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Hi all.
I'm Jenni. Pleased to meet ya.
I'm kinda both very new to this, and very not. I've been crossdressing since my early 20s (more than 15 years ago!), but for most of that time all that meant was shamefully hiding a couple of pairs of panties in the back of a drawer and wearing them sometimes when no-one was home, or photoshopping a fake female photo and roleplaying as a girl in anonymous chatrooms.
But in the last 6 months or so, I've started to finally embrace this whole shemozzle. I've bought myself a small collection of underwear, bras, and also actual honest-to-goodness non-underwear clothes.
The moment of epiphany came a month or so ago when I found myself alone for a long weekend while my partner was away. In preparation for her leaving, I started feeling an intense urge to "make the most of the alone time"... so I (somewhat impulsively) bought a wig and breastplate.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you what that moment felt like. You know the moment, I'm sure. That first time I saw Her in the mirror, all boobs and hair and gorgeousness. I didn't even care that I still have my scruffy beard - a good old covid mask solved that problem.
It wasn't like I was seeing "the real me" or anything. I don't want to be her, at least not all the time. But I felt so sexy, so pretty. I liked being with her. I liked taking photos of her and posing her and seeing all the different ways clothes and curves looked on her.
Jenni has always been a part of me, inside. She's been a shameful secret; she's been a role I played behind the safety of a keyboard. Now, finally, she's here in the (silicone) flesh, and I'm so happy she is.
A year or so ago, my partner found some of those roleplay messages of mine on my computer. She was, understandably, very hurt. She felt like it was a form of cheating - that I was having a certain kind of fun with people who weren't her, and hiding it, and that it made her feel both betrayed and also worried that she couldn't give me whatever it was I was looking for with them. She was right, it was a terrible thing to do.
Our relationship has survived, and a big part of that is a commitment to not hide things like this from each other again - to try to get past shame and support each other through thick and thin (can you tell we're both in therapy?).
And so... last week... I "came out" to her about my Desire to Dress. It was a difficult, emotional, tear-stained few hours. I explained that this was both an ever-present part of me, but also something I'm only very recently coming to understand, and that I didn't want to hide it from her, and definitely didn't want her to find out some worse way (again).
And so here we are. Here I am. Here Jenni is.
I'm here to learn, to try to understand myself and others. I want to know the tricks of the trade, of course. But also I want to see what I can learn about navigating this with my partner, and helping her navigate it with me.
Anyway... sorry for the epic novel, don't know how that happened. This was supposed to just be hi. Hi!
Welcome Jenni! A lot of us understand the shame of having a secret side to ourselves and the mental toll it can take. The fact you came clean to your significant other so soon is great! Things can only get better for you from here!
Hi Jenni,
Welcome to CDH. Good luck navigating the path on your journey. Sounds like your partner is supportive so you are a lucky girl.
Alice
Hi Jenni.
Welcome to CDH. A friendly, understanding and supportive community.
Thank for sharing this nice and emotional introduction. You are now in the right place.
Gisela
Hi Jenni and welcome!
Hi Jenni,
Welcome to the site. You will find people with similar stories and hopefully that will comfort you.
~Autumn
Welcome Jenni, glad you talked and told your partner. I came out 3 years ago, when I found CDH, there were a few hard days and we worked thru it. Just this last week I asked while cooking, do you find me sexily attractive? No response, but last night while at dinner, she opened about what I had said. She still finds it hard, but she is trying. Some of the old conversations came up, so she is trying. She is still hurt about the lying and still does not like day I went to pick her up and had lipstick on that I forgot about. Since the talk, we are going shopping this weekend, she has lost weight and needs summer clothes. I asked if she would pick something out for me. When I dress with her around, I always ask her to pick the outfit. So, we will see how it goes. Sorry for the long-winded welcome.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Lynne
Hi Jenni nice to meet you and happy you found and joined us girls here so do some looking around with some reading of the forums and posts with a few profiles thrown in for fun.. As a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms into our home as well as yours now also.. Well girl there is a wealth of knowledge and experience here to learn from as these ladies are telling there stories about there journeys down the femme road they are on in life.. So when you get comfortable with us please join in with a story or two about the life and times of Jenni as she travels down her own girly path in life.. Now as for making friends here there are so many ladies from all over the world to build long lasting friendships with and best of all we are just a simple click away from you .. Once again girlfriend nice to meet you and hope to see you around for a chat sometime soon..
Stephanie Bass
Welcome. I think everyone has had the same experiences you have had and like most on here, you will come to a point where you are comfortable within yourself. Its a part of lifes journey. Embrace what you desire. Everyone on here is supportive, encouraging and experienced in what you have come through.
Welcome and relax. Your with friends here.
Jane D
Hi Jenni!
Welcome to CDH!
Like Ellie said: Thank you for that very full introduction! I know that your story will resonate with a great many of the girls here, and I'm sure that this post will draw in a good number of responses.
We all have a journey in CD'ing and you will find much of what you have experienced shared by people here and probably a little that is your own journey.
I think you will find this is a very supportive, welcoming and encouraging community.
Again, welcome to CDH!
Catherine