I'm the GF of a CD man

I have repressed my crossdressing for over 50 years,feeling shame that wearing teh snug dresses,hose etc helped calm my anxiety..Ironically,my exwife encouraged me to explore this part of me,realizing the internalized shame and guilt could have hasd a big effect on my depressions which I have had since childhood..What a person wears has no bearing on who they are on the inside. I believe this is just a personal taste which exists-no one knows why for sure-..I do use my crossdressing in a safe place,ie ,outside my home,a beautician met me ,1 on 1 for a makeover after hours at the salon,she did not judge me,ans judging from the photo of the 2 of us elsewhere on my posts,we both loved the experience..Already planning a February experience with her,with me wearing a satin blue dress...In closing,My very best friend as a child,I found out was gay when we were in our 20s..It took less than one second for me to say...so what,this does not change the firiendship I have with him,or he with me(I am a hetero crossdresser)...Find your support system,they are jewels. Hold to them,Good luck,Makayla Lee

Hi Kate and welcome!

It is a paradox, isn't it?

All the best with your relationship!

xo Barb

Welcome Kate ....

hopefully using this wonderful place will enlighten you more. We love a GG's side of the story. There's loads of wonderful girls here who will hopefully help you through this thing that we love to do...we don't bite!!!...just ask.

Grace xx

My Wife and I share clothing all the time. She likes my sweatshirts and pants and I love her tops. Plus we have our own wardrobes. With exception I have 2. We even shop for clothing together. She trusts my fashion sense. Which astonishingly is better then hers LOL!

Lanna

Those are excellent questions and points.

I'm certainly not an expert but will share my experience.

My SO learned well after being married of my 'other' side. It was supposed to be a kept secret. But, since we are only as sick as our secrets, I shared it with her. Here today, more than 10 years later, I am not sure if that was a good idea. We've been out together and the like. Still, there is an air of discomfort.

For you, I can share my SOs feelings - initial or otherwise:
1. Is he gay? (no)
2. Does he prefer boys to girls? (no)
3. Would be prefer to be this all the time? (well, I could be talked into it. I frankly enjoy being able to be both where it helps.)

This where you have to determine with him - I think - what drives him and why.

For me personally, CD has been an 'all my life' thing. It didn't change my sexual desires. Just the way I wanted to present myself. I, too, am tall (not that tall but still tall) but still have that desire to feel pretty.

I think you are right to say this 'why should his wearing a dress make him any less of a man?' It won't make him any less of a man. Clothing is clothing, right? Well, sure, but...

When it's just the two of you, fine...but there is a big world out there that doesn't have quite the same understanding as the fine people in this forum. This starts with immediate family, friends, neighbors, etc.

For the SO - particularly the genetic girls - it becomes a challenge to understand it all, explain that to others, potentially integrate it into your like, and finally, to 'defend it' - if needed. That's a tall 'ask' of anyone.

Again, not an expert but sharing my experience.

Dani

We know it isn't easy for SO's to accept but you have a great attitude and he is very lucky. The best of luck to both of you on your exciting journey. One bit of advice to remember... our dressing desires may wax and wane but it never goes away.

That's really kind of you to say, and much appreciated, thank you!  Half the problem is I don't know what is the PC terminology and I really don't want to offend anyone! x

Sounds like you already have it figured out!... nothing wrong, just a potential turn-off. There are lots of benefits to couples who can accept what it is and find ways to enjoy those benefits. To name a few,
- many women appreciate knowing the sensitive feminine side of their partners (probably one reason for your attraction to him) and it is greatly freeing to a man who can accept and express them rather than suppress what is truly part of his nature
- many women have told me that they'd rather have a shopping partner than be a golf widow, and many realize tangible benefits when shopping with a CD... if the CD buys a dress, chances are good he will reciprocate with a gift you enjoy
- while it is a crossdresser and partner's bill of rights not to share clothes, many couples find that this is convenient and desirable, especially when it comes to articles like jewelry;
- a CD usually greatly appreciates a supportive, accepting mate; you should find much greater appreciation from him than from most men
- a CD will be less inclined to get upset if you need more time to prepare for an outing; he will understand what efforts you have to go through to look your feminine best and will notice and appreciate in detail everything you do and wear; you no doubt will be quicker than him to get ready, and should you ever get separated, he will be able to identify you to authorities in great detail!
- if you ever want to attend events geared toward or including women, he will be more likely than most to want to join you.
- CD partnerships tend to be much more lasting; most men I know talk lovingly about their partners, realizing how special they are to be accepting;
- you can both feel free to accept and express your true selves... both the masculine and feminine sides which we all have; honest, truer, relationships, expressing both personalities, tend to be deeper and longer-lasting than those where we try to mold ourselves into unrealistic images expected by society;
- there is far more to share together when we can accept both the feminine and masculine sides of our being.
- most women I know speaking very lovingly of their CD partners, having come to grips with the fact that personality and actions are more important than presentation... presentation need not be a deal-breaker and seldom is; on the flip side, most CDs speak lovingly of their partners... male conversations often center more on their loving partners than on locker-room talk.
- CD partners are typically very defensive of each other, quickly attacking anyone who speaks unkindly toward the other and protecting them in other ways.
I could go on. Hopefully you will discover all this for yourself. Good luck! You have probably found someone unusually gifted and special.

Kate...we have lots of discussion and also lots of laughs about P.C. here....

we realise you are new and as I said...we don't bite..we are really all just like your boyfriend....we just need you to understand us...I'm sure we will not take offence...huggs xx

What a lovely message, thank you so much!

Dani....there really is no substitute for experience...often mentioned,  but because it is true..well said x

Rhonda,

Thank you for that extremely well written and thoughtful response. I believe you hit every detail on the head. Well done girl!

Hugs, Jill

What a lovely reply, thanks so much!

Kate,

Speaking just for myself and my wife, I can say that for me, I still don’t understand my feelings, but now I accept them rather than push them to the side in shame and guilt. Those are not good things to live with, trust me.

I know that when I wear women’s clothing, what little I have, I feel sexy, even more compassion than normal, and strangely safe and secure.  I still enjoy being a man and doing things that are generally thought of as being manly, I just happen to like wearing feminine things.

And like Rhonda said, I truly appreciate my wife, now more than ever. She had those same questions about me when I told her a few months ago. Are you gay? Do you want to transition to a woman? Are there anymore secrets you need to tell me? The answer to all of those is no. But she also asked why I didn’t tell her sooner instead of waiting 14 years. Again, I felt shame and guilt and like some deviant and I didn’t want her to think those same things of me.

At least your guy is telling you now at the beginning of what I can only hope will be a beautiful relationship for you both. You may consider respectfully requesting that he goes slowly with you and his cross dressing until you get more comfortable with it. It has taken my wife some time too and that’s totally understandable.

Hugs and best wishes for you both, Jill