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Greetings everyone. It was ten years ago that my world was turned upside down. After the passing of my father something inside me snapped. It's been a process of dealing with that grief and my own personal grief. I had been in mourning most of my life. From my teens up until my dad passed away. My pain and my suffering had been inflicted on me from others and I internalized a lot of that and because of it I suffered from my own hands as well. I was bullied in elementary school for being too giving of my love. In middle school it was worse and in high school I escaped through self-destructive behavior such as smoking, over-indulging in food and lack of foresight to what a good education could do for me. I was in so much pain, but I always held on to hope, to love.
After my dad my mind couldn't take the self-abuse anymore and would no longer allow me to be consumed with grief. It turned to rage. I would have dreams of carnage, destruction and violence. After all of that it turned it bleakness and despair. Throughout all of these dreams there was a concurrent theme, that every time I saw my reflection or of those I was committing violence against more often than not it was against women. At some point I had a dream where I had to confront a demon and after all my dreams of violence it had been cast as a female. In my mind it was kill or be killed. Once again my mind said enough and I cast my sword down, pleading with myself against all the violence. I couldn't 'kill' anymore, I had to trust in love.
In loving that demon, in making her a part of my heart I slowly came to see the truth. That only in loving the darkness, my dark half did I saw everything I repressed. She showed me that in the love I gave her that she blossomed and showed me that she was everything I denied [to] myself. In the love I gave her, did my dreams reveal to me my truth...that only way I was going to be loved the way I deserved to was to accept myself and my truth, that I am a woman and that I deserve to love myself as a woman.
I am out of the darkness now, and the path of light is before me. I am still pre-everything, but I know a peace I never knew before. I love myself. I accept myself as transgender.
What a courageous and inspiring story. So happy for you to find your way through the pain to embrace the dark, and move on to the light and the truth. It sounds like this truth has set you free. Namaste.
Anjelyka....hi sweetie. So glad to hear you worked out your issues and all appears to be going well. If I can be of any assistance....let me know and I will try to assist you.
Lady Veronica
I'm happy all is going well and now you being here you can enjoy your love in dressing with many same mined souls all seaching and experiencing a beautiful feeling in womanhood. No longer in the dark shadows but as you say a shining light is set before you to enjoy a passion felt deep inside. Being true to ones self and accepting our love makes many of our worries just a second thought . Enjoy the company of many to share your experiences and receive stories of others. You now have accepted your Destiny's start to enjoy it with the support of many to make your journey fulfilling. Welcome and hope to see you soon. 🌹
Anjelyka wow you have been through a lot. So happy you are at peace with yourself and have found this site. I think you will enjoy the ladies around here and enjoy your true self.
Welcome
Sara Marie