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Hello everyone. This is my first time joining or posting anything to an online community like this. Feeling isolated, confused, frustrated, and sad.
@thegalinthemirror Welcome to CDH I can relate to how you feel. By the way, love your name, Trixie
@rholtman96 Thank you Lacy! I really like your name as well. That was the first time I ever really picked a name for myself.
@thegalinthemirror Until I joined here I had never thought about giving myself a feminine name either, but I like and feel comfortable using it. surprise surprise.
Don't feel sad , Trixie. Take your time exploring the posts and if you have any questions just speak up. Everyone here is at different places in their CD life and most of us are happy to share our experiences.
Cassie
@loneleycd Thanks Cassie. I came here hoping to figure some things out about myself, and I'm already feeling a little relieved just knowing that I am conversing with people like me. I don't feel quite as isolated.
@thegalinthemirror welcome to our sisterhood Trixie! One of the welcoming ambassadors will also soon say howdy. I just want to say that among the thousands, yes thousands of caring sisters here , we have felt every emotion you have had. We have your same problems, and some will be your age. Please feel free to ask questions of anyone you run across on site. WE UNDERSTAND! You are home.
@thegalinthemirror Hi Trixie,
Well you have found the most positive and supportive site (I think ever)
Its a good and safe place to share your concerns and hopefully not so alone (I know I have felt so much better after joining now just a few weeks)
My advice is to participate as much as you can...even if it is to join in on the chat...everyone there is very welcoming.
Warmest welcomes and hugs!
Steffie
@thegalinthemirror Welcome to the most wonderful family of ladies you could ever find yourself in. This is a safe place and you will receive love, encouragement, and friendship. I look forward to knowing you.
Hi Trixie,
Much of what you said here and in your profile resonates.
I think for some of us, there comes a time when we find ourselves questioning our very existence. A very rude awakening of sorts. Some refer to it as their egg cracking. It's a time when everything you've come to believe about yourself feels wrong. You instinctively know there is more. Something that's been there all along. And you can't put your finger on it. It can be terrifying.
I was in that place about 9 years ago.
I don't know if you are in that place. But it sounds like you may be. Regardless, you've come to an oasis.
When my egg cracked, I was in a very dark place. Barely able to function. A shell of a person. I got into therapy and my mental health slowly improved. It took a few years.
In 2019 I stumbled upon CDH and knew I'd found a home. Quite honestly, CDH changed my life. I've connected with hundreds of girls and made some lifelong friends. I wouldn't be where I am without them.
Making this post was a fantastic first step. Stick around. Get involved. Life gets better. We got your back.
/EA
@emilyalt
Regardless, you've come to an oasis.
Love you Emily, and I love this. Perhaps we should rebrand as 'Crossdresser Haven' 🙂
As an aside, I've never been attracted to the phrase 'my egg cracked'. Perhaps it's the mental link I make with things being damaged or broken?
There's nothing broken about me ... so I prefer to say 'I hatched'.
Hugs
Ellie x
I always thought of my egg cracking as a rebirth. A 2nd chance at a better life.
@emilyalt
Oh, it definitely IS 🙂
For me it's just the cracking/breaking image I don't like.
On the other hand, the idea of 'hatching' makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
Or perhaps I germinated?
@emilyalt
At the moment I'm a sapling.
I just need regular watering and the space to grow.
Eventually though, I DO plan to blossom 🙂
@thegalinthemirror Welcome to CDH, Trixie!
A sister of a friend when I was a teenager was named Trixie. In my faded memories, she was a wonderful and beautiful young lady.
Among other name meanings of your name, use "bringer of joy" to bring joy to yourself first. Take your time to enjoy your journey in crossdressing and your time on CDH.
@thegalinthemirror Hi trixie , I promise you will not feel the same after a few days on this forum, everyone here is a friend ,you will never be alone sweetheart x
Hey Trixie
Welcome to CDH 🙂
There's no need for you to feel isolated. You've just joined a very warm and supportive community and you are very definitely not alone. I joined the site last summer, and talking to the wonderful girls has been a huge benefit to me; it's allowed me to explore who I am and what I actually want out of life.
Don't be a stranger. We're here for you 🙂
Hugs
Ellie x
Hi Trixie,
Welcome to CDH from across the pond.
You’ve been very open and honest in your intro and profile.
Joining us here is going to be a great move for you. We’re all very supportive of each other here, and whatever you may go through, you’ll find someone here who’s gone through pretty much the same things.
Take things here at your own pace, but you can be sure that you’re no longer alone
Hugs
Lucy x
@thegalinthemirror Hi Trixie. We all joined something for the first time once & you couldn't have picked a better starting point. This is the place to voice your concerns as you will find someone who has already been where you are. You are definitely not alone so welcome aboard & enjoy the ride. The fun starts here.
X
Sasha
@thegalinthemirror Hi Trixie, You are most welcome here and have joined a fantastic area to know you are among friends.
Let's turn the frown upside down!
Angela
Hi, Trixie, your feelings are about to change to something more like, Included, Supported, Cared for etc. I could go on but you'll discover the veracity of my claim as you spend more time here.
I don't do (anti)social media at all but this is a Very different place, I've been a member for a couple of months and I've never seen anything negative. It is, indeed, a safe place in which you can express your femininity in the company of like-minded others.
Enjoy!
Allie
@thegalinthemirror I felt the same. I went to sign up several times before I actually did
Hi Trixie, welcome to CDH.
The feelings you describe are very common among crossdressers, more's the pity. Please know that you are not alone. You've done yourself a big favour by joining this site, which is quite simply the best place on the web to reach out to other like-minded ladies who've been there and done that.
It can be hard being a CD, for all sorts of reasons. You are now part of a community, a sisterhood where we are all here for each other. You can talk freely here, and you will not only be heard but listened to and empathised with. You've already taken a huge step by joining and saying what you have said so far. It'll be easier from here on in.
So, bottom line is, relax and make yourself at home, join in as much or as little as you like, and don't be afraid to ask questions. You'll always receive positivity in the replies.
@thegalinthemirror Try to relax I know it can be hard there is nothing to worry about here. It's a very safe place I'm new also everyone is so kind.
Hi Trixie.
Welcome to CDH.
I also entered here full of fears, doubts and uncertainties. At CDH I found many wonderful ladies who gave me support, love, and encouraged me to gain confidence in who I am. We are a big family.
Gisela
Hi Trixie,
Welcome to CDH. No need to feel sad. You’ve came to a very friendly and terrific place. You’ve embarked on a fun journey and are just getting started. It’s a very safe spot and friendly too.
Alice
Hi Trixie nice to meet you as I'm not a Ambassador i still welcome every new girl here like you with a message of caring and joy .. As you found and joined us girls here where there is a wealth of knowledge and experience to learn from so do some reading of the forums and posts from so many ladies here telling there stories about there journeys down there femme road in life.. When you get comfortable with us please join in with a story or two about the life and times of Trixie as she travels down her own girly path in life .. Now as a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms into our home as well as yours now also.. Once again girlfriend bice to meet you and hope to see you around for a chat sometime soon..
Stephanie Bass
Thank you all for your warm welcomes. You have definitely relieved a lot of my anxiety about being able to discuss things. I am going to take your advice and poke around in the forums and learn. Feeling confident that it won't be long before I'm able to open up to you all. Thanks again.
Be patient and persistent. Opening my heart took time, but it has been worth it.
Gisela
Hi Trixie. I found that it took more courage than I thought I had to join this site, my first foray into any type of social media, a couple of months ago. But I’m very glad I did. As others have said, everyone here is nice and supportive, and the discussions are informative and frequently fun. I hope you find this community as enjoyable as I have. Welcome.
Sally
Hi Trixie and welcome! Big hug to a new sister!
I have so much to sort out. My whole life I have been enamored with women/girls clothes. But that little secret was known only to me, and I really expected it to stay that way until I died. But something happened a few years ago, and I'm not really sure why. Up until then if I ever put female clothes on, I would soak up the excitement for a minute or two and then quickly remove the clothes and put them back where I found them. I did not have any clothes of my own, so usually I was wearing something of my wife's or, in my younger days, my sister's. But one day a few years ago i was cleaning out our basement and I came across a pair of pantyhose still in the wrapper that my wife must have forgotten all about because they were in a box of miscellaneous odds and ends. I just had to put them on! I was pretty certain that nobody was going to help me clean up the basement, so I really wasn't afraid of getting caught trying them on, and I wasn't. They felt amazing! After a minute or two I was about to take them back off as was my usual practice, but I really did not want to. So I left them on under my jeans for the rest of the day and it was intoxicating. The next day I wanted to wear them to work. They were a little small because my wife is small and I started wishing I had a bigger pair. Then a little voice inside of me said "so go get your own." That voice was probably Trixie. I did not think I would actually have the courage to do that, but I drove to the local Wal-Mart and it was then that I came to the realization that self checkout machines were probably invented by a cross dresser. IT was so easy! If anybody stared at me while I was picking out my pantyhose, I would just look at my phone and pretend that my wife sent me to pick up some things for her.
Soon after, I found myself buying a couple bras, underwear, high heeled shoes, a couple dresses, jeans, leggings, tops, etc...I started wearing women's underwear to work every single day. And pantyhose! Love that stuff! My wife and I were having other issues that we were working to get sorted out, but we hadn't been intimate for quite a while, so I was not afraid that she would catch me wearing these things. But I did not count on her finding some of my clothes which she did. She confronted me and I knew I had to come clean because I couldn't bear for her to think I was having an affair. So I broke down and told her and she ran to the bathroom and threw up. She just cannot accept it and she believes I betrayed her at the highest level. We have been married for over 25 years but she admitted to me that if I had told her prior to our wedding, then she probably would not have married me. I tried to stop. Threw out all of my things. But it didn't last. Was seeing a therapist and she explained to me that it isn't really something you can just stop. It is a part of who I am. My wife understands this and doesn't believe I can stop. She wants to help me sort these things out. But if we remain married, it will most likely be a marriage of two friends. Staying together to not hurt the children. But not a traditional husband and wife intimate marriage. That is what put me in severe depression. With the help of antidepressants that my psychiatrist put me on, I am no longer as depressed. At least I no longer think about parting ways with this world. But I have absolutely no idea what is in store for me.
@thegalinthemirror Im so sorry your going through this. It makes me so sad and angry at the same time that so many feel so ashamed because of programming. everything you said I know very well except My wife accepts it but its currently DADT but I think that's more my fault than hers. my depression meds are not working as well lately though. I wish that after I had a fun night with River the next day I did not always feel that I did something wrong. I have been forcing myself to watch Shows like Drag race and the like as I feel like such a hypocrite as its hard to watch. and makes me feel worse. Its all the programming we have been subjected to . like brain washing, no matter how much I know this is all Ok Im still not Ok with it all. so frustrating. Before my wife knew I purged everything often. but since she knows I have not purged my stuff but often I still want to. there is another feeling of relief when I throw it all out. but thats quickly replaced by what an idiot I am . 😉 . When I get overly depressed I read alot of the posts here as they always reassure me that were not alone . Know were all with you whatever is in store next. Please Take care. RC.
@river Thank you River. You are right, the posts here do seem to help. I also agree with you about the programming. I still sometimes find myself clinging to the belief that there are a lot more cross dressers out there than they even estimate. I mean, who wouldn't like to wear womens clothes? What's not to like about it? It's fabulous. 
@thegalinthemirror Nothing to cling to on that there is definitely hell of alot more of us than the brave ones that choose to admit it.
Hi Trixie! First of all welcome to CDH and second thank you for saving me so much time that I didn’t have to write my life story. You just did it for me! I have been here a month and it feels like a lifetime! There is nothing like knowing everybody here is warm, compassionate and open about everything. You just need to browse, read, learn, laugh and love!
Sheryl
Hi Trixie!
Welcome to CDH!
I think you will find the community helpful, encouraging and supportive as you can see from all the responses you have already received to your introduction.
I hope being here will help you find your way as a cross dresser.
I know being a member of CDH has helped me tremendously in my CD journey.
Again, welcome to CDH!
Catherine
I made the decision over the weekend to tell my brother and sister about my crossdressing. I didn't have the guts to tell them face to face so I told them in a group text. I didn't want them to feel like I was putting them on the spot. So I thought I would get a more genuine response by doing it that way. I had written that text about half a dozen times in the past, but I never had the nerve to send it. But yesterday I took a deep breath and pressed send. I am very close to my brother and sister so what they think of me is very important. I also wanted to let them know how I felt guilty for not even giving them the chance to help me during my darkest days of depression. They didn't know I was even depressed because I kept the source of my depression a secret from them. Well after I pressed send, I waited for a response from either of them, and for a while no responses came and I started thinking I made a mistake. But then, after 15 minutes I got a response from my sister. This was her response.
I'm not sure how to respond.
I'm sure you feel better getting it off your chest and I'm sorry you have had deal with it alone all your life.
That was all I needed. Empathy and not judgement.
My brother finally responded about 15 minutes after that. I can tell he doesn't get it, but my sister said to give him time. It's a lot to take in. My brother said he would never turn his back on me but he told me to find a new therapist because "that is not who you are. You are not defined by a compulsion"
All in all it did feel really good to get off my chest.
You did a very brave thing, regardless of it being by text and not face to face. That's perfectly understandable. The main thing is that you have opened up a dialogue with people you love and who love you.
Welcome to CDH Trixie. I recently told my wife and we are trying to figure this out. We have been married 21 years and I just recently told her. I am also seeing a therapist and we are working through this. Like many others I wish I could just purge and be done but I have done that and the thoughts come back (always). I do not purge any more since I told her and it’s kind of like DADT. We’ll keep in touch and remember a lot of us are going through similar situations. You are not alone. - Traci
@traci429 Thanks Traci. I hope all works out for you as well. Like you, I have been married for many years. Almost half my life. So the thought of something like this being able separate us is very hard to take. Especially when I've always considered it to be harmless. A victimless crime so to speak. My wife has explained to me in detail why it isn't a victimless crime, and I understand her perspective on it, but it is still hard to accept that her finding out could have such a profound effect on our marriage. Good luck Traci.
