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Hello I have a subject matter I feel the need to discuss, I've always had an urge to try ladies clothes and have experimented many times in my life, I've been wearing panties for over 10 years but only recently have I opened up to my wife about my desires for skirts and dresses. She doesn't want to see me in it and there is still anxiety of getting caught in my clothes. Her resistance however is partially motivated by jealousy, After I shaved my legs she told me my legs were better than hers. She will also tell me how I must not think she is feminine enough because she thinks my crossdressing is a result of her lack. I guess she wants me to quit, by acting like I'm harming her. I can't quit however in fact I'm hoping to add more and more femme touch to my everyday appearance, and it's not all women's clothing, I like to blend male and female clothing, like a waffle top and jeans that don't pinch willy. But as I do these things my wife is increasingly jealous, She will tell me she feels like I can do it better, I can't however and I never would try to out do her. She has an issue about the public eye as well but that's something society needs to get right. Does anyone else get jealousy from thier SO ?
Well, first off. Welcome to CDH, Ray!
You certainly have landed in the right place for all things feminine. With caring, understanding and compassionate girls like yourself.
We are here to support and assist you in any way we can!
There's even a Spouse and SO section in this site. Headed by Laura New.
Your wife's issues may be very deep rooted. And your just a convenient way for her to vent her insecurities on.
Just a suggestion. Professional therapy may expose her fears and frustrations.
Explore this site to find friendships, chat, information, tutorials, videos and answers to your questions.
Welcome to our Pink Fog!
Fran 🥰
@rusn Yes, I know that issue well. My wife is a little overweight and I'm taller. We wear the same size tops, dresses and shoes so it works for us that we buy what we both like. Unfortunately there are times things are tried and she loves the dress and then I try it on. She will stand there and with a touch of sadness say "it looks better on you".
It's not true jealousy. At least not to the level it would have been when she was a teenager if it happened with a girl friend. It's a natural response.
@cherylt your situation sounds like what I can hope for eventually, my wife and i could be similar in size due to her bieng of middle age and not necessarily a model citizen type
@rusn my wife is never jealous but jokes often about such and laughs we look like sisters. Understand though I am out and she is totally onboard.
@rusn Hi Ray!
I am THAT SO. :D. Honestly, for me it's envy, as my lovely husband is 6'6 and has legs to die for. I'm 5'2 and curvy, have great legs, but shorter -- MUCH shorter. I envy the way she looks wearing dresses that look like the perfect mini's on her, while they look like potato sacks on me. The solution for us was to not share clothing, and have our own defined styles.
The envy sometimes also comes from insecurities that are within us from before we met you lovlies, and those things are ours to resolve. Some talk therapy can help with that, or maybe just joining the SO group here can give some much needed outsider perspective.
Wishing you both love and luck! You'll get beyond this!
Thank you, I am very concerned for how she sees me and getting responses like yours is helpful
@rusn Welcome to CDH, Ray!
You got some good advice, so far. The main thoughts are for you to go slow and take it easy on your wife. I agree, but good communication is always key. That is when therapists can really help.
Because there are some emotions involved, I would add at least three ideas. If she is willing, have her join the private partner's sub-forum here where she can discuss what she is going through and feeling. It would not be pretty for anyone if emotions get out of her control.
Secondly, according to your profile, you are pretty young. If so, then take your foot off of the accelerator and take some extra time to figure out how you would like to go forward and grow with crossdressing. Make some plans and achievable goals. Set your pace rather than rushing.
Also, see if she will critique what combinations of clothes you assemble, what she thinks of something on a store's rack ("Do you think that this would look good on Rayline?"), or ask for her advice about how to do some make-up technique, if this is something that you do. The point is to slowly get her involved and active, even if indirectly, with your dressing. If she refuses to participate, well, then listen to her, too.
It seems to me that your wife is trying to process this new aspect of you that she's not really seen before. It might actually be more fear of how it will impact your relationship and how society will perceive you both than jealousy. The jealous aspect might just be her way of expressing her emotions and feelings that she isn't woman enough for you.
I would suggest patience and communication are key at this point. Give her time to adjust before pressing too hard.
Just my $.02. YMMV.
Here we have a point of semantics: is it jealousy or envy; there is a difference.
Allow me to explain.
My wife is not jealous, but she is envious of the fact that I am taller and generally have nicer legs. I am envious of her because she has the face of a woman and I do not. These things lead to a friendly rivalry because, as a cross-dresser, I need to keep good-looking (as far as I can) and well-dressed and she has started applying makeup, especially eyeliner, so that it shows she too has made an effort. My wife helps me in choosing my outfits and will generally give a nay or yay that is pretty defining: if she doesn't like an outfit, then [mostly] neither do I.
If your wife was envious, I suspect she would say so. She might comment positively about your figure, your legs, the way you apply mascara; something like that.
Jealously, however, comes about through someone wanting to keep something to themselves, something they already own. Someone might jealously guard their husband from other women for example. In your case, she might be jealous of her position of 'top woman' in the family and perhaps she feels threatened by you and your dressing success.
If we assume it is more jealousy that envy, then you will have to take it slowly with your dressing. Constant reassurance that you are doing it because you enjoy it, the same as you might if you played golf or loved the theatre, is the way to go. If she is jealous and it cannot be assuaged then it is a short step from jealousy to resentment, and that's not good.
Take it easy, give her lots of nice comments about her own appearance and make it fun. Ask her opinion on your clothes or makeup; always try to make sure she is involved. Don't push too hard.
Sometimes it can be a rapid acceptance of cross-dressing, sometimes it takes longer--sometimes, I'm afraid, it never happens.
Good luck with your endeavours.
Hugs
Becca
xxx
@rebeccabaxter My wife is jealous of my long legs, (long legs in a short skirt) and I am jealous of here butt, and boobs (small but perky)
Lynda
Thank you, I do suppose Jealousy is a bit strong to assume perhaps envy, either way her and I are stable and generally good friends so I am hopeful in our future
Welcome to this wonderful place.
It is a complex issue regarding partners and you already had some good replies. Perhaps it is not as much as trying to be better than her but the better you. It will take time and reassurances to her that you aren't trying to put her down in any way. Just show her your love and talk things through. Boost her morale at every opportunity.
I honestly I do not blame her in any way, I am aware of the unattainable model citizen we are All faced with. Honestly I don't think I'm that good at crossdressing or even looking femme, but somehow she thinks it looks well done. I'm sure it's some baggage from her past but an obstacle that may take some time
Hi Girl so nice to meet you and happy you found and joined us girls here ..With a wealth of knowledge and experience here to learn from girl do some looking around and some reading of the forums and posts here.. These ladies here are telling there stories about there journeys down there femme road they are on in life.. So as a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms into our home as well as yours now also.. When you get comfortable with us please join in with a story or two about the life and times of Ray as she travels down her own girly path in life.. Now as for making friends here girl there are so many ladies from all over the world to build long lasting friendships with and best of all we are just a simple click away from you .. Have you thought about a femme name yet as you see the majority of all girls here have chosen there's as it makes everyone refer to us in our female status Just an idea to return to your profile page and choose no pressure there girl .. So once again girlfriend its so nice to meet you and hope to see you around for a chat sometime soon..
Stephanie Bass
