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Hello, I am a mum of a young CD and hoping to chat to other mums, wives or to CDs who have established a good relationship with their mums.
I am married with two kids, a older daughter and a son still at school. My husband is a professional and I work part time. Our daughter gets on better with hubby than with me, she is outgoing, confident, articulate, plays physical sports (soccer & rugby) and is hoping to follow her father to University in the autumn (or fall).
Our son seems to inherited a lot of my traits, he doesn’t like contact sports, very shy, and is not particularly good at expressing himself, though he is highly intelligent and is now doing well at school. He’s always been a little effeminate, relates to me a lot more than his dad and loves shopping with me, which my daughter just won’t do unless its something really expensive that her allowance won’t stretch to.
A matter of fact there has always been a bit of tension between hubby and our son.When he was about six he used to play with my shoes, jewellery and meddle with my perfumes but he seemed to grow out of it. When he was about 12 i noticed that things were going missing from the laundry basket, to reappear a few days later. Last year I busted him wearing one of my sexiest nighties rubbing himself off on his bed, i was too embarrassed to say anything and he locked himself in his room for 24 hours. I caught him a further three times, the 2nd time I went ballistic and said I would his father but i didn’t. The third time my mum caught him and was so shocked that she didn’t say anything, though asked how long it had been going on for and suggested i let him.
Obviously our relationship deteriorated to such an extent we hardly talked and i sobbed and cried a lot alone, but i never told his dad or sister. My work was suffering and so was his, the fourth and final time i caught him was when i came home ill from from work and he was wearing my lingerie, heels, wig and one of my prettiest dresses. I think by this stage i had enough and was beginning to accept it. His make-up was a mess so i wiped it all off and spent half an hour starting afresh. We didn’t say anything much to begin with except for me describing the make-up process, once finished i took him to the mirror to see what he looked like and we both hugged like mum and daughter. Despite me needing to go bed with my flu we talked for hours on his obvious need to dress, his reasons and how finally i could help.
Currently i allow him to dress at home or my mums and, but always when i am around, we have even been out a few times when dressed.
Its like having a new loving proper daughter that i can really relate too, when in female mode he tidies his room and helps me with the domestic chores that his sister has no interest in. All tensions between us have vanished and i love to help him apply make-up and help him choose what to wear, and make sure he sits correctly in skirts etc.
Although my mum knows, his sister doesn’t as he’s not worn any of her clothes (they are awful) and i am working up to let her know, but i have no intention in telling his dad.
I don’t think i have had much option on this and its worked so far, any advice folks?
I think your wonderful for helping him discover his feminine side. I also believe should find the courage to come out to your husband and daughter.
It is a scary thing for you both, as long as he has you for support, he will be fine.
It will take time but he will need to do this on his own.
Best of luck to you both ❤
Welcome! 😊
Hello from the states Mum! Although I am a bit older I still have a wonderful relationship with my mom. She currently lives down the road from me about 1/4 mile where she moved after retirement. Although she is aware and we have talked about my dreasing she has chosen to just act like it doesn’t exist. I do remember quite clearly telling her about age 8 I wanted to be a girl and she put such a stop to that conversation it made me think I had a problem. My father never and to this day doesn’t know. I believe you are doing a GREAT job with a difficult situation for you both. At that age it will be tough enough on you both without this extra. I think the open communication you are keeping will be beneficial for you both and help your child keep from becoming closed off or depressed. If you would like to send a private message I would be glad to communicate with you about anything I can to assist. Good luck and proud of you mum!
🍷C
Hi Rachelsmum,
Welcome to CDH. I can relate to your story in so many ways. My Mum passed away many years ago now and sadly we never talked about my crossdressing. It was always a very secret thing for me, something you know only too well, I got caught a couple of times but nothing ever came of it. For years I thought she never knew and had no idea of what I used to get up to. Now, however looking back, I am certain she did know, she always knew from day one, but as I say, sadly we never talked about the subject, something I regret because because she may have not liked my crossdressing but I'm sure she would have supported me.
Your son is very lucky to have supportive Mum like you, he is on a long journey and at the moment no one can tell where it will take you. Without doubt you both have a difficult time ahead but with help and support you ca overcome what the world and crossdressing throws at you. I only came to terms with my crossdressing several years ago, I have had a lifetime of denial and regret, hopefully your son will not have to go through that.
Good luck with your journey, PM me any time if you want to chat, I am only too pleased to help you if I can
Andrea
Hello Rachels mum and welcome to CDH. Wow....that is quite the story and I can see that you are walking a tightrope here. Personally, I blame the media and school systems for introducing sexual business to our children way before it should be. Kids to-day are given whatever they desire and wind up with nothing to look forward to in the rest of their lives. I think you son is discovering his own sexuality a little late in his life but not that late. You have been very good about his efforts and not bothered him about it. All kids go thru this phase and may not continue after the novelty wears off. I think it is a wonderful thing your doing by helping him with female attire and whatnot. I see in this case a father/daughter bonding and mother/son bonding from an early age and consequently their role models have confused the childrens' issues of who they should pattern themselves after. This is not a bad thing as a little farther down lifes road they will maybe adapt to societies norms. Even if they don't, it is no problems really.
I sense, from what you tell me, that your husband is very macho. Your daughter a little less so. He will be a problem big time as he kind of belittles your son in other areas. Conflict is almost guaranteed here. I highly recommend seeing a family councilor before it happens. Don't wait. Lifetime damage will be done to your son and your relationship with your husband if you do. The secret will be discovered sooner or later. Act now. If your son really does become en femme any strife now will affect him forever more. I also recommend that your son join our group so he may converse with our girls, who all are understanding and willing to help with questions and advice. If I may be of assistance, feel free to contact me anytime. Sensitive material can be dealt with over my personal e-mail for privacy and security. My fingers are crossed for you and yours..........
Lady Veronica
Hello and welcome! I echo the words of the other ladies who have commented (with one caveat-your child can't be an actual member or chat or post unless he/she is 18-for legal liability reasons) but that doesn't mean they can't read the forums and articles which might be helpful. I am one of the ambassadors and I am still figuring out my own path and where I fall on the gender identity spectrum. Our members run the gamut from occasional crossdressing to regular if not daily dressing, from those who only dress at home and others who go out often, from those like me questioning whether transitioning is in their future to others who are in the process of or already have transitioned. In my case, my dad caught me the very first time I dressed at age 11, and was not hostile though he did tell me to stay out of my sister's things. Nothing further came of it though I continued to dress as I grew up and even after getting married and having my own kids. My ex couldn't tolerate this part of me and we split 12 years ago right after my father died. I was living at my elderly mother's house and I told her of my dressing. She was fine with it but didn't want to see it.
In regards to telling the other members of the family, that is something that you and your child have to determine the best path,, The help of a good counselor can help your son figure out what his future path should be. The counselor won't TELL him what to do but instead help HIMSELF discover who he is in his mind and soul. There is no RIGHT answer -just to be true to your heart.
Cyn
Hello Shawnna,
Thanks for the welcome & very kind words. With telling his dad and sister its something I need to do, my hope is at worst they will accept Rachel is in the background but to ignore this part of his life.
Thanks XX
Hello Carolyne,
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement and sorry for not replying sooner!, I have had a few PMs that I have had to reply to and I have been busy reading the forums - there is a lot to take in and there seem to be a lot of experiences similiar to Rachels. Perhaps if it had been 30-40 years ago I would have responded differently.
I have plans to tell my daughter over the summer (she has a summer job with me and there will be time to talk). With my husband it will be harder and i will have to talk some pragmatism into him, at worst I hope to instill acceptance of Rachel in the background without actually supporting her.
I will have to see how it goes
Love Juliesara
Hello Lady Veronica,
Sorry for not reply sooner, but thanks for your valued input.
It would be interesting to find out if there was any genetic reason why my daughter and Rachel are as they are, however its more likely as you suggest, certainly in my daughter's case that it was a case of nuture as hubby really influenced her 1st toys being more sciencey and electronic than girly as he said it would give her the best start in life! That and the age gap between them and hubby being promoted to a more demanding position just after Rachel was born leaving me more time with Rachel may have something to do with it. I think the chances of them both ending up with the wrong genes is quite small, if it was hubby would say that the genes came from my half of the family! (he has GSOH).
Its not so much of a case of Hubby being macho, I think its more of a case of him being in his 50's while I am in my 30's. Anways its clear from what you and the others are saying is that I have to tell him. Your idea of a councilor is a good idea and I will look into it, though I will be letting my daughter know 1st over the summer and see how i can take it from there.
Love Juliesara
Hello Cynthia,
Sorry for not relying sooner. Thanks for the kind advice. I am still reading through the many interesting forums here and its seems that many of you are still on their journeys after many years and there are many caregories of cross dressing (sorry if offend anyone) and Rachel may have some travelling to do.
The concesus is to tell the rest of the family and thats what I intend to do, obviously I will have to convince Rachel that this is the right thing to do and then take it from there, probably my daughter to begin with and then with hubby.
Love Juliesara
Welcome. So a couple of questions. First of all, what does Rachel think about coming out to the family? Is that something she is prepared for? Will your daughter be accepting or would she be the type to out him to everyone she knows? Also, how do you feel your husband would handle it? I grew up with a racist, homophobic, family and was beat pretty could for playing dress up with my sister. Im not trying to say hide it from your family but make sure that you and your son understand that there can sometimes be negative response to this situation.
Hello Ronnie,
These are good questions, 1st of all I haven't talked to Rachel yet about telling her sister and dad, if she remains unconvinced then obviously we will continue on as before. At least I support her so does my mum and one of my friends. She now only dresses when I am in the house so there is little chance of her being caught out and additionally the drive is alarmed.
My daughter may be boyish but she is intellegent, reflective and pragmatic; as long as do my homework on what might happen to Rachel and the family as a whole if she "outs" Rachel to her friends etc and convince her to accept if not support Rachel.
As for hubby, well he wasn't really there at the key ages of Rachel's development and concentrating on his career, though he was for her elder sister. Putting that to one side, he has a law degree from one of the top UK universities and is used to sifting through facts and evidence so i would hope to take the same approach as our daughter. That said, I do his tax returns, act as an unpaid PA, cook clean, run errands for him and help look after his aged mother.
I am sorry to hear about your experience Ronnie, I think the chance of that happening to Rachel is extremely remote.
Love Juliesara
We have a significant others section here Rachel's Mum and I hope you can get in touch with one of the lovely ladies there (we have genetic females - GG's who are significant others to CDs )who help with that perspective. Welcome too by the way.
Sarah
When I was 4 my mother noticed my interest in ladies legs in nylons. She gave me some stockings then pantyhose to play with. Then she asked my grandmother and aunt to save their used pantyhose for me. I used to wear my pantyhose with an oversized shirt that looked like a short dress and would occasionally borrow my mother's heels.
My mother and grandmother were very supportive. I was allowed to wear my pantyhose with the shirt and heels as long as my father wasn't home.
I would suggest that since your son is going to dress anyway, you should support him. Get him some of his own outfits, help him express his feminine side. Be loving and understanding to his needs. It's better to let him be open around accepting family members than to be admonished and punished.
