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Hi, I'm Lynn. I started dating my boyfriend about a year ago and had no idea at the start that he had another side to him. I started staying over at his place, and eventually would be over while he was at work and I was off work. I started to get the feeling something was going on when I was doing our laundry one day and went to put things away. I came across some makeup on the floor of the closet. A couple of women's dresses hanging at the back of it. Women's underwear in a dresser drawer.
At first I thought they belonged to an ex of his... I was a little upset that he would hang onto those things but brushed it off.
Then we were sitting in bed winding down the day and I glanced over and saw there were two accounts on his Facebook login screen. His own name and another which wasn't. That I knew of at the time.
I dropped hints here and there over the next few days, somehow wanting him to come to me rather than me have to ask him what was going on. The relationship was, and still is really, rather new and I had all sorts of painful wonderings going through my mind. Was there another girl? Was he bisexual or gay or leading some double life?
It might sound silly, but I love this guy with all my heart and have been burned so many times. I was praying this wasn't another game.
One day he came home from work and he came to sit with me and my mind was such a whirl I couldn't say anything. All I could do was just look at him with a forced smile and the sting of tears starting. He asked what was wrong. After a few more minutes of opening and closing my mouth a few times I asked him what was going on.
He looked... Relieved. He said he knew I'd been hinting at something, but he didn't know how to bring it up either.
I asked questions. He answered. Is he gay? Does he want to BE a woman? When did this start? Are there any others male or female he is carrying on a relationship with?
The fact that I am a fairly dominant personality, and what I call a "nonpractising" bisexual probably helps in a way. With him I am finding I've got the best of both worlds in one person I love.
I still however have questions, and maybe even a few insecurities about where this is all going to go. Part of me feels I adore, accept and encourage him and whatever makes him feel loved and comfortable.
Part of me wonders if I will always be enough for him or if this will evolve past what I can give him.
I guess I just needed to find others like myself, as well as other crossdressers to demystify it all. I need to find some normalcy in this and some hope that there are other couples like us who live normal every day lives together.
Thanks.
Lynn 🌼welcome to CDH and thank you for your thoughtful post 🦋 . I’m sure you will find much support and help here! 🌺
Lynn welcome..totally understand your reaction, feelings of betrayal, being lied to, a breech of trust. And feeling the dynamics of your relationship have been brought into question. The ‘Is he gay?’ Question is a common one, or you feeling he is somehow less of a man for wanting to cross dress.
Been here a long time, most of us are just normal heterosexual men who love to experience what women can but normally prohibited by societal pressures about gender steeeotypes. We just want to try what you can freely experience if you want, make up, a far more interesting range of clothing and accessories, wonderful fabrics and colours. Maybe we want to try something different from the normally ‘drab’ options we have in menswear, shoes etc.
He has probably kept it a secret as he is terrified he would lose you if you found out. Had you known when you were dating would it have adversely affected your opinion of him. And the longer the secret is carried on the harder it is to admit it. He was maybe also afraid you would question his sexuality, think of him as less of a man, something which hurts. For me, and many others, perhaps your boyfriend included it is only looking different for a bit, to stand out, enjoy experiencing new things. I think I look fab when dressed, others may disagree but it’s good for my soul. Perhaps like a hobby or addiction, not trying to play down the angst you are feeling but there are worse addictions to have.
I hope you can keep the lines of communication open, come to terms with it, and come to some kind of compromise. In relationships we all have to compromise to some extent.
There is a place where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know.
A special group for you special gg ladies to I’m sure will help you ( wives & significant others )
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/wives-and-significant-others
where ladies like yourself can offer their help to questions only you would like to ask them. our gg ambassador to the group will be very happy to enroll you there. .
There is a procedure to identify the person enrolling and may a little time.
Theses ladies are awesome and will support you in every way. No body is left out, that ‘s what makes this such a wonderful place to belong. Best to you and hope to hear from you soon. As an ambassador and a cder, if you need anything please be free to PM me, I may not be able to answer your most personal questions but possibly give some hindsights to what your spouse is going through. The best to you both on this journey ahead…
Stephanie 🌹 🌹
Hello Lynn,Welcome to the site.First of,my wife and I have been married well over 40 yrs.I have been cross dressing since we were dating and,many years before that.She was a bit concerned at first,as you seem to be.Was she involved with a gay man? Was he involved with a secret woman? When I opened up to her, she was more confused than before. What was I? I dressed for her,we spent hours sitting talking,laughing and having some great "girls nights" together.We are still together,she was as you say you are a dominant,non practicing bi.Well, she was bi but not that it matters,just saying.We have grown together.She shops for me, helps me dress from time to time,some of the clothing you ladies wear......lol.I am so lucky!!!! Please,learn to love and accept your boyfriend and his "other side".It's a beautiful side the get to know.Yes,it might take time for you to accept and take it all in but in the end,what a wonderful life you two will have together.
Krista.
Welcome to CDH. I’m bisexual and have been since the summer going into my freshman year of high school. I am also a crossdresser and have been secretly wearing women’s clothes since I was a boy. I had to squash those desires due to marriage and family duties and a wife that just wouldn’t be part of hat lifestyle. She didn’t say she wouldn’t be accepting of it but I knew she would not.
You two sound like a very warm loving couple and the world needs more of you. Keep supporting him and always keep communication between each other, communication is the most important thing!
There is a lot to be learned from the ladies here on CDH.
Thanks for sharing
Paula
Hi Lynn,
Welcome to CDH. Keep the communication channels open and keep talking. Your bf is exploring too and finding himself. Enjoy the journey together.
Alice
Hello Lynn,
Welcome to the CDH. I am a heterosexual married male, father of four. I love my wife and my boys. I also love wearing women’s clothes and seeing the world through female eyes gives me a whole different perspective. Feel free to ask any questions that you might have.
❤️
Octavia
Hi Lynn very nice to meet you you are a gem in our world you came here to learn and help understand whats going on in your life and you have come to the right place for your answers .. As i have been married for 38 years to a wonderful supportive wife as you will be so happy for you being here we laa love to chat so look us up and pm any one here and feel free to ask away .. Good luck in your journey ..
Stephanie Bass
