My Intro part 2

Hi everyone again, sorry I did this lengthy Intro in two parts but I had to run for a bit and "someone" is being nosey. In my part one I left off at the point in my life when I stopped dressing. I felt so humiliated a second time because of my desire to crossdress. I am actually amazed that there are so many other people out there like me. I thought I was alone. During my 23 yrs absent from Brenda I met my present girlfriend who hates crossdressers. I could never tell her my past. Our relationship has turned into more of a friendship over the years than lovers and I am really missing Brenda. I love how I feel when dressed as a woman, my sexuality is heightened, I feel normal and complete. I love feeling feminine and love femininity. I love woman's clothing and envy a pretty girl in a nice dress or skirt. I have always wanted to be like that pretty girl. I also find feminine men in woman's cloths an extreme turn on. Unfortunately, that is an experience I'm packing but who knows what the future holds. My predicament is, I want to experience Brenda but dressing up at home is all but impossible. Everything I order on-line is opened by my girlfriend before I get home from work. She's even friends with the mail lady. Also, time has taken it's Tool and I'm no longer the long haired skinny kid who easily passed as a woman. My body developed broadening in the shoulders and arms, I have a lot of tattoos acquired during Brendas absence, and some baying facial & body hair that would need to be shaved. My fantasy was to go out in public with a friend and actually dance with a man who though I were a lovely woman. I own my own business and I have my house and vehicles paid off and often think of selling everything, move to Mexico and get sex re-assignment surgery. I would love to live out my life in silks, satins, dresses and heels. THat's me......Thanks so much for letting me say that, gals, you have no idea how relieved I am feeling.