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Good Morning Ladies,
Thank you for a forum that allows us to express ourselves.
My name is Emily and I've been in the closet for 40 years, married for 27 of them. Over the years I've broached the subject of cross-dressing with my wife and the conversation never ended on a positive note hence my reason for keeping it a secret. I feel cursed having to keep such a major part of my personae in the dark. Yet its this femininity that has always enabled me to be a much more attentive lover and friend to her and others. I'm a really nice guy. Being a nice guy causes her to be extremely jealous. She feels that there is always someone around that wants to take me away from her and she is right, however I have never acted on those feelings from others. This stems from her own hangups that she has been unable to come to grips with. I will add that over the last few years her sexual drive has declined considerably whereas mine has not. This has lead me to feel very empty inside and brings me to my dilemma. This void has caused me to start looking for someone I can come out to and experience my feminine side. At the same time I've met a genetic girl who has taken an interest in my male side. I haven't acted on either fully but have laid the ground work for each to happen with just a little bit of effort. I am so torn inside hence my feeling of being cursed.
I am sure I am not alone so I am looking to hear from those in a similar situation with advise and willing to share their experiences.
Sadly,
-Emily-
Dearest Emily, try to realize that your female persona was not something your wife knew came with the package. I would strongly discourage moving into another relationship before thoroughly exploring every avenue in an attempt to salvage your marriage. If those avenues are exhausted and you feel it is necessary to move on from your relationship with your wife, I would recommend you resolve that relationship before moving into a new one. In my case, I didn't want to lose my marriage in order to live as Gina, it just happened that way and I consider it a great loss to this day. I recommend you do everyone, including yourself, a favor by dealing with one situation to the point you did all you reasonably could to salvage it before moving into something else that has no guarantee of being successful. In fact, finding someone willing to accept Emily will be a greater challenge than you can imagine. My two cents for what it's worth. Good luck.
Thank You Gina,
I am not inclined to end my marriage, I have too much invested in it, children, emotions, finances to name but a few. Like you, it would sadden my greatly to lose my relationship with my wife. This too would cause her great emotional angst for someone who is emotionally fragile to begin with. I do feel guilty, guilty for keeping such a great secret for so long but revealing it would cause more harm than good for her at least and so I will continue to keep it under wraps.
Thank you for sharing...
Emily
Hi Emily and welcome to CDH.
Rachel
