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I received an email asking me to post here and I’m not good at this.
It’s been a swirling whirlwind of new experiences and changes over the past year. Somehow through everything I’ve managed to get into a better mental place. I survived a lot of abuse as a kid. What I went through no one should have to suffer, especially a child, and especially from their parents.
Recently, I had a return of thoughts and feeling I had buried years ago. I loved wearing women’s clothes, shoes and wigs as a kid. Playing dress up as a kid, I always went right past the male clothes and straight into the female. The girlier the better. I did get caught by my mother so I only received a verbal destruction, and not the hospitalization I would have gotten from my father. But this experience told me if I were to do this, I would need to hide it. So I did. I did it every time I was left alone until things had gotten so bad at about age 14 that I buried it all down deep.
Then just a few months ago, I had a breakthrough of some sort. My wife had been sharing “let’s try this, lets try that” ideas some things sexual some not. I one day said to her, I want to try dressing as a woman. I was expecting something ugly to be unleashed. But truth is, not only did she not lay into me, but she has been hugely supportive. She’s been buying me makeup, and wigs and clothes. Strangely enough, the more feminine I go, the more masculine she becomes... She’s even offered that Should I decide that I truly am transgender, and if I surgically transition, she’s staying with me.
I love my fem side. The thing is though, I’m not entirely sure if I am a cross dresser or transgender. At least half of me is more female. I’ve always preferred female things and activities. I went into a female dominated field. Since my wife and I got together people have always said we were role reversed. I didn’t really connect the dots until recently. But that is a correct statement. Even my wife says that I am the woman in the relationship.
So I’m trying to understand all this. Trying to understand why I’m so happy when I put on my makeup, why I’m wanting actual breasts... so many questions so few answers. I’m even questioning the questions. Do I really want what I think I do?
Honestly, I’m a bit lost. I’m hoping that I can start to find some answers. And I can maybe even find out how to make my decisions about all this.
Love, Mal
Hi Mallory,
Thanks for sharing your experience and your supportive wife. Glad to hear that she is helping you!
You are amongst friends here who can also help you get answers.
Stay strong Mal!
Mallory thankyou for your intro, I enjoyed reading.. Welcome it is very nice to meet you. You’ll love being here and the ladies here are second to none . I too have a very supportive wife and it makes our journeys so much fullfilling. Yours is truly a beautiful blessing supporting you with full acceptance. When first coming out and so discreetly I knew then there was more to this and happily my wife also noticed. Especially when opening up and telling her my feelings for dressing and with her decisions on where we we're going things started to become more intense. She noticed how excited I got and changes in personalty and finally confessing my true feelings and desires in expressing my femininity. From than it’s been heaven to me and hoping soon to venture out. My wife’s thoughts when we’re BOTH ready. Can’t wait. Starting late?, your never too late to discover who you are. . I just realized this and am trying to catch up, but it’s so much fun. Enjoy Cdh and its wonderful ladies who are always willing to offer their help and advice to help you be better understand this amazing feelings . Just ask your questions and many are happy to offer their help. To dress is such an exhilarating experience and so much fun when you can share it with others . Enjoy your time here and know your among friends who really do care about each other and who we are. Hugs
Stephanie 🌹
Again welcome and chat anytime.
Stephanie 🌹
Mallory 🌸 welcome to CDH and you will find so much support and answers here! 🎀💖
Hi Mallory very nice to meet you and so happy you joined us girls here so get settled in relax and enjoy your stay with us .. As a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms here in our home as well as yours now also.. So much to see and do here from reading the forums and posts from many ladies here telling there stories of there travels down there girly road in life .. So when you get comfortable with us please join in with some comments to these ladies .. Then he he your turn just a story or two about the travels of Mallory as she travels down her path in life .. As for making friends here there are so many ladies here from all over the world to build lasting friendships with .. We all are very supportive and accepting of all who come thru these doors .. As for your wife what a gem AS Mrs Flowers said the same my wife is very supportive also but i started as a young kid also when i met my wife i9t was 7 months till we were married and i came out to her just after we were married that was 38 years ago so it was ment to be .. Enough about me girl please ask many questions as none are silly all are important you will be answered .. So again girl hope to see you around for a chat sometime..
Stephanie Bass
Hi Mallory,
Thank you for sharing your story, it take a lot of courage to be so open. I am so happy for you that you've found someone who is a positive and supporting influence in your life. It sounds like you are at the beginning of a wonderful and exciting journey for both you and your wife. Don't rush things. Enjoy and live every moment of you new experiences. It may be a little frightening not knowing where the journey will take you but trust me, we've all been there or are there now. Personally I just started mine less than a year ago so I'm just sorting things out myself. I can promise you this my dear; wherever that journey takes you, you will find people in this group who are there too and can help you. I'm brand new here and I've already had interactions with so many people with so many different experiences. Lean on us, we love you Mallory
💖Lola
Mallory your wife sounds like mine. And really your situation sounds very similar to mine. Glad you and your wife found each other.
Hi Mal, thanks for sharing Don't let others' opinions guide you about making important decisions Sure, ask for advice Especially here! There is a lot of support here And help Especially from the ladies who volunteer as Ambassadors Consider the advice you get in life But search deep in your heart and soul and 99.9% of the time you will make the right decision or choice for you I hope a lot of the girls in CDH will give you thoughtful and considerate advice Please ask one or more of the Ambassadors for help Maybe even Vanessa I'm sure she is very busy but I feel sure she will advise you if you ask She is a sweet lady But from experience I know she would suggest that you reach out to an Ambassador Good luck sweetheart I'm praying for you! And I will respond asap if you ask me anything Believe in You! You're going to be fine! Peace and love 😘, Lucia
Lucia,
I have so much to think about... so many conflicting feelings. For now I’ll likely stick with getting into en femme as much as I can. Continue finding my look. Practice make up, figure out how to feminize myself to a level that I’m happy with.
I appreciate the feedback! ❤️
love, Mal
Rachel,
I cannot believe the level of support from her. It’s such a contrast to family in the past. I am so grateful for her support.
I really enjoy our girl’s days out. I know her on a whole new level now. I feel sorry for the typical man who never steps into his fem side. There’s a whole dimension of their wife that they will never know!
thank you!
love,
Mal 🌺
Lola,
I felt that if I’m being open about my CD and possible Trans status, the rest is fair game too. Besides, I learned in all the years of therapy, that I’m not the one who needs to be ashamed of what happened to me as a child. They were the adults.
you’re right of course, there is no reason to rush into anything. Enjoy this freedom of my fem side who has been locked inside for so long. My only concern is I’m in my mid 50’s. If I am trans, whatever transition I make will be so much better if I don’t wait too long before I make it.
but as much is irreversible, it’s still better not to rush!
thank you!
Love, Mal 🌺
Stephanie,
thank you!
there’s been so much ugliness in the world recently, it’s so nice to come here and suddenly be accepted as a sister. I almost don’t know how to handle it. After so many years of not fitting in, and now suddenly I do...
I love you all!
love, Mal🌺
Thank you so much Effie!
Love, Mal🌺
Stephanie,
Thank you so much! I’m overwhelmed by the positive messages I’ve received. It’s as if I’ve finally found where I fit in.
I have so much to learn, but I have my best friend beside me and she is a great teacher. I did a lot of reading before I said anything to my wife. So I saw a lot of ugliness out there. There were thankfully enough positive reports that I decided to tell her early on. She also went looking to internet discussions after I said something. And her reaction to the unsupportive wives out there remind me just how lucky I truly am.
thank you!
love, Mal🌺
Thank you Denise!
love,
Mal🌺
