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New to the site looking for anxiety advise

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Posts: 4
Lady
Topic starter
(@anonymousga1)
Active Member     Atlanta, Georgia, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

All,

A little background on me. I ua e 15 plus year of honorable military service (I'm still serving) and ive been crossdressing for 5 years now, mostly just painties and the occasional bra. I do t wear Male underwear at all. Now I find myself wanting to go out clothes shopping for dresses and outfits , lingerie etc and everytime I try I get anxiety. I get to a cute dress or top and I feel like the entire stores eyes are locked onto me. So I back off and walk away. My wife doesn't care that I wear painties and bras, in fact she has helped me buy some online. I want to get over this fear of judgement and grow more confident. If any of you can help me get over this and be a confident girl I'd be extremely happy.

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13 Replies
Posts: 1701
(@dlgeb275)
Noble Member     niagara falls, ny., New York, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

hello welcome to C.D.H. also Thank you for serving.   when you go to a store and look at dresses or skirts or nylons just take your size and go to register and buy it, if they say something tell then its for your wife, but don't shop too close to your area where they know you. i go stores to buy pads and i just say its for my wife if asked, i buy my dresses in stores and at my size, i also but on line, i buy my perfume in stores, nylons in stores , make up in stores. i just buy them and if asked i just tell them if it don't fit my wife can i exchange it for the right size. cross dressing is here to stay for we have the lbgtq organization group. every where. woman dress up in manly cloths and that seems to be the new thing for woman, so why cant we have ours? i guess its called society is not ready for the x dressing world but guess what we are here, deal with it or just keep walking.feel free to read my profile

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Posts: 249
Lady
(@sammatha)
Reputable Member     BELFAST, County Antrim, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi

I have been shopping online for all my things. Very private and descreet.

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Posts: 57
Lady
(@nikkicdee)
Trusted Member     St. Petersburg, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Danielle,

Well most is us have felt that at some point in our lives. I certainly have.

Here’s the thing. Men buying women’s clothes is really more common than you think. Sales people are there to sell clothes and hopefully to get return business. My experience is they have always been polite and helpful.

Of course you will be anxious the first time. Don’t concentrate  so much on that as on how exciting it’s going to be to get home and dress up! Now that’s a RUSH!!!

Wish I could be there to help you! You’ll survive and be happier than ever!

Thanks for serving, 💋’s Nikki

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Posts: 3150
(@mnewman111)
Famed Member     Fort Lauderdale, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

Welcome Danielle!

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Posts: 1435
Lady
(@rbekka)
Noble Member     SF Bay Area, California, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

Hi Danielle,

Welcome and thank you for your service to our Country!

My advise to you would be, start small.  That is, go about buying one small item at a time.  Actually, find a place (store or second hand store), you feel comfortable just looking around in the womans section.  Just browse, look around and get a feel for the vibe, and just do this often until you start feeling completely comfortable in the environment.  Pick up a few things, feel them in your hands, and as the anxiety lessens you will know when it's time to go buy what you want.

Just be very "matter of fact" about it.  Keep in mind you don't owe anyone any explanation.  I think sometimes us gurls feel we have to say something at the check out stand, "oh these are for my wife/girlfriend".  Doing so just calls more attention to you.  Just go up and pay for your items.

Again, as you do this more and more the anxiety will subside.

Good Luck to you and let us all know how you are doing!

Rebekka!

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Posts: 7139
Ambassador
(@rose)
Illustrious Member     Peterborough , Ontario, Canada
Joined: 8 years ago

Danielle, welcome , it’s wonderful that you have joined our family. We’re always happy to help our new girls and offer our advice and tips and were here to chat about anything you have on your mind. Shopping yes I totally understand. Even now I'm always Leary on who's watching when I browsing through the lady sections. Terribly nervous at  first and could never really get involved in my shopping.  And if someone comes up and ask if I need help my heart  races  and anxiety certainly present's itself. But in time and as my confidence started to build those worries did seam to slowly go away and now yes I'm still a little nervous but I've overcome  that fear and now  I don't care . Be yourself and those feelings of anxieties will be lessened. Hear from others and their stories and soon you'll to will start sharing experiences which  is so helpful and fun to explore and here  as you get comfortable with being here. Very nice meeting you and look forward to seeing you here soon.

Stephanie 🌹

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Posts: 13
Lady
(@lunacee)
Active Member     Herne Bay, Kent, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

First of all, Thank you for your service!  I am a British Army veteran with PTSD, anxiety and depression, and luckily for me a combination of acceptance, an understanding fiancée and my crossdressing I find I am able to function better in society with these three supports in my life.

If you ever need to vent, rage or just get things off your chest please feel free to message me.  I lived in the US for over a year on the West Coast and love Americana and most things related.

Take it easy and know we are there for you.

Best wishes from Mz Luna Cee.  XOX

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Posts: 64
Lady
(@becky222)
Trusted Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Fact 1: It's only merchandise. You're in the store to purchase a product with your hard earned money. You have every right to buy whatever you want.

Fact 2: We walk around with our eyes closed. Think of the last time you went to a store. Any store. Do you recall what any of the other shoppers looked like or what they were buying? Probably not.

Fact 3: If your nerves get to you so much that you feel yourself attracting attention, think about who the surrounding people are and what they mean to you. Unless you're really unfortunate, they'll mean nothing to you. Let them think what they want. Maybe even play it up a little. In other words, own it.

With all that said, it's only natural to be nervous on your first couple of shopping expeditions. You'll soon come to realize that the ground won't open up beneath you and life will go on.

Good luck.

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Posts: 594
(@myfanwy)
Honorable Member     Mid Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Welcome to CDH.Hope you have fun on here.

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Posts: 1
Lady
(@enthusiast)
New Member     Smyrna , Georgia, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I used to be the same way. Honestly I think most people are the same when they want to get more clothes. My only advice is to just walk in and grab it. No need to have a fake story, no need to try and pretend like its for a loved one.

The first time I bought a dress it was from Torrid. I walked in and was looking around and the salesperson was very nice. I asked for her to measure me to see what bra size I could wear. She did so without judgment and even suggested clothes I could try on. From that point on any time I went into the store she would show me new products and ask if I wanted to try them out. All of this while in my male clothing.

Most people don't care. Think about the thousands of people you pass on a daily basis just driving to and from work. None of them even think twice about you, you are just a passing memory. It is the same in an up close store setting, patrons do not care about other patrons because they are focused on themselves. You should just rip off the band-aid for the first time and you will never feel that anxiety again.

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Posts: 934
Lady
(@ashleigh)
Noble Member     Ocala, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Hello and welcome Danielle! It takes time to get comfortable buying things in stores. Once you realize that nobody really cares, it gets easier. Take baby steps. Just wander through the ladies department at first. Then take some more time to look at specific items. Before you know it, you will be taking your selections to the cashier and leaving the store with pretty things. If the store happens to have a self checkout, all the better!

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Posts: 662
Lady
(@kmsmst)
Honorable Member     South of Omaha, Nebraska, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Good afternoon. I have served myself for 10 years. I served in a career field where I would see a lot of faces on a daily basis, so I am probably one of the few out there who knows exactly what you are going through.

My fascination is only with one piece swimsuits, so there was no way of me hiding it if I was ordered for a "random drug test." For those of ya'll that don't know, when military members are required to submit a urine sample for drug testing, we have orders to go directly to the testing facility and give a sample in front of a witness...who has to clearly see your genital area as you are peeing into the bottle. It's the military's requirement to ensure that people don't try and provide a false sample, or have a to witness to be able to testify that the sample was not tampered with by someone else in case it tested positive.

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Posts: 562
(@alicent)
Honorable Member     Poole, Dorset, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

<p class="p1">Hi Danielle,</p>
<p class="p1">One thing I did to help myself get over ‘shopping block’ anxiety was ‘rehearsal’. Firstly I would decide what I wanted to buy and where from, then I would imagine it as a positive happy experience:  walking in the store, looking round for the item, taking the item up to the till,  paying for it.  I would rehearse my shopping trip a few times then off to the shop, focussed on my objective .. felt odd but got through it.</p>
<p class="p1">Look up ‘mental rehearsal for anxiety” on google</p>
<p class="p1">You’ll get through it and then you can have a great time shopping..</p>
<p class="p1">Alicen</p>

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