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Hello gentlepeople,
This is the latest episode in a lifelong journey that has included secrecy and confusion as a child and young adult, secrecy and confusion as a heterosexual adult husband and father, openness after 10 years of marriage to my wife (who understandably transitioned thru varying stages of shock, acceptance, distaste, experimentation, tolerance, encouragement and support, and ended with loathing), and now 12 years of having the genie put back in the bottle and pandora returning to the box. Everything (including some lovely things I really wish I still had) purged and feelings stuffed down deep, and now a resurfacing I can't ignore. I used to belong to an online CD forum, as did my wife, but I think it was different than this (hence the term, "newbie redux").
Not sure what I'm doing here, whether I should be here, or where I go from here. I know that many of these sites discourage talk of religion and politics, but those factors are central to who I am (especially my faith as a Christian), and I cannot divorce CDing from them and instead seek to figure out how to harmonize them. I frequently find myself as a misfit among misfits, no matter which group I'm interacting with.
I love my wife dearly, and I do not want to do anything to jeopardize our marriage, which has been uneven since we parted ways with "Stephanie" the last time. On the other hand, the happiest I have ever been in my life were those times when I dressed openly in front of her for 5 years (probably once or twice a month), regularly received girly presents and hand me downs from her, and shared the inside jokes about myself with each other. I have never felt so loved in an earthly way as I did then and never felt more at peace and comfortable with this part of myself. I long for that back.
So that's me in a quick description. I hope folks are willing to interact with me based on that paradigm, but I understand if folks feel like my faith and politics will interfere with their ability to accept me here.
Thanks!
Hi Stephanie, welcome to the CDH family. It sounds like you've had quite a journey honey.
I personally am not phased by people's opinions and choices, we're all unique and beautiful. Im a UK gal but I lean more on the Republican side of US politics these days, odd as I'm a firm labour (left wing) sopporter I'm the UK.
Hope you feel comfortable making this site home honey. Can't wait to get to know you more.
Love Trish
Thank you and fair question Celeste. My answer is: faith has EVERYTHING to do with CDing if you view faith as I do. As a Christian, I believe I am called to honor and glorify the Lord in all that I do. That I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him and He knew me since I was in my mother's womb. He knows all my secrets and inner thoughts. And of course, He created the order of things on earth, that has since been warped by sin. I think the fundamental question of CDing comes down to whether I CAN honor Him in the doing of it, whether I DO honor Him in it, and whether I would harm my witness or testimony about Him with others if they knew -- maybe even if their view of CDing as a sin is erroneous. Deuteronomy 22:5 is the passage you referenced and actually is fairly easily dealt with. I think the harder question -- or just maybe the more complicated one -- is whether and how CDing and TGism fit into God's word to us taken as a whole in Scripture. Again, I think it can be all reconciled without doing damage to Scripture, but in this environment, it is difficult to make the case to either "side."
As for the less important question of politics, I think it is similar. If one is more liberal, such behavior is often more accepted. If conservative, it is often viewed as hypocritical because it seems to fly in the face of conservative views on marriage, family, and sexuality to the rest of the world. I believe they can be reconciled, but politics is so dangerous these days that rational discussion and debate seem nigh impossible.
Dear Trish,
Thank you SO much for the lovely welcome. What a blessing!
Steph
Hi Stephanie,
Welcome to CDH.
Alice
Hi Stephanie,
Welcome. Give it a shot. You might learn something. Here you are already being replied to by a gay man. The whole spectrum is here. All points of view, all kinds of opinions and we generally all get on pretty much all right. Religous and political discussions are usually shut down pretty quickly especially if there is any kind of a whiff of evangelisation to it. This is a support site for crossdressers. Personally I don't want to hear it. I would be surprised, knowing how the ladies are here, if others with similar views to yours have not already reached out to you. You are certainly not alone in any sense of the word.
XX
Kimberly.
Hi Stephanie, and welcome. Well, politics is a bomb with a lit fuse, and religious differences can lead to very heated arguments, so you won't find much of either here. But please know that we have many sheep here, just not all in the same flock as you, and you can PM as much as you wish. My family and I are Pentecostals, so I am well aware of your "problems". Everyone is welcome, as long as you don't get abusive or vulgar. Rest assured, you are in the right place.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Welcome to CDH, Stephanie. I have been here a couple of years, and it is a very accepting and supportive place, so I hope you can find this to something of an online home for your femme self.
Amy
Welcome to CDH, Stephanie 🙂
Isabel x
Welcome, Stephanie...
Wow... you gotta be who you are!
I never really realised that myself until my wife told me it was a privilege to be with me, Polly!
Melted my heart but it has been OUR journey, the two of us!
Love Polly
As you've said the good Lord has known you forever. God doesn't make mistakes. Honor him by being the best you , that you can be.
Stephanie, The one thing I have learned about putting the genie in the bottle is that no stopper is strong enough to keep it in there. The genie will always escape, it might take a while, but escape it will.
Not only will it escape, but when it does, it's like a puppy with a box of new toys.
Also, whilst it's in the bottle, you mental health will be taking a hit.
If it is at all possible, control the genie. Let it out, but only when you know you can control it. If you let it out, every now and then, rather than have it escape, it will be a lot easier, and a much more fulfilling experience.
Find times when you can do what you need to do. Either in total privacy, moments alone at home etc, or at a planned date that you and your wife are both happy with.
I hope that you find this time. You need it. You deserve it.
Linda
Hi Stephanie
I have no issue with your beliefs or politics. I have strong beliefs and opinions as well. Sometimes it is confusing to marry these with my crossdressing. You have a friend here. I think you will find lots of friends here who are supportive and will encourage you to be you. I learned recently to stop pushing the girl down and let her out. Many of us have a similar story to yours.
Holly
Hi Steph, and welcome to CDH. I to struggle with with my faith and my crossdressing. I have found some resolution after reading 2 articles here. they are under Advice and Encouragement. The first is 'Judging, Self-acceptance, and Empowering Others'. The other is 'Do Not Let the World Tell You God Is Not For Crossdressers'.
As far as politics and religion go some times someone touches lightly on these subjects. I feel saddest when someone mentions that thy have left there faith because of their CD. There is out there some churches that will accept you as a CD. I too tend toward the right side of politics and religion and I know many here at CDH tend toward the left. Sometimes you can kind if guess by some of the comments. But here at CDH that is kept to a minimum, to resist the escalation to move to name calling.
Best of luck to you on your journey. Sandy
Welcome Stephanie!
