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Jenni here, I am a 60 + year old closet CD in Chicago area. I have been dressing on and off since my early 20s. I’ve been married for over 35 years and my wife knows about my crossdressing, but doesn’t approve. For about 20 years I put my desires aside. Like many closet CDs, I have purged my feminine things countless times. In the last two weeks, my desire to dress came roaring back. I went out and purchased panties and a bra, a dress at the thrift store and a handful of makeup. I went to a local CD/ Trans clothing store and purchased my first wig ever. Saturday was the first day in many years that I dressed up. It was thrilling, exciting and a great relief to feel the feminine me come out again after all this time!
However, my dressing was in secret when my wife was visiting her mother. It’s not healthy to keep it secret. I knew that I couldn’t hide this from her and had to let her know. Later I was in our bedroom watching you tube videos on my phone on how to tell your spouse that you are a crossdresser. Perfect timing as she had already figured it out and came in and asked if I was crossdressing again. I had shaved my beard earlier in the week and she told me that was her first thought. Now, she is the most liberal, progressive and open minded person in the world, except for my crossdressing. She was hurt, afraid and disappointed with me. I was truthful with her about my return to crossdressing. She was honest, too, and doesn’t like this part about me. After a day of uncomfortable silence she told me that she really needed me to hug her tightly and tell her that everything was going to be alright and I wasn’t going to drop any other bombshells.
So, here we are. Me embracing my feminine self and trying to feel good about it and my wife trying to understand me and my desires. My advice to any married crossdresser is to be open and honest about it. You can put your crossdressing aside or bury it, but it never goes away.
Hi Jenni,
Welcome to CDH.
Alice
Welcome to CDH Jenni! It certainly is a difficult thing for most women to deal with. My wife knows, and is now good with it. In fact it has brought us closer together. My story is similar to so many others. I started about 12 or so, gave it up through my late teens and 20's, then started wearing lingerie from time to time. That was good for many many years, and my wife didn't mind. Then just a few years ago I was seriously hit with the need to dress up, and completely. This she had a tougher time with, as it seemed to her that she was going to lose me. Which wasn't true in the slightest.
However this is so associated in popular culture with being gay, that was a big thing she was afraid of, that I was becoming gay. Once she managed to process all that, and accept that I wasn't going anywhere, we became a closer couple.
I so agree that one must try not to deceive one's partner, but the fear of losing the one you love is very real, but the deception can be as harmful.
Anyway, glad you found us, and there are an amazing group of supportive girls here.
Amy
Hi Jennie welcome and nice to meet you, I’m in a similar situation, married, but my wife has no idea about my cross dressing. I don’t know if I can ever tell her, I know I should, but I’m scared to death.... and by the way, I’m shaving my gotee of soon ( like you mentioned in your post) .
Thanks Amy! So pleased to meet you.
Jenni
Hi Effie,
There’s some great threads on You Tube about coming out to your partner. So happy that you shared with me!
Jenni
Hi Jenni ❤️
Welcome to CDH.
If your SO is anxious over your cd you can encourage her to join CDH herself. There are several SOs that are on CDH. That way she can see what other SOs are writing. There’s even a special forum just for SO.
Lots of Hugs
Lily-Rose
Honestly is certainly important to any relationship and when marriages are well established with many years together mistrust certainly becomes an issue. I was 39 years married and unfortunately I too experience a hostel first year but over time and many conversations thing's started to process forward but mined you cautiously. Now she's accepting under her conditions.
This is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. Look into our forums written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many . Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. Very happy meeting you and welcome.
Stephanie 🌹
Thanks Lily,
we’re taking it slow
cheers,
Jenni
Thanks Lisa! I’m looking forward to support from the community.
cheers,
Jenni
Hi Stephanie,
thanks for your understanding and comments.
Cheers,
Jenni
Welcome Jenni!
Welcome to CDH, Jenni 🙂
Isabel x
Thanks Michelle!
Hi Jenny, and welcome to CDH.
You have found the most supportive, caring family on the web, and we are so glad to have you join us.
I agree, honesty is always the best policy, in my opinion the stress of guilt from hiding would just not be bearable.
My wife knew within a couple weeks of admiting to myself my desires, and I could not be happier. I am one of the very lucky ones, who has full support and encouragement from her, and we 2 are sisters, now, as well as best friends, lovers, and soulmates.
So glad to have you here,
Hugs, Regi.
