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I used to think this was just a fetish. I knew I wasn't "gay" because I wanted nothing to do with stinky boys. I didn't like anything about boys. When I was in elementary school I used to watch the girls playing those games where they sing and say a rhyme and slap their hands and I wanted to do THAT.
I always just thought of myself as a nerd, a sort of weak guy who was totally in love with women. But now I realize why I needed to be near those girls, why they seemed like goddesses in their pantyhose or cheerleader skirts and little white shoes and socks, their soft sweaters, their lacy bras....I wanted to be near them and I wanted to BE them
I used to read cosmo and Teen Vogue as a teenager and my friends would laugh and say oh you are such a pervert and a p***y hound, you even look at chick magazines! I didn't realize it then but...I liked those magazines. They just felt right.
I remember the first time I read about a "transsexual" and her story, about knowing she was a girl and wanting to cut off her penis because it wasn't right...well I knew that wasn't me. I LOVED my thing...
Ok, so I don't know how much I can talk about sex stuff...but as a teen there was one time when I was dressed and had one of my mom's um...toys...and I had this overwhelming urge to put it in my mouth...I didn't understand it at all but I loved it.
So now I don't know. There is this girly girl inside me...but I like being a guy too. It's really confusing.
Now that I'm older so many thinks are suddenly making sense.
It's ok to be both...it's all ok, be happy in life and do what makes you consistently happy. You will probably do things that you think will make you happy but don't in the long run, life can be complicated.
Anyways, I have always had some bisexual tendencies but 3 years ago, in my 40s, I realized it's more than that. I'm deciding to accept who I am rather than worry about societies norms or my own conditioned ideas of right and wrong.
I often think I might stop dressing and stop being Stephanie and then I'll completely go the other way...I don't worry about it anymore.
The less I've worried, the more comfortable I've felt about the whole thing.
Best of luck and nice to meet you.
<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Calibri;">I can relate to so much of what you wrote. For as far back as I can remember, I have wanted to be female. I remember my mother had the Masters & Johnson book “Human Sexual Response” which was basically research on women discussing what turned them on. I would sneak that book and read it because I wanted to know what it was like being a woman. I was also not gay, like you, men really disgusted me. This made it difficult to accept myself given that I was also male. I am 62 now and recently began to seriously consider transitioning from male to female. It is a scary proposition for me. I am a reasonably attractive guy and I suspect would make at best, a very average looking woman. So I struggle with what course of action to take. I recently came across a youtube blog of someone who is transitioning, but still living in both worlds. It made me realize that it might be possible to do both. I appreciate you sharing your story and wish you all the best. </span></p>
I love these replies. It helps to hear others experiences. You know the sad thing is...as a guy I'm sort of homely. I've never like how I looked. But as a girl I'm really hot!!!! It's some weird curse.
Ashley they said with age comes common sense so the way I figure it's right to experience the finner things in life. Like many of us we cater to societies bidding , at work ,home in everyday life. Confusing in our desires, our feel to be someone different. As like you my manhood has been in most part very satisfying But after many years theses urges started to show . I needed that release from reality and become someone totally different in thought, in mannerisms and less stress from being me. I experience theses feeling back in my early twenties but shelved them because of other responsibilities . Now this is for me and have accepted it with open arms and I've never been happier. Still much closeted but being here a confinance is emerging and I'm exploring more as my journey continues. I'm sure you will enjoy being here and in time will confidently move on to more and better things. Happy to meet you and have a great time with us. 🌹
I'm 73 and never had transitioning on my mind. I was happy cross-dressing and expressing my feminine nature part-time. At about 40 I began to feel that nature more intensely. My solution was to get rid of my male underwear in favor of panties that I wore 24/7. When that wasn't enough, I added camisoles and shortly after a bra with small breast forms all under my male clothes.
As time would allow, I still went full out and put on my dresses or skirt and blouse. But still cross-dressing was all there was on my radar.
As time went on the need to fully dress grew. By the time I was 60 I'd shed the male garb on coming home from work every day. That was followed buying women's clothes that were butch enough for my extended family and church friends to think they were men's. Kind of cross-dressing in stealth. I still have those clothes and wear them to church.
I retired last year and primarily wear feminine clothes, only resorting to my butch attire for church and when extended family comes to visit. The real change is that my breast forms aren't small anymore and I wear the enhancements 24/7 even under my butch wardrobe.
Now to the crux of my post. I've made the decision to start HRT. I'm about 8 months in. It's a long process. I'm doing the HRT because I'm tired of wearing my prosthesis; I want real boobs. Bottom surgery would be superfluous, given that I'm married and have been for 50 years. I have no desire for a relationship of any kind with a man. As Lacey Leigh said, "Why build a garage when you have no intention of owning a car."
One thing is sure... If you have even a small part of femininity in you, as you grow older that part will demand more outlet. Just where that leads will vary from person to person.
I started out late in life as a cross dresser (age 57).
The feminine side became very strong leading me to upgrade as a transgender.
I am now transsexual with an eye on transitioning.
I make a lovely lady when dressed, have developed ladylike mannerisms and am very effeminate.
I thoroughly enjoy being a woman. Looking at developing real breasts.
I look, act and enjoy being a woman. What do I have to lose?
Once that drive gets in you, look out.