by wife dressed.  I have told no one for my entire life.  Completely blind sided.  She is my sole

l mate whom I love more than anything.  I may have to quit forever (if possible)

I fell into crossdressing after sexual misconduct by father from 7-11, I think.  quite sure i has been a coping mechanism.  Looking for answers and advise.  It has been almost a week and things have calmed.  

Reply
15 Replies
7 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5122

@melina27 

Hi Melina

Welcome to CDH 🙂

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.

I was in a relationship for 15 years. I never got caught for the sole reason that I put my dressing on hold for almost all of that time.

I say 'almost all' because there were a handful of occasions on which I cracked and HAD to dress. At those points, NOT doing so wasn't an option.

I never came out to my ex because I knew full well from many, many comments that she'd made over the years that she wouldn't be receptive.

I now know that I'm trans. In my case, trying to force myself into a mould that didn't really fit me was damaging. I realise that most CDs wouldn't identify as transgender, but even so I'm sure that many will tell you that the idea that you can simply 'quit' is a false one. What we do is part of who we are, and it doesn't go away. In my experience, if you try to make it do that, you'll wind up unhappy.

Of course, other opinions are available!

We have a huge membership, with a range of experiences. The girls here are amazing, and are always willing to offer support and advice.

Keep talking to us 🙂

Hugs

Ellie x

Reply
Duchess
(@aprilcdmf)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     Nevada, United States of America
Posts: 875

@melina27

Hello Melina welcome to CDH I am glad you have shared a part of who you are. I am sorry for your early trauma and that you have had to remain hidden and now discovered without control just be open and honest from this point forward and I hope the best works for you.

Having found us you have made the step to become part of a family that is welcoming, understanding, compassionate, and supportive. While we are all similar and have many of the same desires we all differ on our goals or levels of closeted dressing or underdressing or public expression and or personal experiences. I encourage you to explore the many forums, topics, polls and member biographies found here as there are a wide range of members all over the spectrum of feminine expression from differing levels of crossdressing to those on the path to transition and those that have. There are also links to websites that have products and services that may help you on your own personal path of self acceptance and expression. Ultimately it is a place, home, or space were you can feel feel comfortable and confident in who you are that you are not alone and this is a place where you can feel safe to express and share part of yourself as being who you truly are as your authentic self of you being a man, a woman, a man who dresses as a woman, if it makes you a better complete human being expressing your feminine desires feelings and or qualities. I am happy you are here and have made a choice to accept this part of yourself as self acceptance is the most important thing you can do for yourself and others. You can’t expect others to accept you if you don’t accept yourself all of you. For some it means remaining private for some telling a select few ultimately you have to do whats best for your own situation and you ultimately know best. I appreciate you are sharing a part of your authentic self here on CDH it ultimately lifts some of the burden that you may be feeling which many of us have carried for what seems like a lifetime you are not alone. Being here helps not only yourself but helps others gain acceptance and confidence in themselves. I am happy you have made the step to be here. Welcome!

 

Hugs April

Reply
Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2144

@melina27 

Hi, Melina, thank you for your open and honest intro, like the others, I really feel for you. To have survived (relatively, I'm sure) early trauma, live a life and now to face discovery at this age must be terrible.

Most, if not all, of us know the toll of keeping "the secret". Some of us are lucky to have wives and SO's who accept, even encourage, in some cases but I think each of us has known the fear of discovery at some time.

I've been a member here for a couple of months and this was the first time ever I spoke about crossdressing with anyone but my wife. Believe me when I say thar this truly is a warm and caring family you have joined and, whatever happens, you can speak freely with like-minded others here.

I wish you well.

Allie 

Reply
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3977

@melina27 Welcome to CDH, Melina!

"Not sure if I can quit" Melina 

It can get complicated after so many years of being together and she rightly so appears to be blindsided.

Since you are looking for help or advice, may I suggest letting professionals help you both? Doing so may help smooth some rough edges.

Reply
Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@melina27 

Hi Melina, welcome to CDH.

You've come to a safe and understanding place here.

I'm sorry you're experiencing a rough time presently. As others have said, crossdressing is something within us, a part of who we are. It's a bit like Hotel California.

When your wife found you dressed it evidently came as a shock to her. You don't mention whether or not you have spoken with her about it since. If not, do you think you could try raising it with her, gently? She's had time to calm down, and may herself be unsure how to proceed. She'll have questions and may be reluctant to ask them for fear of what the answers might be. 

I kmow it's hard. "The Talk", as we call it, is one of the toughest conversations any of us can have. In your case the cat is out of the bag, so now is the best opportunity to have The Talk with your wife, before much more time goes by and the moment is lost.

Whatever you decide, you'll always have us to talk to here.

Reply
Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1004

@melina27 

Hi Melina and welcome to CDH.

I can’t add much to what’s already been said, but just wanted to reiterate the fact that we’re here to talk about what’s happening with you, and probably more importantly, we’re here to listen if you just need to get things off your chest 

Lucy 

Reply
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@melina27 So much to unpack in your introduction.  Im so sorry . You definitely took a step in the right direction here. I was forced to tell my wife of 22 years a few years ago after an accident with some breast form adhesive that was not intended to be used in that manner and caused burns on my chest that I couldn't hide or make up an excuse for the obvious pattern. I read so much beforehand that it could have gone either way. fortunately for me its all been for the best and she is fine with it all. but my biggest fear was that she would resent me for hiding it all these years. instead though she completely understood why I did. which can be difficult and different for everyone.  I had alot of childhood trauma as well but not the same as you. its so unfortunate when innocence is destroyed like that in one fatal moment im so sorry.  I do somewhat understand though I stopped trying to let go of my childhood past and decided that its part of who I have become and Im much better at just being ok with it as you can never forget. but we need to be happy to survive. and CD makes me happy at times when I feel all is lost . Since I joined here there have been less and less of those all is lost days. I sincerely hope you have the same or better,  experience and that all works out with your Wife. Lean on us . Regards RC

Reply
Posts: 1100
Duchess Annual
(@firefly)
Noble Member     Panama, Panama, Panama
Joined: 7 years ago

Hi Melina.

Welcome to CDH. 

You must be close to my age. I have found many answers here at this lovely community. There is a lot of reading material and contact with the sisters. I can't say I know how you feel, because I was never caught dressed. My girlfriends tended to be conservative and attempts at communication about my crossdressing never went beyond the hypothetical level. Once ended with she asking what was the important thing I have to tell her but after  her remarks about trans people, I asked her what she wants to do on Sunday. Stopping dressing was never a real option. It didn't work. However, perhaps my fears and my shadows can give me an idea of your feelings. It is frustrating when a SO does not understand your need or the pain she faces because you could not open up to her in a timely manner. In my case, I ended up deciding to live alone. A very personal decision. Not everybody can handle solitude well enough. Sometimes I miss the company.
I hope with all my heart that you manage to resolve your relationship. May your wife understand from the love she professes for you. I hope I haven't gone on too far, but there are days when I feel confessional.

Gisela

Reply
Posts: 4
Lady
Topic starter
(@melina27)
Active Member     crestview, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 10 months ago

Thanks for the thoughts.  I never had the courage to tell anyone.  As an only child, living alone would not be a problem although I think it might make CDing dominate my time.  I wish she was more understanding but....     from forum experience it seems 50/50 could go either way.   Any way I wil stay in touch with the forums and people like me to get through the rough stuff.  Thank you,

Melina

         

Reply
Posts: 328
Duchess
(@karla1958)
Honorable Member     Not in New Orleans, Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Melina and welcome!

Heart

Reply
Posts: 189
Guest
(@Anonymous 93795)
Estimable Member
Joined: 1 year ago

Melina,

if you were sexually mistreated as a child you should seek counseling from a professional. Cross dressing is normal, sexual misconduct is not.

 

 

Reply
Posts: 6008
Hostess
(@fishingr8)
Illustrious Member     Montana, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Melina and nice to meet you like the other girls here sorry for the problems in your youth .. As a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms into our home as well as yours now also.. We are all a friendly and helpful bunch so don't be shy as we all love to chat and help all girls in need .. Now if and when you are ready please return to your profile page and fill in more please as this is how we get to know you better thanks.. As you are a Sunshine state girl so was I  born and raised in central Florida moved to Montana many years ago so if you need a chat please say hello anytime girlfriend..

Stephanie Bass

Reply
Posts: 7782
(@aliceunderwire)
Illustrious Member     Near Burlington, Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Melina,

Welcome to CDH.

Alice

Reply
Posts: 665
Duchess
(@catherine0918)
Prominent Member     Henderson, Nevada, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Hi Melina!

Welcome to CDH!

I think you will find the community helpful, encouraging and supportive.

Glad things have calmed a bit, but still a tough situation, so know many supportive people here.

Again, welcome to CDH!

Catherine

Reply
1 Reply
(@melina27)
Joined: 10 months ago

Active Member     crestview, Florida, United States of America
Posts: 4

@catherine0918 thank you 😊 

Reply

©[current-year] Crossdresser Heaven | Privacy Terms of Use | Link to usContact Vanessa | Advertise with Crossdresser Heaven

 
[kleo_social_icons]
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!