Margo in the house and new to crossdressing

Hello everyone. The hardest part of joining CDH has been discovering a name to go with my feminine identity. I have been binge reading all the fantastic post in the forums since I discovered CDH about a month ago. Now, I am finally here.

I am new to crossdressing and honestly a little scared, uncertain where it is going, and have many questions. No guilt feelings yet but I'm sure there will be a wave of those at some point.

I have no desire to fully transition to a full-time female. However, I find it comfortable and exciting when I wear female clothing. There’s just so many more great clothing options for women. The mindset it puts me in is exhilarating and euphoric. I believe we are all born with both masculine and female traits, and apart from the biological physical aspect of our bodies, it is society that shapes us early on as to which side we lean more towards. Just because you are born with man parts does not mean you have to act masculine all the time. Just like if you are born with female parts does not mean you have to act feminine all the time.

I am not sure what has triggered my recent desire to cross-dress. Sure, I had the moment when I was a kid and discovered my mom’s undergarments and tried them on.  I remember the silkiness and softness of the pantyhose against my skin. Later, at one point in my adult life I would buy my girlfriend at the time panties and bras from Victoria Secret every Christmas with the secret desire to wear them while she was at work. Beyond that, I have never really given crossdressing much thought until recently. About a month ago I went onto Amazon and bought some panties, sports bra, and some yoga shorts out of the blue. I never was much into athletics, but I do find women’s active wear extremely sexy. Getting sizes correct has been quite challenging! There is still lots to learn regarding sizes and what fits me best.  Now, I find myself “window shopping” on Amazon and various other online stores for women’s clothing every chance I get. I must admit that my first feelings when putting the bra and panties on again for the first time in many years was somewhat sexual but now, I find that the feeling goes much deeper than that, and I do not fully understand it yet.

Growing up, I was raised by a single parent, my mom. I never much cared to participated in traditional “boy” sports and hobbies. I always gravitated more towards music, arts, learning to cook, and being creative. 

As far as feelings go, I know that I am not attracted to other men. However, I do find myself attracted to trans women and other crossdressers. These are feelings I would never act upon in the sexual context as I am happily married. At this point in my crossdressing journey, I am not ready to discuss my new discovery with my wife as I need more time to explore and figure out what it all means to me first. However, I feel when the time is right to tell her it will be alright. We have an extraordinarily strong marriage and relationship with one another. We do seem to be at the opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to clothes, though. She doe like to dress up in nice female clothes when we go out, and is always looking at dresses, etc. on ThreadUp but mostly she goes out of her way to wear non-gender specific clothing as her day to day dress style. I on the other hand have started to find my man clothes drab and boring and wish I could wear a nice summer dress around the house for the summer.

I have worked from home for years but due to the pandemic the wife has been working from home which has limited the time I have to explore my cross dressing. I try to take advantage of the days she does go into the office to wear my small budding collection of clothes which consist of mostly women’s active wear, a few panties and bras, and a summer dress.

One benefit I have discovered in my newfound interest in cross-dressing is becoming more health conscious and wanting to take better care of my body. I am not an unhealthy person by any means, I have been a vegan for eight years, and I keep active, but I could stand to lose a few pounds and tone up. I started a workout routine a few months back before discovering my interest in cross-dressing. But now I am super motivated. I like to wear a sports bra and yoga shorts when I work out, and the endorphin rush it brings keeps be motivated to keep going. In guy mode, my body care routine has pretty much been non-existent. But now I find myself spending more and more time properly taking care and pampering my body to maintain a healthy state.

As for as passing. I doubt that I ever will. I get the girls that want to, and that is okay. However, I view passing as a relative term and more of a mindset for me. If what I do makes me feel good, then I'm passing in my mind. Having said that, though, I have been getting the urge to start exploring makeup and have been window shopping online for wigs. But for now, baby steps.

As far as going out in public. Who knows? I am one to challenge myself to do things that are scary and awkward at first. Maybe someday I will get the courage to try it. For now, I am most comfortable exploring my cross-dressing tendencies in the privacy of my home. I play guitar and do have a fantasy of starting a cover band someday consisting of all crossdresser musicians.

For now, while at home, I underdress with panties and sometimes a bra as I continue my discovery. I wear women’s active wear for working out whenever I have the opportunity because it just flat out looks good and feels sexy to me.

Now at a youthful 57 and having spent various times in my life trying to please other people and live by other people’s standards and expectations, I am tired of living other people’s dreams. My interest in cross-dressing is uncovering things about me that I cannot yet fully explain but want to continue and explore and discover where it leads me.

Sorry for the long post. By nature, I am an introvert. However, I do enjoy lengthy discussions from time to time. I'll try to respond to post and replies as time permits. I'm sure I'll have many questions to ask in the future as I continue to discover my feminine side.

Cheers! Margo